Re: New member struggling with reality/grief

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon.

Greg here. I believe my wife is

going through the same process that you are and she is short on trust regarding

me and others. Don't get me wrong, she has amazing compassion but

she has thought about the possibility of separation so that she can retain

her sanity. While I am going to counselling she does not trust herself

to open up and I must admit the problems cause both her and I a lot of

frustration and anxiety.

My wife has no support from my own family,

(they do not believe her) and she lives a long way from her own family,

She has the support of our two daughters and my son who are all NT

and adults now.

I have habits that I need to change,

but the emotional side of things I find very hard to deal with. I

am trying to do something about it but there has been a lot of water under

the bridge. So any progress is slow and it is often 1 step forward

and 2 steps back, Working and travelling to another city regularly

does not help.

Others on this list can provide good

advice for yo, and (the group moderator) is very supportive and caring.

" enkerem77 "

Sent by: aspires-relationships

13/11/2007 04:40 PM

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Subject

New member struggling

with reality/grief

Hi everyone!

I've been trying to introduce myself for a couple of days--

It's hard for me to trust folks...so many hurtful experiences for my

AS husband and myself. We have been rejected by so many around us.

Anyway, he was dx in 2001 after many misdx. We have been married

almost 17 years, he is unable to work and that is a major issue for

me. Greg, I think that it is awesome that you have been able to

support your family!

I am really dealing with anger right now...I hate the *A* word and am

not a nice spouse to live with.

I went to my doctor today--she confronted me about watching me

decline physically over the last three years...really gave me a stern

warning about my stress affecting my health. She really scared me.

I am frankly at the end of my rope--I survived childhood abuse, only

to find that my experience of life with my husband (and 2 AS sons)

feels just like my childhood years. I hate what my husband is doing

to our lives, but love him so much.

This is a really down week for me, so I am trusting that y'all won't

limit your perceptions of me just based on my cranking. But I really

need to reach out--I have no friends, no family to support me and I

have really battled suicidal thoughts (even tonight), because we are

failing financially and this is my responsibility (based on my

husband's inability to work).

I'll keep sharing with the group and keep coming back, because it has

really been a comfort just to read your posts...especially to all the

NT wives who have battled guilt and thinking you're crazy. I totally

understand.

Sharon (enkerem77)

[Guest guest]

Dear Sharon,

My heart goes out to you. My daughter only has one AS son and a

daughter with some other problems and it just about takes her down

sometimes. I don't think she has been suicidal, but even with a

husband who earns most of the income she is at her wits end at

times. I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you with as AS

husband who can't work. Is there any kind of community service that

is available to you? What are the ages of your children?

Try to keep hanging in - it sounds like you are the only lifeline for

your family.

Carol

>

> Hi everyone!

>

> I've been trying to introduce myself for a couple of days--

>

> It's hard for me to trust folks...so many hurtful experiences for

my

> AS husband and myself. We have been rejected by so many around us.

>

> Anyway, he was dx in 2001 after many misdx. We have been married

> almost 17 years, he is unable to work and that is a major issue for

> me. Greg, I think that it is awesome that you have been able to

> support your family!

>

> I am really dealing with anger right now...I hate the *A* word and

am

> not a nice spouse to live with.

>

> I went to my doctor today--she confronted me about watching me

> decline physically over the last three years...really gave me a

stern

> warning about my stress affecting my health. She really scared me.

>

> I am frankly at the end of my rope--I survived childhood abuse,

only

> to find that my experience of life with my husband (and 2 AS sons)

> feels just like my childhood years. I hate what my husband is doing

> to our lives, but love him so much.

>

> This is a really down week for me, so I am trusting that y'all

won't

> limit your perceptions of me just based on my cranking. But I

really

> need to reach out--I have no friends, no family to support me and I

> have really battled suicidal thoughts (even tonight), because we

are

> failing financially and this is my responsibility (based on my

> husband's inability to work).

>

> I'll keep sharing with the group and keep coming back, because it

has

> really been a comfort just to read your posts...especially to all

the

> NT wives who have battled guilt and thinking you're crazy. I

totally

> understand.

>

> Sharon (enkerem77)

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon,I am so sorry for how things seem to be crashing down on you right now. I am very glad that you've found this list. Even if you don't have family or friends around for support right now, you will find that people here have open hearts and everyone, AS and NT alike, seeks to help you -- both in practical ways and emotional ways. May I ask, if your husband isn't working, how does he fill the day? Is he helpful with household tasks or other things?Sounds like you're overwhelmed at the moment. Is one problem more pressing than others?I really wish you the best. Daneka, NT married 20 yearsenkerem77 wrote: Hi everyone! I've been trying to introduce myself for a couple of days-- It's hard for me to trust folks...so many hurtful experiences for my AS husband and myself. We have been rejected by so many around us. Anyway, he was dx in 2001 after many misdx. We have been married almost 17 years, he is unable to work and that is a major issue for me. Greg, I think that it is awesome that you have been able to support your family! I am really dealing with anger right now...I hate the *A* word and am not a nice spouse to live with. I went to my doctor today--she confronted me about watching me decline physically over the last three years...really gave me a stern warning about my stress affecting my health. She really scared me. I am frankly at

the end of my rope--I survived childhood abuse, only to find that my experience of life with my husband (and 2 AS sons) feels just like my childhood years. I hate what my husband is doing to our lives, but love him so much. This is a really down week for me, so I am trusting that y'all won't limit your perceptions of me just based on my cranking. But I really need to reach out--I have no friends, no family to support me and I have really battled suicidal thoughts (even tonight), because we are failing financially and this is my responsibility (based on my husband's inability to work). I'll keep sharing with the group and keep coming back, because it has really been a comfort just to read your posts...especially to all the NT wives who have battled guilt and thinking you're crazy. I totally understand. Sharon (enkerem77)

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[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and truthful responses.

