To Joni

[Guest guest]

Wow! What a GREAT 'sermon' ! You certainly ARE a joy!

That was AWESOME!! I think I'll KEEP this post and save it for those

days when I, too, am afraid of how people will perceive me. This

will be a great reminder to NOT worry about how my mistakes effect

others and to stop taking responsibility for other people's EMOTIONS

other than my own!

Thank you, THANK YOU!

Joni (in awe at the wisdom here!) wow!

> I read your most recent post concerning your apology

> for writing about the " working Mom " subject.

> Throughout my life I have been deathly afraid of

> making mistakes, from how my hair was combed to

> flunking a test in school, to sharing with others. My

> fear in certain situations took on monumental

> proportions and it has been the cause of my not

> finishing my bachelors degree and a few other life

> altering situations. It wasn't until my son's problems

> started that I began to realize that mistakes are OK

> to make - and that part of life is making those

> mistakes and living to tell about them! Part of my

> own brand of E & RP is to allow myself to make some

> mistakes and to not be worried or upset if others fuss

> about them. Sometimes, I too am not certain whether

> or not I should post something on this list, but the

> alternative for me, at least, is to stay immersed in

> my uncertainty and fear about not being

> PERFECT...hence I sometimes post that which I am most

> afraid to say and let the chips fall where they may..

> Well, enough of my Sermon for the day.

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It doesn't matter WHERE sees or hears about a disease or a

poisoning because he'll FIND IT!!! Once, I was talking to a friend

on the phone, and he was eavesdropping and overheard my conversation

about a family member of hers who has cancer. Wellllll... 'Am I

gonna get cancer? How do you get it? What are the signs? Are you

sure I won't get cancer? How do you know? OMG! I've got

cancer!!... yada yada yada "

He's as much fun as a medical encyclopedia. I mean, if it exists--

will possibly have it. I'm so sick of it. He finds the WORST

in any possible situation and takes it to the MAX. I couldn't BE

more opposite from him. I look for what's RIGHT and GOOD and

POSITIVE. His negativity is a total BUMMER!!!

Thanks for the well wishes.

Joni

P.S. He's on Luvox (150mgs per day) and I asked his shrink if I

could increase the dosage. He said 'no - he's at the highest

dosage.' So, then I said, 'Ok, fine-- you take him.'

> Hi Joni, My son has had some similar reactions to what

> ou are going through with right now (Tommy is

> now 8). I finally took a really tough stand with him

> over TV shows and have deemed some things as being

> completely NOT ACCEPTABLE for viewing by anyone! That

> is an option. I was successful in doing this in a

> home that has teenagers as well as young kids. Yes,

> they were mad at me, but I do know that that passes

> too. This sounds like an especially bad time for you

> and your family - be good to yourself too now. Best

> wishes, in Southeastern PA

>

[Guest guest]

LOL Chris!

You're right. I shouldn't be a whiney-hiney, but DAMN! Every-other-word is 'is my shirt poisoned? Does the sofa REALLY have poison on it?' Geez, whoever said that paradoxal humor WORKS-- well, good for you. It DOESN'T work here!! The ONLY thing he wants to hear is 'No, you haven't been poisoned.' Yet, I'm not supposed to enable OCD, but if I don't answer that question exactly like I'm supposed to, WHAMMO-- the objects start flying IN MY DIRECTION and he starts to hit me, choke me, push me down and ABUSE me!!!

Geez, child abuse? Ha. What about PARENT ABUSE??? And my husband? He doesn't CARE when abuses me, so the old 'wait till your daddy gets home' is laughable. In fact, my husband tells me to "JUST ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS and make it *EASIER* ON YOURSELF." He just doesn't get it, and probably NEVER will. So, I'm in the battle fields every day REFUSING to answer 's questions, yet once daddy comes home---> both of them put the guilt trips on ME because I've been such a 'horrible mother' by not answering OCD!!! Nutty, I'm telling you. Absolutely NUTTY.

I'll TRY to find the positive in this thing. I really will. Let's see... and his dad are good together. They like to control and manipulate others. Both of them are very insecure and emotionally dependent. They like to follow me, cling to me and check up on me. They have a special *connection* (wink wink) Both of them are very much alike. That's good, right? Ok!!! Together, they can both live happily and nutty ever-after while I'm living a SANE life without them!!! LOL

Sounds GOOD to me!!!

Joni

P.S. Thanks. I'll stop whining and get busy looking for a JOB.

> > Hi Joni!

> > "I look for what's RIGHT and GOOD and POSITIVE. "

> Okay!

> Here's the HARD part - do the above for ! Look at what's right, > good and positive about him. Let's see....nice smile, good sense of > humor? Doesn't kill/hurt animals?? Actually sweet at times? Ever > show a sense of caring about others/empathy?? Sensitivity? Hasn't > killed anyone/thing? Hasn't set the house/anything on fire? Loves > mom - even when he knows mom is sick of and fed up with his OCD and > whining and mom loses her sanity????

