Re: Self Absorption

[Guest guest]

Can we truly understand each other?

I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption.

Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

Thanks

Sandy

Re: Can we ever truly understand each other?

In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize with another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body language book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was from a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from school because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not make eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her cultural background and understand she was not being sly but being respectful? Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she was lying based on his own culture?

Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in? Should they have to? Should the principle have to?

I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am, deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption.

Jennie AS

[Guest guest]

Can we truly understand each other?

I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption.

Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

Thanks

Sandy

Re: Can we ever truly understand each other?

In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize with another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body language book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was from a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from school because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not make eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her cultural background and understand she was not being sly but being respectful? Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she was lying based on his own culture?

Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in? Should they have to? Should the principle have to?

I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am, deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption.

Jennie AS

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, I think thatlove requires communication and the willingness to communicate. I know that nobody should just sit there hurt. If all he can say is "I am not being abrasive", then that is still communication- to an AS (remember we are not very good on naming feelings, as a rule, or identifying ours), that may be a huge amount of communication. I would try this: OK, thanks for letting me know that you are not being abrasive, and that this is not what you mean. Can you help me with this? I feel as if you are cutting me down, and part of it is your tone, and another part is the way you said it. Can you say more about what you mean, so that I will not take it the wrong way? The idea, here, is that if you believe him, and make that clear, it will open the lines of communication a lot. For me as an AS, it is really a

non-starter not to be believed, or can be (since being dx-ed, I have am learning to overcome this a lot). I came into this thread late, so if I am out in left field (or left out in the outfield), just let me know. Dahlberg wrote: Can we truly understand each other? I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption. Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try to understand this...or try to change the way the come across? And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go at that

(showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love? Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS? I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally. Thanks Sandy Re: Can we ever truly understand each other? In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize with another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body language book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was from a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from school because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not make eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her cultural background and understand she was not being sly but being respectful? Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she was lying based on his own culture?

Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in? Should they have to? Should the principle have to? I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am, deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption. Jennie AS

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, I think thatlove requires communication and the willingness to communicate. I know that nobody should just sit there hurt. If all he can say is "I am not being abrasive", then that is still communication- to an AS (remember we are not very good on naming feelings, as a rule, or identifying ours), that may be a huge amount of communication. I would try this: OK, thanks for letting me know that you are not being abrasive, and that this is not what you mean. Can you help me with this? I feel as if you are cutting me down, and part of it is your tone, and another part is the way you said it. Can you say more about what you mean, so that I will not take it the wrong way? The idea, here, is that if you believe him, and make that clear, it will open the lines of communication a lot. For me as an AS, it is really a

non-starter not to be believed, or can be (since being dx-ed, I have am learning to overcome this a lot). I came into this thread late, so if I am out in left field (or left out in the outfield), just let me know. Dahlberg wrote: Can we truly understand each other? I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption. Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try to understand this...or try to change the way the come across? And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go at that

(showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love? Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS? I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally. Thanks Sandy Re: Can we ever truly understand each other? In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize with another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body language book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was from a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from school because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not make eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her cultural background and understand she was not being sly but being respectful? Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she was lying based on his own culture?

Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in? Should they have to? Should the principle have to? I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am, deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self absorption. Jennie AS

[Guest guest]

Sandy, I am glad that you are alive and unhurt. It was meant to be. Long, firm, cyberhugs, Dahlberg wrote: I live in St Louis. One of my fellow letter carriers (that's what I'm doing now as a No Brainer, and Paid Exercize Semi Retirement) was shot in

the head and shoulder yesterday. He survived, but I am emotionally and physically exhausted. So I will be getting back to you. .

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

omg, you don't need this now.. I send prayers to you and your usps collegues.. glad he survived.. jkzSandy, I am glad that you are alive and unhurt.  It was meant to be.  Long, firm, cyberhugs,  Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net> wrote:  I live in St Louis.  One of my fellow letter carriers (that's what I'm doing now as a No Brainer, and Paid Exercize Semi Retirement) was shot in the head and shoulder yesterday.  He survived, but I am emotionally and physically exhausted.So I will be getting back to you.. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Thanks

Apparently is a random act of violence.

Re: Self Absorption

Sandy,

I am glad that you are alive and unhurt. It was meant to be.

