Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Hi earthmother - This issue you raise about when and where to meditate is an interesting one to me. Twenty odd years ago, several years before I got involved in the ACT work, I was getting myself oriented in my own life. I tried a lot of things, but one I tried was a sort of contemplative meditation. I was reading a variety of spiritual and philosophical works. I would find a passage that resonated and read it over a few times. And then, I would close my eyes and just let the words move slowly, mindfully through me. Getting back to the issue you raise--I did it in the oddest places. I would do it in the busy, noisy cafeteria at the college I was attending. I would do it on the bus. I would do it on street corners waiting for the bus. I remember telling people about it at the time. They mostly thought it was a crazy idea--that I should do this in a nice quiet place to meditate. I was just feeling my way along and did not have much training--but even then I had this sense that I was not a person who had much in the way of nice quiet places. Even when I was alone, I was not in a nice quiet place. So, I learned to meditate where I was. And that was a loud, disjointed, self-accusing, distracted place. Still, right there in the cafeteria, right there on a street corner, I learned to find my center. I learned slowly, slowly to get present--to really feel myself right where I was. In retrospect, I was learning something about self-acceptance by meditating where I was--the noisy physical environments were a nice metaphor for my noisy internal environment. The skill set I learned was to be able to find myself in flight wherever I was. This skill is still with me. Sometimes when I am presenting at workshops, I get spun out and over-involved with how I am doing and under-involved with the work and people I am working with (my value). I will just stop in front of a room full of people. I just pause and get present to all of the noise in my head, get present to my own busyness. And if I wait a bit, I finally catch up with myself. The world fills in around me. When it does, I rejoin the folks in the room and we get back on the job. I have learned to tell the difference between present and not present. Life seems to go better when I am present. peace earthmther wrote: > {deep bow} > Many thanks. > > The part about serving is wonderfully synchronistic ... I just > finished up a year long (zen) email class and at the end the Guide > talked about being in service. I've used this now for the last > several meetings ... willing to place myself in " uncomfortable " > situations, because I knew that I had a place/purpose in these > meetings. That my contribution was of value and that being in > service felt really great. > > And you are right ... even after a hellacious meeting > (physically/emotionally) I felt good about my participation and > certainly more open to do it again. > > Then again, I wasn't crying. :-) > > So I get the part about the observing self -- actually more like the > mentor who can hold and embrace the crying child. When I am at > center, I'm really good with that. But at the time, I had totally > fused with the crying child as if " I " was that crying piece of me > and there was nothing else available. > > OK, so next time when I loose sight through cognative fusion with a > thought/feeling maybe I could instead: > > * Try the milk, milk, milk (p.72) > > * Go inside the body and track the feelings and sensations (p.102) > > * Meditate? > > Hmmmm I wonder if I could meditate? I've done zazen for a couple of > years ... but my sense is if I am already in that vortex of fear, > I'd have a hard time finding my way back to the breath. But maybe I > could just notice that I am riding on the leaf down stream instead > of watching from the river bank. > > My sense is it's about doing anything that will interrupt the fused > thought ... even if it's just for a moment. > > Thank you for the sign posts. > EM > > > > > > Life will give us exposure situations > > that challenge our ability to be present. > > In an ideal world we'd arrange them to be more gradual. > > The world is not always ideal > > > > In situations like that you can traumatize > > yourself because willingness can > > slip over into a kind of " I'll just force myself to go " > > which is a quite familiar move to most folks struggling with > anxiety. > > But brute force is actually not willingness at all. > > > > Willingness is more like standing with yourself > > as an ally and being present. It is the answer " yes " to the > > question " will you have me as I am? " > > Its not fully possible > > without defusion and mindfulness. The " as I am " > > part of the question " will you have me as I am? " means > > " as I am directly experienced to be " not " as I say I am " -- > > defusion allows that difference to be seen. The mind is shrieking - > - it is > > hard to > > connect with your own humanity or with > > the actual chosen qualities of life that are > > important about the event. > > > > This is a challenge. There are two things to hold on to. > > The first is willingness in the posture of defusion and mindfulness > > > > Suppose you had a little girl who you loved dearly but who was > terrified of > > something and yet it was important for her to go. > > Could you take her there? How would you do it? > > Could you do it without judging her for her fear > > or criticizing her for her thoughts? > > Could you do it with your eyes fully open? > > Gently. Lovingly. No threats or judgment? > > > > That's the posture. Carry her to the meeting. > > When