Re: Making our own happy holidays -

December 4, 2001

Hi !

I can really relate to your photo album experience. In our huge box of pictures

and movies, I discovered a very old box of negatives from the 1940s and 1950s,

and I have no clue how they got there. I also found some progress pictures of

the house dad was building for us when mother took us kids and

left him, again I don't know how I got them, because I don't recall ever seeing

them.

After mother divorced dad, she destroyed all the photos she had of dad. So, I

have few photos of him, except the few that my great aunt had in her photo

album, which I now have, because I had the presence of mind to ask mother for it

before she and I had our big blowup in '99.

Anyhow, I bought a negative scanner and scanned them into my computer. What a

gold mine! Those negatives contained photos of mother and dad around the time

they got married, some of dad's relatives, and tons of mother and I during my

first three years of life. Most I've never seen before.

It was so painful seeing mother in those pictures, because she was beautiful,

vivacious, and so normal looking. You could tell she loved me to pieces in

those pictures, and it tore my heart open. I wondered the exact same thing as

you, . What happened to her? It was a gut wrenching

experience working with those negatives, because part of me was so angry with

her, and the other part cried out to her, my mother, the woman who gave me life.

I'd cry myself to sleep, wanting " my mommy " . That was over a year ago. Now I

know what happened. She suffers from BPD, the most normal

appearing mental disorder that wrecks havoc with all whom they come in contact

with, eventually.

Thanks for sharing your experience, . It never ceases to amaze me how

many experiences are shared on this list that were so similar, if not exactly

the same, as one's I've experienced.

Best wishes,

Carol

Lutman wrote:

> The other night I got out my limited photo album of my

> childhood. My mother lost or destroyed the rest and

> blamed it on me to my brothers. But anyway, I found

> pics of myself when I was 2, my son's age. i found 2

> or 3 with just my mom and me. I just cried because she

> looked so normal back them and I kept asking myself

> and my husband, what happened to her??

December 4, 2001

Carol:

That is so true. I see myself with my Mother and wonder what was truly on

her mind in the latter year pictures.

I even asked her if she was really my mother when she did some very evil

things to me. She was caught totally off her guard and wondered why.

Where do you get a negative scanner?

Kathy

Re: Making our own happy holidays -

Hi !

I can really relate to your photo album experience. In our huge box of

pictures and movies, I discovered a very old box of negatives from the 1940s

and 1950s, and I have no clue how they got there. I also found some

progress pictures of the house dad was building for us when mother took us

kids and

left him, again I don't know how I got them, because I don't recall ever

seeing them.

After mother divorced dad, she destroyed all the photos she had of dad.

So, I have few photos of him, except the few that my great aunt had in her

photo album, which I now have, because I had the presence of mind to ask

mother for it before she and I had our big blowup in '99.

Anyhow, I bought a negative scanner and scanned them into my computer.

What a gold mine! Those negatives contained photos of mother and dad around

the time they got married, some of dad's relatives, and tons of mother and I

during my first three years of life. Most I've never seen before.

It was so painful seeing mother in those pictures, because she was

beautiful, vivacious, and so normal looking. You could tell she loved me

to pieces in those pictures, and it tore my heart open. I wondered the

exact same thing as you, . What happened to her? It was a gut

wrenching

experience working with those negatives, because part of me was so angry

with her, and the other part cried out to her, my mother, the woman who gave

me life. I'd cry myself to sleep, wanting " my mommy " . That was over a

year ago. Now I know what happened. She suffers from BPD, the most normal

appearing mental disorder that wrecks havoc with all whom they come in

contact with, eventually.

Thanks for sharing your experience, . It never ceases to amaze me

how many experiences are shared on this list that were so similar, if not

exactly the same, as one's I've experienced.

Best wishes,

Carol

Lutman wrote:

> The other night I got out my limited photo album of my

> childhood. My mother lost or destroyed the rest and

> blamed it on me to my brothers. But anyway, I found

> pics of myself when I was 2, my son's age. i found 2

> or 3 with just my mom and me. I just cried because she

> looked so normal back them and I kept asking myself

> and my husband, what happened to her??

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December 4, 2001