Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 IMHO as hard as it might be to disengage when being triggered I would hope that a person in this situation would still have the capacity to walk away...a reaction that is severe as murder does not happen overnight unless there are very serious mental problems(sociopaths and psychopaths)...there are many on this list who have wound up fighting with nada's and fada's and eventually decided to make a complete break from the cycle of emotional violence that often comes with borderline personalities...I can understand how someone with BPD can behave in such a manner that people react with intense anger. IMO it then becomes a matter of individual responsibility and awareness to withdraw from the situation....I am not an expert, nor have I ever felt triggered to this extent but I have been pretty angry in my life and certainly had some thoughts on retaliation that I would have preferred not to have had...thoughts are one thing...taking action is another...I am very sorry that you have lived through these horrendous experiences.I hope you are taking care of the emotional wounds that often come with this kind of trauma ...I agree with you that it was not your mom's fault that she was murdered...that responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator....Blessings, violence ? > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with interest cos it's > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into physical fights > with my mother. > > But I need to take it one step further. Does this make sense... Ever > since my mother's murder I have always felt, that while it was not her > fault that she was murdered, that was his doing, her personality caused > people to react violently to her. In the newspaper articles after her > death there were several stories where she had been attacked previously > because of how she treated people. In fact the papers were almost able > to show why her murderer could be so angry with her. I mean when the > police called and said she had been murdered, the first words out of my > mouth were- " I didn't do it " . > > ** , Stinky's caretaker** > " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any > given set of circumstances " V. l > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 IMHO as hard as it might be to disengage when being triggered I would hope that a person in this situation would still have the capacity to walk away...a reaction that is severe as murder does not happen overnight unless there are very serious mental problems(sociopaths and psychopaths)...there are many on this list who have wound up fighting with nada's and fada's and eventually decided to make a complete break from the cycle of emotional violence that often comes with borderline personalities...I can understand how someone with BPD can behave in such a manner that people react with intense anger. IMO it then becomes a matter of individual responsibility and awareness to withdraw from the situation....I am not an expert, nor have I ever felt triggered to this extent but I have been pretty angry in my life and certainly had some thoughts on retaliation that I would have preferred not to have had...thoughts are one thing...taking action is another...I am very sorry that you have lived through these horrendous experiences.I hope you are taking care of the emotional wounds that often come with this kind of trauma ...I agree with you that it was not your mom's fault that she was murdered...that responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator....Blessings, violence ? > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with interest cos it's > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into physical fights > with my mother. > > But I need to take it one step further. Does this make sense... Ever > since my mother's murder I have always felt, that while it was not her > fault that she was murdered, that was his doing, her personality caused > people to react violently to her. In the newspaper articles after her > death there were several stories where she had been attacked previously > because of how she treated people. In fact the papers were almost able > to show why her murderer could be so angry with her. I mean when the > police called and said she had been murdered, the first words out of my > mouth were- " I didn't do it " . > > ** , Stinky's caretaker** > " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any > given set of circumstances " V. l > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 I am > very sorry that you have lived through these horrendous experiences.I hope > you are taking care of the emotional wounds that often come with this kind > of trauma ...I agree with you that it was not your mom's fault that she was > murdered...that responsibility lies solely with the > perpetrator....Blessings, My feelings exactly. Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 --- andy24747@... wrote: > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > interest cos it's > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > physical fights > with my mother. Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't physically fight nada back. She would black out during these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 --- andy24747@... wrote: > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > interest cos it's > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > physical fights > with my mother. Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't physically fight nada back. She would black out during these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 --- andy24747@... wrote: > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > interest cos it's > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > physical fights > with my mother. Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't physically fight nada back. She would black out during these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 Oh I know it was the murderer's fault. He tried to claim self-defense and no one bought it. He claimed that she made him so angry that he had no choice but to kill her. He had absolutely no criminal record, in fact his mother is a minister. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 Oh I know it was the murderer's fault. He tried to claim self-defense and no one bought it. He claimed that she made him so angry that he had no choice but to kill her. He had absolutely no criminal record, in fact his mother is a minister. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 Oh I know it was the murderer's fault. He tried to claim self-defense and no one bought it. He claimed that she made him so angry that he had no choice but to kill her. He had absolutely no criminal record, in fact his mother is a minister. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 " There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life " The sad thing is that even though my mother and I live on opposite ends of the country. I had no doubt that if she had not been killed, I would have been killed by her. The more I did to severe ties the more irratic her behavior was getting. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 " There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life " The sad thing is that even though my mother and I live on opposite ends of the country. I had no doubt that if she had not been killed, I would have been killed by her. The more I did to severe ties the more irratic her behavior was getting. