Guest guest Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Ditto what Jennie said. It IS great to see you or rather hear from you. How are you doing these days? Lorelie To: aspires-relationships From: hfoisy@...Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:57:44 +0000Subject: Re: Changable, Rigid, Stubborn or AS? ,I stand behind you 100% in what you have said. I think you said itrespectfully, but with "tough love."There is a time when a person has to decide to save themselves. Theyknow in their heart of hearts their partner won't change. And even ifhe did make some half hearted effort, it's obvious from the tone ofthe postings that the trust and respect isn't there anymore. The horseis dead so stop flogging it. It doesn't matter what his (sorry, guys) dx is - he's comfortable withwhere is he is, and only when YOU make a stand is it going to shakehim up and make him uncomfortable and prompt him to move in onedirection or another.By NOT taking a stand, there is a payoff. You don't have to takeownership for your stuckness - you can blame the other person. I know,I've done it. I've said this before and it didn't make me particularly popular then,either, but I don't buy it when someone says "well I take my marriagevows very seriously!" Would you still say that if he was throwing youaround?If it is hurtful to you, and the other partner won't change, then itis abuse, no ifs, ands, or buts.If the guy (sorry again, guys) won't bathe, it doesn't really matterwhat the reason is, now, does it? It doesn't matter if he's has AS, oris allergic to soap, or belongs to some weird cult that avoids water,or just plain pig lazy.It's a hygiene issue and need I get clinical here but there arediseases that um, can be passed back and forth from lack of hygiene soif one partner won't clean up then, um, well, certain aspects of themarriage are probably, um, going wanting, and it's almost grounds forannulment in some corners.If you can not physically separate due to health or finances, thereare still ways you can detach yourself from the situation where youcan live your OWN life and not get dragged down any more. You havedone all you can do to save the marriage - now you have to save yourself.- Helen (52, self dx'd AS, dx'd ADD)> Anita: > I never meant to offend you. I apologize if I did. I would listenvery carefully to 's words. She is a family attorney and alsomarried to a spouse with AS. When folks told me I was stuck yearsago, I thought they were idiots. OK, not really but folks that didnot understand MY relationship. They understood better than me. Iwas stuck. <snip> Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. Get it now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2008 Report Share Posted February 16, 2008 >How are you doing these days? Hi Lorelie, I am busy. I am also starting a new journey to re-enter the work force after 13 years of working for no pay <smile!> I have many thoughts, questions, and vents I will love to share with the group on this subject. ie. the challenges of a middle aged woman whose " vocation " was family and community. What does that count for on a resume? Squat! And of course the challenges of being a middle aged woman with AS, LOL. I will keep you all posted. Again I am delighted to see you are still here. How are you? - Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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