Re: Will she be independent when she's an adult???

[Guest guest]

I think we all wonder about this all the time - I know I do. As far as I know

there is no forecast and no crystal ball. Each child is different. You hear

stories about kids with severe handicaps and overcome them and actually catch up

to their peers. My daughter has made remarkable progress...relatively speaking.

She is certainly not up to her peers at almost 13. While I hope for a happy and

full life as we would know it, I am hoping that she will at least be able to

live in some sort of group/assisted living kind of home. You have to think

about the future because we know that they almost certainly will out live us and

who will watch over them when we are gone. Certain programs/homes have very

long waiting lists. Another very real concern is your estate and the setting up

of a special needs trust to make sure that money isn't wasted away when

government support/programs could be paying. If you find a crystal ball that

works, let me know because I want to borrow it !

Loren

single dad to Lara 12(m-hfa) Josh 14(nt)

Long Island

Will she be independent when she's an adult???

Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2005 17:41:52 -0000

>

>

>

> I can't help but occasionally ponder what the future will hold for

> my daughter. Will she be independent, will she marry, will she

> continue to need constant supervision?

>

> Those of you that have been in this for a while share your thoughts

> with me. Did maturity and self independence come naturally or did

> everything have to be taught?

>

> Does it matter the level of severity? My daughter is 5 and still is

> very dependant on many things that most 5 year peers can do

> themselves and want to do themselves. I've got a while yet before

> she's reached 18-21. How do you make the decision if they can

> manage on their own or is it usually pretty obvious?

>

> Is this something that you can forecast early on or is it a one year

> at a time and we'll see approach? Does anyone ever try not to think

> very far into the future? How much care will my child need?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

I think we all wonder about this all the time - I know I do. As far as I know

there is no forecast and no crystal ball. Each child is different. You hear

stories about kids with severe handicaps and overcome them and actually catch up

to their peers. My daughter has made remarkable progress...relatively speaking.

She is certainly not up to her peers at almost 13. While I hope for a happy and

full life as we would know it, I am hoping that she will at least be able to

live in some sort of group/assisted living kind of home. You have to think

about the future because we know that they almost certainly will out live us and

who will watch over them when we are gone. Certain programs/homes have very

long waiting lists. Another very real concern is your estate and the setting up

of a special needs trust to make sure that money isn't wasted away when

government support/programs could be paying. If you find a crystal ball that

works, let me know because I want to borrow it !

Loren

single dad to Lara 12(m-hfa) Josh 14(nt)

Long Island

Will she be independent when she's an adult???

Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2005 17:41:52 -0000

>

>

>

> I can't help but occasionally ponder what the future will hold for

> my daughter. Will she be independent, will she marry, will she

> continue to need constant supervision?

>

> Those of you that have been in this for a while share your thoughts

> with me. Did maturity and self independence come naturally or did

> everything have to be taught?

>

> Does it matter the level of severity? My daughter is 5 and still is

> very dependant on many things that most 5 year peers can do

> themselves and want to do themselves. I've got a while yet before

> she's reached 18-21. How do you make the decision if they can

> manage on their own or is it usually pretty obvious?

>

> Is this something that you can forecast early on or is it a one year

> at a time and we'll see approach? Does anyone ever try not to think

> very far into the future? How much care will my child need?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your inspiration, Sondra. This makes me feel better about my own

8 year old.

Diane

Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your inspiration, Sondra. This makes me feel better about my own

8 year old.

Diane

Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

That was lovely. I had a lump in my throat by the time I got to the

end. I feel like it should have been in a card or a poem book

somewhere.

Thank you so much for your insite. It has lifted my spirits and my

daughter will soar where ever she ends in independence. She too

struggles with shelf help skills. Grooming and brushing teeth are

always a struggle.

Thanks so much again!!

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child

and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments

(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not

use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored

in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to

not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked

me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx

teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20.

As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several

I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well

for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger

age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison

that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do

not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her

being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue

does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

That was lovely. I had a lump in my throat by the time I got to the

end. I feel like it should have been in a card or a poem book

somewhere.

Thank you so much for your insite. It has lifted my spirits and my

daughter will soar where ever she ends in independence. She too

struggles with shelf help skills. Grooming and brushing teeth are

always a struggle.

Thanks so much again!!

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child

and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments

(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not

use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored

in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to

not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked

me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx

teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20.

