Re: New member introduction

Posted June 23, 2004 · June 23, 2004

Welcome !

What a wonderful story you have... and great ideas too! I am glad you

have joined our group!

Rabecca

Posted January 15, 2008 · January 15, 2008

, when I first met , he had some serious issues with

his supervisors where he worked and got fired. I have been coaching

him on how to deal with work situations since then and it has helped I

think. Mostly these were methods to let things slide at work. If

its not a life and death issue, let it go. He use to take everything

at work so personal. I convinced him that the most important stuff

was at home, not at work. That he needed to stop screaming at the top

of his lungs at work when things go wrong. The most important thing

was to keep his job so he had a paycheck coming in. I understand

the need to vent sometimes. I told him to vent at home, which he does

sometimes. And likewise, like you, I need to vent once in awhile.

Fortunately, is a nonviolent person....so no worries there.

As for your son, I would stop worrying and do something, such as having

him evaluated by a professional. From what I have read, it is easier

to modify behaviors when people are young. And you could be wrong.

Perhaps your son's behavior is learned from living with his father.

What kind of help would you want from your family and your mother?

I'm not sure what you meant. They couldn't do anything about Curt,

so I'm not sure what they could do. For me, I would love someone to

help with my house cleaning, and painting, etc. But that is because I

can no longer physically do it. But there is no one. Did you mean

something like that? Or financial help? Verleen

stephanie muska wrote:

Verleen,

On top of all this stuff he has anger issues. Anger toward

himself and he actually got into a fist fight at work because someone

made a comment and he took it as a personal insult. Which I'm not so

sure it was.....Anyway he lost his job which that wasn't the first time

but at least in his profession they lay you off instead of fire because

of the union. you can get fired but you basically have to be cought

stealing or something illegal like that. He was unhappy and miserable

which those days were outnumbering the "normal" days So I finally said

we need to go to counseling of some sort. I couldn't help becasue I

didn't understand his behavior but in hindsight.....So he started

going to a counselor and from their sessions his memory issues came up

and just other social problems so he sent him for an IQ test with a

psychologist. He did well on the cognitive section I guess but failed

miserably on the social part and & nbs diagnosed him with AS. Then we

went back to the counselor together and separately and after our trip

to Disney and I explained I looked up info about AS I was pretty sure

he had it. The therapist agreed and explained to Curt that he could

help him learn to deal in social situations. Curt then helped coach my

kids soccer team and Tball team and tried to be more social which

helped alot he was feeling better mentally I think therefore everything

alse kind of was going better. But then he gets into funks and starts

worrying about money so he stopped going. Needless to say I saw a

significant imporvement in his actions, attitude and behavior when he

was going. I don't know if this is the proper steps to take or not but

this is how we did it. I found a pyschologist in my area who has a

daughter with AS and was willing to help us but he wouldn' t go. I went

once and reviewed some of the behaviors and without actually meeting

hime she agreed with the diagnosos. Now that I feel as though I

have support from others in my same predicament I think I will start

seeing her again.....It helps just to be able to vent some days....

My family is a little less than an hour away and they don't help

much either unless I call crying begging for help and sometimes my Mom

still has an excuse not to come help me. then she will say I wish there

was more I could do for you....I just laugh because something would be

more and my Mom is young 55. My thoughts right now are how do I know if

my kids have it? When do I become concerned? My oldest son acts just

like Curt sometimes and I wondere is it or isn't it? How do you

know?????

Thanks for listening

Posted January 15, 2008 · January 15, 2008

I mean help in the aspect of coming a spending the day with my kids so I can do something and not have to pay a sitter and watch my time. Help by just spending time with me. Maybe talking, shopping going to lunch etc... When my kids were smaller the older one had colic so they say and the younger had reflux. I didn't get much sleep and then the added stress of the husband I really wasn't doing well for awhile and I would have to load up my kids get in the car and drive 50 minutes to an hour to get be with my family so I would at least have help feeding the kids changing them or just holding them. They never came to me unless I was in tears askiing.for a break. I'm sure alot of people have this but with the owther stress with my husband it was very difficult Neither child slept all night until maybe the last few months and still someone wanders in in the middle of the night. My husband did help on the weekends but during the week it was tough. I too

coach my husband on how to handle work issues. Things with the kids are not as stressful now that they are older. But still I think the family stays away because of the husband sometimes...Verleen Standish wrote: , when I first met , he had some serious issues with his supervisors where he worked and got fired. I have been coaching him on how to deal with work situations since then and it has helped I think. Mostly these were methods to let things slide at work. If its

not a life and death issue, let it go. He use to take everything at work so personal. I convinced him that the most important stuff was at home, not at work. That he needed to stop screaming at the top of his lungs at work when things go wrong. The most important thing was to keep his job so he had a paycheck coming in. I understand the need to vent sometimes. I told him to vent at home, which he does sometimes. And likewise, like you, I need to vent once in awhile. Fortunately, is a nonviolent person....so no worries there. As for your son, I would stop worrying and do something, such as having him evaluated by a professional. From what I have read, it is easier to modify behaviors when people are young. And you could be wrong. Perhaps your son's behavior is learned from living with his

