An Introduction and an Inquiry

[Guest guest]

Hello All,

My name is and I have been lurking around here a bit. I am

hoping to start GOOYMGIYL soon, but as usual before I do anything I

have to avoid it as long as possible by " researching " it first. I

genuinely have some doubts and fears and questions and hopes though,

and I thought I might share some of myself and my questions with you

to get some of your thoughts and maybe some guidance.

I'll try not to make a long story long. I am a 38 year old male. I

began suffering from depression as a teenager, and never really

recovered from it. I also began to develop a serious social anxiety.

Although my life has had some ups in it, I moved out of my hometown

and graduated college, I can't say I have ever been happy or even

depression free. Much of my life I felt like I just wanted to die.

Although I have grown past certain aspects of my social anxiety I am

still very fearful of new places and experiences and so I tend to be

very avoidant. On the positive side I have just recently re-located

from the north of California to the south of California to finally be

with my girlfriend after a nine year long distance relationship (yes

you read that right nine years) so probably for the first time in a

dozen years since I went away to college I feel like I have the

potential to really move forward in life.

Although my past two therapists(who were colleagues0 both came from a

CBT perspective they were very open to other ideas and both felt that

mindfulness practice would be a great benefit to me. The last one in

particular was especially was interested in ACT and Dr. book and

she believed it would be even better for me than CBT because of how

much avoidance and over-thinking things played in my life. There are

several reasons why I think ACT might be good for me:

1.Much of my problem is the feeling that I have drifted aimlessly my

entire life. I have mo real passions or direction in my life and often

feel it has been a complete waste and will continue to be so.

Sometimes I feel like I simply don't know how to do this thing called

life very well. Maybe I am a factory mistake and I should just be

recalled.

2.Because of my anxiety much of my life has been characterized by

avoidance. Simple things like going into a new store or applying for

jobs still are problems with me.

3.I have very rigid mental patterns that prevent me doing much in

life. My mind is preoccupied with lists and goals and plans that I

habitually make, but never follow through on. I always think I can't

do D unless I do A, B, and C even though i really should do D. I

always tend to end up saying well I'll start later "

I don't mean to imply that I am miserable right now. Like I said I am

happy to finally be with my girlfriend and in a new environment, but I

worry about the future so much and the potential for my life.

One problem I have is that even after reading quite a bit about ACT

and going through Dr. book I am still not sure I know what ACT is

all about. The CBT/REBT paradigm is easy for me to understand. You

have to give a speech. You are worried that people will throw tomatoes

at you. You reason through that no one has ever thrown a tomato at you

regardless of how bad your speech has been. In fact you have never

seen anyone pelted with tomatoes no matter what they have done. So now

you have a more rational thought and you're not as nervous. But I

still can't seem to grasp how ACT handles day to day problems. I have

even erased and re-written this section a dozen times. I am even

confused about what it is about ACT that confuses me. I guess maybe it

is because I am so wrapped up in my thoughts I don't understand how

ACT proposes to be seperate from them. Being a philosophy major in

college and a good Humean I guess I think my stupid irrational

thoughts are all that I am(I am curious, philosophically speaking what

does ACT or RFT believe a person is apart from their thoughts).

Right now because of the changes in my life and my financial

situation I haven't seen a therapist in almost a year. I always

thought I was a person who never got much out of his therapy, but

frankly I am feeling a little lost without someone to talk to

objectively. I have to admit I feel overwhelmed at times and don't

really know what should be important in my life and what shouldn't be.

What my goals should be, and what they shouldn't be. I go to sleep

with the feeling that the day has been wasted unless I have

accomplished a million things. I know I should probably just pick up

GOOYMGIYL and go through it. Is it possible that I am being the

ultimate in irony and that I am over thinking a system that is based

on the fact that overthinking things is your problem? Right now I am

getting anxious because I feel like I am rambling so I have to end

this and just push send before I change my mind. Thank you for listening