Re: The Strengths of People with Aspergers

[Guest guest]

upperkace29 wrote:

> Would any male AS on the forum be willing to list and detail his

> strengths. I already know some from living with my AS husband, but if

> someone with AS could list them in detail, in the best way they

> understand them, I think that would help my husband recognize some

> traits. I understand everyone is going to have unique and different

> strengths, but it might make things clearer in my situation. Thanks

My Asperger mini-autobio may be of interest: Website URL below. No

actual *list* of strengths, but many will be evident, I think.

I answer questions off-List too, if desired. *He* might be interested?

- Bill, 75, AS; ... " the good parts " still aren't back up. Sorry.

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't be a good example, since I have both AS and ADHD which makes

me unique from people who are completely AS.

>

> Would any male AS on the forum be willing to list and detail his

> strengths. I already know some from living with my AS husband, but if

> someone with AS could list them in detail, in the best way they

> understand them, I think that would help my husband recognize some

> traits. I understand everyone is going to have unique and different

> strengths, but it might make things clearer in my situation. Thanks

>

[Guest guest]

Helen, These are great! Thanks for listing so many on one place! I had a few more in mind, but they all seem to be either subsumed under yours, or nearly so. AS-- still waiting for the official word... Helen Foisy wrote: Hi upperkace29,Again, tho I'm not male, I'd like to weigh in here too. <smile!>

Though everyone is different, and not every thing applies to everyone, these are some of the traits that can be found frequently Aspergers individuals.- Helenhonestytransparency - no "hidden" motivenon manipulativenon violentexcellent memory, even in older Aspiesgood eye for detailresponsible for almost all advances in science including medical advances, and technology throughout history of human civilizationliterarily and artistically inclined Aspies have left huge legacy to the arts - "out of the box" thinking brings forward new forms of artistic expression.practicalreliablethoroughpunctualcan work very well without supervisionexcellent, self motivated individual performersinceresensiblefrugalnon materialisticnot wastefulconcerned about the environment - leaves a much smaller "carbon footprint" than average personanimal lovernon ageist, non sexist,

non racist - believes in equality for allrespecting of the challenges other people face (eg. disability, mental illness)responsibleintelligentwell read, often more educated than average populationvery thorough knowledge and practice in area of specialty in hobby, vocation and professionsteadfast in one's stand - won't "flip-flop" on an issue to align with popular opiniontrue-blue loyal friend - will stick with you through thick and thinI'm by the time I hit "send" others will have added many excellent traits as well!<grin!>- Helen (52, self-dx'd AS, dx'd ADD)At 03:22 PM 2/24/2008, you wrote:>Would any male AS on the forum be willing to list and detail his>strengths. I already know some from living with my AS husband, but if>someone with AS could list them in detail, in the best way they>understand them, I think that would help my husband recognize some>traits. I

understand everyone is going to have unique and different>strengths, but it might make things clearer in my situation. Thanks

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[Guest guest]

Since I'm an AS/ADHD hybrid..here goes..

Personal:

Highly intelligent/deeply intellectual at times - always needing to

know the whys

Very creative and enjoy making things, not good at fixing things

Can be very empathetic, but not totally empathetic

Enjoy being around people with similar hobbies, or interests that I

might want to consider pursuing

Anti- " status quo " , outside the box thinker and brainstormer. Am

someone who enjoys challenging people and the way they think/feel. I

have no tolerance for people who don't want to be challenged and who

want to stay within the " status quo " . Life is about pushing myself

outside my " comfort zone " and to be open to all possibilities. Life

is an adventure to me. Not one to be lived with any regrets.

Believe that mixing politics and religion are like mixing water and

oil - they don't go together.

Passionate about making the world a better place to live - can see

both the big picture as well as minute details. Sometimes I am

stymied how to start.

Enjoy some amount of repetition but need variety in what I do.

