Re: I think I'm recovering

[Guest guest]

hey thanks for the detailed post, keep us posted and good luck.

>

> Things are looking up for me. About a month and a half ago I met a

really cool girl. Since

> then I've made some progress. But, first I should probably

summarize my history.

>

> I was on SSRIs from the end of highschool until the end of college.

I had no sexual

> experiences before that time and few during it. This was entirely a

result of my crippling

> general anxiety disorder. I could barely even talk sometimes, it

was so bad. My life was

> one never-ending panic attack.

>

> So about a year after quiting SSRIs I made a lot of progress in

conquering my anxiety

> without drugs. This led to a whole lot more opportunities for

sexual experiences. I met a

> girl and dated her for about a month. During this and all

subsequent sexual experiences I

> had extreme trouble reaching orgasm, little ability to get aroused

visually (no matter how

> beautiful the girl), weak and fleeting erections, little

proprioception (internal feeling)

> within my penis and a numbness that made sex feel like a waste of

time. Sex was about as

> pleasurable as sticking my finger in a sponge. I got almost no

pleasure out of it. Kissing

> was the same way.

>

> I also have cyclothymia or some sort of bipolar-like problems. I

cycle between hypomania

> and depression a fair amount, although the depression has been much

less severe since

> conquering the anxiety.

>

> I also experienced a serious numbing of romantic emotions. I could

never keep interest in

> a girl for more than a few days. It was as if my brain couldn't

keep up with the demands of

> making or using the appropriate endorphines.

>

> The only thing that was left relatively intact was the sensation of

orgasm, which I don't

> think was ever that great to begin with. I never really got too

excited about ejaculating. It

> was the stuff before it that I liked.

>

> All in all I'd say it was a pretty standard case of PSSD.

>

> So after about 3 years of being off of SSRIs and suffering through

PSSD, I've finally started

> to make some major progress. I'd like to relate what I've learned

in hope that it might help

> someone or at least provide hope.

>

> As I've said, I met a very cute, cool girl about a month and a half

ago. We went on several

> dates, really liked eachother, and of course she wanted to get

physical. I just laid the PSSD

> stuff out there for her at this point. Otherwise girls tend to

think that they aren't pretty

> enough or it is otherwise their fault that I am I hesitant to get

physical with them.

>

> She liked me a lot so we figured we'd just date and see what would

happen. Of course, as

> usual, my romantic feelings for her came and went every couple

days, but she was really

> cool so I stuck with it anyway. Occassionally the feelings would

come back and tease me a

> little, which kept me motivated.

>

> So even though I didn't enjoy sex and didn't get turned on easily,

I still wanted to have sex

> for some reason. It's like part of my brain knew that sex was fun

and wouldn't listen to

> reason. Anyway, so I was having one of those days and we ended up

having sex. It was ok.

> Although it took awhile, I actually came, which made it much less

frustrating afterwards. I

> was numb still, but it was good because I managed to get an OK

erection and make her at

> least somewhat satisfied.

>

> So of course she wanted to do it again. I think it worked once more

and then it started to

> be a problem again. I couldn't really get hard enough to do it and

I had very little desire. I

> had some Cialis left over from awhile ago so I took a small dose of

this (5mg) and it did

> the trick, although of course I was still numb.

>

> So over the course of a few weeks I start to get more comfortable

with the idea. I never

> forced myself to do it. I just initiated it whenever I thought it

might work. So over time I

> started to feel some good sensation closer to the end. This in turn

made it better for her

> since it became more instinctual for me. She'd get really noisy and

screamy, which I find

> helps me to keep aroused. The next time we did it was similar. I

would start out numb but

> after some time I would start to feel it and it would get good. So

it kept getting better and

> better and better earlier and earlier on. Now I'm usually 100% into

it after only a minute or

> so. It is intense. I used to get sad when people would say that sex

is the most intense

> pleasure men could experience without drugs. Well now I'm happy to

say that is true of me

> too.

>

> So recently I stopped taking the Cialis and the erections are still

pretty good. I am still

> lacking sensation until quite a bit of stimulation occurs, so it is

possible for me to lose

> erections pretty easily still before things get going. I have

regained some of my ability to

> get visually aroused (maybe only because looking at her reminds me

of the fun we have

> together, of course I haven't and won't try this with any other

girls).

>

> Interstingly I now find it almost a little too easy to ejaculate. I

think perhaps this is how I

> was before PSSD (I was a virgin beforehand). I have to be careful

or I'll blow too early. I find

> that if I grunt when I get the urge it distracts the feeling and I

can last much, much longer.

