Fwd: fwds

[Guest guest]

Thought this was funny!

>> I want to thank all of you who have taken the timeand trouble to send> me>

your chain letters over the past two years. Thankyou for making me feel> safe,

secure, blessed, and wealthy.>> Because of your concern...> I no longer can

drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.>> I no longer drink Pepsi

or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these> products are atheists who refuse

to put " Under God " on their cans.>> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave

because it causes cancer.>> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones

because I could be> pricked> with a needle infected with AIDS.>> I no longer use

cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a> water> buffalo on a hot

day.>> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a>

perfume sample and rob me.>> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx

since they are actually> Al> Qaeda in disguise.>> I no longer shop at Target

since they are French anddon't support our> troops.>>> I no

longer answer the phone because someone willask me to dial a> stupid> number

for which I will get the phone bill fromhell with calls to> Jamaica,> Uganda,

Singapore, and Uzbekistan.>> I no longer eat prepackaged foods because

theestrogens they contain> will> turn me gay.>> I no longer eat KFC because

their chickens areactually horrible mutant> freaks with no eyes or feathers.>> I

no longer go to bars because someone will drug meand take my kidneys> and> leave

me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.>> Thanks to you, I have learned that

God only answersmy prayers if I> forward> an email to 7 of my friends and make a

wish within 5minutes.>> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to asick

girl who has> been> dying for the past seven years.>> I no longer have any money

at all, but that willchange once I receive> the> $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL

are sending me forparticipating in> their> special e-mail program.>> I will now

return the favor.>> If you don't send this e-mail

to at least 1200people in the next 60> seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will

fly overyour head at 5:00 pm> and> the fleas of a thousand camels will infest

yourarmpits. I know this> will> occur because it actually happened to a friend

of afriend of a friend's> neighbor's cousin, and he's a

lawyer.__________________________________________________