Re: Does it ever end??? compare and contrast of interest areas

September 5, 2005

I'm an ABA consultant and I agree with you I always tell parents

to look at priorities with any behavior that they want to get rid of.

If taking away a behavior like lining up toys is going to make the

child miserable, or preventing ALL twirling stims is going to prevent

them from relaxing, I won't target those behaviors. The only

behaviors I presonally am worried about are the ones that are

potentially harmful to people or property, and the ones that are

socially UNACCEPTABLE, like stripping in public, not the ones that

are " quirky " like hand flapping. I have had disagreements with

parents over this, especially " new " parents, who are still looking

for a cure all. But good grief, we all have stims and odd

behaviors...and I have pointed out those of parents I have worked

with to help them get a little perspective.

My goal for all my kids is for them to learn up to and beyond their

potential, and for them to be happy while they are doing it. Happy

kids learn more, it's as simple as that. Also...therapists stay

longer in programs where the kids are having fun.

Amnesty

> >>then shouldnot parents understand

> >>the same core things happen to many on the spectrum and yet

> >>they are not validated as important and so is something

> >>people try to extinguish. You might argue and say well train

> >>schedules have no purpose or meaning that can be useful or

> >>their interest has no purpose? But in true that is from NT

> >>perspectives to us it has its purpose to us as well. It is

> >>just a purpose not often understood or respected. Not wanting

> >>to direct this to any ones person but just a sharing of the

> >>two very similar but different thinkings and such.

>

> Sondra,

>

> This may not be popular belief on this list, or even in real life,

but I

> agree with you completely.

>

> I admit, I spent years trying to change everything, fix it, and if

there was

> a therapy, I was there.

> But one day, as I watched my child line up various objects all

across the

> house, I decided I was done trying to change their ways.

>

> If you can't beat 'em - - join 'em.

>

> So I ended up lining up objects with her. I will never forget the

look of

> respect, admiration and utter joy that my daughter gave me the very

first

> time I got down on the floor and straightened up her line to

perfection. <I

> mean, if you are going to make a line, let's make it straight,

right?>

>

> This is not to say I am this carefree or relaxed with everything - -

I'm

> not. In fact, when it comes to behavioral issues such as SIB's or

stims

> that are too disruptive, or destructive behaviors, etc - I am on

them, and

> even if it kills me, I will extinguish it. There is a certain

amount that

> is expected from a participant in society and you cannot go around

hitting

> people and expect to get away with in the name of autism, or

because you're

> different. Unacceptable.

>

> But other than those specific issues - - - when at home, I let them

be. I

> terminated our in-home program and I think I was perhaps the first

and maybe

> only parent in my area to ask the SD to take out the in-home - - -

because

> all the hours where they wanted to do their own thing, however

weird their

> thing might be, was consumed by " academics " and DTT/ABA. They get

many

> hours of that at school - and they work HARD. So if my child wants

to come

> home and swim for 3 hours... Or rewind the tape to the same place

again and

> again and again, so be it. We make them work so hard to be

like " normal

> people " - - and seeing the progress they have made, you know they

are trying

> their best to join our world - - but to me, it is a fact that their

world IS

> different.

> And one day, it just seemed unfair to deny them everything they

enjoy to

> force them to be like me, or anyone else's child.

> (Again, there ARE limits... And this recent " let's draw whatever we

learned

> at school all over the house walls " is my current project, I am SO

not okay

> with this!)

>

> So now, I still get that look of love and fascination when I

memorize an

> entire script and recite it for them. Both girls are elated when I

can

> recite lines upon lines... And I am rather freaky good at it, too.

LOL!!

> Singing also - - when I can sing the song they know from the tape

or DVD or

> the radio - - they are in awe.

>

> They still spend 5 hours in a day doing as we ask them to, and we

do have

> limits at our house where it is a matter of give and take. You do

something

> my way, and I will let you do whatever thing it is you're wanting

to do.

> Nobody gets JACK without using their words/language, but as far as

play is

> concerned - - while they CAN sit down and play a certain game with

their

> peers when I make them do so - - - - when the game is over, if they

feel

> like tapping a toy to their heart's content, or running around the

sofa

> twice and then touching a wall - - so be it.

>

> <shrug>

> I've seen people who think of me as " resigned " . In some ways, I

guess I am.

> I just decided to accept them for who they are. We continue to make

> progress and that is all I can ask for right now. Granted, I do

not like

> everything they do, and goodness knows life is so hard sometimes,

but

> nothing compares to watching them so happy to do something that

they like to

> do, even if it's not something I can comprehend or relate to.

> It is, afterall, about their happiness, isn't it?

September 5, 2005