Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel like staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely validating and supportive. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel like staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely validating and supportive. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel like staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely validating and supportive. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I've always wondered how I would feel if my mother died, but somehow I think it would be a relief. I feel like a potential relationship exists with my dad, but she's always been the one in control. Thank you for your perspective. I wish you well in the future, and I hope that you succeed in your endeavors. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I've always wondered how I would feel if my mother died, but somehow I think it would be a relief. I feel like a potential relationship exists with my dad, but she's always been the one in control. Thank you for your perspective. I wish you well in the future, and I hope that you succeed in your endeavors. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I've always wondered how I would feel if my mother died, but somehow I think it would be a relief. I feel like a potential relationship exists with my dad, but she's always been the one in control. Thank you for your perspective. I wish you well in the future, and I hope that you succeed in your endeavors. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. Lissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, Please accept my sincere condolences. I am sure this is a very emotional time for you and your family. You'll be in my prayers. xoxo, Crissie My Mother Has Died > Monday, Jan. 22, my mother died of cancer. > > I prefer not to use the term nada now because of grief and respect, but most > importantly, after reading a lot of posts on this list, I know she had a > good heart; there were no evil streaks. Deep down, I know that somewhere in > there was a real, caring, nurturing mother who was always there for me. For > most of my childhood ('60s and '70s), she really was. It wasn't until my > late teenage years that the " quirks " became serious and troublesome. A > period of five years in the '80s solidified the BPD when she lost her > father, sister, and mother, and also divorced my father (who, I believe, > helped escalate her BPD by emotional abuse). Two Septembers ago, when she > received her cancer diagnosis, was when the BPD went through the roof, and > as I had mentioned in other posts, this drained the hell out of me. The > " real, caring, nurturing " mother was obviously no longer there, and even > when I wanted to do all I could to make her life more bearable, all the > craziness prevented me from doing so. I kept reminding me that my " real " > mother wasn't the one who was saying or doing all those crazy things. There > was actually one brief moment when I caught a glimpse of the mom of my > childhood, and we cried together, hugging each other. > > What complicates my grieving is obvious, I'm sure, to all of you on this > list. I've actually been grieving the loss of my mother for years. With Nada > having taken a front seat, I am now also dealing with all the hurt she has > caused. Unfortunately for my younger who sister (who also lost her 2 1/2 > year old to cancer a couple of years ago), she received much more Nada > craziness than I ever did (not to say I didn't receive quite a bit > myself...). > > I also feel sad for her close friends over the years who she had either > alienated or demanded that they get out of her life. This BPD bullshit has > affected so many lives so horribly, including my mother's. She was really > living through hell. The only comfort I have at the moment is that I know > that she's not suffering anymore. There's a slight relief to me, too, but, > obviously the grief is so heavy--there' just so much to deal with... > > Anyway, I think I'll stay on the list to offer my occasional two cents. And > also, I know I need a much better way to deal with my father (e.g., > establish boundaries, etc.). Although he doesn't have BPD, he, at times (but > no longer anywhere near the frequency of the past) can be selfish, > manipulative, guilt-inducing, etc. I feel that there are still many things I > can learn here and in therapy. The ironic thing is that although Mom was the > one who had a disorder, Dad was the one I've always felt uncomfortable > around. So that's the game plan. > > Thanks for listening. > > -- > Regards, > > Dave > > > > ~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, Please accept my sincere condolences. I am sure this is a very emotional time for you and your family. You'll be in my prayers. xoxo, Crissie My Mother Has Died > Monday, Jan. 22, my mother died of cancer. > > I prefer not to use the term nada now because of grief and respect, but most > importantly, after reading a lot of posts on this list, I know she had a > good heart; there were no evil streaks. Deep down, I know that somewhere in > there was a real, caring, nurturing mother who was always there for me. For > most of my childhood ('60s and '70s), she really was. It wasn't until my > late teenage years that the " quirks " became serious and troublesome. A > period of five years in the '80s solidified the BPD when she lost her > father, sister, and mother, and also divorced my father (who, I believe, > helped escalate her BPD by emotional abuse). Two Septembers ago, when she > received her cancer diagnosis, was when the BPD went through the roof, and > as I had mentioned in other posts, this drained the hell out of me. The > " real, caring, nurturing " mother was obviously no longer there, and even > when I wanted to do all I could to make her life more bearable, all the > craziness prevented me from doing so. I kept reminding me that my " real " > mother wasn't the one who was saying or doing all those crazy things. There > was actually one brief moment when I caught a glimpse of the mom of my > childhood, and we cried together, hugging each other. > > What complicates my grieving is obvious, I'm sure, to all of you on this > list. I've actually been grieving the loss of my mother for years. With Nada > having taken a front seat, I am now also dealing with all the hurt she has > caused. Unfortunately for my younger who sister (who also lost her 2 1/2 > year old to cancer a couple of years ago), she received much more Nada > craziness than I ever did (not to say I didn't receive quite a bit > myself...). > > I also feel sad for her close friends over the years who she had either > alienated or demanded that they get out of her life. This BPD bullshit has > affected so many lives so horribly, including my mother's. She was really > living through hell. The only comfort I have at the moment is that I know > that she's not suffering anymore. There's a slight relief to me, too, but, > obviously the grief is so heavy--there' just so much to deal with... > > Anyway, I think I'll stay on the list to offer my occasional two cents. And > also, I know I need a much better way to deal with my father (e.g., > establish boundaries, etc.). Although he doesn't have BPD, he, at times (but > no longer anywhere near the frequency of the past) can be selfish, > manipulative, guilt-inducing, etc. I feel that there are still many things I > can learn here and in therapy. The ironic thing is that although Mom was the > one who had a disorder, Dad was the one I've always felt uncomfortable > around. So that's the game plan. > > Thanks for listening. > > -- > Regards, > > Dave > > > > ~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave, Please accept my sincere condolences. I am sure this is a very emotional time for you and your family. You'll be in my prayers. xoxo, Crissie My Mother Has Died > Monday, Jan. 22, my mother died of cancer. > > I prefer not to use the term nada now because of grief and respect, but most > importantly, after reading a lot of posts on this list, I know she had a > good heart; there were no evil streaks. Deep down, I know that somewhere in > there was a real, caring, nurturing mother who was always there for me. For > most of my childhood ('60s and '70s), she really was. It wasn't until my > late teenage years that the " quirks " became serious and troublesome. A > period of five years in the '80s solidified the BPD when she lost her > father, sister, and mother, and also divorced my father (who, I believe, > helped escalate her BPD by emotional abuse). Two Septembers ago, when she > received her cancer diagnosis, was when the BPD went through the roof, and > as I had mentioned in other posts, this drained the hell out of me. The > " real, caring, nurturing " mother was obviously no longer there, and even > when I wanted to do all I could to make her life more bearable, all the > craziness prevented me from doing so. I kept reminding me that my " real " > mother wasn't the one who was saying or doing all those crazy things. There > was actually one brief moment when I caught a glimpse of the mom of my > childhood, and we cried together, hugging each other. > > What complicates my grieving is obvious, I'm sure, to all of you on this > list. I've actually been grieving the loss of my mother for years. With Nada > having taken a front seat, I am now also dealing with all the hurt she has > caused. Unfortunately for my younger who sister (who also lost her 2 1/2 > year old to cancer a couple of years ago), she received much more Nada > craziness than I ever did (not to say I didn't receive quite a bit > myself...). > > I also feel sad for her close friends over the years who she had either > alienated or demanded that they get out of her life. This BPD bullshit has > affected so many lives so horribly, including my mother's. She was really > living through hell. The only comfort I have at the moment is that I know > that she's not suffering anymore. There's a slight relief to me, too, but, > obviously the grief is so heavy--there' just so much to deal with... > > Anyway, I think I'll stay on the list to offer my occasional two cents. And > also, I know I need a much better way to deal with my father (e.g., > establish boundaries, etc.). Although he doesn't have BPD, he, at times (but > no longer anywhere near the frequency of the past) can be selfish, > manipulative, guilt-inducing, etc. I feel that there are still many things I > can learn here and in therapy. The ironic thing is that although Mom was the > one who had a disorder, Dad was the one I've always felt uncomfortable > around. So that's the game plan. > > Thanks for listening. > > -- > Regards, > > Dave > > > > ~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave: I'm sure most of us are dreading the day we make a similar post (trying to see the screen thru my tears). Although for the most part (like you) I've grieved many times over for the loss of my caring mother knowing she was forever gone, but it is nothing in comparison to what you are going thru and what we will all face too soon - the finality of it all. We're here with you, my prayers to you and your family and a long-distance hug. Cheryl ---- Original Message ---- From: ilene@... To: ModOasis , Subject: Re: My Mother Has Died Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 08:56:18 -0600 > > >Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel >like >staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely >validating >and supportive. > >Ilene > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave: I'm sure most of us are dreading the day we make a similar post (trying to see the screen thru my tears). Although for the most part (like you) I've grieved many times over for the loss of my caring mother knowing she was forever gone, but it is nothing in comparison to what you are going thru and what we will all face too soon - the finality of it all. We're here with you, my prayers to you and your family and a long-distance hug. Cheryl ---- Original Message ---- From: ilene@... To: ModOasis , Subject: Re: My Mother Has Died Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 08:56:18 -0600 > > >Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel >like >staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely >validating >and supportive. > >Ilene > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2001 Report Share Posted January 30, 2001 Dave: I'm sure most of us are dreading the day we make a similar post (trying to see the screen thru my tears). Although for the most part (like you) I've grieved many times over for the loss of my caring mother knowing she was forever gone, but it is nothing in comparison to what you are going thru and what we will all face too soon - the finality of it all. We're here with you, my prayers to you and your family and a long-distance hug. Cheryl ---- Original Message ---- From: ilene@... To: ModOasis , Subject: Re: My Mother Has Died Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 08:56:18 -0600 > > >Dave, I'm very sorry that it had to end this way. I'm glad you feel >like >staying with the group,because I think the posts here are extremely >validating >and supportive. > >Ilene > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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