Long, firm, cyberhugs,

Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net> wrote:

I live in St Louis. One of my fellow letter carriers (that's what I'm doing now as a No Brainer, and Paid Exercize Semi Retirement) was shot in the head and shoulder yesterday. He survived, but I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

So I will be getting back to you.

..

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

No one ever needs something like this do we? But, he is alive and stable. He is talking very hesitantly like a stroke victim. Apparently the bullet went into the part of the brain that affects speech. He seems to well in his thinking ability. We all love him and he knows it. Out of 44 carriers, I think 30 went to visit him in the Emergency room the day he was shot.

The story is that a kid (23) from Chicago was in visiting his Grandmother. The Grandmother was a security guard. The kid had schysophrenia (sp??) and hadn't taken his meds that morning.

My friend loaded up his mail bag, closed his trunk and started walking to his first delivery. This kid approached him. Terry said...Hi How are You? and walked on by him. The kid turned around, shot him in the head. As Terry fell and was rolling around on the ground, the kid shot him in the shoulder, shot one more time and missed, and then ran down the street. People had initially suspected it was Gang Violence (an initiation ritual). Postal people are usually protected from violence (even the criminal element usually comes to our defense). But it seems to be that the kid was highly confused and took this action. Amazingly, the Grandmother turned the kid in. She had known Terry for 16 years as her mailman. I feel terrible for Terry, the Grandmother and the kid.

Sandy

Re: Self Absorption

omg, you don't need this now.. I send prayers to you and your usps collegues.. glad he survived.. jkz

Sandy,

I am glad that you are alive and unhurt. It was meant to be.

Long, firm, cyberhugs,

Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net> wrote:

I live in St Louis. One of my fellow letter carriers (that's what I'm doing now as a No Brainer, and Paid Exercize Semi Retirement) was shot in the head and shoulder yesterday. He survived, but I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

So I will be getting back to you.

..

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Sandy:

You described exactly the way my husband speaks to me. If I didn't have

a sense of strong self-esteem from being older and wiser, I would be

clinically depressed. Is this an AS trait; I thought it might just be

my spouse?

>

> Can we truly understand each other?

> I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that

is self absorption.

>

> Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that

they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

>

> i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems

abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try

to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

>

> And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go

at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it

is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

>

> Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt

feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to

understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

>

> I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with

accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

>

> Thanks

> Sandy

>

>

>

> Re: Can we ever truly understand each

other?

>

> In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize with

another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body language

book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was from

a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from school

because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not make

eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her cultural

background and understand she was not being sly but being respectful?

Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she was

lying based on his own culture?

>

> Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the

greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to

educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having

students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American

culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or

not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in?

Should they have to? Should the principle have to?

>

> I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can

learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both

sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am,

deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self

absorption.

>

> Jennie AS

>

[Guest guest]

Sandy,

Hi, my reply inserted below:

Sandy said: Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do) that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

Jennie: Yes

Sandy: i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

Jennie: This can be a tough one. Each person needs to be honestly examining themself to see if the other person's feeling about them is true. For example my husband told me I was 'harsh' and 'abrasive' but he now admits that he was viewing me with the assumption that I was just like his mother who IS harsh and abrasive. So had I simply said to myself 'he's NT I'm AS, he must be right......' that would not have helped our relationship. Instead I asked him for specifics. 'What's an example of something I have said that you felt was 'harsh' and 'abrasive'? In every instance it was a time in which I had told him a truth that needed to be said. Example: "You are not following through on your promise to your daughter." was considered a harsh and abrasive sentance. So I think each person needs to spend a lot of time examining their own motives, their take on things, and compare it to the relality of what is being said/done. In my case I did not need to change the way I came across, my husband needed to change the way he perceived my words. He was hearing my words through the ears of the past... On the other hand my brother who is AS can be pretty harsh/abrasive sounding and yes I think he should teach himself to tone it down and word things a little differently to his wife.

Sandy: And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

Jennie: I think said 'other person' should as I illustrated above in my own life... pursue getting some specific examples from the other person as to what was said or done that felt harsh. Then with it in the open and being specific both people could make more of an honest assessment as to whether someone is being harsh or someone is being over sensitive or both.