As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several

I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well

for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger

age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison

that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do

not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her

being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue

does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

May I share this with a friend? Her dd is not autistic, but is very

delayed (so far no dx) and she is having a very hard time dealing

with looking into the future for her entire family. You have such a

wonderful way with words...I know she would find this comforting.

Amnesty

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child

and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments

(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not

use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored

in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to

not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked

me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx

teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20.

As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several

I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well

for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger

age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison

that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do

not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her

being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue

does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

May I share this with a friend? Her dd is not autistic, but is very

delayed (so far no dx) and she is having a very hard time dealing

with looking into the future for her entire family. You have such a

wonderful way with words...I know she would find this comforting.

Amnesty

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child

and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments

(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not

use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored

in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to

not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked

me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx

teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20.

As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several

I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well

for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger

age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison

that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do

not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her

being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue

does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Dear Sondra,

Thank you for the inspiration your posting gave me as I sit here

watching my beautiful young teen daughter listen to her pop music. It

brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you had to suffer so much before

becoming the independent woman that you are now. You life story gives me

hope for my own daughter.

My best,

Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Dear Sondra,

Thank you for the inspiration your posting gave me as I sit here

watching my beautiful young teen daughter listen to her pop music. It

brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you had to suffer so much before

becoming the independent woman that you are now. You life story gives me

hope for my own daughter.

My best,

Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Dear Sondra,

Thank you for the inspiration your posting gave me as I sit here

watching my beautiful young teen daughter listen to her pop music. It

brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you had to suffer so much before

becoming the independent woman that you are now. You life story gives me

hope for my own daughter.

My best,

Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to know

at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young 20's

because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had went

through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me to

be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one wiped

of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell of

a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

and years to regain all of them.

In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get some

work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but the

brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25. and

it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married 5

months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

me most of all about self and the whys of me.

I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

different now than when she was of 5 too.

Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who try

to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for you.

Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/22/2005 3:15:39 PM Central Daylight Time,

sharona3ca@... writes:

Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

Thank you so much for your words...they truly touched my heart...and having 2

daughters with autism, i need to remind my self often, that they need to

paint their own picture....

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra and Group,

I just joined your group and I was very touched by what you

wrote Sondra. Thank you for sharing this!

I have a sixteen year old (soon to be seventeen)daughter with autism.

Everyday I wonder about how independent she will be and how her life

will be when I am no longer here for her.

Diane

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra and Group,

I just joined your group and I was very touched by what you

wrote Sondra. Thank you for sharing this!

I have a sixteen year old (soon to be seventeen)daughter with autism.

Everyday I wonder about how independent she will be and how her life

will be when I am no longer here for her.

Diane

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

[Guest guest]

Hi Diane and group,

I have been on this group for a while, although hardly post, but I am so

inspired by Sondra's poetic writing, it really helps me feel better. But Diane

I also have a soon to be 17 year old daugther, and have your same concerns as

you do, her independence as she grows and her well being when we are gone. How

does your daughter function? Jenna does fairly well except for grooming her

self (washing her own hair) and that get so tiring for me to go do this for her,

she can dress independently now except for her bra. Do you have any suggestions

for me as how you have handled this with your daughter?

Jane

Diane Blais wrote:

Hi Sondra and Group,

I just joined your group and I was very touched by what you

wrote Sondra. Thank you for sharing this!

I have a sixteen year old (soon to be seventeen)daughter with autism.

Everyday I wonder about how independent she will be and how her life

will be when I am no longer here for her.

Diane

>

> If one was to look at my past and see of my challenges as child and

> see of me now no one would be to know I to had over comed so much

> things.Although still challenged, they would never have been to

know

> at age of 5 that my life would be where it is of this day.

>

> The parents of me was look at state home for me at age of young

20's

> because could not function at life skills or be of independent in

> ways that others deemed were right. In the 20's of age I to had

went

> through another long spell of crisis situations that caused of me

to

> be placed in mental wards to endure electric shock treatments(nasty

> stuff) it to fragemented all the life learned skills as if one

wiped

> of my brain clean of all learned skills. that made me to have much

> more stress and appear more mentally ill than the autism issues. I

> to no longer knew how to eat or feed self, and if did could not use

> of utensils. Lacked how to bathe self and nursing staff had to do

> this to me. Was very fragemented in words. It was if my soul had

> been taken with the shocks to my system and left with empty shell

of

> a being. It took many months for me to regain some of the skills,

> and years to regain all of them.