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 " There's no doubt in my mind she was going to physically assault me. I was scared for my life " The sad thing is that even though my mother and I live on opposite ends of the country. I had no doubt that if she had not been killed, I would have been killed by her. The more I did to severe ties the more irratic her behavior was getting. ** , Stinky's caretaker** " The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances " V. l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 I think they actually black out or switch alters. It's like it's someone else. Cyndy --- Cyndie McCoy wrote: > > --- andy24747@... wrote: > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > interest cos it's > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > physical fights > > with my mother. > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > Cyndie > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2001 Report Share Posted December 5, 2001 I think they actually black out or switch alters. It's like it's someone else. Cyndy --- Cyndie McCoy wrote: > > --- andy24747@... wrote: > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > interest cos it's > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > physical fights > > with my mother. > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > Cyndie > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 Cyndie, your articulation of what it was like for you was powerful. I certainly had a vivid mental picture come to mind of being scared for your life and " that dead souless eye look " I prefer to think of someone who has gone through those kinds of experiences as a survivor rather than a " wimp " . It takes a lot of strength to survive and a lot of courage to do the healing work. Cudo's are deserved ! To: <ModOasis > Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2001 4:38 PM Subject: Re: violence ? > > --- andy24747@... wrote: > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > interest cos it's > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > physical fights > > with my mother. > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > Cyndie > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 Cyndie, your articulation of what it was like for you was powerful. I certainly had a vivid mental picture come to mind of being scared for your life and " that dead souless eye look " I prefer to think of someone who has gone through those kinds of experiences as a survivor rather than a " wimp " . It takes a lot of strength to survive and a lot of courage to do the healing work. Cudo's are deserved ! To: <ModOasis > Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2001 4:38 PM Subject: Re: violence ? > > --- andy24747@... wrote: > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > interest cos it's > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > physical fights > > with my mother. > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > Cyndie > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 There is one incident that I remember that has left a very strong memory. I went to music school on Saturdays. My mother used to pick me up at the gate of the school, but she had told me to wait for her at the train station so that she would not have to drive into town. I was chatting with a girl of my class and I completely forgot my mother. As I did not show up at the station, she went to the school anyway. The next week, exactly the same thing happened. It completely slipped out of my mind. I was standing at the gate of the school, chatting with that same girl, and then I saw my mother driving into the street. The moment I saw the car, my heart stopped beating, I remembered that I had made a mistake. And you know what my mother did? She showed me her fist!!! And you should have seen that dark look on her face... I was a 9-year old kid. When I think of this situation now, I cannot understand how much hate she had for me. Regards, Hildegard > > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > > interest cos it's > > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > > physical fights > > > with my mother. > > > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > > > Cyndie > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 There is one incident that I remember that has left a very strong memory. I went to music school on Saturdays. My mother used to pick me up at the gate of the school, but she had told me to wait for her at the train station so that she would not have to drive into town. I was chatting with a girl of my class and I completely forgot my mother. As I did not show up at the station, she went to the school anyway. The next week, exactly the same thing happened. It completely slipped out of my mind. I was standing at the gate of the school, chatting with that same girl, and then I saw my mother driving into the street. The moment I saw the car, my heart stopped beating, I remembered that I had made a mistake. And you know what my mother did? She showed me her fist!!! And you should have seen that dark look on her face... I was a 9-year old kid. When I think of this situation now, I cannot understand how much hate she had for me. Regards, Hildegard > > > I've been reading the posts about the fighting with > > > interest cos it's > > > nice to know that I am not the only one who got into > > > physical fights > > > with my mother. > > > > Never got into a mutual physical fight w/nada. She > > just beat *us.* She was overpowering - you didn't > > physically fight nada back. She would black out during > > these *punishments*. About 5 years ago, she was ready > > to pounce me. She got that same blacked out (no soul > > in the eyes,) look in her eyes that she'd had when I > > witnessed her smashing my brothers head on the floor > > when I was a teenager (he was a teen too, not a little > > kid who couldn't fight back. But you didn't physically > > fight back w/nada - b/c you could easily wind up > > dead.) When she got up to pounce me that day(in my own > > home...) I ran outside to get the h and told him he > > had to take her home. There's no doubt in my mind she > > was going to physically assault me. I was scared for > > my life - that dead souless eye look - scarey thing. > > Nada made us wimps b/c of it... that powerless thing. > > > > Cyndie > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 ----- Original Message ----- Hi I can understand how you would think that your nada's personality would cause people to react violently to her. Very often when my nada had explosive rages and hit out at us, I would hate her with all my heart with a fierce hate. I could almost kill her. As I grew older, I learnt to transport myself elsewhere as she. built a brick wall round my heart and tried not to let her affect me. It used to make her even madder when she saw she was having no effect. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 ----- Original Message ----- Hi I can understand how you would think that your nada's personality would cause people to react violently to her. Very often when my nada had explosive rages and hit out at us, I would hate her with all my heart with a fierce hate. I could almost kill her. As I grew older, I learnt to transport myself elsewhere as she. built a brick wall round my heart and tried not to let her affect me. It used to make her even madder when she saw she was having no effect. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 ----- Original Message ----- Hi I can understand how you would think that your nada's personality would cause people to react violently to her. Very often when my nada had explosive rages and hit out at us, I would hate her with all my heart with a fierce hate. I could almost kill her. As I grew older, I learnt to transport myself elsewhere as she. built a brick wall round my heart and tried not to let her affect me. It used to make her even madder when she saw she was having no effect. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 Please don't mistake me.I never would think murder is justified whatever the provocation. Murder is the murderers fault only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 Please don't mistake me.I never would think murder is justified whatever the provocation. Murder is the murderers fault only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 6, 2001 Report Share Posted December 6, 2001 Please don't mistake me.I never would think murder is justified whatever the provocation. Murder is the murderers fault only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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