Re: Re: not to be attached?.

[Guest guest]

,

Maybe on a date you should try to see if you could become friends first. Maybe lower your expectations a bit. Then you may be pleasantly surprised if it turns out better than expected, and maybe not so crushed if it doesn't. Your fast reaction to a possible let down...don't know for sure...is this a bit Aspie ish?

Sandy

[aspires-relationsh ips] Re: And the update to this past> Saturday....> > > > As far as I am concerned, I've chosen to move forward I refuse to > look back and play the "what if" game. That game never works. I > haven't questioned or overanalyzed about what could have been > different and such (as I would have done in the past). Things happen > for a reason in life.> > I wouldn't want to be attached to anyone anyway. It brings potential > problems.> > >

[Guest guest]

,

From an AS perspective and possibly

due to the linear way we try to manage how we interact with others there

is a potential to expect that things will happen in a certain order or

sequence and if they do not turn out that way then the AS person gets upset

because they often find it difficult to re baseline their expectations.

This has happened with myself where

if there was a discussion or activity that I got involved in with my partner,

and if it did not occur as I imagined it, it " threw me " to use

the vernacular expression and my attention got absorbed into what I need

to do to deal with that. Meanwhile my partner was getting the impression

I was upset with them which was not the case.

Greg

dx AS at 53

Dahlberg

Sent by: aspires-relationships

08/05/2008 01:37 PM

Please respond to

aspires-relationships

To

aspires-relationships

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Subject

Re: Re: not

to be attached?.

,

Maybe on a date you should try to see if you

could become friends first. Maybe lower your expectations a bit.

Then you may be pleasantly surprised if it turns out better than

expected, and maybe not so crushed if it doesn't. Your fast reaction

to a possible let down...don't know for sure...is this a bit Aspie ish?

Sandy

[aspires-relationsh ips] Re: And the update to this past

> Saturday....

>

>

>

> As far as I am concerned, I've chosen to move forward I refuse

to

> look back and play the " what if " game. That game never works.

I

> haven't questioned or overanalyzed about what could have been

> different and such (as I would have done in the past). Things

happen

> for a reason in life.

>

> I wouldn't want to be attached to anyone anyway. It brings

potential

> problems.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Greg, This has happened to me in many social situations, and people have not been able to decifer my confused expressions. I can identify with what you have written completely, as far as the confused part is concerned. . If I tell my future husband, I hope he will just accept that I am confused and processing, not upset or disappointed. I am just in the process of learning the cognitive parts of not getting upset at variations like these-and not worrying while I process what is happening. It is still new, but I am getting there carefully and slowly. Greg Greer wrote: , From an AS perspective and possibly due to the linear way we try to manage how we interact with others there is a potential to expect that things will happen in a certain order or sequence and if they do not turn out that way then the AS person gets upset because they often find it difficult to re baseline their expectations. This has happened with myself where if there was a discussion or activity that I got involved in with my partner, and if it did not occur as I imagined it, it "threw me" to use the vernacular expression and my attention got absorbed into what I need to do to deal with that. Meanwhile my partner was getting the impression I was upset with

them which was not the case. Greg dx AS at 53 Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net> Sent by: aspires-relationships 08/05/2008 01:37 PM Please respond toaspires-relationships To aspires-relationships cc Subject Re: Re: not to be attached?. , Maybe on a date you should try to see if you could become friends first. Maybe lower your expectations a bit. Then you may be pleasantly surprised if it turns out better than expected, and maybe not so crushed if it doesn't. Your fast reaction to a possible let down...don't know for sure...is this a bit Aspie ish? Sandy -----

Original Message ----From: <msrpsilverlycos>To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:37:42 PMSubject: Re: not to be attached?. I have reflected on some things in my life, yes. Although "on the fence", I acknowledge fully that I made a mistake by posting my profile online. We have all made mistakes in our lives, and I have made many of them, Ron.>> > > , Hi,> > Like , I'm terribly curious here, if not confused. Is your statement> perhaps just a disappointed reaction to the recent

let-down?> > Or have you had to rethink some of the many assertions that you have> conveyed to the List in recent times about your intentions and> > your desires for relationship? Heavens, you are beginning to sound like me.> (and I wouldn't want to wish that on anyone! LOL.)> > > > All the best, Ron.> > > > > > Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] Re: And the update to this past> Saturday....> > > > As far as I am concerned, I've chosen to move forward I refuse to > look back and play the "what if" game. That game never works. I > haven't questioned or overanalyzed about what could have been > different and such (as I would have done in the past). Things happen > for a reason in life.> > I wouldn't want to be attached to anyone anyway. It brings potential >

problems.> > >

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[Guest guest]

Greg

The reason I asked is it sounded like the type of response that Nick would give to something ...quick...ready to give up...and then negative towards whatever it was. So I was just curious. He seems to have things all planned in his head, and if things don't go according to plan, he sort of gives up on any follow through.

I didn't know anything about AS 2 years ago (shucks not even two months ago). But, we had been having trouble connecting in our love life. He went on a fishing trip. After he came home, he told me that the whole trip home he had been planning on what was going to happen between the two of us when he got home..he was going to come in say certain things...he expected me to say certain things..and we would end up in bed...something like that. He told me that my reaction wasn't as he planned it, so he didn't carry through with his plans. I was totally amazed. And, of course he was upset that things hadn't gone as planned and I was blamed that I didn't respond or act right. Again, I was totally amazed. But, it did cause me to think. Wow. It must be kind of like having a dream, and if the dream doesn't totally come true in real life you can't procede with the dream.

I know I was totally disappointed at the time, asking..well, why didn't you do this? or why didn't you try that? why did you just totally give up? Because it didn't go as planned. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was at the time. It was ridiculous for me. I guess it wasn't ridiculous for him. But, it sure makes it difficult to have any sponteneity in life which to me is part of the fun.

Sandy

[aspires-relationsh ips] Re: And the update to this past> Saturday....> > > > As far as I am concerned, I've chosen to move forward I refuse to > look back and play the "what if" game. That game never works. I > haven't questioned or overanalyzed about what could have been > different and such (as I would have done in the past). Things happen > for a reason in life.> > I wouldn't want to be attached to anyone anyway. It brings potential > problems.> > >