>

> In my thinking I to look now clearly at my past thinkings stored in

> my head and to see of the progress and I to be happy with its

> outcomes. Yet I to not set out to do the things I to have. I to not

> set out to find of husband it to just be to happened. I to not set

> out to be of mom person but that too happened and I to learned and

> gained in it. My jobs most often were not searched out things but

> others working inside the job to get me the jobs is how did get

some

> work in past. I to never asked to learn of car to drive it , but

the

> brother of me forced that on me and I to learned it. It to taked me

> many years past times most people to get of drivers license. I to

> not be of able to leave of home like most do at certain ages. I to

> getted my first place to be by self when was of age of 24 or 25.

and

> it was called effeciency apartment. I to lived of there only 2

> months before to met of the husband of me and we to getted married

5

> months later. Marriage things teached me much things to life.

> Parenting to teached me much more. But to get of correct dx teached

> me most of all about self and the whys of me.

>

> I to be still greatly challenged but not look the same as did when

> was of 5. So like Kassi sayed yes parents do worry but there is so

> many years of learning and growing before to reach of age of 20. As

> I to sahred many adults with ASD do not make substantial

> developmental life skills growths until later. For me and several I

> to know it was not until our mid 30's. For Barron hims book

> talks of this for him in hims last few years of high school. So it

> can vary. Kassi is in her young 20's and she is doing much well for

> self too. She can drive has own place has friends, is very , very

> smart and talented so she too is making her own way at younger age,

> but regardless she is making the gains and her picture of self is

> different now than when she was of 5 too.

>

> Dont limit you slef or child as if the word autism is a prison that

> one is condemend too. We are not locked by our autism , we are

> locked by society views of us, we are locked by systems that do not

> adequately meet our needs so we can grow and develop. So raise of

> her as if all this potential is HER outcome too and she will do

> fine, for her. Her picture might not be same as me or kassi or

> others here but she will have her own book and picture of her being

> and it will hold many surpises for you and her. If her pictrue does

> not bring independance then one must look at the beautiful picture

> she has painted in life as she ends where she does and the fact is

> that many times we try to paint the pictrue for others and it does

> not match up it only fogs the visual of it. And causes those who

try

> to paint it for thems child to feel devastated and greif stricken.

> Dont paint her picture, sit back and watch as she paints it for

you.

> Sondra the Van Gogh fan.

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi,

would those of you who have daughters in their teens tell a little about what

you daughters were like when they were young...my girls are 2 and 3 and i

have no idea what to expect, and that unknown is so very scary...i'd let to

prepare myself...or do you have any advice?? what kind of therapies did your

daughters receive?? i know all children with ASD are different, but i'd like

some

idea of what i might be expecting...thanks so much...you all are so

insightful!!!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My name is Alice and I am fairly new to the group. I have been reading and

reading and feel compelled to write now.

My daughter Dani is 11 and was diagnosed this year with Autism. She is on

the moderate part of the Spectrum, just past Asperger's. It took a long time to

get a diagnosis, due in part to the wrong professionals at the wrong time. My

husband and I have parented by intuition and feel lucky that a lot of what we

have done for our daughter has worked in spite of the lack of a correct

diagnosis. There are some days where I say to myself, " shoulda would could, if

I

had known, " but we are moving forward now.

Some of you have asked what autism is like for older kids so I am going to

write what I know-about my daughter. I will say that when Dani was young she

didn't speak, was very active and aggressive. It was hard and things have

gotten easier in some ways.

Eleven is a tricky age for us. Puberty arrived early, so there are many

challenges. Dani is for the most part able to groom and care for herself, but

still needs a lot of help. She has been able to thrive at school this year.

She

has a classroom aide and a wonderful teacher. Other years were more like a

nightmare, but this year has been good. Previously, Dani had been diagnosed

with severe adhd and with multiple handicaps. She was on medication that

" masked " who she really is. Lots of stimulant medication. She is now on

Straterra

and that has helped tremendously in her situation. We are seeing more of who

she really is.

Dani has many obsessions, with people places things. We have many repetitive

discussions. She loves the computer, she loves to sing.

We have been given a gift in a voice teacher named ny. ny was a

voice teacher to one of my older daughters, and Dani used to go to voice lessons

with me, when Kara, my older daughter went. We noticed that she was very

enthralled with music. ny got a huge kick out of Dani and offered to put

her on

his " summer roster. " The summer roster meant lessons, but no recital. Dani

loved voice lessons and although I KNOW it was ny's most difficult part of

the day, week, month year he kept up with helping her. By the end of the

summer, Dani was SINGING! At the end the summer he was ready to drop her from

the

roster, b/c a recital for fall students is required. I begged him to keep

her I said I would pay him double. He, of course, allowed her to stay and didn't

take double money. Dani has participated in three recitals by now. I cry at

every one. It is truly a miracle. At her last recital, she had 10 people

come to watch her!

