Just want to share: Growing Up Emotionally

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Hi everybody!

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www.helpyourselftherapy.com

Interesting topic: Growing Up Emotionally

http://www.helpyourselftherapy.com/topics/grow.html

Growing Up Emotionally

THE DAY WE GREW UP

Most of us can remember the day we grew up.

It was the day our parents did us the favor of being so unreasonable

that we said good-bye to our dependence on them forever

and entered into the adult world of choices.

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Looking back, we realize that the unreasonable thing our parents did

that day

wasn't quite as awful as it seemed.

After all, since they are only human,

they had been at least as unreasonable many times before.

What was so special about this day was that we were ready!

We had finally matured enough to know that

we could take better care of ourselves than they ever could.

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Before that day, we had always looked to our parents when we needed

help.

Since that day, we have looked to ourselves first and to our " family

of choice " after that.

OUR FAMILY OF CHOICE

Adults CHOOSE the people they count on for emotional support.

We look around and decide: " Who can I rely on? "

There are some relatives, some friends, even some coworkers and

professionals

who have been kind, helpful, and respectful and can be counted on to

treat us well.

We may not call these people " family, " but in an emotional sense they

are.

This is our " family of choice. "

IF YOU DIDN'T GROW UP

Many people are still dependent on their birth families.

They and their parents have conspired to continue their childhood

into adult life.

If this is your situation, the first thing to ask yourself is:

" What do I think I still need from them? " .

The second thing to ask yourself is:

" What price am I paying for being unable or unwilling to provide this

for myself? " .

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Get what you need on your own, from MANY people - not just your birth

family.

Use your " Family Of Choice " well!

Then you can have the best independent friendship

you can possibly have with your parents.

WHO'S TAKING CARE OF WHOM?

Paradoxically, people who never let go of their parents

are usually people who never had " true parents " in the first place.

A true parent is someone who realizes it is their job to take care of

their children,

and that it is not a child's job to take care of their parents!

True parents enjoy taking care of their kids,

and don't resent that their kids need them.

And they want them to reach a truly independent adulthood with a good

chance at happiness.

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If you had parents who never grew up themselves,

they probably insisted that you " behave " or " succeed " or " stay out of

trouble "

just like all parents do.

But you were supposed to do these things for them, not for yourself.

It's as if you were their " parent, " and they were desperately needy

children.

BRAINWASHING

" What would the neighbors think of me if they saw what you did? "

" If you loved me you wouldn't do things like that. "

" Mrs. Caruthers down the street has a NICE daughter. She's not like

you. "

" You are going to make me lose control " !

" Come on, make Mama happy. Put a big smile on your face! "

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After years of being treated like this,

it's no wonder many adults try to justify their dependence

by saying they WOULD grow up

" but my parents need me too much now that they are older. "

(Their parents have needed them too much since they were born!)

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It's so much easier to believe that you are being benevolent

than to face that you are still craving

the parent you needed, never had, and, sadly but almost surely, never

will have.

BREAK THAT CHAIN!

If your grandparents never grew up, your parents probably never grew

up.

If your parents never grew up, you probably never grew up.

If you never grew up, your children may never grow up!

Please break this chain!

Let your generation be the one that says:

" There have been too many wasted lives. "

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Don't expect your children to take care of you in any way at all!

Do choose your own new " family of choice, " and use them wisely and

well!