Appreciate a mix of spontaneity and structure. Yeah, I like to do

things without giving thought to them at times. Like getting out of

town on a second's notice.

Although I need some aspect of structure in my life, I have huge

problems with political, educational, medical, and legal systems (and

others). I am for multi-political parties (e.g. Great Britain,

Israel, etc.), Montessori schools where experiential education is

emphasized compared to structured education, alternative medicine,

and fairness in the legal system.

Feeling my voice won't count and/or that the outcome really doesn't

mattter.

I reject the " American Dream " 110% - people made up the concept.

People aren't truly happy in their lives for the most part and look

to things like materialism to fulfill the so-called " American

Dream " . Soon, it will be called the " American Scream " because people

will have taken the " American Dream " for granted, only to wonder what

will become of their material lives.

Also, I reject the traditional " American dream " of 9-5 career,

marriage, 2.5 children, house with white picket fence, etc. My focus

is on the environment and sustainability. Too many people have

wanted kids and thought life would be " happily ever after " . Sorry

everyone, one must love him/herself totally and become whole before

becoming involved in a relationship with someone else who is the same

way. This partially answers my question of why there's so many

divorces in this world (there's much, much more to the answer than

that).

I am anti- " Big Brother " . I don't want anything having to do

with " Big Brother " or anything remotely connected with it.

I have strong intuition and " psychic " experiences. I have been able

to explain things and no one ever told me how, why, or anything.

Never read it a text of any kind (religious or otherwise). Never

read about it on a computer or anything else. This has happened on

many occasions, including how the outcome of last year's Super Bowl

between the Indianapolis Colts and Chicago Bears would be played out

and such (not just who would win and final score, mind you). Things

like how a former friend of mine asking about becoming a stepparent.

Other situations too. Call it precognition, as an awareness of the

environment/universe around me.

Can be very expressive sexually, or I might choose to reject

sexuality in boredom or with intention of achieving higher spiritual

connection. I could explore alternative types of sexuality (am not

going into details on that). I am someone who might be willing to

push the envelope if the other person involved was receptive. Let's

leave it at that. I see sexuality as part of higher consciousness

through spirituality. However, I have been on a spiritual quest

since 2003, when I put everything on the proverbial " kitchen table "

and began to question everything in my life. Those conclusions have

led me to ask many questions about the whys of our universe and

everything else. Also, it lead me to reading " The Celestine

Prophecy " . Why relationships that started out with people having

spiritual energy, only to see them become deadlocked in power

struggles trying to assume control of the relationship. I understand

why " oneness " critically important within myself before becoming

involved with someone else of " oneness " . Balance in the spiritual,

mental, emotional, and physical dimensions are of extreme importance

to me. Balance is one of six core values in my life.

[Guest guest]

, These are terrific! Are they just in the archives to this list, or are they published somewhere that one can quote? Thanks, david bailey wrote: this question has been asked before. this was a man called mike burharts response: i saved it, i liked mike. . THE EIGHT ASPERGER ADVANTAGES There are eight aspects of Asperger Syndrome that you can use to your great advantage: 1. FOCUSYour ability to focus on one objective over long periods of time without becoming distracted allows you to accomplish large and challenging tasks. 2. UNIQUE GLOBAL INSIGHTSYour ability to find novel connections among multi-disciplinary facts and ideas allows you to create new, coherent, and meaningful insight that others would not have reached without you.

3. INDEPENDENT THINKINGYour willingness to consider unpopular or unusual possibilities generates new options and opportunities and can pave the way for others. 4. INTERNAL MOTIVATIONRather than being swayed by social convention, other's opinions, social pressure or fears, you can hold firm to your own purpose. Your unique ideas can thrive, despite naysayers. 5. ATTENTION TO DETAILYour ability to remember and process minute details without getting lost or overwhelmed gives you a distinct advantage when solving complex problems. 6. 3-DIMENSIONAL THINKINGYour ability to utilize 3-dimensional visioning gives you a unique perspective when designing and creating solutions. 7. CUTTING THROUGH THE SMOKE SCREENYour ability to recognize and speak