Those are the GREAT moments.

The victories are few and far between but this is HUGE for her and for us!

Most of our existence is difficult, at best. I have fear, anxiety, hope, awe,

you name it, when I think about the future.

I am reading like crazy to " catch up " as far as the diagnosis goes. I will

say that knowing Dani as a child first, without the diagnosis early on, has

allowed my husband and me to see potential that we may not have, had we known

the

severity of her situation. On the other hand, some things probably would

have been easier WITH the diagnosis early on. Just like " normal " people life it

is mostly a gray area. Everyone's fit is different!

Love to all of you!

Alice

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My name is Alice and I am fairly new to the group. I have been reading and

reading and feel compelled to write now.

My daughter Dani is 11 and was diagnosed this year with Autism. She is on

the moderate part of the Spectrum, just past Asperger's. It took a long time to

get a diagnosis, due in part to the wrong professionals at the wrong time. My

husband and I have parented by intuition and feel lucky that a lot of what we

have done for our daughter has worked in spite of the lack of a correct

diagnosis. There are some days where I say to myself, " shoulda would could, if

I

had known, " but we are moving forward now.

Some of you have asked what autism is like for older kids so I am going to

write what I know-about my daughter. I will say that when Dani was young she

didn't speak, was very active and aggressive. It was hard and things have

gotten easier in some ways.

Eleven is a tricky age for us. Puberty arrived early, so there are many

challenges. Dani is for the most part able to groom and care for herself, but

still needs a lot of help. She has been able to thrive at school this year.

She

has a classroom aide and a wonderful teacher. Other years were more like a

nightmare, but this year has been good. Previously, Dani had been diagnosed

with severe adhd and with multiple handicaps. She was on medication that

" masked " who she really is. Lots of stimulant medication. She is now on

Straterra

and that has helped tremendously in her situation. We are seeing more of who

she really is.

Dani has many obsessions, with people places things. We have many repetitive

discussions. She loves the computer, she loves to sing.

We have been given a gift in a voice teacher named ny. ny was a

voice teacher to one of my older daughters, and Dani used to go to voice lessons

with me, when Kara, my older daughter went. We noticed that she was very

enthralled with music. ny got a huge kick out of Dani and offered to put

her on

his " summer roster. " The summer roster meant lessons, but no recital. Dani

loved voice lessons and although I KNOW it was ny's most difficult part of

the day, week, month year he kept up with helping her. By the end of the

summer, Dani was SINGING! At the end the summer he was ready to drop her from

the

roster, b/c a recital for fall students is required. I begged him to keep

her I said I would pay him double. He, of course, allowed her to stay and didn't

take double money. Dani has participated in three recitals by now. I cry at

every one. It is truly a miracle. At her last recital, she had 10 people

come to watch her!

Those are the GREAT moments.

The victories are few and far between but this is HUGE for her and for us!

Most of our existence is difficult, at best. I have fear, anxiety, hope, awe,

you name it, when I think about the future.

I am reading like crazy to " catch up " as far as the diagnosis goes. I will

say that knowing Dani as a child first, without the diagnosis early on, has

allowed my husband and me to see potential that we may not have, had we known

the

severity of her situation. On the other hand, some things probably would

have been easier WITH the diagnosis early on. Just like " normal " people life it

is mostly a gray area. Everyone's fit is different!

Love to all of you!

Alice

[Guest guest]

:

My daughter is now 21. She was diagnosed just before age 3. At the time, very

little was known about interventions such as ABA, diet, supplementation, etc.

We were told to get a good speech therapist. Lovaas's work was mostly on the

west coast (we're east coast) so there weren't even any practitioners around.

We stumbled onto the Feingold diet which helped her hyperactivity. We used a

homeopathic doctor who took the yeast and sweeteners out of her diet and added

some supplements which were helpful.

When she was 9 we did AIT which helped with hearing sensitivities. Two or three

years later, we were advised to do it again, but there were no benefits to this

session.

When she was 14, we started using a chiropractor who has helped her

tremendously. By that time she was picking at her skin, literally picking her

clothes apart by pulling at the threads that held the seams together. She

couldn't add or subtract. While she could decode, she did not comprehend what

she was reading. Although she was verbal, a lot of it was echolalic and she

used pronouns incorrectly. She was a very stressed young lady who couldn't

handle changes in routine.

