Brand-new to this group, with a question!

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone!

I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed with

Aspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don't

know what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergers

though, and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications...

he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of social

problems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was just

addicted to the computer... he basically puts it above all

else(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). So

what I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though he

doesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don't

recognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedback

would be great! Thank you!

[Guest guest]

Hi Liz…

Two points:

1) I think there are

degrees of severity. There is a range between " normal " and severe

autism. All of us are on that line somewhere. Some people are excessively

normal!

2) I think people can

learn ways of working around the social effects.

I have Aspergers but I

don't think many people at work realise it. I do know that one ex-colleague,

whose wife is a professional in this area and he is more attuned to the

symptoms than most, said he wouldn't have realised if I hadn't told him. I think

I must have learned ways of dealing with people that reduce the impact (I am

late 50's).

Although work people

might not realise, my wife certainly does. My behaviour was having a severe

impact on our marriage. When I had an " assessment " by a worker in the

field (I have never had a professional diagnosis). This helped to explain me

(but she does still find it difficult, I know).

And I am a computer geek!

Rgrds

From:

aspires-relationships [mailto:aspires-relationships ]

On Behalf Of Lizzy

Sent: 23 October 2007 07:14

To:

aspires-relationships

Subject:

Brand-new to this group, with a question!

Hello everyone!

I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed with

Aspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don't

know what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergers

though, and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications...

he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of social

problems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was just

addicted to the computer... he basically puts it above all

else(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). So

what I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though he

doesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don't

recognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedback

would be great! Thank you!

[Guest guest]

AS is diagnosed in children according to the current diagnostic criteria. adults with AS have developed adaptive behaviour which masks the signs seen and described in all the text books which descibe the symptoms in children. AS cannot be cured. it wont go away,one can adapt, to mask it. social communication and social interaction are 2 criteria where children with AS can be noticed more so, the one that gets in the way of most relationships is the lack of theory of mind criteria which is the core " problem" most people with AS have when developing and trying to maintain relationships. 36 m diagnosed ASaspires@... wrote: Hi Liz… Two points: 1) I think there are degrees of severity. There is a range between "normal" and severe autism. All of us are on that line somewhere. Some people are excessively

normal! 2) I think people can learn ways of working around the social effects. I have Aspergers but I don't think many people at work realise it. I do know that one ex-colleague, whose wife is a professional in this area and he is more attuned to the symptoms than most, said he wouldn't have realised if I hadn't told him. I think I must have learned

ways of dealing with people that reduce the impact (I am late 50's). Although work people might not realise, my wife certainly does. My behaviour was having a severe impact on our marriage. When I had an "assessment" by a worker in the field (I have never had a professional diagnosis). This helped to explain me (but she does still find it difficult, I know). And I am a computer geek! Rgrds From: aspires-relationships [mailto:aspires-relationships ] On Behalf Of LizzySent: 23 October 2007 07:14To: aspires-relationships Subject: Brand-new to this group, with a question! Hello everyone!I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed withAspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don'tknow what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergersthough, and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications...he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of socialproblems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was justaddicted to the computer... he basically puts it above allelse(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). Sowhat I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though hedoesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don'trecognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedbackwould be

great! Thank you!

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[Guest guest]

> he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't

> have a whole lot of social

> problems.

*****

(1)You might not realize that he has social

problems.

(2)Many people with Asperger's do not have social

problems.

<http://www.infoweb.co.nz/aspergers> One of the

most talked about criteria for Asperger's is

social awkwardness, but some of us can get along

socially and others of us actually like being

sociable.

(3)People with Asperger's socialize differently

than other people ( " neurotypical " or NT) so, by

comparison, we are characterized as having

social problems.

Our literal take of phrases and colloquialisms,

our dry humor and our lack of understanding of

social cues (how to enter a conversation without

interrupting, when to graciously leave a party,

how to tell when someone is bored with our topic

of conversation) make NT's and diagnosticians

think we are unsociable.

<http://www.mmu.ac.uk/academic/studserv/learningsupport/pdf/aspergers_syndrome.p\

df>

(4)Some of us just don't feel the need for

frequent social events so NT's and diagnosticians

conclude we are unsociable.

(5)As a general rule people with Asperger's don't

have social intuition. We mentally follow logical

procedures and concentrate on other people's

behavior to know what to do, like calculating a

mathematical formula or following a set of

procedures.

Do you think your husband is unsociable?

Does he appear uncomfortable when you socialize?

Is the best part of his evening leaving a party?

*****

*****

If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd

> think he was just

> addicted to the computer...

*****

Do you doubt his diagnosis?

*****

*****

....he basically puts

> it above all

> else(including our daughter, myself, and even

> personal hygene).

*****

Would you say he would rather be on the computer

than socialize with you and your daughter?

*****

*****

So

> what I was wondering is if it could still be

> AS, even though he

> doesn't have any real noticable social stigmas?

*****

Yes.

*****

*****

> Maybe I just don't

> recognize it because I haven't been trained to

> do so.

*****

Maybe you don't recognize it because you are not

a judgemental person.

My NT-girlfriend accepts me with no desire to

correct me or have me conform to her idea of

sociability or to act like her other friends.