> > My OCDer is a couch potato/video game player too. At OT each week, > the therapist says, what have you been doing? Same answer - watching > TV, playing video games! I know they think I'M (who is at work 8-5) > must be a terrible mom - the kid does nothing!! Oh well....

> I've been telling more often lately that I am TIRED of his > OCD!! He said last night, "How do you think I feel?"

> > Hang in there!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni!

" I look for what's RIGHT and GOOD and POSITIVE. "

Okay!

Here's the HARD part - do the above for ! Look at what's right,

good and positive about him. Let's see....nice smile, good sense of

humor? Doesn't kill/hurt animals?? Actually sweet at times? Ever

show a sense of caring about others/empathy?? Sensitivity? Hasn't

killed anyone/thing? Hasn't set the house/anything on fire? Loves

mom - even when he knows mom is sick of and fed up with his OCD and

whining and mom loses her sanity????

My OCDer is a couch potato/video game player too. At OT each week,

the therapist says, what have you been doing? Same answer - watching

TV, playing video games! I know they think I'M (who is at work 8-5)

must be a terrible mom - the kid does nothing!! Oh well....

I've been telling more often lately that I am TIRED of his

OCD!! He said last night, " How do you think I feel? "

Hang in there!

> > Hi Joni, My son has had some similar reactions to what

> > ou are going through with right now (Tommy is

> > now 8). I finally took a really tough stand with him

> > over TV shows and have deemed some things as being

> > completely NOT ACCEPTABLE for viewing by anyone! That

> > is an option. I was successful in doing this in a

> > home that has teenagers as well as young kids. Yes,

> > they were mad at me, but I do know that that passes

> > too. This sounds like an especially bad time for you

> > and your family - be good to yourself too now. Best

> > wishes, in Southeastern PA

> >

[Guest guest]

Joni,

I don't have any words of wisdom, so I'm sending you compassion and a

hug!!! You have been there for me, helping me, with your wit and

humor, though you may have never known it. Now, you're in a tough

situation, and I'd like to be there for you in some way. So, let me

know if you have any suggestions on how I can help! :-)

You are right on that you need to preserve your sanity, so please do

take care of yourself, physically and mentally. I do wish you could

somehow get away for a few days to re-assess everything and get a

fresh perspective. Would you like to visit me in SC? I'm serious. I

have a room ready...

My life's situation is different than yours, but I have been the sole

provider for my 2 children, both financially and emotionally. It's

been both exhausting and rewarding. I will say that parenting

children alone is MUCH easier that trying to parent with a spouse who

is either not interested or not capable of being a parent. The

difference can be magnified when the child is sick or has special

needs. You have been and will continue to be a good parent to all

your boys, but you do need a BREAK!

Good luck in your job search, but do stay with us too...

Marlys in SC

[Guest guest]

Okay! Go get a job! It'll do you good to get back around sane

people! Plus you'll need the income if you do decide to get out on

your own LATER!!

When does school start there? Aug or Sept? That'll give you some

free time if you don't have a job by then. Just keep venting to us

and all your other friends/family and don't make any decisions until

your sanity returns - after you get that job!!

> >

> > Hi Joni!

> >

> > " I look for what's RIGHT and GOOD and POSITIVE. "

> > Okay!

> > Here's the HARD part - do the above for ! Look at what's

right,

> > good and positive about him. Let's see....nice smile, good sense

of

> > humor? Doesn't kill/hurt animals?? Actually sweet at times?

Ever

> > show a sense of caring about others/empathy?? Sensitivity?

Hasn't

> > killed anyone/thing? Hasn't set the house/anything on fire?

Loves

> > mom - even when he knows mom is sick of and fed up with his OCD

and

> > whining and mom loses her sanity????

> >

> > My OCDer is a couch potato/video game player too. At OT each

week,

> > the therapist says, what have you been doing? Same answer -

watching

> > TV, playing video games! I know they think I'M (who is at work 8-

5)

> > must be a terrible mom - the kid does nothing!! Oh well....

> > I've been telling more often lately that I am TIRED of

his

> > OCD!! He said last night, " How do you think I feel? "

> >

> > Hang in there!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

LOL! Thanks Chris. I like your TOUGH AS NAILS approach! I'm

totally disgusted with everything right now, so it's best if I DONT

vent on everyone here on the list. I just don't see how ERP therapy

is supposed to work if you expose them to one thing, then a NEW one

pops up!! Talk about putting out fires all day. My brain is

FRIED!!! Tonight said that his deepest fear is the fear of

dying. Great. All the money I've been spending on 'therapy' has

been going to his greatest fear of GERMS and puking. Then, there's

the poisoning issue that just popped up. How do you ever stay ahead

of the game? It seems impossible. And, I'm TIRED. But, you're

right. If it's hard for me, what must my son be going through?

*sigh* I think I need a vacation....AWAY from anything related to

OCD.

Joni

>

> Okay! Go get a job! It'll do you good to get back around sane

> people! Plus you'll need the income if you do decide to get out on

> your own LATER!!