the truth that is being "conveniently" ignored by others can be vital to the success of a project or endeavor. 8. LOGICAL DECISION MAKINGYour ability to make logical and rational decisions and stick to your course of action without being swayed by impulse or emotional reactions allows you to navigate successfully through difficult situations without being pulled off-course. Source:a M. Elaine, Asperger Coach "The Eight Asperger Advantages"http://www.coachingasperger.com/pages/advantages_pop.html Sent from Yahoo! Mail. A Smarter Inbox.

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, How do you know they were or are NT? Bonadurer wrote: Thanks Bill,I enjoyed your web-site, but I think the hubbie would find it over-whelming, I have to be careful to use not so many words, when we communicate. I think it would help him a lot to talk to another AS male (off-line), but I don't think he's quite there yet. He's been raised in an extremely sheltered environment, where his un-common behavior really went virtually

unnoticed, and in some cases encouraged. He was around a lot of NT's that were also unrealistic in their responsibilities, and didn't value communication. With the other bonus of his genius capabilities, he fit right into their value system, but was "king of the hill" so to speak, because of his gifts. We've recently moved to a new area, and he's just beginning to realize that his wife (me) isn't the only finding his behavior peculiar. I'm just trying to find ways to approach him without him feeling criticized. I figure if I could get him to identify with all the positive things first, it might be a good place to start. Thanks, K .

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Wow, that hit me right between the eyes, Way to go. I have just only recently begun learning about this since we've been separated, so I still have a lot to process. I believe for the most part, the only person who seems extremely similar, to my husband is his father, and I don't know if he could possibly be AS. I was able to "resonate" with the other members of his family, and the people around him well enough to where I felt a "familiar" connection. As an NT, I could just note that they had some other issues, in their responsibilities, and communication. Similar to what I had, before I matured a little. Just kind of growing up stuff they needed to do. I could see the process going on in them, like I had going on in me when I was younger, before I learned how to take more responsibility, and communicate better, so I related and connected to that. ( That's why I assumed they are NT, because I pretty much automatically understood why they were acting the way they

were) I just didn't see a similar process going on in my husband or his father, it confused me, but now I hope I'm getting insight into why that was so.Princess wrote: , How do you know they were or are NT? Bonadurer <upperkace29> wrote: Thanks Bill,I enjoyed your web-site,

but I think the hubbie would find it over-whelming, I have to be careful to use not so many words, when we communicate. I think it would help him a lot to talk to another AS male (off-line), but I don't think he's quite there yet. He's been raised in an extremely sheltered environment, where his un-common behavior really went virtually unnoticed, and in some cases encouraged. He was around a lot of NT's that were also unrealistic in their responsibilities, and didn't value communication. With the other bonus of his genius capabilities, he fit right into their value system, but was "king of the hill" so to speak, because of his gifts. We've recently moved to a new area, and he's just beginning to realize that his wife (me) isn't the only finding his behavior peculiar. I'm just trying to find ways to approach him without him feeling criticized. I figure if I could get him to identify with all the positive things first, it might be a good place to start. Thanks, K . Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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, I believe that my mother was AS, and that her mother was on the spectrum (though perhaps undiagnosable, since she was born with "the skin growing over her eyes" as she said, and could not see till she was seven years old, after surgery). AS and autism have a very strong hereditary link- if one member of a family is on the spectrum, it is much more likely that another member of the family will be. What traits does your husband's dad have? Hmmmmm.... Does he like talking primarily about more pleasant things, or is he a realist? Does he take things kind of literally? You know the drill! (I think??) Does he have a train set in the attic? : ~ ) Bonadurer wrote: Wow, that hit me right between the eyes, Way to go. I have just only recently begun learning about this since we've been separated, so I still have a lot to process. I believe for the most part, the only person who seems extremely similar, to my husband is his father, and I don't know if he could possibly be AS. I was able to "resonate" with the other members of his family, and the people around him well enough to where I felt a "familiar" connection. As an NT, I could just note that they had some other issues, in their responsibilities, and communication. Similar to what I had, before I matured a little. Just kind of growing up stuff they needed to do. I