Her husband, with Asperger's, has studied

etiquette and social protocol.

Together they accept me how I am and give me

hints and cover for me when we're with other

people.

I have another NT-friend who is so sociable and

gregarious, he doesn't even notice I let him do

all the talking.

~Bonnie

Asperger's

Unsociable

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Liz,Hello. I am almost 61, and have been diagnosed as having life long Aspergers. I did not know that AS existed until the summer of 2001, and read a dozen books on AS during 2002. As I read it was like peeling an onion more of my past made sense why I did, said and caused things to happen!!!I was raised as being "normal" or NT. I went through the public school system, joined the Navy (days before being drafted), and spent two tours in Vietnam.Between childhood and now some things have improved, while many have gotten worse. Sensory problems are more acute than when I grew up. Cannot stand the smell, much less the taste, of salad dressings! All of them save Misacle Whip. Big time gag reflex!I still do not do well in group social situations. I am a member of Mensa, but I know I will be engaged in intelligent conversations.I am posting the report of my Neuro-Psych Evaluation for the

group's edification. It lists all the tests i was given, my results and how they related to national averages. Also has the psycologist's observations of me taking the tests.Hope you have a successful marriage.Terry KlasekSaint Louis, MissouriLizzy wrote: Hello everyone! I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed with Aspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don't know what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergers though,

and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications... he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of social problems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was just addicted to the computer... he basically puts it above all else(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). So what I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though he doesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don't recognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedback would be great! Thank you!

[Guest guest]

>Hello everyone!>I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband >was dianosed with>Aspergers as a child. [snip]

>he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a >whole lot of social>problems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he >was just>addicted to the computer... he basically puts it above >all>else(including our daughter, myself, and even personal >hygene).

But isn't the above underlined a social problem? Essentially what you are describing is someone who is putting computer interaction before human interaction. I am diagnosed AS, I will use the computer to avoid or escape social interaction sometimes. A. with husbands family B. when coming home after a long day in town and I am overstressed. I use the computer to hide in 'A' and I use the computer to destress in 'B'. I have made the choice to not put it before my immediate family however (spouse and kids) because I think that would be wrong for me to do. But I have to regulate my life in order to follow through on that choice. It might not be possible for your husband to regulate his life sufficiently to avoid needing to destress, particularly if he works out. For myself I know that when I go out to town I don't seem to have many social issues. People don't know I have AS and generally don't believe it if I tell them. But the cost of appearing normal all the time is that I have to destress. For me that is computer time or reading. If I were always stressed my life might look something like your husbands. Appearing normal most of the time but spending an obsessive amount of time on the computer.

Hope this helps.

Jennie

[Guest guest]

Hi Liz,Welcome. I'm Daneka, NS married for 20 years to a very handsome man with Aspergers.The red light that went off for me when I read your post is that your husband focuses on whatever is on his screen to the exclusion of those around him. That level of focus is indicative of Aspergers. My husband also visits a different intellectual plane, and that's how he unwinds. Soooo unlike me.I once read that Aspergers is a basket of symptoms, and any given person might have particular symptoms and not others. Now that you're on this list, you will either identify with issues raised or not. It's a great place to clarify what's going on. I feel for you that your husband is not involved. Mine isn't as well. What does he say when you ask him about it?all the best,DanekaLizzy wrote: Hello everyone! I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed with Aspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don't know what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergers though, and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications... he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of social problems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was just addicted to the computer... he basically puts it above all else(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). So what I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though he

doesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don't recognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedback would be great! Thank you! __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Lizzy welcome,

I am not a professional expert, I have experience of being married to my husband and three children all on the spectrum. As I see it not all ppl on the spectrum have all symptoms at the one time, usually it presents itself in intervals, mostly when something out of the norm, unexpected happens. You will see the spectrum symptoms more clearly in different environments and problems. And not all ppl on the spectrum have all the symptoms, they usually have some on the list, which is enough. If one really has the disorder it's there for life, they may improve and at times regress. I wouldn't be to consumed with if he may not have it, rather be aware that in future his symptoms may become more noticeable as stress and life takes it's natural course on both of you. I'd keep this in mind for future acceptance and tolerance.

You say he puts his computer before hygiene, yourself and child, that would be an indication that he is keeping a ritual (schedule) he is used to, even with the changes around him, yeah? That is Autism.

Good luck to you and your family. God Bless.

Donna

Brand-new to this group, with a question!

Hello everyone!I'm Liz and I a question about Aspergers. My husband was dianosed withAspergers as a child. I only met him 3.5 years ago, so I really don'tknow what he was like then. I've been doing some research on Aspergersthough, and I'm not sure if he still fits all of the qualifications...he has most of the symptoms, but he doesn't have a whole lot of socialproblems. If I hadn't been told he had AS, I'd think he was justaddicted to the computer... he basically puts it above allelse(including our daughter, myself, and even personal hygene). Sowhat I was wondering is if it could still be AS, even though hedoesn't have any real noticable social stigmas? Maybe I just don'trecognize it because I haven't been trained to do so. Any feedbackwould be great! Thank you!

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