Kandy and others spouses

[Guest guest]

Oh to hear my life being said from someone elses lips. Kandy My

husband and I have been married for 11 years and yes he has let things

go so bad with money in the past that we lost everything and had to

start from scratch. It stunk but it did get us here where we are

today. He had tosee the pain and anguish not taking responsibility

causes .To make it real and have a mental connection for him. Now we

own our own home he pays several bills online with no or very little

reminders. He is much more aware of our money and where it goes. What

we're working on now is his tone and speech when he is frustrated or

upset. My oldest who is 8 has grown afraid of him because of some of

the things he has said and this has hurt him to the core. So he now

has a mental connection that he has to change this because it is

causing real damage not just because we want him to. It is ashame they

have a slower time getting certain things because they are so

smart,funny, caring people as a whole.

I try to look at from inside them and it helps on bad days (some

days it only helps a little but a little keeps me from giving up and

running away) OK , I am trying to fix the go cart for my kids x-mas,

it isn't working like it should (very frustrating for anyone) I hear

dogs barking, the kids talking about how excited they are, cars going

by the rain clouds are moving in. I am trying t focus but now I am

thinking of the rain, and the kids being sad and am making stupid

mistakes forgetting where I sat tools down right infront of me. I can

not find my screw driver I can not take it I yell where is my screw

driver who took it! They kids get startled since to them it had been

so quiet till I yelled. Now the baby is crying, my daughter and wife

are mad at me . I am just trying to do all this for them can't they

see how hard this is. It starts to rain I can not fix it today. My

day is ruined! I will go inside and watch tv to try to tune out all

this frustration. The kids want to talk to me and ask me things

about the go kart, my wife want's to know what I want for dinner I

don't know I just want to be quiet.! I snapp at them all now everyone

is mad at me.

It seems like they are always in war with themselves and feel bad

when they mess up or let everyone down. I know with my daughter she is

very aware that she is different even though we try very hard to point

out she is just like everyone else. Yet let her be proud of her

creative little quirks. My husband has come so far socially and with

his anger control that he is in charge of a crew at work and actually

working out conflicts between others lol It amazes me. Now at home he

still back slides but he is working hard so. Try to keep hold of hope

vent here it will help. Can you look back and see improvements over

your time together? Does he admit he has things he needs to work on?

If so help him and try to find the strength to praise him on those

little things that you think are so small. To them they really mean

alot to them. Who knows eventually he might begin to praise back. My

husband did yesterday a good one to not just a prerecorded request

from me but one he came up with and was so sweet and just what I

needed to hear it was right on time. Hope this helps a little I can

not tell you how much you all mean to me. I also love to hear from the

point of view from the aspie or HA spouse it is so helpful and

refreshing.Kian