Re: Tony Atwood Seminar - Greg

[Guest guest]

Greg,I would just like to say thank you attending the seminar (Thanks to Ron and looking forward to his thoughts too!) and coming back to the group with a better understanding of what it may be like for the NT's. We've heard Tony use the bucket/tea cup analogy at a seminar he did in Boston. It's a very good analogy.I felt it was a beautiful thing that you came back from the seminar to post about what you learned regarding what happens to NT's in all of this. There are many NT's on the list who would be thrilled if their significant other would see a therapist, read a book or just go to a seminar. For AS to come back from the seminar and post mainly about NT is just outstanding, in my opinion. If NT's could post more about their understanding of AS, and AS could post more about their understanding of NT...WOW!Regards,Anita>> Hi All,> > Just a quick note on the Tony Attwood seminar. This was organised by Carol > Griggs and the folk from the ASPIA foundation which is a support group and > information source for those who are involved in or interested in marriage > and long-term relationships with adults or family members with AS. Their > website address is www.aspia.org.au.> > I met up with Ron and we enjoyed a very informative few sessions where > Tony presented some very informative stuff about AS in respect of those > who have it, and those who live with partners/parents/children with AS > and the effects it has on both people in the relationship. If you want to > know more about Tony here is his website.> http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/> > I was very surprised at how participative the audience was and how > enjoyable it was to listen to Tony deliver the information. He is a born > performer but I suspect he was a little tired after two hectic days. As > he said at the finish, if he did not stop he would shut down.> > The overwhelming sense I got from the sessions was that it is natural for > AS to feel guilty about what has gone wrong in relationships but there > needs to be acceptance by both partners that they are different (a > different culture as Tony puts it). He uses the metaphor of the NT with > the bucket and the AS with the teacup in terms of how empathy, > understanding and love can never be satisfied unless both accept there > needs to be a different way of cohabiting. What surprised me even more > was how devastated the NT person feels in the relationship which is hard > for the AS to really come to grips with. It is not only harmful mentally, > but physically as well if the NT person is at the extreme end of the > spectrum. Tony says that as a general rule AS people marry either people > who are close to their part of the spectrum or extreme NTs as well. It > is less common for people who are towards the higher parts of the bell > curve to marry AS . He explains this by saying that extreme NTs can see > past the behaviour to the heart of the AS person and believe that due to > other attractive qualities they may be able to change them out of > compassion or because they recognise the goodness underneath. The tragedy > is that AS will find it very difficult to change and the NT person finds > themselves slipping towards the AS part of the spectrum to accommodate the > AS characteristics but at the expense of their own hopes and dreams. When > people who marry AS are closer to where the AS person is on the spectrum > they can tend to coexist and compromise to some extent but every couple is > unique and the future of the relationship will have different outcomes > depending on the issues and differences..> > There was a lot of suggestions that came forth regarding why NTs said > they married their AS partner and why AS said they married their NT > partner. I really started to understand how lonely the NT person must > feel after years of expectations and hopes being dashed when the diagnosis > is made. I also started to appreciate how little I can give when all I > have is a teacup to fill my partners bucket with.> > I am sure Ron who is more erudite than myself can provide more detailed > info, but just thought I would provide a quick overview for the people on > the list.> > Greg> > dx AS at 53>