End of a relationship

[Guest guest]

Hi...I am going thru a painful breakup with my

girlfriend and am wondering if anyone might be able to

offer up any ACT-flavored insight on the anguish I'm

feeling?

I am actually the one who ended it, although in the

few weeks since, I have deeply regretted the decision.

I handled it badly, was in serious avoidance mode

shortly before, and am now struggling greatly with

thoughts of guilt, shame, regret, and the sometimes

insurmountable need to " get her back " . Lots of calling

and pleading and embarrassing behaviors.

She has made up her mind that it's over.

There are definite reasons I had, at the very least,

to be frustrated with parts of the relationship. But

we did have a great many positives going too. I lost

perspective. Now it seems like I have it. But do I?

It's almost like I can't " trust " my mind with any of

this.

Thanks for any thoughts anybody may have.....

Steve

[Guest guest]

Hi Steve

Remember the old saying...You dont know what you've got till its

gone....its so true.

I can tell you to just get over it and move on but that wont help how

you are feeling right now.

If she is the right girl for you then you may get her back, however,

she must feel the same for you, and if its true love then it will come

back together somehow.

Another quote...if you love something, let it go, if it comes back its

yours, if it doesnt, it never was.

The only thing you can do really is to gently go about each day, be

kind to yourself and stay positive, call her and tell her how you feel

if you havent done that already. If you have and shes not responding

to you....then leave it for a while, give her time as well. It sounds

like you have hurt her and if thats so she will need time to see how

she actually feels about you.

Keep yourself busy and go out and enjoy yourself, I can understand

that you probably dont feel like that right now, but its good for the

soul...Love yourself and if shes open to listening to you tell her how

you feel and if you feel its right, keep telling her. Hope this helps

your wounded heart...Time will tell if shes the right one for you and

whether your feelings are in fact true love.

Pamela

>

> Hi...I am going thru a painful breakup with my

> girlfriend and am wondering if anyone might be able to

> offer up any ACT-flavored insight on the anguish I'm

> feeling?

>

> I am actually the one who ended it, although in the

> few weeks since, I have deeply regretted the decision.

> I handled it badly, was in serious avoidance mode

> shortly before, and am now struggling greatly with

> thoughts of guilt, shame, regret, and the sometimes

> insurmountable need to " get her back " . Lots of calling

> and pleading and embarrassing behaviors.

>

> She has made up her mind that it's over.

>

> There are definite reasons I had, at the very least,

> to be frustrated with parts of the relationship. But

> we did have a great many positives going too. I lost

> perspective. Now it seems like I have it. But do I?

> It's almost like I can't " trust " my mind with any of

> this.

>

> Thanks for any thoughts anybody may have.....

>

> Steve

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Steve, I don't have anything too brilliant to say, except that heartache

sucks and I'm

sorry, but I was just reading this thread and a couple things occurred to

me--One, be sure

to exercise everyday. And two, everyone--everyone--has stories about

embarrassing

behavior in the realm of romantic love. At some point, these stories become

humorous,

after the pain has gone away. While you may not be able to believe that now,

just know it

in your intellect, and trust that it's true. It's true.

Now, I don't mean to belittle your pain in any way with this next thing, so

please don't take

this that way. In my experience, I have been able to occasionally step back

from racking

heartache and say, wow. I have been able to marvel at the madness of the

feelings, the

potency, and think, yeah, this really DOES make the world go around. I have

listened to

records and felt more connected with songs, with artists and writers who've

written about

heartbreak. It's been, at moments, an enrichingly bittersweet experience.

Bitter because it

hurts, sweet because it's universal, alive, powerful, energetic, and vital. My

heart hurts

and so I remember that I have a heart. My sexual desire roars out for his/her

body and I'm

reminded of how powerful that desire can be.

best, Colette

>

> > Hi Steve

> > Remember the old saying...You dont know what you've

> > got till its

> > gone....its so true.

> > I can tell you to just get over it and move on but

> > that wont help how

> > you are feeling right now.

> > If she is the right girl for you then you may get

> > her back, however,

> > she must feel the same for you, and if its true love

> > then it will come

> > back together somehow.

> > Another quote...if you love something, let it go, if

> > it comes back its

> > yours, if it doesnt, it never was.

> > The only thing you can do really is to gently go

> > about each day, be

> > kind to yourself and stay positive, call her and

> > tell her how you feel

> > if you havent done that already. If you have and

> > shes not responding

> > to you....then leave it for a while, give her time

> > as well. It sounds

> > like you have hurt her and if thats so she will need

> > time to see how

> > she actually feels about you.

> > Keep yourself busy and go out and enjoy yourself, I

> > can understand

> > that you probably dont feel like that right now, but

> > its good for the

> > soul...Love yourself and if shes open to listening

> > to you tell her how

> > you feel and if you feel its right, keep telling

> > her. Hope this helps

> > your wounded heart...Time will tell if shes the

> > right one for you and

> > whether your feelings are in fact true love.

> >

> > Pamela

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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