father.What kind of help would you want from your family and your mother? I'm not sure what you meant. They couldn't do anything about Curt, so I'm not sure what they could do. For me, I would love someone to help with my house cleaning, and painting, etc. But that is because I can no longer physically do it. But there is no one. Did you mean something like that? Or financial help? Verleenstephanie muska wrote: Verleen, On top of all this stuff he has anger issues. Anger toward himself and he actually got into a fist fight at work because someone made a comment and he took it as a personal insult. Which I'm not so sure it was.....Anyway he lost his job which that wasn't the first time but at least in his

profession they lay you off instead of fire because of the union. you can get fired but you basically have to be cought stealing or something illegal like that. He was unhappy and miserable which those days were outnumbering the "normal" days So I finally said we need to go to counseling of some sort. I couldn't help becasue I didn't understand his behavior but in hindsight.....So he started going to a counselor and from their sessions his memory issues came up and just other social problems so he sent him for an IQ test with a psychologist. He did well on the cognitive section I guess but failed miserably on the social part and & nbs diagnosed him with AS. Then we went back to the counselor together and separately and after our trip to Disney and I explained I looked up info about AS I was pretty sure he had it. The therapist agreed and explained to Curt that he could help him learn to deal in social situations. Curt then

helped coach my kids soccer team and Tball team and tried to be more social which helped alot he was feeling better mentally I think therefore everything alse kind of was going better. But then he gets into funks and starts worrying about money so he stopped going. Needless to say I saw a significant imporvement in his actions, attitude and behavior when he was going. I don't know if this is the proper steps to take or not but this is how we did it. I found a pyschologist in my area who has a daughter with AS and was willing to help us but he wouldn' t go. I went once and reviewed some of the behaviors and without actually meeting hime she agreed with the diagnosos. Now that I feel as though I have support from others in my same predicament I think I will start seeing her again.....It helps just to be able to vent some days.... My family is a little less than an hour away and they don't help much either unless I call

crying begging for help and sometimes my Mom still has an excuse not to come help me. then she will say I wish there was more I could do for you....I just laugh because something would be more and my Mom is young 55. My thoughts right now are how do I know if my kids have it? When do I become concerned? My oldest son acts just like Curt sometimes and I wondere is it or isn't it? How do you know????? Thanks for listening

Posted January 15, 2008 · January 15, 2008

, I'm sorry things had been tough for you. Yes, I suspect

your family has been avoiding your husband. I know mine has and I

don't blame them. He behaved terribly when they were here. People

are uncomfortable with something outside their norm and this goes

beyond Aspergers. I married my husband after my kids were all

grown. So I have had an easier time in this respect. I am very

independent and never depended on my family for much. I did enjoy

having my parents and in-laws babysit and be a part of my children's

lives. But all this happened before I met my husband and in another

state. Verleen

stephanie muska wrote:

I mean help in the aspect of coming a spending the day with my

kids so I can do something and not have to pay a sitter and watch my

time. Help by just spending time with me. Maybe talking, shopping

going to lunch etc... When my kids were smaller the older one had colic

so they say and the younger had reflux. I didn't get much sleep and

then the added stress of the husband I really wasn't doing well for

awhile and I would have to load up my kids get in the car and drive 50

minutes to an hour to get be with my family so I would at least have

help feeding the kids changing them or just holding them. They never

came to me unless I was in tears askiing.for a break. I'm sure alot of

people have this but with the owther stress with my husband it was very

difficult Neither child slept all night until maybe the last few

months and still someone wanders in in the middle of the night. My

husband did help on the weekends but during the week it was tough. I to

coach my husband on how to handle work issues. Things with the kids are

not as stressful now that they are older. But still I think the family

stays away because of the husband sometimes...

Verleen Standish <rstandisnycap (DOT) rr.com>

wrote:

, when I first met , he had some serious

issues with his supervisors where he worked and got fired. I have

been coaching him on how to deal with work situations since then and it

has helped I think. Mostly these were methods to let things slide at

work. If its not a life and death issue, let it go. He use to take

everything at work so personal. I convinced him that the most

important stuff was at home, not at work. That he needed to stop

screaming at the top of his lungs at work when things go wrong. The

most important thing was to keep his job so he had a paycheck coming

in. I understand the need to vent sometimes. I told him to vent

at home, which he does sometimes. And likewise, like you, I need to

vent once in awhile. Fortunately, is a nonviolent

person....so no worries there. As for your son, I would stop

worrying and do something, such as having him evaluated by a

professional. From what I have read, it is easier to modify behaviors

when people are young. And you could be wrong. Perhaps your son's

behavior is learned from living with his father.