> So not only am I now able to enjoy sex but the neighbors get to

enjoy hearing me have it

> too.

>

> I still can't really feel my penis internally and light touching

doesn't do anything for me at

> all, because I am still pretty numb (I used to like light touching

a lot).

>

> Maybe I am being overly optimistic but I feel like the sensation

will continue to return as I

> experience more and more awesome sex until the numbness dispears

entirely. Not only

> that, but I think about her all the time. I think I'm regaining my

ability to feel prolonged

> romantic attraction again.

>

[Guest guest]

I used to have a lot of trouble maintaining erections. Kissing, visual

stimulation, and sex

talk all had little effect on me. The only thing that could help me maintain an

erection was

contact with my penis, and even this wasn't a sure thing because I was really

numb. Most

of the time I couldn't keep one for long enough to get sex started. If sex

actually

happened, I would sometimes lose erections completely, but usually they would

just

weakened to about 40% at some point because the sex just wasn't stimulating me

at all. At

this point I usually stopped without finishing and it would go flaccid

completely within

seconds. Not fun.

Since things have started really improving this hasn't been a problem for me.

There was

one time when I couldn't finish, got frustrated and lost the erection, but

otherwise I've

been fine. However my erection ranged between 80%-90% full (which I was quite

happy

with, considering), and were never quite perfect.

Usually I'm not very horny, but get interested in sex after we start cuddling or

kissing a

bit. I don't usually get really, really horny until after about a minute or more

into it (maybe

this is normal for everyone? I have no idea) and then I can feel it a lot and I

turn into an

animal.

However last night was different. A few minutes after she got to my place I was

extremely

horny. And all it took was looking at her. It was just like I was the pre-SSRI

teenager I used

to be. We did it twice in two hours and I was definitely 100% erect both times.

And it was

weird being so horny. For the first time ever I felt like I was doing it

primarily for my

pleasure and not mostly for hers (although I made sure she enjoyed herself too).

I really

think I'm getting better.

>

> Do you ever have trouble maintaining erections during sex, if so what

> have you done to combat this or did it gradually correct itself after

> you guys became more comfortable with each other

>

[Guest guest]

An update:

Things took a dip for awhile. I'd been neglecting my friends a bit because of my

new

girlfriend so I threw a little party. Well, it turned into quite a wild time and

I got

ridiculously drunk and missed a critical meeting with a Motorola exec my dad

wanted me

to talk to the next morning (he owns a printing company and I handle tech stuff

and

advertising in my free time).

Before then I was in a high point of my mood cycle. Afterwards I was quite

depressed. I

don't know if it was the drinking or depression, but my libido and erections

took a hit. It

was back to pre-recovery suckyness for a while.

So I'm pretty neutral mood-wise now, and I'm doing more-or-less alright again.

Anyway, I made some observations that might be relevant. I feel like my recovery

was

aided by -- or caused by the same thing as -- my large increase in over-all

confidence

and ambition. Another thing I noticed is that before my mood plummeted I could

drink

quite a lot and still be reasonably sober. Now, even though I'm not really

depressed, my

alcohol tolerance is pitiful. I had two margaritas and was feeling it intensely

last night, for

example. Maybe this has something to do with dopamine?

>

> Things are looking up for me. About a month and a half ago I met a really cool

girl.

Since

> then I've made some progress. But, first I should probably summarize my

history.

>

> I was on SSRIs from the end of highschool until the end of college. I had no

sexual

> experiences before that time and few during it. This was entirely a result of

my crippling

> general anxiety disorder. I could barely even talk sometimes, it was so bad.

My life was

> one never-ending panic attack.

>

> So about a year after quiting SSRIs I made a lot of progress in conquering my

anxiety

> without drugs. This led to a whole lot more opportunities for sexual

experiences. I met a

> girl and dated her for about a month. During this and all subsequent sexual

experiences

I

> had extreme trouble reaching orgasm, little ability to get aroused visually

(no matter

how

> beautiful the girl), weak and fleeting erections, little proprioception

(internal feeling)

> within my penis and a numbness that made sex feel like a waste of time. Sex

was about

as

> pleasurable as sticking my finger in a sponge. I got almost no pleasure out of

it. Kissing

> was the same way.

>

> I also have cyclothymia or some sort of bipolar-like problems. I cycle between

hypomania

> and depression a fair amount, although the depression has been much less

severe since

> conquering the anxiety.

>

> I also experienced a serious numbing of romantic emotions. I could never keep

interest

in

> a girl for more than a few days. It was as if my brain couldn't keep up with

the demands

of

> making or using the appropriate endorphines.