could see the process going on in them, like I had going on in me when I was younger, before I learned how to take more responsibility, and communicate better, so I related and connected to that. ( That's why I assumed they are NT, because I pretty much automatically understood why they were acting the way they were) I just didn't see a similar process going on in my husband or his father, it confused me, but now I hope I'm getting insight into why that was so.Princess <creativelywired> wrote: , How do you know they were or are NT? Bonadurer <upperkace29> wrote: Thanks Bill,I

enjoyed your web-site, but I think the hubbie would find it over-whelming, I have to be careful to use not so many words, when we communicate. I think it would help him a lot to talk to another AS male (off-line), but I don't think he's quite there yet. He's been raised in an extremely sheltered environment, where his un-common behavior really went virtually unnoticed, and in some cases encouraged. He was around a lot of NT's that were also unrealistic in their responsibilities, and didn't value communication. With the other bonus of his genius capabilities, he fit right into their value system, but was "king of the hill" so to speak, because of his gifts. We've recently moved to a new area, and he's just beginning to realize that his wife (me) isn't the only finding his behavior peculiar. I'm just trying to find ways to approach him without him feeling criticized. I figure if I could get him to identify with all the positive things first, it might be a good place to

start. Thanks, K . Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

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[Guest guest]

, I believe that my mother was AS, and that her mother was on the spectrum (though perhaps undiagnosable, since she was born with "the skin growing over her eyes" as she said, and could not see till she was seven years old, after surgery). AS and autism have a very strong hereditary link- if one member of a family is on the spectrum, it is much more likely that another member of the family will be. What traits does your husband's dad have? Hmmmmm.... Does he like talking primarily about more pleasant things, or is he a realist? Does he take things kind of literally? You know the drill! (I think??) Does he have a train set in the attic? : ~ ) Bonadurer wrote: Wow, that hit me right between the eyes, Way to go. I have just only recently begun learning about this since we've been separated, so I still have a lot to process. I believe for the most part, the only person who seems extremely similar, to my husband is his father, and I don't know if he could possibly be AS. I was able to "resonate" with the other members of his family, and the people around him well enough to where I felt a "familiar" connection. As an NT, I could just note that they had some other issues, in their responsibilities, and communication. Similar to what I had, before I matured a little. Just kind of growing up stuff they needed to do. I

could see the process going on in them, like I had going on in me when I was younger, before I learned how to take more responsibility, and communicate better, so I related and connected to that. ( That's why I assumed they are NT, because I pretty much automatically understood why they were acting the way they were) I just didn't see a similar process going on in my husband or his father, it confused me, but now I hope I'm getting insight into why that was so.Princess <creativelywired> wrote: , How do you know they were or are NT? Bonadurer <upperkace29> wrote: Thanks Bill,I

enjoyed your web-site, but I think the hubbie would find it over-whelming, I have to be careful to use not so many words, when we communicate. I think it would help him a lot to talk to another AS male (off-line), but I don't think he's quite there yet. He's been raised in an extremely sheltered environment, where his un-common behavior really went virtually unnoticed, and in some cases encouraged. He was around a lot of NT's that were also unrealistic in their responsibilities, and didn't value communication. With the other bonus of his genius capabilities, he fit right into their value system, but was "king of the hill" so to speak, because of his gifts. We've recently moved to a new area, and he's just beginning to realize that his wife (me) isn't the only finding his behavior peculiar. I'm just trying to find ways to approach him without him feeling criticized. I figure if I could get him to identify with all the positive things first, it might be a good place to

start. Thanks, K . Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

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[Guest guest]

Hey wait – if we don’t have some of these, can we apply and get

them???  I’m AS, and so is my hubby.  He definitely didn’t get the frugal or “green”

things.  He thinks even the idea of a carbon footprint is silliness – oh, and

he hates animals, especially cats..    And I definitely struggle in the

self-motivated side.  Hmm.. I’m pouting about what I didn’t get..  But I agree

with Ron – the sense of humor is a BIG one I’ve noticed as well as soft-heartedness. 

