Re: Different Bias...

[Guest guest]

Newland wrote:

> Bill:

>

> Hmmmm? I had to re-read my response to YOU and you were exactly correct

> with my tone and words. It was a trigger for me. You read my words

> correctly. What can I say? It was a knee jerk reaction and I was wrong

> or was I?

[i'm tempted to define the word " bias " very precisely here; so's to be

safe. <grin>. But Hey! We're all adults... I won't do it.]

You were not wrong. You " heard " that (correct) meaning which *your*

mind could accommodate most easily. Just, it wasn't the (also correct)

meaning which *my* mind was hoping to project.

You had a bias consonant with your experience; I had a different bias

consonant with my experience. Neither of us was wrong, at all.

But the _communication between us_ was wrong. In this, as in so many

human communications, Two Rights made a Wrong.

> It was just my opinion at the time that means nothing to

> anyone outside of me, My response was based on my gender, list owner

> etc., etc., etc,

Yes.

>

> You called me on it and good for you. My choice of words was wrong. or

> did not convey my real feelings at the time I read your words? Knee

> jerk response, trigger or bias?

Both. Can you see why?

Most human communication positively is RIFE with such opportunities

for misunderstanding. And we do seem to use every opportunity we can

grab.

FWIW: In some interesting ways " non-verbal " communication can *reduce*

mis-communication. But also in some equally interesting ways may make

it worse. In both cases it's all " in the eye of the beholder " . And if

we get it wrong, there's Hell to pay. True of NTs as well as AS.

>

> /Question? Are not **all** of our responses bias based on gender,

> environment and life experiences? Isn't that what life is all about?

> Learning and growing? Making mistakes and learning how to correct them

> in the future?/

Yes; yes, yes and yes. Of course.

But there are times, places and circumstances where Great Care is

called for. War and marriage are two such.

In those activities (and many others) the *consequences* of our

mistakes may be quite UN-correctable. It's in those activities that

" bias " should be avoided at all cost.

That's part of why I *try* to be fairly careful with what I say on

ASPIRES. I try to see and correct my own biases *before* I spit 'em

out. Sometimes I fail. *Hate* it when I do that...

>

> Just trying to learn... Your thoughts

Does all that help?

- Bill, 75, AS; ...up wa-a-ay too early. Where's my coffee?

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

[Guest guest]

the thing about the word 'bias' for me is that it implies a deliberate 'spin' ... rather than referring to different perspectives.   Perhaps to some , bias means the same as perspective but it doesn't to me.  "Bias" to me implies that the the viewpoint is inherently 'flawed'.    I may prefer brocolli to fudge because of my perspective that it is healthy and good for me, but I do not have a bias toward fudge.   jkz spinningGentle-folk, try to be aware of that personal bias in *all* the storie  you read here.  Whether they come from AS or NT, wives or husbands,  angry or calm, learned or unschooled - there's *always* a built-in bias.- Bill, 75, AS One can also say there are three sides to any story, his hers and the truth. <wink>  I think **most** people come to support groups seeking support and not to banter to the group or misrepresent themselves.  But, there willalways be people who misrepresent themselves for what ever reason.  Most of the stories we hear on ASPIRES are posted on other lists as well.  People who don't know each other and have no axe to grind.  Just seeking support, awareness and wanting to know they are not crazy and alone.  Folks just trying to make some sense of their lives and move on.  Some are good stories some have been bad.  Some relationships are doing well, some have parted and others continue to drown.  ASPIRES is all about support.  That is all we can provide.  A safe haven for people to post. We can all read in to anyone's post what ever we want, but we are not professionals, just a group of folks trying to reach the mountain.  The last thing we want to do is make folks paranoid to post, but I agree with Bill OUR opinions are bias based on our lives.  Not sure how one can escape that???  We are who we are.  How do you get around this and **who** judges what is the truth vs. fiction???? Just me.