she gets that you will be with her she > > might even stop crying (not not) > > > > And then there are the actual chosen qualities of life that are > > important about the event: > > > > Can you find aspects of being there that > > are deeply chosen? It is especially helpful if they > > are values that are not just about you, or some future > > event or external cause (not, for example, " I have to make myself > go because > > > > my husand will be disappointed " ), but rather that are about the > > intrinsic qualities of the task or about about the people you are > with. > > For example, if it is a meeting, > > are you there in part to serve the other human beings who are > > there? Could you go for that? > > > > It would be like the little frighten girl being taken to a place > > in which you are going to help others. She needs to come along > > with you, but the meeting is not really about her fear -- it is > about > > others. > > So when you get there you will have two tasks: holding her > > lovingly, and doing your work for others. Would such a thing be > possible? > > > > That's the posture. Gentle. Loving. Caring. Contributing. > > > > If you do slip and retraumatize yourself > > then acknowledge the slip and open your eyes wide to see what > > actually happened and learn from it (watch out for the self- > loathing and > > judgment ... that part is more > > like an angry child than a fearful one but even angry kids deserve > love too) > > > > The measure of additional trauma is not fear -- the > > measure is " remembering your values, are you > > more or less open to doing that event again? " > > If the answer is " more open " then even if the event was hellacious > > in the world of emotion etc somehow you had enough compassion for > yourself > > that the bottom line was a step forward. > > > > If you can get to " more open " than thats the sign post. > > That is the path. Take the frightened (or angry) little kid with > you > > and enjoy the journey. > > > > There is as much life in a moment of fear > > as in a moment of joy. > > > > - S > > > > > > C. > > > > Foundation Professor > > > > Department of Psychology /298 > > > > University of Nevada > > > > Reno, NV 89557-0062 > > > > > > > > Office: x2005 (don't leave messages there . I > mostly work > > from home, > > > > esp. now that I have a new baby. Email me instead.) > > > > Email: hayes@... > > > > > > > > Relevant websites: > > > > <http://www.contextualpsychology.org/> > www.contextualpsychology.org (this > > is the website for ACBS -- the Association for Contextual > Behavioral > > Science. It subsumes the old ACT and RFT websites. if you want my > vita, or > > publications from me, or PowerPoint slides, etc etc please > carefully check > > out this site first. Go to my blog and to the publications list > etc. Given > > the flow of emails, I need all the help I can get. Thanks in > advance.) > > > > www.contextpress.com > > <file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Steve/Application% > 20Data/Microsoft/Si > > gnatures/www.contextpress.com> > > > > www.unr.edu/psych > > <file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Steve/Application% > 20Data/Microsoft/Si > > gnatures/www.unr.edu/psych> then click on faculty pages > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > From: ACT_for_the_Public > > [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of earthmther > > Sent: Wednesday, March 08, 2006 7:01 PM > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > Subject: Willing vs Wallowing > > > > > > My mind is having a field day today. > > > > I missed a meeting (my mind wanted to write IMPORTANT meeting) -- > > and my husband then missed the meeting too. > > > > I started out WILLING to experience the pain of presense (i.e. I > got > > in the car!....) And I've been really good about allowing my body > > to shake and twitch all through out a meeting if it indeed wants > to > > do that. But you know how it goes when you are trapped in the > > chinease finger puzzle ... the meeting was in a " new location " , > > there were some " really important people there " , there were > no " easy > > graceful exits " etc. etc. etc. > > > > So I started crying in the car. I was willing to go in there > > shaking -- but I wan't willing to go in crying. I really can't > bear > > it when people look at me and say " You don't look good, is there > > something wrong? " > > > > So from missing the meeting ... to I can't do my work, I am going > to > > get fired, I am making my husband's life miserable, I am never > going > > to get better .... real quick trip down the language suffering > > expressway. > > > > Two hours later, I picked up my ACT workbook and plodded away at > the > > next assignment. Good for me it wasn't a cognative piece ... but > > instead a body awareness exercise. Point to the outline of the > body > > with your right hand and the adjective describing it with your > left > > hand. Then the section on " Defusing from Implicit Evaluations " . > I > > knew I was having " feelings and thoughts " -- and I was totally > fused > > with them -- I could see the chess board underneath me but I > > couldn't find a way to get to BOARD LEVEL. > > > > Certainly feels like going farther and faring worse. Are we sure > > that we aren't just learning a new vocabulary that we can use to > see > > once again how far away we are from where we want to be? > > > > Oh that's a good one! Thank you mind for that thought. Now let's > > keep on keeping on. > > > > EM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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