Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi everyone, I will be seeing my nada for the first time this weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her acting out, but I just have so much going on emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be around her right now when this is all so intense. She has been on fairly good behavior the last few times I've seen her, but with this will be my first actual time being in her presense since this revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she does start acting up. We are going to a family wedding together, along with my stepdad and my husband and she generally behaves okay in the presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those of you out there on how to handle this intense anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. Aimee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi Aimee - Maybe you can try and work on detaching emotionally and just sit back and be an observer. It could prove interesting to take mental notes of her behaviors and actions. You'll have your spouse and step-dad there as buffers, so that's a plus. If she gets intense - state your boundary and go seek your hubby. Cyndie --- aim71098@... wrote: > Hi everyone, > > I will be seeing my nada for the first time this > weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her > BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her > acting out, but I just have so much going on > emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be > around her right now when this is all so intense. > She has been on fairly good behavior the last few > times I've seen her, but with this will be my first > actual time being in her presense since this > revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely > slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in > any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she > does start acting up. We are going to a family > wedding together, along with my stepdad and my > husband and she generally behaves okay in the > presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those > of you out there on how to handle this intense > anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. > > Aimee > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi Aimee - Maybe you can try and work on detaching emotionally and just sit back and be an observer. It could prove interesting to take mental notes of her behaviors and actions. You'll have your spouse and step-dad there as buffers, so that's a plus. If she gets intense - state your boundary and go seek your hubby. Cyndie --- aim71098@... wrote: > Hi everyone, > > I will be seeing my nada for the first time this > weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her > BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her > acting out, but I just have so much going on > emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be > around her right now when this is all so intense. > She has been on fairly good behavior the last few > times I've seen her, but with this will be my first > actual time being in her presense since this > revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely > slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in > any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she > does start acting up. We are going to a family > wedding together, along with my stepdad and my > husband and she generally behaves okay in the > presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those > of you out there on how to handle this intense > anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. > > Aimee > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi Aimee - Maybe you can try and work on detaching emotionally and just sit back and be an observer. It could prove interesting to take mental notes of her behaviors and actions. You'll have your spouse and step-dad there as buffers, so that's a plus. If she gets intense - state your boundary and go seek your hubby. Cyndie --- aim71098@... wrote: > Hi everyone, > > I will be seeing my nada for the first time this > weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her > BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her > acting out, but I just have so much going on > emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be > around her right now when this is all so intense. > She has been on fairly good behavior the last few > times I've seen her, but with this will be my first > actual time being in her presense since this > revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely > slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in > any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she > does start acting up. We are going to a family > wedding together, along with my stepdad and my > husband and she generally behaves okay in the > presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those > of you out there on how to handle this intense > anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. > > Aimee > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi Aimee- Before I was split, I would often (as upbeat as possible) use the words, " can we agree to disagree- (pause)- is that O.K. with you? " This usually worked. I would then promptly change the subject. (good thing your husband is around too- I'll betcha she doesn't show emotion- ie. cry- at the wedding! With your new found wisdom into her disorder, you'll know why (you could make this a game with your husband to note all the " different " ways she behaves...) Best, Ellen >--- aim71098@... wrote: >> Hi everyone, >> >> I will be seeing my nada for the first time this >> weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her >> BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her >> acting out, but I just have so much going on >> emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be >> around her right now when this is all so intense. >> She has been on fairly good behavior the last few >> times I've seen her, but with this will be my first >> actual time being in her presense since this >> revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely >> slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in >> any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she >> does start acting up. We are going to a family >> wedding together, along with my stepdad and my >> husband and she generally behaves okay in the >> presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those >> of you out there on how to handle this intense >> anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. >> >> Aimee >> > > >__________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2001 Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Hi Aimee- Before I was split, I would often (as upbeat as possible) use the words, " can we agree to disagree- (pause)- is that O.K. with you? " This usually worked. I would then promptly change the subject. (good thing your husband is around too- I'll betcha she doesn't show emotion- ie. cry- at the wedding! With your new found wisdom into her disorder, you'll know why (you could make this a game with your husband to note all the " different " ways she behaves...) Best, Ellen >--- aim71098@... wrote: >> Hi everyone, >> >> I will be seeing my nada for the first time this >> weekend since my discovery/acknowledgement of her >> BPD a few months ago. It's not so much I fear her >> acting out, but I just have so much going on >> emotionally/internally that I'd really rather not be >> around her right now when this is all so intense. >> She has been on fairly good behavior the last few >> times I've seen her, but with this will be my first >> actual time being in her presense since this >> revelation. I am so nervous that I have barely >> slept all week. I don't plan on confronting her in >> any way, other than to be clear on boundaries if she >> does start acting up. We are going to a family >> wedding together, along with my stepdad and my >> husband and she generally behaves okay in the >> presence of others. Anyway, any pointers from those >> of you out there on how to handle this intense >> anxiety of being around her? Thanks in advance. >> >> Aimee >> > > >__________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2001 Report Share Posted August 31, 2001 Thanks Cyndie-- I am definitely going to use this tip--observing her without all the emotional attachment will be interesting. I also feel strong and know that I can set boundaries if the need arises. Thanks again! Aimee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2001 Report Share Posted August 31, 2001 Thanks Cyndie-- I am definitely going to use this tip--observing her without all the emotional attachment will be interesting. I also feel strong and know that I can set boundaries if the need arises. Thanks again! Aimee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2001 Report Share Posted August 31, 2001 Thanks Cyndie-- I am definitely going to use this tip--observing her without all the emotional attachment will be interesting. I also feel strong and know that I can set boundaries if the need arises. Thanks again! Aimee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2001 Report Share Posted August 31, 2001 Ellen, Thanks for your suggestions! My nada can't hear, " Can we agree to disagree? " because she sincerely believes there is only one way, HER way, to do and view things and becomes enraged when I try to calmly state that I see it or do it differently. (A memory just popped into my head of one of her rules: " You know what's wrong with you don't you? If you would just iron all the clothes you need for the week on Sunday afternoon, you wouldn't be rushing all the time during the week. Why can't you just do things the right way!!! " ) My entire worth hinged on when I ironed--gotta love that one! Changing the subject works well as does not bringing up politics, religion, education, my cleaning/budgeting/working habits, etc. It will be interesting to just observe her, as Cyndie also suggested. As I am able to detach more and more emotionally, it should get easier, and also more enlightening. Thanks again! Aimee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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