update on my grandson - repost from lactnet

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Well I landed in MA at 5pm and was at my DIL's side by 8pm. Things are not good I fear. I was able to diagnosea tongue tie in little .  I almost missed it as the little guy is able to stick his tongue out past his lower gumbut he can't elevate it and when really trying to stick it out you can see the classic heart shape. He "plays" withhis tongue a lot. I did a sweep and met up with the frenulum. So that is one issue.  Next upon observation of my DIL's breasts I think she is at risk for a low supply as well. Her breasts are widely spaced and conical shaped.  I'm so worried.  I'm finding it VERY difficult to be the one to tell her she may have insufficient glandular tissue!Basically I just asked her if she could fit her hands width between her breasts to which she replied yes, then I gently said that was sometimes associated with a lower milk supply. Now she's really thinking she's a failure. hasn't gained at all since discharge, he is 7days old and still 7lb 10.2oz as of last night. I did wind up bringing a scale and doing a pre/post wt. It was late in day and .8 oz transferred after a so so feed where he kept falling asleep. He's not adverse to being at breast but sucks vigorously for several minutes (suck/swallow ratio is off just a bit and you can see/hear some swallows but not what I'd expect at day 7) and then rests/sleeps.  Breast compressions keep him interested for a little longer but the whole feed / breast is not more than maybe 8 min at which point with baby off the breast, I only saw dribbles of milk when compression was done.  Interestingly even with the tongue tie he is able to appear to latch well, looks deep, nice flange, largeamount of areola taken in AND mom's nipple is not uncomfortable nor lipstick shaped when released. One point of confusion is he seems to be peeing and pooping appropriately (although I haven't seen the poops yet myself).They both seem to be in denial. When my son said "am I missing the gravity of the situation?" as he sat there calmly whilehis wife was crying. I said YES!  I told them he needs either pumped milk, donor milk or formula to supplement breastfeeds. While they didn't agree to the donor milk outright my son also said "I'm not comfortable with formula". So I will buy themsome donor milk today. Also going to try to get the frenulum clipped today. While I'm sure it won't solve everythingI'm sure it will help the little guy swallow better and be more comfortable. I've got her set up with an electric pumpand I hope she'll use it but they both have a lot of other stressors in their life right now too and my DIL is sad and frustrated, Her words, " I did everything to keep you healthy and now look".  I've told them nothing is irrepairable atthis point but the baby needs to get fed. Dealing with a lactation aid may put her over the edge so I told her usinga bottle is OK and left a finger feeder with her as well.YIKES..why is it LC families often meet up with so many challenges!  I'm too close to the situation and I'd love for another more experienced LC to try to help them through this. All suggestions and offers of help accepted!Ilene Fabisch, IBCLCBrockton, MA