>

> When does school start there? Aug or Sept? That'll give you some

> free time if you don't have a job by then. Just keep venting to us

> and all your other friends/family and don't make any decisions

until

> your sanity returns - after you get that job!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni, I've just read your posts of the past few days while I was

attending the conference, so, first things first: (((((hugs)))))

You are right, at first ERP can be like playing whack-a-mole, and it seems

10 Os or Cs pop up to take the place of each one successfully bossed back.

But eventually, OCD runs out of steam and the ERP wins out, and there are

gains against the OCD monster from that point on. The gains can even

generalize to OCD issues your son hasn't even specifically worked on. OCD

seemed like a threatened animal to me when my daughter was at the stage

is now--doing anything and everything to get her to back down. I had

to put every scrap of faith I had into believing those on this list who told

me I was doing the right thing. It sure didn't *seem* like the right thing,

and instead seemed to be making everything worse to a considerable degree.

I still wonder if is staying with an exposure until his anxiety falls

and he habituates. That part is crucial to ERP success. Also, keep in mind

that the anger, stomping around, etc. is likely how he shows his anxiety.

That makes it a *good* thing, however unpleasant, because it means the

exposures are on target.

I found with Kellen that it helped to pay less attention to the details and

get to the " big picture " --the granddaddy fear behind all the obsessions and

compulsions. has given you a big tip by telling you his greatest fear

is death and dying--this has got to be on the short list of most-common

obsessional worries. My daughter has/had Os and Cs about knives, shouting,

guns, dogs, blood, deep water, illnesses, sharks, etc. etc. but behind them

all was her obsessional worries about death--her own, mine and her Dad's,

and the dog's. Addressing that was more important than whether we used a

knife, fake blood, a shark tooth or etc. in a particular exposure.

I suggest that 1) you print out some of your recent posts to this list and

give them to 's therapist. She needs to know the situation his current

level of OCD is causing in the home. And 2) don't wait for the job

interviewing process to get a break. Call a friend and make plans for

*this* weekend. If hubby can't be in charge, find a relative or hire

someone who can, and give yourself a two- or three-day break doing something

*you* want to do.

Hang in there Joni. A lot of us have been where you and are now and

came out the other side. One of OCD's cruelties is its ability to

completely obscure the path when it's at its worst. I think you need to put

your burden down for a few days, in order to regain your strength and

perspective.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: " Joni " <lyricaldreamer@...>

> LOL! Thanks Chris. I like your TOUGH AS NAILS approach! I'm

> totally disgusted with everything right now, so it's best if I DONT

> vent on everyone here on the list. I just don't see how ERP therapy

> is supposed to work if you expose them to one thing, then a NEW one

> pops up!! Talk about putting out fires all day. My brain is

> FRIED!!! Tonight said that his deepest fear is the fear of

> dying. Great. All the money I've been spending on 'therapy' has

> been going to his greatest fear of GERMS and puking. Then, there's

> the poisoning issue that just popped up. How do you ever stay ahead

> of the game? It seems impossible. And, I'm TIRED. But, you're

> right. If it's hard for me, what must my son be going through?

> *sigh* I think I need a vacation....AWAY from anything related to

> OCD.

> Joni

[Guest guest]

Dear Joni,

I love you. Don't ever leave this list. And start now to write your bestseller about parenting a child with OCD, and then relax and live off your millions in royalties. Think about it - what per cent of the population has OCD? They ALL have parents, right?

No one, and I mean NO ONE, gets it as right as you.

Do you have an agent?

[Guest guest]

Thanks !

I'll definitely subscribe to Medscape so I can continue to LEARN

about all the different medications out there, along with possible

side effects and complications.

I think you make an excellent point that we, as says 'are

consumers of the mental health industry' and therefore, we should

stay abreast of everything that's out there to help our kids.

Medscape sounds like a great start!

Thanks again!

Joni

> Hi Joni, Grace and I both subscribe to Medscape. if you log

on to www.medscape.com you will be able to access lots of useful drug

related information. The weekly newsletter I recieve is for

psychiatric news in the worl of medicine. I believe the article that

Grace was referring to was in the last two weeks, so I am sure

you can access the information at their site. In order to address

your problem with not researching medications until the Dr. has

prescribed them for I would suggesst becoming marginally

familiar with all of the classes of meds that are used to treat our

kids. It doesn' mean that you need to become a Dr., just that you

are aware of what is being used, so that you can look up side

effects, etc. and have heard of the med when the Dr. mentions it.

Usually I am at least familiar with a particular medication that the

Dr. suggests when he recommends it and over the years he has been

kind enough to tell me about new meds that are in the pipeline so

that I have a heads up on them. Good Luck. I am soory that

has developed tics, but it is good that he responds to the meds.

in Southeastern PA

[Guest guest]

Actually we live in Yakima, Wa. We are on the eastside of the mtns.

about 2.5 hours away from Seattle. But my best friend lives in

Portland, and we visit there a couple times a year. We are actually

going there in about a month. It's good to know that there are people

somewhat close by going through what we are.

a (8 months)