>

> The only thing that was left relatively intact was the sensation of orgasm,

which I don't

> think was ever that great to begin with. I never really got too excited about

ejaculating.

It

> was the stuff before it that I liked.

>

> All in all I'd say it was a pretty standard case of PSSD.

>

> So after about 3 years of being off of SSRIs and suffering through PSSD, I've

finally

started

> to make some major progress. I'd like to relate what I've learned in hope that

it might

help

> someone or at least provide hope.

>

> As I've said, I met a very cute, cool girl about a month and a half ago. We

went on

several

> dates, really liked eachother, and of course she wanted to get physical. I

just laid the

PSSD

> stuff out there for her at this point. Otherwise girls tend to think that they

aren't pretty

> enough or it is otherwise their fault that I am I hesitant to get physical

with them.

>

> She liked me a lot so we figured we'd just date and see what would happen. Of

course,

as

> usual, my romantic feelings for her came and went every couple days, but she

was really

> cool so I stuck with it anyway. Occassionally the feelings would come back and

tease me

a

> little, which kept me motivated.

>

> So even though I didn't enjoy sex and didn't get turned on easily, I still

wanted to have

sex

> for some reason. It's like part of my brain knew that sex was fun and wouldn't

listen to

> reason. Anyway, so I was having one of those days and we ended up having sex.

It was

ok.

> Although it took awhile, I actually came, which made it much less frustrating

afterwards.

I

> was numb still, but it was good because I managed to get an OK erection and

make her

at

> least somewhat satisfied.

>

> So of course she wanted to do it again. I think it worked once more and then

it started

to

> be a problem again. I couldn't really get hard enough to do it and I had very

little desire.

I

> had some Cialis left over from awhile ago so I took a small dose of this (5mg)

and it did

> the trick, although of course I was still numb.

>

> So over the course of a few weeks I start to get more comfortable with the

idea. I never

> forced myself to do it. I just initiated it whenever I thought it might work.

So over time I

> started to feel some good sensation closer to the end. This in turn made it

better for her

> since it became more instinctual for me. She'd get really noisy and screamy,

which I find

> helps me to keep aroused. The next time we did it was similar. I would start

out numb

but

> after some time I would start to feel it and it would get good. So it kept

getting better

and

> better and better earlier and earlier on. Now I'm usually 100% into it after

only a minute

or

> so. It is intense. I used to get sad when people would say that sex is the

most intense

> pleasure men could experience without drugs. Well now I'm happy to say that is

true of

me

> too.

>

> So recently I stopped taking the Cialis and the erections are still pretty

good. I am still

> lacking sensation until quite a bit of stimulation occurs, so it is possible

for me to lose

> erections pretty easily still before things get going. I have regained some of

my ability to

> get visually aroused (maybe only because looking at her reminds me of the fun

we have

> together, of course I haven't and won't try this with any other girls).

>

> Interstingly I now find it almost a little too easy to ejaculate. I think

perhaps this is how I

> was before PSSD (I was a virgin beforehand). I have to be careful or I'll blow

too early. I

find

> that if I grunt when I get the urge it distracts the feeling and I can last

much, much

longer.

> So not only am I now able to enjoy sex but the neighbors get to enjoy hearing

me have

it

> too.

>

> I still can't really feel my penis internally and light touching doesn't do

anything for me

at

> all, because I am still pretty numb (I used to like light touching a lot).

>

> Maybe I am being overly optimistic but I feel like the sensation will continue

to return as

I

> experience more and more awesome sex until the numbness dispears entirely. Not

only

> that, but I think about her all the time. I think I'm regaining my ability to

feel prolonged

> romantic attraction again.

>

[Guest guest]

I was on Paxil for the longest amount of time. I also took Celexa, Lexapro,

Gabatril,

Wellbutrin, Abilify, Accutane (for acne) and lorezapam. I think the paxil was

primarily, if not

solely, responsible. I was on paxil from around ages 17 to 19. I'm currently 25

and had my

last dose of an ssri (lexapro) a little less than two years ago. I only took it

for a few days

though. Hope that helps.

>

> Sorry if its already been asked but.

>

> How long were you on ssri's- what type were you on?

>

> How long have you been off them ?

>

> How old are you now?

>

[Guest guest]

biologic1981,

So wait, you have recovered now? That's good news to me because we

got put on at the same age and have taken similar meds.

I think my last dose of an SSRI was with Lexapro in the summer of

last year. I'm still taking valium, but hopefully I will be off in a

month or two.

> >

> > Sorry if its already been asked but.

> >

> > How long were you on ssri's- what type were you on?

> >

> > How long have you been off them ?