That’s a tricky one, because I know my husband is VERY soft-hearted towards me,

but it’s the WAY he shows it that confuses people.   Also, another one that I’ve

seen – many AS have a great way of noticing BS quickly.  We can see when

someone is full of it.    But both Ron and Helen had great lists, made for an

interesting conversation at dinner tonight!!

-:¦:-

(¯`'•.¸(¯`a Kathleen Simpson´¯)¸.•'´¯)-:¦:-

From: aspires-relationships

[mailto:aspires-relationships ] On Behalf Of Helen Foisy

Sent: Sunday, February 24, 2008 4:35 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: The Strengths of People with Aspergers

Hi upperkace29,

Again, tho I'm not male, I'd like to weigh in here too. <smile!>

Though everyone is different, and not every thing applies to

everyone, these are some of the traits that can be found frequently

Aspergers individuals.

- Helen

honesty

transparency - no " hidden " motive

non manipulative

non violent

excellent memory, even in older Aspies

good eye for detail

responsible for almost all advances in science including medical

advances, and technology throughout history of human civilization

literarily and artistically inclined Aspies have left huge legacy to

the arts - " out of the box " thinking brings forward new forms of

artistic expression.

practical

reliable

thorough

punctual

can work very well without supervision

excellent, self motivated individual performer

sincere

sensible

frugal

non materialistic

not wasteful

concerned about the environment - leaves a much smaller " carbon

footprint " than average person

animal lover

non ageist, non sexist, non racist - believes in equality for all

respecting of the challenges other people face (eg. disability, mental illness)

responsible

intelligent

well read, often more educated than average population

very thorough knowledge and practice in area of specialty in hobby,

vocation and profession

steadfast in one's stand - won't " flip-flop " on an issue to align

with popular opinion

true-blue loyal friend - will stick with you through thick and thin

I'm by the time I hit " send " others will have added many excellent

traits as well!

<grin!>

- Helen (52, self-dx'd AS, dx'd ADD)

At 03:22 PM 2/24/2008, you wrote:

>Would any male AS on the forum be willing to list and detail his

>strengths. I already know some from living with my AS husband, but if

>someone with AS could list them in detail, in the best way they

>understand them, I think that would help my husband recognize some

>traits. I understand everyone is going to have unique and different

>strengths, but it might make things clearer in my situation. Thanks

[Guest guest]

,My husbands father has most of the traits of my husband, only to an exageratted degree. He's one of the most Kind, gentle, and hard-working men I've ever met but is pretty emotionally closed off, so I can't say I know him too well. I've never had a conversation with him, even though I was around him a lot, just very short, hey, how ya' doin' kindof stuff (a lot of head nodding). I know he feels extremely awkward in social situations, like weddings and such, usually just appears and then just disappears. I know he cares about his family very much, but I also know his (about to be ex-wife) feels horribly wounded about the years they were married. They had been separated for about 10 years, and he didn't initiate contact or communication with her during that time (they only lived about 8 miles apart), so she just went ahead recently and filed the paper-work. I am confused though, because although my husband displays much of the "clinical" symptoms of AS, he

