Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 CHRISTMAS GIFT " Ho! Ho! Ho! " It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his address. " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do not get 'Ho's here. " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. What atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do you want? Who are you? " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I mean, who are you? See, you got me so . " " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " " Oh! Where is Banta? " " Banta? Who is Banta? " " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact we have many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and said, " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get some shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special wish you want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace for all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so obviously I cannot grant this one. " Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I want? " " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of course. Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't ask me abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I wanted. For that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list running into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick chapters. " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful anticipation and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted badly. " Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated wishes. I am a quasi religious figure, you know. " That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish list. " Oh well, there are still a few things that .. " " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government schemes. They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit 90 % of the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many clauses and sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible for it. " " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next year? I had to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck me. Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other wishes combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a lifetime. Like they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the perfect gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has had since the dawn of quarrels. " Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these years, how did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to himself, which was anatomically impossible. " " I am confused. " " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the perfect solution! I want a clone for myself. " " A clone? " " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been there, done that! Aage Bol! " Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a single word of what you are saying. " " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working in the office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's lap. " Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic toy train. I have beautiful new models this year. " " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a clone. " " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just disappeared. I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as ugly as me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with my elbow. " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " " Who are you calling son? " " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. How about calling me by name? " " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in the house?' " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are not my son! " 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about picking up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our recreation and we need our off days. " " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly stated there. " This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily got up and informed my wife. " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " " What's there to see? He's just like me. " She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the same. However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he is a bit fairer. " K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This child is beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your keep. So up and about with you. " When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my last USG report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am sure we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The clone was too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the various doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection was the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn assured them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible donor. I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was my wife serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front of the TV like I usually do. I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She smiled and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is no need to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 and said, " That's rather a good sport. " K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out organs, while we are about it. " This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning into a sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more snacks! " I offered him munificently. My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a few organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become you and you shall become the clone. " I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me if I was alright. I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " She said, " Why? Just two days! " " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present if I do not believe in him? " " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him or not! " " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Ha ha! Err! Ho ho! What a wonderful way to wish everyone a very Merry Xmas! Lovely, as usual, Kishore! Ravin '82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Ha ha! Err! Ho ho! What a wonderful way to wish everyone a very Merry Xmas! Lovely, as usual, Kishore! Ravin '82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Ha ha! Err! Ho ho! What a wonderful way to wish everyone a very Merry Xmas! Lovely, as usual, Kishore! Ravin '82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Hey Kishore, Two identical mails from different IDs? Did you send one mail, and then did your clone decide to do the same too?!!! Ho! ho! ho!.....I am hoping Santa grants this wish for you....and then K2 can manage Matru Seva Hospital...and our special original K1 can exclusively keep moderating this group! Anshu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Hey Kishore, Two identical mails from different IDs? Did you send one mail, and then did your clone decide to do the same too?!!! Ho! ho! ho!.....I am hoping Santa grants this wish for you....and then K2 can manage Matru Seva Hospital...and our special original K1 can exclusively keep moderating this group! Anshu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Hey Kishore, Two identical mails from different IDs? Did you send one mail, and then did your clone decide to do the same too?!!! Ho! ho! ho!.....I am hoping Santa grants this wish for you....and then K2 can manage Matru Seva Hospital...and our special original K1 can exclusively keep moderating this group! Anshu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Â are you crazy asking a clone of yourself?(that was your mistake) there are many more beautiful and interesting things ... you must have asked for ash (beauty with brains) On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 Kishore Shah wrote : > > >CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his >address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do >not get >'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. >What >atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do >you >want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I >mean, >who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact >we have >many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > >The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, >and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get >some >shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > >Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special >wish you >want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace >for >all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so >obviously I cannot grant this one. " > >Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I >want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of >course. >Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't >ask me >abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much >trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > >This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I >wanted. For >that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list >running >into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick >chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful >anticipation >and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted >badly. " > >Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated >wishes. I >am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > >That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish >list. " Oh >well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > >Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government >schemes. >They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit >90 % of >the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many >clauses and >sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible >for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > >I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next >year? I had >to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck >me. >Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other >wishes >combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a >lifetime. Like >they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > >I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the >perfect >gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has >had >since the dawn of quarrels. " > >Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these >years, how >did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to >himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the >perfect >solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something >anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been >there, >done that! Aage Bol! " > >Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a >single >word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working >in the >office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's >lap. " > >Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest >request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic >toy >train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a >clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just >disappeared. > >I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > >In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as >ugly as >me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with >my >elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. >How about >calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in >the >house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are >not my >son! " > >'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about >picking >up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our >recreation and >we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly >stated >there. " > >This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily >got up >and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > >She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the >same. >However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he >is a >bit fairer. " > >K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > >This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me >beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This >child is >beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > >A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > >I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your >keep. So >up and about with you. " > >When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my >last USG >report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am >sure >we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > >My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The >clone was >too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the >various >doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection >was >the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn >assured >them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible >donor. > >I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was >my wife >serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front >of the >TV like I usually do. > >I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She >smiled >and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is >no need >to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 >and >said, " That's rather a good sport. " > >K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > >My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just >transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out >organs, while we are about it. " > >This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning >into a >sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more >snacks! " I >offered him munificently. > >My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a >few >organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become >you >and you shall become the clone. " > >I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me >if I was >alright. > >I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > >She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present >if I do >not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him >or >not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > >Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > >------------------------------ >Website: www.mgims.org >------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Â are you crazy asking a clone of yourself?(that was your mistake) there are many more beautiful and interesting things ... you must have asked for ash (beauty with brains) On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 Kishore Shah wrote : > > >CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his >address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do >not get >'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. >What >atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do >you >want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I >mean, >who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact >we have >many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > >The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, >and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get >some >shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > >Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special >wish you >want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace >for >all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so >obviously I cannot grant this one. " > >Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I >want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of >course. >Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't >ask me >abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much >trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > >This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I >wanted. For >that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list >running >into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick >chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful >anticipation >and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted >badly. " > >Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated >wishes. I >am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > >That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish >list. " Oh >well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > >Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government >schemes. >They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit >90 % of >the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many >clauses and >sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible >for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > >I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next >year? I had >to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck >me. >Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other >wishes >combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a >lifetime. Like >they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > >I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the >perfect >gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has >had >since the dawn of quarrels. " > >Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these >years, how >did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to >himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the >perfect >solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something >anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been >there, >done that! Aage Bol! " > >Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a >single >word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working >in the >office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's >lap. " > >Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest >request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic >toy >train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a >clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just >disappeared. > >I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > >In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as >ugly as >me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with >my >elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. >How about >calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in >the >house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are >not my >son! " > >'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about >picking >up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our >recreation and >we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly >stated >there. " > >This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily >got up >and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > >She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the >same. >However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he >is a >bit fairer. " > >K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > >This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me >beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This >child is >beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > >A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > >I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your >keep. So >up and about with you. " > >When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my >last USG >report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am >sure >we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > >My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The >clone was >too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the >various >doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection >was >the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn >assured >them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible >donor. > >I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was >my wife >serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front >of the >TV like I usually do. > >I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She >smiled >and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is >no need >to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 >and >said, " That's rather a good sport. " > >K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > >My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just >transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out >organs, while we are about it. " > >This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning >into a >sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more >snacks! " I >offered him munificently. > >My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a >few >organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become >you >and you shall become the clone. " > >I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me >if I was >alright. > >I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > >She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present >if I do >not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him >or >not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > >Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > >------------------------------ >Website: www.mgims.org >------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Â are you crazy asking a clone of yourself?