Re: The subject

[Guest guest]

Hi Robyn,

<<<So, my question is as much as this all helps alot, how do you

know when your mind is being helpful and not helpful. I have

hyperviligence for saftey and don't know when I am going too far the

other way. Make sense?>>>

It absolutely makes sense.

The official answer is that you know based on accumulated

experiences. If you pay attention to your experiences over time, you

will gain a sense of when your mind is playing its usual games, and

when it is helping you.

But be very careful here. When I say that you will have a sense of

when your mind is playing its usual games, I'm not saying that you

won't still feel incredibly anxious during those games. All the

feelings will still be there. The knowledge is not going to come

from the feelings themselves. It will come from the person--you--who

has seen these same games played out before, and has seen their

useless consequences. This person--you--will then make the choice

then and there to walk right INTO the feelings despite how they

feel. Basically, to jump into the pool of life. Not because it

feels right. It will feel scary, but you will still jump in, because

you that is what life is all about.

You won't always know for sure whether an anxiety will prove, after

the fact, to have been legitimate. Anytime you do anything,

something bad could always happen. You can't ever know beforehand,

but your mind can easily look back afterwards and say " see, I told

you so! " It will never hesitate to threaten you with this

possibility. " What if " , " What if " , and so on

In the grand scheme of things, we will all eventually have something

bad happen to us that causes us to die. Nothing is more certain than

that. All we can do in the meantime is live our lives taking

whatever common-sense precautions are available to us. We go to the

doctor, we take his advice, we try not to be overly reckless in our

lifestyle choices, we eat healthy, and so on. Beyond those

precautions, we have to let go, we have to expose ourselves. We have

to put our guards down and let the problems come to us, instead of

spending our lives frantically trying to fence off that one single

problem that is eventually going to get us.

The only alternative is to live life constantly on edge, always

chasing after whatever imagined possibilities our minds happen to

conjure up. But this no way to live. It doesn't work.

I was feeling particularly anxious one morning as I was on my way to

work. I had just gotten out of the driveway when I had the

thought " Did I lock the door? " So I went back and checked. Then I

got back in the car and I was almost at work, and I thought " Did I

leave the stove on? " Well, I couldn't turn back and check at that

point. Or could I? I definitely wanted to, so that I could stop

feeling anxious. My mind then did me the kind favor of running

through all of the imagined possibilities that could theoretically

emerge from my leaving a stove on. Burned down apartment complexes.

Insurance claims. Other people in nearby lofts dying in flames.

Wrongful death lawsuits. There is no limit to what the mind can

imagine.

But then a part of me realized, " You know what, this is just

ridiculous. No one can live like this. "

Of course, my mind screamed back " But what if you left it on!? How

do you know its not on right now!? All you have to do is go back and

check. "

Trying to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about only

served to energized the thoughts and feed the monster.

I then realized " No. We're not gonna keep doing this bull sh-t.

Right now, I am behaving like a normal person would behave. I can't

cover all my bases. If, by some unforeseeable act of chance all hell

breaks loose in my life, so be it. Sh-t happens. Whatever. I'm not

playing this game anymore. "

Then, a few hours later, I thought " What on earth was I thinking? "

The extravagant thoughts weren't so realistic to me anymore because I

had let go of them, and the mind was able to calm down.

You will inevitably get to a point where you aren't sure, but it

doesn't matter. You don't need to be sure to live. Living is about

going forward based on your best judgments, even when you aren't

sure.

p. 157 of GOOYMIYL will help here. Sometimes, you have to make a

choice and just go with it. You will have to say " You know what, I

don't have all the answers. It could go either way. But I have to

make a choice. So this is what I choose to go with, period, end of

story. It's not perfect, it might not be the best choice in

hindsight, I might even regret it. But I have to make a choice in

this moment based on what I have available to me right now, and this

is the one that I make. "

Otherwise, you will oscillate forever, and never even get off the

ground.

Best wishes,

--

>

> HI,

>

> " Of course, my emotions of anxiety and guilt can just as easily

tell

> me what I know is total garbage, and in those cases, I thank my

mind

> and move on. I take the part that works, and let go of the rest. "

>

> So, my question is as much as this all helps alot, how do you

know when your mind is being helpful and not helpful. I have

hyperviligence for saftey and don't know when I am going too far the

other way. Make sense?

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

> Robyn