Guest guest Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 Carol, I've been doing this too, finding all sorts of ways to avoid what needs doing. Because, like you say, sometimes I'm not even aware of avoiding something until after the fact, certainly 'mindlessness' must be a big part of what's going on but I'm at a loss how to live mindfully when there's so much to do on a daily basis. But then there's other times when I'm afraid of what needs doing and these are not big jobs, just small things, like responding to emails, making phone calls, paying bills and keeping track of expenses,shopping, that sort of thing. I'm trying to face these fears as they come up but finding it very difficult. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks, Christie I don't know > > Does the tendency to avoid certain situations ever go away? Avoidance > is so automatic for me in some situations that I usually don't even > realize I've acted on my thoughts until the situation has passed. I've > been leaning ACT for about the past year and have noticed many times > and situations where the pull is too avoid. The problem is that I > usually only seem to notice that I've avoided something after I've > actually avoided it. > I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated and wondering if my > expectations are off? > I'm just curious what other people have experienced in this area? > Thanks, Carol > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 I don't know about you but I feel like I know what I should be doing yet still I am not doing it! I know I should try and be more mindful. It is very difficult for me to be mindful in certain social situations. I don't have any problem being mindful at home when I am by myself. It's almost as if I'm on autopilot when I'm out of my comfort zone. Being on autopilot is probably the exact opposite of being mindful. Sometimes it seems like these social scenarios repeat themselves over and over and I always seem to play the same part in all of them. I sometimes feel completely discouraged and powerless to change. > > Carol, I've been doing this too, finding all sorts of ways to avoid > what needs doing. Because, like you say, sometimes I'm not even > aware of avoiding something until after the fact, certainly > 'mindlessness' must be a big part of what's going on but I'm at a loss > how to live mindfully when there's so much to do on a daily basis. > > But then there's other times when I'm afraid of what needs doing and > these are not big jobs, just small things, like responding to emails, > making phone calls, paying bills and keeping track of > expenses,shopping, that sort of thing. I'm trying to face these fears > as they come up but finding it very difficult. > > Any suggestions would be appreciated. > > Thanks, > Christie > > > > > > > I don't know > > > > Does the tendency to avoid certain situations ever go away? Avoidance > > is so automatic for me in some situations that I usually don't even > > realize I've acted on my thoughts until the situation has passed. I've > > been leaning ACT for about the past year and have noticed many times > > and situations where the pull is too avoid. The problem is that I > > usually only seem to notice that I've avoided something after I've > > actually avoided it. > > I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated and wondering if my > > expectations are off? > > I'm just curious what other people have experienced in this area? > > Thanks, Carol > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2008 Report Share Posted June 12, 2008 <<<I don't know about you but I feel like I know what I should be doing yet still I am not doing it! I know I should try and be more mindful. It is very difficult for me to be mindful in certain social situations. I don't have any problem being mindful at home when I am by myself. It's almost as if I'm on autopilot when I'm out of my comfort zone.>>> Giving yourself the rigid order " I will be mindful at all times! " , or " I will not let myself fall into autopilot! " is a recipe for disaster. It is the same thing as thought suppression. You will get exactly what you don't want. Here is some advice. Go into the situation, and just allow whatever comes up. If you find that you are getting caught up in something, then OK--take that extra step back and watch yourself as you get caught up. If you fall into autopilot, then OK, just step back and watch yourself operate in autopilot. And if your mind prevents you from stepping back, then just step back from *that* struggle and watch your mind as it tries to wrestle with you. Mindfulness isn't trying to force your mind to be a certain way, it is standing back and watching as you let your mind do *whatever* it wants to do--including the stupid games. Nothing that goes on in your mind is really good or bad. It just is. It is what exists in your mind at that moment, whatever the neurochemical reactions in your brain happened to have produced. So you don't have to feel like you've done something bad when you realize that you've been caught up in mind games for the last 2 hours. It's OK--it's part of being human, to get caught up in mind games. Just notice it and keep moving. 'Good' and 'bad' are just more mind talk. When we calmly step back from mind talk, that is when we can we really make progress. Best wishes, -- > I don't know about you but I feel like I know what I should be doing > yet still I am not doing it! I know I should try and be more > mindful. It is very difficult for me to be mindful in certain social > situations. I don't have any problem being mindful at home when I am > by myself. It's almost as if I'm on autopilot when I'm out of my > comfort zone. Being on autopilot is probably the exact opposite of > being mindful. > Sometimes it seems like these social scenarios repeat themselves > over and over and I always seem to play the same part in all of > them. I sometimes feel completely discouraged and powerless to > change. > > > > > > Carol, I've been doing this too, finding all sorts of ways to avoid > > what needs doing. Because, like you say, sometimes I'm not even > > aware of avoiding something until after the fact, certainly > > 'mindlessness' must be a big part of what's going on but I'm at a > loss > > how to live mindfully when there's so much to do on a daily basis. > > > > But then there's other times when I'm afraid of what needs doing and > > these are not big jobs, just small things, like responding to > emails, > > making phone calls, paying bills and keeping track of > > expenses,shopping, that sort of thing. I'm trying to face these > fears > > as they come up but finding it very difficult. > > > > Any suggestions would be appreciated. > > > > Thanks, > > Christie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I don't know > > > > > > Does the tendency to avoid certain situations ever go away? > Avoidance > > > is so automatic for me in some situations that I usually don't > even > > > realize I've acted on my thoughts until the situation has > passed. I've > > > been leaning ACT for about the past year and have noticed many > times > > > and situations where the pull is too avoid. The problem is that > I > > > usually only seem to notice that I've avoided something after > I've > > > actually avoided it. > > > I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated and wondering if my > > > expectations are off? > > > I'm just curious what other people have experienced in this area? > > > Thanks, Carol > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2008 Report Share Posted June 13, 2008 > > I've been learning ACT for about the past year > and have noticed many times and situations > where the pull is to avoid. The problem is that I > usually only seem to notice that I've avoided > something after I've actually avoided it. I guess > I'm feeling a little frustrated and wondering if my > expectations are off? Making progress can seem difficult, sure. Real slow, and always a gap in expectations. We're never where we think we should be. A way to flip this around is to look back at our ongoing successes - those small but steady areas where willingness has already led to flexibility & rewards. For example, with me, I made immediate gains with ACT in the area of social anxiety - I was able to still feel the anxiety but let go of my usual urge to behave coldly when meeting friends of friends or getting together in small groups. With this as a base, lately I've begun extending willingness to anger. Bit by bit, it has become easier to remember to drop the resistance to anger when it shows up. No expectations - just to see what happens. I doubt there is any rule but a couple of times the anger has disappeared before I even noticed it was gone. So for you, rather than fusing with the gap represented by all the stuff you still avoid, maybe you could pick just one particular type of situation where you tend to avoid, and bring willingness to that as a way of extending what you've already learned. For example, as folks have already suggested, you could start with the judgemental thoughts you experience when you notice avoidance after the fact. Build your willingness to have these judgmental thoughts. Let the outcome be whatever it is for now. Notice what's around you. It's like throwing a stone into a pond - the ripples start small, but eventually they will cover the entire pond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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