Re: Accepting Death---

[Guest guest]

The PSSD is the 2nd problem, the 1st problem is the depression and

blunted emotions. For the last four months I've felt dead emotionally

after getting off effexor, and when not feeling like this I am severely

depressed to the point where I can barely concentrate or talk to people.

This is what makes us want to give up and die, so this is the first

thing that needs to be fixed.

That's why I wonder why exactly I am like this. I seriously wasn't

depressed like this at all before getting on pills years ago, so I am

constantly wondering why I have depression now. Because the pills

damaged my brain? Or because the brain is unclogging itself of stored

emotions from the last couple of years? I hope for the latter, because

that means I need only time and some emotional release exercises to get

my head back to normal. It scares me to think that maybe my brain is

permanently affected, but no one knows for sure that this is correct, so

I might as well do what I can and see what happens.

Basically, it wouldn't have an effect on me at this point if my

sexuality returned tomorrow morning, because I would still be locked in

this state of mind known as depression. If I am strong enough to fix

depression, an illness that almost no one seems to have an answer to,

then I would be definitely gain some confidence and realize that I could

figure out how to cure PSSD as well. Same order that biologic1981 went in.

So my task right now is to get through each day one at a time without

going insane, because a lot of times I feel like going over the edge.

Cure the depression so that I can focus all of my attention on fixing

the PSSD, not crying that I have it, or being angry at the people that

caused it. Obsessing over the ones that gave me the pills and hating

myself for taking them in the first place is a waste of time that needs

to be cleared out and released so that I can move on and make progress.

Some say it's directly due to the pills, some consider the chance that

it is psychological. I've said this before: I believe that the pills

altered our emotional system, which eventually resulted in our current

conditions, so our job is to re-organize those underlying emotions and

set them back in place, just like biologic1981 did. We may be able to

experiment with other pills, but I doubt they will change our scattered

emotional system, and thus not fully fix the problem. I'm currently

experimenting with the possibility that depression fits in the TMS

model, that it is, like physical pains, a distraction by the mind to

keep our attention off of the real anger and stress, the real thing that

is taking up our subconscious. I have hope in this, because it seems to

me that depression really fluctuates throughout the day, meaning that it

is just a state of mind that can be tossed aside.

Shay

Ben Fleer wrote:

>

> Hey man, I'm not gonna patronize you by telling you that your

> problem is mental and not physical, because come on, someone has

> likely told all of us that and we all know that its a bullsh*t excuse

> used by doctors and drug companies to cover their own asses. But

> seriously, you sound so depressed that even if you did start to get

> better, you're not going to notice it. Depression can be just as

> destructive to your sex drive as these pills. If you are sure that

> there is no way things will ever improve, then they certainly never

> will. Once again, I'm not trying to say the source of your problem is

> your depression, but I AM saying I don't see any possible way you can

> get better if youre this sure that life is worthless. We all know the

> pain you feel everyday, we're all going through it. But there IS

> hope. Some people say they get better with time. Others say they

> don't completely recover, but are capible (sometimes albiet with the

> help of medication) of having sex and living in happy, healthy

> relationships. I know that sometimes it seems like this is the worst

> possible way to live, but come on man, thats not true at all. I don't

> know about you, but I've never had to awaken to bombs blowing my

> family into bits, nor have I had to watch plauge, famine, or

> pestilance eat away whole cities of people. I think the reason this

> whole thing is so hard on us is that it is so unnatural, people where

> never meant to live like this. But we do have to keep living like

> this. Because, believe me, I understand how three years of this can

> wear you down, but against the span of your whole life, that three

> years isn't everything. Five, ten, fifteen years from now, you may be

> married with kids and the exact same sex drive as before the SSRIs.

> Who knows what leaps medicine might take? And even if things do not

> get fully better, I guarentee, they will not stay as bad as they seem

> now. You gotta keep on living man, L I V I N G. Nothing, not even

> these terrible pills, can destroy the fact that life is actually

> pretty wonderful, sex or not. In my opinion, if victims of spinal

> cord injuries can lose bother their sexual functioning and their

> ability to walk, and yet still have the courage to wake up everyday

> and find joy in life, then I can do it. Those people KNOW they will

> never get better, as opposed to us, who have don't know what the

> future holds in regard to recovery. It may take years, but even if I

> never get better I fully recover, I believe that I can still achieve

> my dream of finding a partner who loves me AND having a family.

> Everyone has some burden to carry in life, and life's not fair. Some

> people get a worst hand then others, but believe me, no matter what

> you may feel like, you are NOT living the worst life possible. You

> really sound like you need help for your depression, there are a lot

> of ways to help, and I'm not talking about drugs. In fact in my

> opinion, drugs can't help you get better at all (they can just relieve

> some of the symptoms for a bit while you take them). In short, you

> life is not out of hope man. We're all in this together, and we all

> need and are there for each other in this.

> */brianbeezly /* wrote:

>

> I've had no sexual functioning for like 3 years now and I know that I

> can not live like this for the rest of my life. It's simply

> impossible for me. Girls seem to really be attracted to me, which

> most guys would die for, but this just makes things worse. I have to

> literally duck and hide from girls so I don't get to know them too

> well. If I get to know them too well, it will lead to sexual

> interaction, which used to be everything that I lived for.

>

> Along with that, I can't live with this emotional bluntness anymore.

> My passion, creativity, and my love for others used to be my strongest

> attributes, but were taken away. I still have a little left, but

> nothing like how I used to be.

>

> HAS ANYONE RECOVERED FROM THIS FULLY????????????????????????

>

> Anyway, this may sound real negative, but I'm accepting that I have to

> die soon. I realize that no one really gets better from this and I'd

> rather be dead than to live like this. I really don't want to live

> anymore, with all of this loneliness, lack of emotions, and whatnot.

> The only time I'm at peace is when I accept that my death will be

> soon. I'm somewhat concerned about the afterlife. Will I go to hell

> if I kill myself? I hope not, but I feel like I'm living in hell

> already.

>

> Atleast I got to taste the good life before I came down with PSSD.

> Riding in the car with four of my boys and smoking weed, playing jokes

> on each other. Chasing girls and having sex with a new one every week

> or two. Recording rap songs and freestyling with my friends. Playing

> basketball and knowing that I was going to get some pussy afterwards.

> Atleast I will be remembered for being that , the one God made.

> If I keep living like this, people will remember me as someone that I

> definitely am not naturally. I can't believe those damn little pills

> did this to me.

>

> Normal people don't seem to understand how hard it is to function like

> this. I think they'll know about my pain when they lay me to rest.

> Peace.

>

>

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