(that was your mistake) there are many more beautiful and interesting things ... you must have asked for ash (beauty with brains) On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 Kishore Shah wrote : > > >CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his >address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do >not get >'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > >I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. >What >atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do >you >want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I >mean, >who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact >we have >many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > >The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, >and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get >some >shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > >Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special >wish you >want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace >for >all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so >obviously I cannot grant this one. " > >Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I >want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of >course. >Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't >ask me >abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much >trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > >This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I >wanted. For >that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list >running >into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick >chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful >anticipation >and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted >badly. " > >Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated >wishes. I >am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > >That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish >list. " Oh >well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > >Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government >schemes. >They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit >90 % of >the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many >clauses and >sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible >for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > >I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next >year? I had >to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck >me. >Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other >wishes >combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a >lifetime. Like >they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > >I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the >perfect >gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has >had >since the dawn of quarrels. " > >Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these >years, how >did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to >himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the >perfect >solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something >anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been >there, >done that! Aage Bol! " > >Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a >single >word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working >in the >office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's >lap. " > >Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest >request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic >toy >train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a >clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just >disappeared. > >I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > >In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as >ugly as >me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with >my >elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. >How about >calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in >the >house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are >not my >son! " > >'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about >picking >up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our >recreation and >we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly >stated >there. " > >This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily >got up >and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > >She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the >same. >However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he >is a >bit fairer. " > >K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > >This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me >beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This >child is >beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > >A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > >I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your >keep. So >up and about with you. " > >When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my >last USG >report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am >sure >we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > >My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The >clone was >too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the >various >doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection >was >the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn >assured >them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible >donor. > >I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was >my wife >serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front >of the >TV like I usually do. > >I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She >smiled >and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is >no need >to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 >and >said, " That's rather a good sport. " > >K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > >My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just >transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out >organs, while we are about it. " > >This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning >into a >sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more >snacks! " I >offered him munificently. > >My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a >few >organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become >you >and you shall become the clone. " > >I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me >if I was >alright. > >I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > >She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present >if I do >not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him >or >not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > >Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > >------------------------------ >Website: www.mgims.org >------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Thanks Ravin, Anshu, Manish, and Shyam And Manish, I did ask for Ash. However, Viveck had already wished for her. Ho! Ho! Ho! K1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Thanks Ravin, Anshu, Manish, and Shyam And Manish, I did ask for Ash. However, Viveck had already wished for her. Ho! Ho! Ho! K1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Thanks Ravin, Anshu, Manish, and Shyam And Manish, I did ask for Ash. However, Viveck had already wished for her. Ho! Ho! Ho! K1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Dear Kishoreda, If brain transplants are possible, I would like to have a part of that brain of yours that has such fantastic power of imagination. Wish you a Happy New year. Chetan Keep Smiling --- Shah wrote: --------------------------------- CHRISTMAS GIFT " Ho! Ho! Ho! " It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his address. " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do not get 'Ho's here. " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. What atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do you want? Who are you? " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I mean, who are you? See, you got me so . " " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " " Oh! Where is Banta? " " Banta? Who is Banta? " " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact we have many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and said, " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get some shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special wish you want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace for all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so obviously I cannot grant this one. " Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I want? " " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of course. Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't ask me abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I wanted. For that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list running into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick chapters. " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful anticipation and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted badly. " Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated wishes. I am a quasi religious figure, you know. " That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish list. " Oh well, there are still a few things that .. " " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government schemes. They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit 90 % of the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many clauses and sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible for it. " " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next year? I had to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck me. Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other wishes combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a lifetime. Like they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the perfect gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has had since the dawn of quarrels. " Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these years, how did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to himself, which was anatomically impossible. " " I am confused. " " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the perfect solution! I want a clone for myself. " " A clone? " " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been there, done that! Aage Bol! " Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a single word of what you are saying. " " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working in the office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's lap. " Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic toy train. I have beautiful new models this year. " " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a clone. " " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just disappeared. I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as ugly as me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with my elbow. " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " " Who are you calling son? " " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. How about calling me by name? " " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in the house?' " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are not my son! " 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about picking up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our recreation and we need our off days. " " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly stated there. " This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily got up and informed my wife. " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " " What's there to see? He's just like me. " She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the same. However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he is a bit fairer. " K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This child is beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your keep. So up and about with you. " When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my last USG report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am sure we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The clone was too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the various doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection was the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn assured them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible donor. I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was my wife serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front of the TV like I usually do. I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She smiled and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is no need to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 and said, " That's rather a good sport. " K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out organs, while we are about it. " This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning into a sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more snacks! " I offered him munificently. My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a few organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become you and you shall become the clone. " I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me if I was alright. I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " She said, " Why? Just two days! " " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present if I do not believe in him? " " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him or not! " " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. Kishore Shah 1974 ------------------------------ Website: www.mgims.org ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Dear Kishoreda, If brain transplants are possible, I would like to have a part of that brain of yours that has such fantastic power of imagination. Wish you a Happy New year. Chetan Keep Smiling --- Shah wrote: --------------------------------- CHRISTMAS GIFT " Ho! Ho! Ho! " It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his address. " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do not get 'Ho's here. " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. What atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do you want? Who are you? " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I mean, who are you? See, you got me so . " " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " " Oh! Where is Banta? " " Banta? Who is Banta? " " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact we have many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and said, " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get some shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special wish you want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace for all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so obviously I cannot grant this one. " Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I want? " " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of course. Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't ask me abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I wanted. For that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list running into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick chapters. " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful anticipation and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted badly. " Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated wishes. I am a quasi religious figure, you know. " That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish list. " Oh well, there are still a few things that .. " " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government schemes. They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit 90 % of the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many clauses and sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible for it. " " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next year? I had to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck me. Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other wishes combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a lifetime. Like they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the perfect gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has had since the dawn of quarrels. " Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these years, how did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to himself, which was anatomically impossible. " " I am confused. " " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the perfect solution! I want a clone for myself. " " A clone? " " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been there, done that! Aage Bol! " Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a single word of what you are saying. " " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working in the office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's lap. " Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic toy train. I have beautiful new models this year. " " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a clone. " " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just disappeared. I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as ugly as me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with my elbow. " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " " Who are you calling son? " " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. How about calling me by name? " " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in the house?' " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are not my son! " 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about picking up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our recreation and we need our off days. " " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly stated there. " This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily got up and informed my wife. " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " " What's there to see? He's just like me. " She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the same. However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he is a bit fairer. " K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This child is beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your keep. So up and about with you. " When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my last USG report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am sure we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The clone was too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the various doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection was the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn assured them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible donor. I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was my wife serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front of the TV like I usually do. I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She