Today, thanks to the chiropractor, her language is a lot better and she is able

to express wants and needs. Academically, she has been able to retain

information and reads at about a third grade level. She still has trouble

expressing emotions and gets confused by new places. Money is a mystery to her.

She will be graduating in June and we are looking to have her placed in a

sheltered workshop as a day program. The idea of her having a job in a regular

company, or even bagging at the local supermarket, is out of the question.

She's very naive and gets lost easily. She would need a job coach with her at

all times and agencies usually provide job coaching for a few weeks or months

and then back off the service. Of course we are having trouble getting

transportation as well as getting funding for the sheltered workshop program.

She is definitely not independent. I would be afraid to let her walk around the

block by herself. Eventually, we hope to have her placed in a group home, but

that will not be for several years as our state demands that both parents be 55

before the child can be moved up to the urgent list for resident services. Even

then, it will take an average of five years to get her placed once she is on

that list. We expect that she will be home with us for at least ten more years.

If you have any questions about the therapies we've used, please let me know.

Joan

Re: Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

Hi,

would those of you who have daughters in their teens tell a little about what

you daughters were like when they were young...my girls are 2 and 3 and i

have no idea what to expect, and that unknown is so very scary...i'd let to

prepare myself...or do you have any advice?? what kind of therapies did your

daughters receive?? i know all children with ASD are different, but i'd like

some

idea of what i might be expecting...thanks so much...you all are so

insightful!!!

[Guest guest]

Joan,

Can you explain a little more about the chiropractic care she received,and how

you saw that it helped? My daughter sounds alot like yours, Jenna will be 17

in August, and I would classify her with moderate autism, she is verbal. Like

you said, when our children were 3 there was not near the therapies that are

available now, we had her in early intevention at 3 and a typical preschool by 2

and a half. Loovass was all the they really suggested then. She does fairly

well and luckily has never had to bad of behavior issues. She was your classic

" good baby " ! to good! Her main issues are social. Money also is a mystery to

her! She loves to just be home with her stuffed animals and computer and TV.

The future for her is still unknown to me.

Thanks for writing - Jane

joan migton wrote:

:

My daughter is now 21. She was diagnosed just before age 3. At the time, very

little was known about interventions such as ABA, diet, supplementation, etc.

We were told to get a good speech therapist. Lovaas's work was mostly on the

west coast (we're east coast) so there weren't even any practitioners around.

We stumbled onto the Feingold diet which helped her hyperactivity. We used a

homeopathic doctor who took the yeast and sweeteners out of her diet and added

some supplements which were helpful.

When she was 9 we did AIT which helped with hearing sensitivities. Two or three

years later, we were advised to do it again, but there were no benefits to this

session.

When she was 14, we started using a chiropractor who has helped her

tremendously. By that time she was picking at her skin, literally picking her

clothes apart by pulling at the threads that held the seams together. She

couldn't add or subtract. While she could decode, she did not comprehend what

she was reading. Although she was verbal, a lot of it was echolalic and she

used pronouns incorrectly. She was a very stressed young lady who couldn't

handle changes in routine.

Today, thanks to the chiropractor, her language is a lot better and she is able

to express wants and needs. Academically, she has been able to retain

information and reads at about a third grade level. She still has trouble

expressing emotions and gets confused by new places. Money is a mystery to her.

She will be graduating in June and we are looking to have her placed in a

sheltered workshop as a day program. The idea of her having a job in a regular

company, or even bagging at the local supermarket, is out of the question.

She's very naive and gets lost easily. She would need a job coach with her at

all times and agencies usually provide job coaching for a few weeks or months

and then back off the service. Of course we are having trouble getting

transportation as well as getting funding for the sheltered workshop program.

She is definitely not independent. I would be afraid to let her walk around the

block by herself. Eventually, we hope to have her placed in a group home, but

that will not be for several years as our state demands that both parents be 55

before the child can be moved up to the urgent list for resident services. Even

then, it will take an average of five years to get her placed once she is on

that list. We expect that she will be home with us for at

least ten more years.

If you have any questions about the therapies we've used, please let me know.

Joan

Re: Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

Hi,

would those of you who have daughters in their teens tell a little about what

you daughters were like when they were young...my girls are 2 and 3 and i

have no idea what to expect, and that unknown is so very scary...i'd let to

prepare myself...or do you have any advice?? what kind of therapies did your

daughters receive?? i know all children with ASD are different, but i'd like

some

idea of what i might be expecting...thanks so much...you all are so

insightful!!!