Sandy: Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

Jennie: It depends. That is a personal decision. How do YOU want to live YOUR life. You get to decide. Is that the kind of relationship you want? There are more than just those two options. You could say, I want to stay married but I don't want to sit around and be insulted so I am going to fill my life primarily with other things, kids, hobby, job, whatever. Then his power to hurt you becomes less. Or you might work to get through to this person never taking no for an answer. Or you might just continue as you are. Or.... fill in the blank lol

Sandy: I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

Jennie: Totally understandable. All I can say is try to analyze from your own side if your perception of him is accurate or based off the past. One thing I read in a book once is that if your emotional reaction (internally or externally) is extreme compared to the current circumstance it is probably based past pain/anger.

Jennie AS

[Guest guest]

Hi :

I read the message concerning our diagnosis and would like more

information from you that I can apply to my husband, and his son, too.

Do you see a neuropsychologist for diagnosis? I think I need to ask if

they are experienced in AS, right? What kinds of test do they

administer?

My step-son is 31, living alone (though not so well) and I'm convinced

from my reading/research/teaching experience that they both have it. I

really think it's critical for the son to have a diagnosis so that when

his father is no longer here there may be some help for him. Might he

qualify for some type of Social Security supplement? He currently works

for UPS for 20 hours a week, and though he has medical insurance

benefits, his salary is such that he cannot support himself.

What to do? Can you steer me in some direction? I think I' making

slight progress by getting his father to read the Oasis book. However,

his first response was, " What do I need this s... for? " And I reply,

" You need to learn to understand your son. "

Hearing Sandy's post, that self-absorption thing is my life. Can you

possibly imagine our dinner table....with 2 AS present? Manners are all

but out the window, conversation is brief and stilted, my husband can

tolerate only 2 things on his plate at once.....need I say more?

Thanks for reading.

Eileen

> Can we truly understand each other?

> I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy

that is self absorption.

>

> Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do)

that they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

>

> i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems

abrasive....or condescending...or mean to me...that the other should try

to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

>

> And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it go

at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude), that it

is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

>

> Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the hurt

feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to

understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

>

> I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with

accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

>

> Thanks

> Sandy

>

>

>

> Re: Can we ever truly understand each

other?

>

> In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to

empathize with another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the

body language book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the

US but was from a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was

suspended from school because the principle assumed she was lying

because she would not make eye contact. Can the principle learn to be

empathetic to her cultural background and understand she was not being

sly but being respectful? Can the girl learn that the principle had good

reason to assume she was lying based on his own culture?

>

> Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the

greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn to

educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having

students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that American

culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (or

not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in?

Should they have to? Should the principle have to?

>

> I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people can

learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or both

sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am,

deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is self

absorption.

>

> Jennie AS

>

[Guest guest]

How can you stand this? I went to the ball game with him tonite. Honestly I am so ready to get divorced. He is so totally verbally abusive. And I deserve so much more. And if I do go get divorced, then I could care less if he ever gets diagnosed and gets help. I have been trying to do everything in my power to make this work. Kindness, avoidance, meanness, more kindness...Nothing works. But I will tell you one thing I am so sick of feeling stepped on, squashed. I don't care what syndrome he has, my IQ is every bit as good as his, my emotional IQ is far better. Right now...shit on him.

Sandy

Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Can we ever truly understand eachother?>> In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize withanother cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body languagebook I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was froma culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from schoolbecause the principle assumed she was lying because she would not makeeye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her culturalbackground and understand she was not being sly but being respectful?Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she waslying based on his own culture?>> Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in thegreater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn

toeducate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of havingstudents they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that Americanculture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (ornot so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in?Should they have to? Should the principle have to?>> I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people canlearn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or bothsides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am,deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is selfabsorption.>> Jennie AS>

[Guest guest]

I find my husband verbally abusive at times. But I will say that I now know when he truly has no idea what he has said is offensive or abusive and don't get me wrong there are still times when he is just trying to push mty buttons or he is just plain angry about something. We went to a football game last year and he had a few drinks before we left so he was slightly obnoxious already. Anyway he made a scene at our sets yelling at me so i got up and walked away and watched the game in another seat. I told him I was leaving but I really didn't. I went back after half time and he did apologize for his behavior. We've worked on how to handle certain situations and I know how to handle him in certain situations. The thing is that no one else knows about AS so even if you could blame the AS everyone else just thinks he is verbally abusive. You can't be the only one to "change" if

