Re: Still Looking...

[Guest guest]

Barbara,

You need to do what is best for your family. I hope you didn't feel

like you had to justify your opinions to us! Granted, most of us in

the group have opted to treat but I think I speak for all of us when

I say that I really respect your decision not to. You just have to

follow your heart and your gut!

Best of luck to you and please do keep us posted on how you all are doing!

Sharon & Evan (11-22-99)

>Thanks for all the replies so far (and keep them coming!!)

>

>Just wanted to answer a few of your questions.

>

>- Our reasons for leaning toward non-treatment are mostly ethical.

>To sum it up, it's something like this: Are we just inflicting our

>own and society's vanity on him by trying to make his head perfect?

>It's not what I would call " abnormal " by any means -- if it were, we

>would certainly do something about it. If we fix this, I'm sure

>there will still be a myriad of other potentials for children, and

>later, adults, to tease and criticize. We just can't protect him

>from all of society's ills. Unfortunately, he has to learn (and we

>have to teach him) one of society's lessons and teach him to feel

>confident about himself despite a few flaws, which we all have, and

>that people will inevitably bring up. We think: If his nose were

>crooked, would we fix that? If he sings off-key, would we fix that?

>If he remains skinny (like he is now), will we go to extraordinary

>means to try to fatten him up? Etc., Etc.

>

>- The specialist that looked at him was a cranio-facial plastic

>surgeon who deals with plagio on a regular basis. He ruled out

>cranio and assured us it was not a medical problem. He said that, in

>his opinion, he would fix it if it were his son, and that it would

>probably take about 4 months of wearing a band. Of course, it's not

>his son. At first, that comment really got to us, but as we weighed

>it more heavily, and gave it time to sink in, we realized that, other

>than his medical opinion, his opinion on whether or not to treat is

>just one more person's opinion. Whatever we decide, we will still be

>seeing the specialist, to check on his progress and make sure

>everything continues to be medically okay, for several months or

>more.

>

>- Whether or not he decides he wants to shave his head later has

>crossed my mind, and I've given that considerable thought. I guess

>my thinking there is that that's a very good point, but that we can't

>let that weigh more heavily than what we feel is philosophically or

>ethically right (if we could only figure that out for sure). We've

>noticed some pretty strangely-shaped shaven heads lately, especially

>as we've watched the olympic male swimmers, that we would never have

>given more than a second's thought to if we hadn't been attuned to

>it, becuase of our own personal dilemma.

>

>I think that covers most of your questions. Thanks so much for all

>of your advice. As you can see, we're still leaning heavily against

>treatment, but I will send a posting when we've decided for sure. We

>hope to make a final decision this weekend.

>

>Thanks Again!!

>

>Barbara

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