Boundaries was- Re:

[Guest guest]

Helen, ,

This whole thing about learning boundaries has been so helpful to me as well! I was so relieved to learn that it was ok to tell someone I could get back to them later! Also I learned 'polite' ways of telling people 'no'. Like, "I'm so sorry I've just got so much going on right now. I'd like to do this sometime but it won't work now." Most people don't come back for a second asking, they will wait for you to initiate. So if you really wanted to do it you'd have to go back to them and ask THEM. But then there are those who don't have any boundaries themselves and they will pressure you to do what they want. For them I've come to a couple conclusions... Tell them upfront 'No this won't work'. Then if they get mad at you you'll know you didn't want them mucking up your life with their drama anyway so good riddence! LOL The other is if you come out clearly and say 'no' if they are just struggling with boundaries they will back off then.

But speaking of boundaries I wanted to ask folks... Do you think it is breaking someone else's boundaries to sit and comment on what someone else's kid is or isn't doing? Here's what happened. We were at a friend's house eating dinner. (Just my family, host & hostess and hostess's mother.) My middle daughter got up and left the table she was done eating. The mother started commented to her adult daughter (our hostess) that my daughter hadn't eaten ANYthing. She went on about it some. Which wasn't true first of all but secondly I didn't think it was any of her business. I wasn't sure how to deal with that. It tends to be a bit of an ongoing problem with these folks. I have tried to explain AS to them and food sensitivities but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. They are the sort of folk who will give you the shirt off their back but things HAVE to be their way or the hwy. I'm not sure that they believe I am AS and/or think that I should force my daughters to eat things even though they will puke if they eat it. We don't see them very often so are able to maintain a facade of being 'close friends'. I know they think of us as close but I don't think of them as close because they don't listen. They will make comments like 'Aren't you going to eat that?' in a very loud voice to the kids. (sounds loud to me) Anyway, what does anyone think would be some ways of dealing with the food for my kids issue? We've told the girls to just eat what they like and push the rest to the edge of their plate and that they aren't going to get in trouble with us. But I would like to just be able to sit down and eat with these people without feeling like we and the kids are going to get picked at through out the meal. Oh and another problem is these folks like to eat very formal so they dish the food onto the girls plates so they end up with way to much to eat even when they do like it. Anyway, just thought this was relevent to the boundaries discussion! What does anyone think/advice/??

Jennie