Daneka, he always tries to help around the house. It's hard for him,

because he is very repetitive, lots of mind blindedness--can't do

physical tasks to completion, and sometimes really dangerous. He has

caught a car engine on fire, almost burned down our kitchen recently,

ruins and/or loses laundry items (but keeps trying to do better).

It's like he can read a book about science and grasp it (he and our

16 year old aspie son had a cogent discussion about *string theory* a

few months ago in the car, just off the top of their heads) but he

can't deduce the practical scientific properties of heat,chemistry in

the kitchen, or which medicines to take when he's sick (even though

he had a brief job in generic pharmaceuticals). He could recite from

memory, all of the different spellings and classes of drugs, but he

can't use the info for himself or family members in order to

alleviate the specific symptoms they are recommended for.

He does do the kids' car pool (driving to school is repetitive),

dishes, makes coffee, cooks occasionally (repetitive meals--he gets

stuck on one or two and forgets about the others he might be able to

do).

The tough part is that everything he does is based on someone else

cueing him, or it is repetitive. He has a real problem identifying a

problem, and then even letting it occur to him that he might solve

it.

Every month or two, there is a *magic* day, where he just wakes up

and functions at a higher cognitive and social level. It's amazing to

see, and I get my hopes up. Then, he always disappears back into what

I call his Autistic bubble--I suspect that maybe he might have been

at risk of being profoundly autistic as an infant, but somehow came

out of it, thank God. We have great desire to try some biomed

interventions, since he has a lot of immune problems, btu don't have

the funds right now to accomplish all of that.

Anyway, that may give you a better picture of where he's at, and of

course, where I'm at too.

Thanks for caring!

Sharon

Hi

everyone!

>

> I've been trying to introduce myself for a couple of days--

>

> It's hard for me to trust folks...so many hurtful experiences for

my

> AS husband and myself. We have been rejected by so many around us.

>

> Anyway, he was dx in 2001 after many misdx. We have been married

> almost 17 years, he is unable to work and that is a major issue

for

> me. Greg, I think that it is awesome that you have been able to

> support your family!

>

> I am really dealing with anger right now...I hate the *A* word and

am

> not a nice spouse to live with.

>

> I went to my doctor today--she confronted me about watching me

> decline physically over the last three years...really gave me a

stern

> warning about my stress affecting my health. She really scared me.

>

> I am frankly at the end of my rope--I survived childhood abuse,

only

> to find that my experience of life with my husband (and 2 AS sons)

> feels just like my childhood years. I hate what my husband is

doing

> to our lives, but love him so much.

>

> This is a really down week for me, so I am trusting that y'all

won't

> limit your perceptions of me just based on my cranking. But I

really

> need to reach out--I have no friends, no family to support me and

I

> have really battled suicidal thoughts (even tonight), because we

are

> failing financially and this is my responsibility (based on my

> husband's inability to work).

>

> I'll keep sharing with the group and keep coming back, because it

has

> really been a comfort just to read your posts...especially to all

the

> NT wives who have battled guilt and thinking you're crazy. I

totally

> understand.

>

> Sharon (enkerem77)

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Get easy, one-click access to your favorites. Make Yahoo! your

homepage.

>

[Guest guest]

Sharon , you  are welcome here, please continue to reach out, we hear you and understand the 'cranking"  ... there are lots of creative, supportive and helpful ideas for you here.  It is a unique asset in a crazy world.  I am not supposed to say 'crazy' but I think we can all relate to what I am meaning.  Janet ZEEHi everyone!I've been trying to introduce myself for a couple of days--It's hard for me to trust folks...so many hurtful experiences for my AS husband and myself. We have been rejected by so many around us.Anyway, he was dx in 2001 after many misdx. We have been married almost 17 years, he is unable to work and that is a major issue for me. Greg, I think that it is awesome that you have been able to support your family!I am really dealing with anger right now...I hate the *A* word and am not a nice spouse to live with. I went to my doctor today--she confronted me about watching me decline physically over the last three years...really gave me a stern warning about my stress affecting my health. She really scared me.I am frankly at the end of my rope--I survived childhood abuse, only to find that my experience of life with my husband (and 2 AS sons) feels just like my childhood years. I hate what my husband is doing to our lives, but love him so much.This is a really down week for me, so I am trusting that y'all won't limit your perceptions of me just based on my cranking. But I really need to reach out--I have no friends, no family to support me and I have really battled suicidal thoughts (even tonight), because we are failing financially and this is my responsibility (based on my husband's inability to work). I'll keep sharing with the group and keep coming back, because it has really been a comfort just to read your posts...especially to all the NT wives who have battled guilt and thinking you're crazy. I totally understand.Sharon (enkerem77)