[Guest guest]

I can NEVER say enough good things about Abby's chiropractor. The changes in

her are amazing. Not only is her general health better but so are her

sensory issues. Her seizures are under control (she is not on any seizure

medicine,

they didn't work anyway.) Her speech is very clear and her all around

awareness has improved. Best of all, Abby seems comfortable in her own skin. She

loves going to see Dr. and he loves when she comes. Abby before

chiropractics and after are like night and day.

Pennie

Abby's Mom

[Guest guest]

Jane:

The chiropractor we have been using for the past seven years (still see him once

a week), does a very unusual adjustment which he calls the neural organization

technique. It was started by a Dr. Ferrerri in Brooklyn, who has since retired.

It involves kinesiology, or muscle testing, to determine the deficits in the

body and can address all systems, neurological, digestive, learning

disabilities, etc. Then he uses pressure points typical to

accupressure/accupuncture to treat the problems he uncovers. This therapy is

non invasive, no needles, no drugs, etc. My daughter literally has fallen

asleep on the table during treatment.

Some effects are immediate. I can actually see her face change and relax during

the time on the table and soon after. Some effects have to be processed by the

body over time.

Barbara was unable to add or subtract. We could teacher her two plus three is

five, she could use the little cubes, etc. But the next day we'd ask what's two

plus three and she wouldn't know without the cubes. She learned how to use a

calculator but could never hold the facts in her head.

Six months after we began treatment, her teacher began noticing that she was

giving correct answers without the calculator. So she started teaching her math

facts all over again and this time it clicked. I am a fourth grade teacher, so

I was trying every approach I knew to help her.

Within a few months of starting treatment, she stopped picking at her skin and

her clothes. The practitioner also addressed other ocd issues that she had and

all of these are now gone.

If you saw her at 14 and saw her today, you would not believe this is the same

child. Granted, she is not cured, far from it. But she is much happier being

herself and behaves much more appropriately in all situations

If you are in the new york area, feel free to e-mail me off list and I'll be

glad to give you our doctor's name. He treats a lot of autistic kids and has

made a difference for many families.

Joan

Re: Re: Will she be independent when she's an

adult???

Hi,

would those of you who have daughters in their teens tell a little about what

you daughters were like when they were young...my girls are 2 and 3 and i

have no idea what to expect, and that unknown is so very scary...i'd let to

prepare myself...or do you have any advice?? what kind of therapies did your

daughters receive?? i know all children with ASD are different, but i'd like

some

idea of what i might be expecting...thanks so much...you all are so

insightful!!!

[Guest guest]

I also have a 5 yr old with autism. I did a Brigance on her for my

sped class and found her weakest skills are in self-help. I realized

that Allie's biggest problem isn't her communication gap, it's my

doing everything for her. Don't know if you have this problem, but I'm

really trying to back off and treat her like a five year old. She now

had chores to do every day. She puts the laundry away, picks up her

toys, and holds her 2 yr old sister's hand when we walk across a

parking lot-- Allie's not a runner or this wouldn't work. What I'm

seeing is more responsibility in Allie and I'm feeling more at peace

seeing her rise to the challenge.

I look at it like this. I have 2 typical kids and I don't know if they

will marry, work, etc. I've seen plenty of NT adults who are losers so

who's to say *anyone* will? Maybe your daughter will drive at 16, or

maybe she'll be 25 before she's able to drive. Maybe she won't ever be

able to drive, but maybe she'll learn how to take a bus. Maybe your

daughter will go to college, and maybe she won't. But if she doesn't

go to college, maybe she'll go to technical school. If she can't do

tech school then maybe she'll have a job at a grocery store or library.

What I've found is that I set my personal dreams for my girls high.

But you know, I've never been President so why do I think they will?

If Allie's skills are to ride a bus and work at a grocery store and

she's happy, then she's got a good life ahead of her. I see lots of

people with disabilities in my neighborhood work like this. I also see

a group home nearby that takes them all to the store. They each have

a cart and shopping list marked off with things they need. I nearly

cry each time I see them, one girl in particular beemed with pride as

she took her stuff to check out and paid for it. Who's to say this is

a bad life? It works for them, works for me.

Of course, tomorrow Jesus may come and then we won't need to worry

about any of it. " Worry not about tomorrow for today has enough

troubles... " :-)

Debi