> >

> > How old are you now?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I've sort of hit a plateau. Everything is back, except my penis is not very

sensitive to light

touching...it only feels good when there is a lot of pressure, like during

intercourse. For

example, if a girl places her hand on my crotch and just fiddles around on top,

I will get

next to nothing from it. Before SSRIs that would have felt pretty good. I have a

feeling this

will come back with time.

> > >

> > > Sorry if its already been asked but.

> > >

> > > How long were you on ssri's- what type were you on?

> > >

> > > How long have you been off them ?

> > >

> > > How old are you now?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I suspect that this talk of 'healing energy', 'positive thinking' and 'placebo

effect' is

counter-productive. It casts the process of recovery in a magical light,

distracting us from

the reason-based methods that we must use if we are going to beat this thing.

My mood is on the up-swing again. I'm to the point where the low-points of my

bipolar (or

whatever it is) cycle can barely be described as 'depressed'. In them, I am

motivated,

content and able. They differ from my high-points in that I am less passionately

excited

about life, I have lower affect, a lower desire to socialize and am less likely

to initiate an

ambitious new project or tackle a complicated intellectual problem.

Since I last wrote, the lowering of my mood took a bit of a toll on the

relationship with my

girlfriend. I was less passionate and fun, and probably made her feel less

needed. I lost

some of the ground gained against the PSSD. Kissing was till good, but less so

than

before. I was less interested in sex. Paradoxically, it also became much, much

easier to

ejaculate. Too easy. Since I'd been dealing with PSSD-induced anorgasmia for so

long, my

delay mechanisms were not great, and this became a problem. Erections were still

pretty

good.

Since my mood is on the upswing again, things are great again. Kissing is more

pleasurable than it has even been before. I can now last as long as I want

without

ejaculating, but it doesn't take an unreasonable amount of effort to make it

work when I'm

ready. As my mood improves further over the coming days, I look forward to

continued

improvement. Currently my penis is still fairly numb to light touching, and I

don't get

excited by visual stimultion to the extent I used to. This too, has improved

markedly, but

it has a way to go.

Since everyone seems to have their favorite theory, I think I'll add mine to the

mix. First

some observations.

1) The presence of a high level of serotonin in a specific part of our brains (I

forget which)

has been shown by numerous experiments to mediate dominance pursuing behavior in

primates. If dominance is achieved, the serotonin levels remian elevated. If

they fail to

achieve dominance, the levels will lower until another promising opportunity

arises.

2) In some primates, once dominance is lost, the individuals tend to never again

resume

dominance seeking behavior, and seem to experience major personality and affect

changes. This may be an adaptive response caused by a change in gene expression.

It also

induces dramatic changes to their sexual behavior. In hamsters, at least, this

can even

lead to a reduction in testicle size.

We took drugs that greatly increased the levels of serotonin in our brains for a

prolonged

length of time. The exposure to serotonin at such high levels and for so long,

may have

convinced our brains that we have become the dominant individual of our group.

Perhaps,

upon discontinuation, this part of our brains behaved as if we were usurped from

a

dominant position, to that of a submissive individual, and changed the

expression of our

genes to reflect that. Maybe it made us like the dethroned chimp or hamster, and

we act

as such (particularly in regard to our sexual pursuits).

This would also help to explain my recovery. After lots of hard work, I now feel

on top of

the world about half the time. It's not entirely rational, but I feel very, very

socially adept,

take charge of situations, inspire people to action and charm women with ease.

Now some

of this may just be in my imagination, but what matters is not how I am

perceived by the

outside world, but how my brain perceives my social standing. And as of now, in

the

majority of situations, my brain is fooled into consider me the alpha male.

Perhaps I'm beating PSSD by asserted myself. The process of dethronement could

be

reversing by whatever biological mechanisms naturally raise someone to

dominance.

> > > >

> > > > It's almost like a placebo effect. I think you truly are

> healing

> > > b/c

> > > > more endorphins are created with positive mood/attitude which

> > heal

> > > the

> > > > brain. Placebos are known to cure people sometimes b/c more

> > > endorphins

> > > > are created in the brain when they have a positive frame of

> mind

> > > that

> > > > the pill will work.

> > > > Then later they are told it was a placebo and the pill is no

> > longer

> > > > effective. I don't know how far it can go but maybe it can

> > > completely

> > > > cure it. I noticed I have slightly more drive to when I'm very

> > > > positive but its extremely difficult to keep that frame of

> mind.

> > > I'm

> > > > trying to live in the moment and forget about my wretched past.

> > > >

> > > > ~take care man and keep up what you were doing

> > > > nuretronics

> > > >

> > >

> >

>