smiled and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is no need to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 and said, " That's rather a good sport. " K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out organs, while we are about it. " This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning into a sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more snacks! " I offered him munificently. My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a few organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become you and you shall become the clone. " I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me if I was alright. I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " She said, " Why? Just two days! " " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present if I do not believe in him? " " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him or not! " " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. Kishore Shah 1974 ------------------------------ Website: www.mgims.org ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Dear Kishoreda, If brain transplants are possible, I would like to have a part of that brain of yours that has such fantastic power of imagination. Wish you a Happy New year. Chetan Keep Smiling --- Shah wrote: --------------------------------- CHRISTMAS GIFT " Ho! Ho! Ho! " It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his address. " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do not get 'Ho's here. " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. What atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do you want? Who are you? " " Ho! Ho! Ho! " " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I mean, who are you? See, you got me so . " " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " " Oh! Where is Banta? " " Banta? Who is Banta? " " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact we have many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and said, " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get some shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special wish you want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace for all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so obviously I cannot grant this one. " Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I want? " " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of course. Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't ask me abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I wanted. For that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list running into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick chapters. " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful anticipation and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted badly. " Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated wishes. I am a quasi religious figure, you know. " That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish list. " Oh well, there are still a few things that .. " " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government schemes. They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit 90 % of the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many clauses and sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible for it. " " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next year? I had to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck me. Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other wishes combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a lifetime. Like they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the perfect gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has had since the dawn of quarrels. " Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these years, how did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to himself, which was anatomically impossible. " " I am confused. " " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the perfect solution! I want a clone for myself. " " A clone? " " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been there, done that! Aage Bol! " Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a single word of what you are saying. " " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working in the office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's lap. " Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic toy train. I have beautiful new models this year. " " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a clone. " " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just disappeared. I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as ugly as me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with my elbow. " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " " Who are you calling son? " " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. How about calling me by name? " " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in the house?' " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are not my son! " 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about picking up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our recreation and we need our off days. " " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly stated there. " This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily got up and informed my wife. " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " " What's there to see? He's just like me. " She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the same. However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he is a bit fairer. " K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This child is beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your keep. So up and about with you. " When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my last USG report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am sure we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The clone was too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the various doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection was the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn assured them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible donor. I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was my wife serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front of the TV like I usually do. I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She smiled and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is no need to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 and said, " That's rather a good sport. " K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out organs, while we are about it. " This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning into a sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more snacks! " I offered him munificently. My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a few organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become you and you shall become the clone. " I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me if I was alright. I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " She said, " Why? Just two days! " " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present if I do not believe in him? " " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him or not! " " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. Kishore Shah 1974 ------------------------------ Website: www.mgims.org ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Great work,K1.....but don't forget to keep an eye on K2. Merry Xmas to K1.....and all the group members. Neeti'86 > > CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his > address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do > not get > 'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. > What > atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do > you > want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I > mean, > who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact > we have > many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > > The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, > and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get > some > shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > > Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special > wish you > want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace > for > all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so > obviously I cannot grant this one. " > > Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I > want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of > course. > Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't > ask me > abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much > trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > > This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I > wanted. For > that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list > running > into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick > chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful > anticipation > and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted > badly. " > > Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated > wishes. I > am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > > That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish > list. " Oh > well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > > Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government > schemes. > They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit > 90 % of > the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many > clauses and > sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible > for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > > I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next > year? I had > to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck > me. > Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other > wishes > combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a > lifetime. Like > they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > > I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the > perfect > gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has > had > since the dawn of quarrels. " > > Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these > years, how > did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to > himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the > perfect > solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something > anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been > there, > done that! Aage Bol! " > > Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a > single > word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working > in the > office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's > lap. " > > Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest > request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic > toy > train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a > clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just > disappeared. > > I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > > In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as > ugly as > me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with > my > elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. > How about > calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in > the > house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are > not my > son! " > > 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about > picking > up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our > recreation and > we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly > stated > there. " > > This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily > got up > and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > > She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the > same. > However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he > is a > bit fairer. " > > K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > > This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me > beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This > child is > beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > > A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > > I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your > keep. So > up and about with you. " > > When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my > last USG > report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am > sure > we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > > My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The > clone was > too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the > various > doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection > was > the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn > assured > them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible > donor. > > I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was > my wife > serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front > of the > TV like I usually do. > > I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She > smiled > and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is > no need > to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 > and > said, " That's rather a good sport. " > > K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > > My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just > transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out > organs, while we are about it. " > > This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning > into a > sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more > snacks! " I > offered him munificently. > > My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a > few > organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become > you > and you shall become the clone. " > > I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me > if I was > alright. > > I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > > She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present > if I do > not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him > or > not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > > Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Great work,K1.....but don't forget to keep an eye on K2. Merry Xmas to K1.....and all the group members. Neeti'86 > > CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his > address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do > not get > 'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. > What > atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do > you > want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I > mean, > who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact > we have > many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > > The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, > and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get > some > shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > > Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special > wish you > want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace > for > all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so > obviously I cannot grant this one. " > > Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I > want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of > course. > Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't > ask me > abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much > trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > > This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I > wanted. For > that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list > running > into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick > chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful > anticipation > and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted > badly. " > > Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated > wishes. I > am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > > That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish > list. " Oh > well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > > Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government > schemes. > They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit > 90 % of > the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many > clauses and > sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible > for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > > I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next > year? I had > to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck > me. > Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other > wishes > combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a > lifetime. Like > they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > > I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the > perfect > gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has > had > since the dawn of quarrels. " > > Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these > years, how > did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to > himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the > perfect > solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something > anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been > there, > done that! Aage Bol! " > > Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a > single > word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working > in the > office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's > lap. " > > Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest > request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic > toy > train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a > clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just > disappeared. > > I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > > In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as > ugly as > me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with > my > elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. > How about > calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in > the > house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are > not my > son! " > > 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about > picking > up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our > recreation and > we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly > stated > there. " > > This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily > got up > and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > > She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the > same. > However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he > is a > bit fairer. " > > K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > > This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me > beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This > child is > beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > > A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > > I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your > keep. So > up and about with you. " > > When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my > last USG > report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am > sure > we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > > My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The > clone was > too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the > various > doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection > was > the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn > assured > them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible > donor. > > I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was > my wife > serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front > of the > TV like I usually do. > > I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She > smiled > and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is > no need > to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 > and > said, " That's rather a good sport. " > > K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > > My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just > transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out > organs, while we are about it. " > > This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning > into a > sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more > snacks! " I > offered him munificently. > > My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a > few > organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become > you > and you shall become the clone. " > > I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me > if I was > alright. > > I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > > She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present > if I do > not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him > or > not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > > Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Great work,K1.....but don't forget to keep an eye on K2. Merry Xmas to K1.....and all the group members. Neeti'86 > > CHRISTMAS GIFT > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > It was deep in the cold night. Some idiot had obviously confused his > address. > > " Go away! " I snarled testily, " This is not a red light area. You do > not get > 'Ho's here. " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > I sleepily teased open my eyes. It was a fat guy in a scarlet suit. > What > atrocious tastes some guys have. Imagine - a scarlet suit! " What do > you > want? Who are you? " > > " Ho! Ho! Ho! " > > " Don't keep saying that. It irritates the life out of me. Ho are .. I > mean, > who are you? See, you got me so . " > > " Don't you know me? I am Santa. " > > " Oh! Where is Banta? " > > " Banta? Who is Banta? " > > " Banta Singh! Both of you are quite popular on the Internet. In fact > we have > many websites dedicated to Santa Singh -Banta Singh jokes. " > > The fat guy drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, > and said, > " I am Santa Claus, and not some Singh as you allude. " > > " Look! I don't care what type of Santa you are. I am trying to get > some > shuteye here. Would you mind closing the door behind you? " > > Santa ignored me and continued, " I am here to grant you any special > wish you > want this Christmas. " Then he added hastily, " And don't ask for Peace > for > all and goodwill on earth. I have already granted Bush his wish, so > obviously I cannot grant this one. " > > Now I was really awake. " You mean to say that I will get whatever I > want? " > > " Of course! " Then he added cautiously, " Within reasonable limits, of > course. > Like you humans keep saying - Conditions apply! For example, don't > ask me > abstract things like happiness and tranquillity. That takes too much > trouble. I am more comfortable with toy trains or Barbie dolls. " > > This set me thinking. There were, naturally, many things that I > wanted. For > that matter, who doesn't? Even Bill Gates must be having a wish list > running > into volumes. In fact, mine must be shorter than Bill's by a few thick > chapters. > > " Okay. " I said, rubbing my hands together, half with gleeful > anticipation > and half with the cold, " There are a few things that I so wanted > badly. " > > Santa Claus became alarmed. " Hey! Hey! Just a moment! No X-rated > wishes. I > am a quasi religious figure, you know. " > > That rather dampened me. It eliminated nearly 95 % of my wish > list. " Oh > well, there are still a few things that .. " > > " One more moment. I will grant you only one wish. " > > Now I was disgusted. " You really are like one of those government > schemes. > They announce some freebie for the middle class, which will benefit > 90 % of > the population, and just when you are ready to enjoy it, so many > clauses and > sub-clauses are added, that ultimately only 27 people are eligible > for it. " > > " Well, my name is Claus, isn't it? " > > I thought deeply. Who knew if this guy would be as generous next > year? I had > to make one wish, which would last me through my life. Then it struck > me. > Here was one thing that I wanted, which was better than all my other > wishes > combined. And the best thing was that it would last me for a > lifetime. Like > they say in ads: Kifayati aur Tikau! > > I turned to Santa and said, " Okay! My mind is made up. I know the > perfect > gift that I want. It will solve the greatest dilemma that mankind has > had > since the dawn of quarrels. " > > Santa looked confused. " I cannot understand what you are speaking. " > > " You will! " I continued with a sly grin. " Look! Through all these > years, how > did most quarrels end? One guy would tell the other to do something to > himself, which was anatomically impossible. " > > " I am confused. " > > " Exactly! The only answer to that was confusion. So now I have the > perfect > solution! I want a clone for myself. " > > " A clone? " > > " Yup! A clone of myself! So when anyone tells me to go do something > anatomically impossible to myself, I can retort confidently, been > there, > done that! Aage Bol! " > > Now Santa Claus was totally confused. " I really cannot understand a > single > word of what you are saying. " > > " Of Course, there are other possibilities. The Clone would be working > in the > office while I laze around sleepily sucking grapes at my mistress's > lap. " > > Santa looked at me with disgust and said, " This must be the strangest > request I've ever had. Are you sure you do not want a nice electronic > toy > train. I have beautiful new models this year. " > > " No Santa, my mind is made up! No Trains for me. I prefer to train a > clone. " > > " Okay! Tomorrow, your wish will be granted. " Pfft! The guy just > disappeared. > > I slept a restless sleep in anticipation of great things to come. > > In the morning, hey presto, there next to me was an individual as > ugly as > me. It was almost like looking in a mirror. I nudged the chappie with > my > elbow. > > " Get up, Son. Time to go to work. " > > " Who are you calling son? " > > " Well, after all you are my flesh and blood. " > > " Not sufficient. I need to be a fertilized egg to be called a son. > How about > calling me by name? " > > " That would be too confusing. How can there be two Kishores around in > the > house?' > > " Even the American prez is Bush and his Dad is Bush. " > > " Look! I am an ordinary man. And you already clarified that you are > not my > son! " > > 'Well, how about calling ourselves K1 and K2? " > > " That sounds like mountain peaks. But well, Okay. So K2, how about > picking > up your sorry pyjamas and getting ready? " > > " Sorry, K1, we clones have our rights, you know! We need our > recreation and > we need our off days. " > > " Whoever heard of off days on the first day of work? " > > " Didn't you read the Compendium of Clone Knowledge? It is clearly > stated > there. " > > This was getting more complicated than I had anticipated. I moodily > got up > and informed my wife. > > " Wow! A clone? Let me see! " > > " What's there to see? He's just like me. " > > She rushed into the bedroom and carefully eyed K2. " Hmm! Looks the > same. > However, he has fewer wrinkles. And his potbelly is smaller. Also, he > is a > bit fairer. " > > K2 heard this and got up smiling. " Hello beautiful! " > > This was obviously not aimed at me. The only time anyone had called me > beautiful was when the doctor who had delivered me had said 'This > child is > beautiful' and he had added a question mark after that. > > A wife simpered coyly. This clone chap was getting a bit out of hand. > > I roughly turned to him and said, " Listen, you had better earn your > keep. So > up and about with you. " > > When he left the room, I turned to my wife and said, " You know my > last USG > report showed early changes of Cirrhosis due to too many drinks? I am > sure > we can transplant this guy's liver into me without fear of rejection. " > > My wife looked a tad doubtful, but I was resolved to go ahead. The > clone was > too fresh for my liking. That day, instead of working I went to the > various > doctors and discussed Liver transplants. I was assured that rejection > was > the only snag otherwise everything else was manageable. I in turn > assured > them that rejection was no problem, because I had a most compatible > donor. > > I returned light-hearted to my home. As I opened the door, there was > my wife > serving my favourite snacks to that idiot K2, who was lazing in front > of the > TV like I usually do. > > I took my wife aside and told her about the transplant operation. She > smiled > and said, " Actually I have already discussed it with K2, so there is > no need > to hide it. K2 agrees with you entirely. " > > " What? " I could not believe my good fortune. I turned beamingly at K2 > and > said, " That's rather a good sport. " > > K2 gobbled up a few of my snacks, nodding smilingly. > > My wife continued, " In fact, K2 himself suggested that instead of just > transplanting the Liver, we can transplant even more of your worn out > organs, while we are about it. " > > This was getting better and better. This K2 character was turning > into a > sterling fellow. I looked towards him benevolently. " Have more > snacks! " I > offered him munificently. > > My wife continued, " In fact, he suggested that instead of replacing a > few > organs, we should replace you entirely. So henceforth, he will become > you > and you shall become the clone. " > > I woke up gasping and sweating. My wife mopped my brow and asked me > if I was > alright. > > I asked her, " How many days to Christmas? " > > She said, " Why? Just two days! " > > " Oh my God! Do you think that Santa Claus will not give me a present > if I do > not believe in him? " > > " No dear! Santa gives everyone a present, whether they believe in him > or > not! " > > " No! " I screamed and buried my head in my hands. > > Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2004 Report Share Posted December 24, 2004 Thanks Neeti and Chetan, I''d better keep an eye on K2. Yes! Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2004 Report Share Posted December 24, 2004 Thanks Neeti and Chetan, I''d better keep an eye on K2. Yes! Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2004 Report Share Posted December 24, 2004 Thanks Neeti and Chetan, I''d better keep an eye on K2. Yes! Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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