he does have AS. He has to be aware that his behavior affects both of you and want to try to understand. This is just from my experience with my husband. He is aware of the AS diagnosis he doesn't completely agreee but if we have an issue I will explain the problem in terms that he will grasp. I turn something rude and obnoxious he said to my sister to something he says to his Mother. Just so he gets how rude something had sounded. and usually he will....at the time he doesn' t think twice about what was said or done...It took alot of arguing to get here and I was talking about divorce also... My advice would be that if you truly are unhappy and are ready to get out than do it...Love alone can't fix these issues. If you truly want this to work out than hang in there.....You have support here to help you through it. I was at my wits end...This is a lonely life to live especially because no one understands what we go through

and we don't understand what our AS spouses go through but reading posts here does help understand both sides alittle bit better. The last 2 years of my life were hell but since joining this list and doing some research I understand so much more. My life has been so much better and I no longer am thinking about leaving. But that is my situation and my family still thinks I should leave him. So I won't tell you what to do only you can make that decision.... I don't know if any of this helps but my thoughts are with you... I'm here even if you just need to vent...My thoughts are with you Dahlberg wrote: How can you stand this? I went to the ball game with him tonite. Honestly I am so ready to get divorced. He is so totally verbally abusive. And I deserve so much more. And if I do go get divorced, then I could care less if he ever gets diagnosed and gets help. I have been trying to do everything in my power to make this work. Kindness, avoidance, meanness, more kindness...Nothing works. But I will tell you one thing I am so sick of feeling stepped on, squashed. I don't care what syndrome he has, my IQ is every bit as good as his, my emotional IQ is far better. Right now...shit on

him. Sandy Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Can we ever truly understand eachother?>> In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize withanother cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body languagebook I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was froma culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from schoolbecause the

principle assumed she was lying because she would not makeeye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her culturalbackground and understand she was not being sly but being respectful?Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she waslying based on his own culture?>> Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in thegreater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn toeducate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of havingstudents they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that Americanculture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly (ornot so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to fit in?Should they have to? Should the principle have to?>> I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people canlearn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or

bothsides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way I am,deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is selfabsorption.>> Jennie AS>

[Guest guest]

This is why all people who have AS are different. No two people with

AS are exactly the same. You don't deserve this, Sandy, and good for

you to make the decision you seem to be making. Having AS is NO

excuse, whatsoever, for anyone to demean or abuse another person.

> >

> > Can we truly understand each other?

> > I like your comment... In my opinion that is not lack of empathy

that

> is self absorption.

> >

> > Do you think if two people love each other (or say that they do)

that

> they have a duty to the other person to be less self absorbed

> >

> > i.e. If one person says...the way you are coming across seems

> abrasive.... or condescending. ..or mean to me...that the other

should try

> to understand this...or try to change the way the come across?

> >

> > And if the other person says I'M NOT BEING ABRASIVE...and just it

go

> at that (showing what could appear to be a dismissive attitude),

that it

> is self absorption and shows no real caring...and then no real love?

> >

> > Or do you think the other person should just sit there with the

hurt

> feelings, the feelings of being belittled or demeaned and try to

> understand that this is just HOW THE OTHER PERSON IS?

> >

> > I am this other person and am having a really difficult time with

> accepting what appears to me to be nastiness, intentionally.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Sandy

> >

> >

> >

> > Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Can we ever truly

understand each

> other?

> >

> > In my opinion, it is cultural. Can an American learn to empathize

with

> another cultural viewpoint and vice versa? Example in the body

language

> book I am reading he talks about a girl who moved to the US but was

from

> a culture that does NOT make eye contact. She was suspended from

school

> because the principle assumed she was lying because she would not

make

> eye contact. Can the principle learn to be empathetic to her

cultural

> background and understand she was not being sly but being

respectful?

> Can the girl learn that the principle had good reason to assume she

was

> lying based on his own culture?

> >

> > Beyond that can they both learn to take individual people in the

> greater context of who each individual is? Can the principle learn

to

> educate himself about various cultures as he becomes aware of having

> students they apply to? Can the people who move here learn that

American

> culture is different thus their non verbal communication is subtly

(or

> not so subtly) different and learn new body language in order to

fit in?

> Should they have to? Should the principle have to?

> >

> > I think AS people can learn. We are cognitive. I think NT people

can

> learn as well. I think there is often a lack of effort on either or

both

> sides and also an assumption of 'rightness'. I.E. 'This is the way

I am,

> deal with it.' In my opinion that is not lack of empathy that is

self

> absorption.

> >

> > Jennie AS

> >

>