doesn't seem to be extremely socially awkward. I notice he doesn't pick up on a lot of social clues, or really seem to read other peoples true intentions sometimes, but he can be very social and funny in the right situation. He exudes this kind of "glow" (I know that sounds funny, but it's true) and I've honestly never heard him express any insecurity whatsoever. It's like he just has this wonderful "super-world" that he is very comfortable with himself in. It was really wonderful to be around at first, until I realized that I don't think I live in "super-world" too. I would like to, but I got stuck in stupid old "common" world :)KPrincess wrote: , I believe that my mother was AS, and that her mother was on the spectrum (though perhaps undiagnosable, since she was born with "the skin growing over her eyes" as she said, and could not see till she was seven years old, after surgery). AS and autism have a very strong hereditary link- if one member of a family is on the spectrum, it is much more likely that another member of the family will be. What traits does your husband's dad have? Hmmmmm.... Does he like talking primarily about more pleasant things, or is he a realist? Does he take things kind of literally? You know the drill! (I think??) Does he have a train set in the attic? : ~ ) Bonadurer

<upperkace29> wrote: Wow, that hit me right between the eyes, Way to go. I have just only recently begun learning about this since we've been separated, so I still have a lot to process. I believe for the most part, the only person who seems extremely similar, to my husband is his father, and I don't know if he could possibly be AS. I was able to "resonate" with the other members of his family, and the people around him well enough to where I felt a "familiar" connection. As an NT, I could just note that they had some other issues, in their responsibilities, and communication. Similar to what I had, before I matured a little. Just kind of growing up stuff they needed to do. I could see the process going on in them, like I had going on in me when I was younger, before I learned how to take more responsibility, and

communicate better, so I related and connected to that. ( That's why I assumed they are NT, because I pretty much automatically understood why they were acting the way they were) I just didn't see a similar process going on in my husband or his father, it confused me, but now I hope I'm getting insight into why that was so.Princess <creativelywired> wrote: , How do you know they were or are NT? Bonadurer <upperkace29> wrote: Thanks Bill,I enjoyed your web-site, but I think the hubbie would find it over-whelming, I have to be careful to use not so many words, when

we communicate. I think it would help him a lot to talk to another AS male (off-line), but I don't think he's quite there yet. He's been raised in an extremely sheltered environment, where his un-common behavior really went virtually unnoticed, and in some cases encouraged. He was around a lot of NT's that were also unrealistic in their responsibilities, and didn't value communication. With the other bonus of his genius capabilities, he fit right into their value system, but was "king of the hill" so to speak, because of his gifts. We've recently moved to a new area, and he's just beginning to realize that his wife (me) isn't the only finding his behavior peculiar. I'm just trying to find ways to approach him without him feeling criticized. I figure if I could get him to identify with all the positive things first, it might be a good place to start. Thanks, K . Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

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[Guest guest]

Tim, I knew Feynman from when I was an undergraduate. I used to attend regualr talks at a seminar he held for undergrads, strictly, where we could discuss virtually anything one day a week. there I learned that he an I shared synesthesia, and even learned that the kind we shared, seeing colors for everything, is called chromesthesia. I did noot know about AS back then, and for all I knew neither did he. I wish I knew if he were one of us0 it would be really neat! I have excellent long-term memory, but getting from short-term to long term is a trick at times. My visual processing is terrible, if all I do is loos at something, and try to remember it without thinking about it-- and it is not in color. As for punctual, I am incredibly punctual by NT standards, but have ASpie friends with no sense of time at all. Tim Channon wrote: Helen Foisy wrote:> excellent memory, even in older AspiesCareful, only for some things. There is little emotional memory and many have a very poor memory in some respects. I am one of those. We do have an encyclopaedic knowledge but recall is strange.Conversation literally two minutes before, no idea what was said, if I even remember having a conversation. In part this is why I have no qualifications, which are essentially just a

memory test.I might be able to tell you about a scene from 40 years ago though if it is one that is stored. Can remember roads from one use many years ago. Can be funny when something changes... I know there is a road there but isn't. Science is corrupt. Feynman amongst others was right, it's degenerated into nonsense.Me?I'm a practical problem solver, diagnostician, but also useless in many ways.Bizarre thing I bet is common: we are either extremely untidy or extremely precise in the same person depending on context.

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