Re: Digest Number 2669

[Guest guest]

FD- I am hoping this post is not just me projecting my own feelings and

experiences on to you, but I just felt compelled to respond to what I've seen

behind the words in your posts, as I've seen it in myself. What I've seen

behind (and maybe I'm seeing wrongly - just projecting - so ignore this in that

case) is the pain you are in and your huge desire for someone to please make

this all go away!!! I hear you feeling like your situation is different

(because of ODD), and therefore no one really quite understands, and that

while

all these suggestions might be helpful, they just won't work in your

situation - you're alone. No one really gets it.

I guess I recognize those thoughts because I've been there, done that, got

the t-shirt. When we first started ERP with my son, it almost seemed crazy.

There were many times I was exasperated and quite often second guessed

whether he was really afraid of being 9 feet away from the refrigerator instead

of

10 feet, where things were just fine. It just seemed ridiculous to me. I

sometimes wondered if he was faking it. It was hard to fathom that he was

really TERRIFIED of the refrigerator? And then just as ERP started working it

seemed, and he was finally able to touch the refrigerator, and I felt hopeful

and like I could finally relax about all this, the next day he couldn't go more

than 5 feet near it without a panic attack.

At the worst of it I felt hurt, overwhelmed, stressed out, angry, exhausted,

and sorry for myself. Why me? Why did I have to handle all of this? Why

was my son always so angry at me? Why wasn't anyone helping me? I got into a

game of " Yes, but... " with everyone it seemed. I was always explaining how

I'd already tried this or that or how some suggestion wouldn't work.

My own therapist helped me recognize this pattern in myself (old childhood

stuff I won't go into here) so that by the time we found a good therapist for

my son, I was willing to trust him. It also helped that he exuded utter

confidence that my son would get better, we just had to do what he told us. I

was so desperate for a " cure " that I did do everything he told us, and shoved

down my cynicism at the reality of my son's terror that seemed so far from my

comprehension. I even endured a dinner with my mother where we had to put

drops of water on the table next to everyone (his fear of water on the table

exposure....) and then listen to her declare in front of my son that this was

all just soooo stupid. sigh...

After seeing my son get better though, I am so grateful that I kept on

keeping on - no matter how much our life was in upheaval and our family seemed

completely revolved around OCD and how awful I felt at times. OCD isn't gone,

but it doesn't rule our lives anymore. For the most part we've learned how

to whack the mole, whichever mole pops up ( though some moles are definitely

stronger and tougher than others). I feel like a survivor now instead of a

victim I also learned through reading so many posts here over the last 2

years,

that I am not alone. They may not be my next door neighbors, but there are

people out there who do understand and that what I thought was my family's

unique situation was really true for many others. I guess I just wanted to say

that I DO understand how tough it is, and encourage you not to throw in the

towel just yet, even if it seems like it's not working. You will get through

this, and when you do, you will marvel at how you could have possibly endured

it.

- in MI