Re: Therapy for KO's

[Guest guest]

Holly and Ilene,

Thanks for the encouragement. I will call my PCP today to get the ball

rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside myself over

this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I am so

incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt and deny my own

feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the office.

BLAAAAHHHH!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Holly and Ilene,

Thanks for the encouragement. I will call my PCP today to get the ball

rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside myself over

this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I am so

incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt and deny my own

feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the office.

BLAAAAHHHH!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Holly and Ilene,

Thanks for the encouragement. I will call my PCP today to get the ball

rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside myself over

this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I am so

incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt and deny my own

feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the office.

BLAAAAHHHH!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- sweepea1215@... wrote:

Do I

> waltz in to his office and

> say " My mother has bpd and I have issues? " How did

> those of you receiving

> counselling get started?

I first started getting therapy for depression (a

seretonin issue just like fibromyalgia) and later for

dealing with an abusive spouse and parents. And yes,

I just walk in and tell them what I feel is bothering

me that I want help with. When I moved to Houston, I

called therapists to ask if they were in my insurance

network and to ask what they treated. If I didn't

like one at the first appointment, I'd try another

one. Luckily, I had a very good one while I lived

there and she was very helpful.

There are people who treat bpd (I think bpd central

has a link to lists of doctors) but some have never

heard of it. You might ask them if they have treated

someone with that problem because you have a relative

who has it.

What if your nada doesn't

> admit to having bpd and

> isn't getting treatment herself?

My parents are not even aware that they are sick.

They were mortified when I went into therapy and still

disapprove of it. They think you should stuff all

your problems and that admitting to having mental

illness is horrible. And they were terrified that I'd

talk about them in therapy, with good reason. But

they would NEVER get therapy themselves. I mostly

just tried to learn how to handle my responses to them

since I knew they wouldn't change or seek treatment.

Won't the doctor

> think I am some loon who

> looked up a disorder and pinned it to her mother out

> of spite?

When I told my therapist that I thought my ex had bpd,

I told her that I read up on it and that he had many

of the symptoms on the list; she thought that was

perfectly fine. When I described my parents'

behavior, she told me that she thought they were

narcissists, both of them. So it can go both ways. I

think patients are probably much more informed these

days because of the internet.

I have been in treatment on and off for 15 years for

various issues. I find it very helpful. However, if

you don't feel comfortable with a particular

therapist, don't like the way they handle things, or

don't feel they are helping you, I think it's ok to go

looking for another one.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I would waltz in and tell them that I need to be referred to a therapist because

of depression and others issues related to growing up in a dysfunctional family.

My doctor and the physician's assistant I see, both know about BPD and would be

happy to send a victim to a therapist. Most current doctors are well aware of

this disorder. Remember they have patients with this and they have to learn to

see and hear just like we do! My doc's assistant even went so far as to say

they are almost impossible to treat! Good luck!

Ilene

[Guest guest]

I would waltz in and tell them that I need to be referred to a therapist because

of depression and others issues related to growing up in a dysfunctional family.

My doctor and the physician's assistant I see, both know about BPD and would be

happy to send a victim to a therapist. Most current doctors are well aware of

this disorder. Remember they have patients with this and they have to learn to

see and hear just like we do! My doc's assistant even went so far as to say

they are almost impossible to treat! Good luck!

Ilene

[Guest guest]

I would waltz in and tell them that I need to be referred to a therapist because

of depression and others issues related to growing up in a dysfunctional family.

My doctor and the physician's assistant I see, both know about BPD and would be

happy to send a victim to a therapist. Most current doctors are well aware of

this disorder. Remember they have patients with this and they have to learn to

see and hear just like we do! My doc's assistant even went so far as to say

they are almost impossible to treat! Good luck!

Ilene

[Guest guest]

Believe me - you'll be validated - not laughed at! It's a big step toward

healing, too.

I agree, though, call whoever you get referred to first and check to know if

they are familiar with BPD - that's crucial!!!

Or even ask the doctor when you see him, if he knows anyone that specializes in

this type of mental illness.

Ilene

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie,

There are questions on pages 238-9 of SWOE that one can ask when

interviewing a therapist. We generally recommend at BPD Central that you

call three and talk with them over the phone and pick the one you feel

the most comfortable with. Or, perhaps they can refer you to someone who

has successfully worked with family members of BPDs. If not satisfied

with the three you called, call three more. All therapists are NOT

equal. And the older therapists are usually not specifically trained in

BPD issues. BPD has only been in the DSM since 1980.

Hugs,

Edith

<<

Holly and Ilene,

Thanks for the encouragement. I will call my PCP today to get the ball

rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside myself

over

this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I am so

incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt and deny

my own

feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the

office.

BLAAAAHHHH!

Debbie

>>

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie,

There are questions on pages 238-9 of SWOE that one can ask when

interviewing a therapist. We generally recommend at BPD Central that you

call three and talk with them over the phone and pick the one you feel

the most comfortable with. Or, perhaps they can refer you to someone who

has successfully worked with family members of BPDs. If not satisfied

with the three you called, call three more. All therapists are NOT

equal. And the older therapists are usually not specifically trained in

BPD issues. BPD has only been in the DSM since 1980.

Hugs,

Edith

<<

Holly and Ilene,

Thanks for the encouragement. I will call my PCP today to get the ball

rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside myself

over

this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I am so

incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt and deny

my own

feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the

office.

BLAAAAHHHH!

Debbie

>>

[Guest guest]

Kathleen,

It is very comforting to have stumbled across a fellow Catholic here. I

struggle with the whole " mother " issue of our faith. The Blessed Mother is

our help and our refuge and a model of what I strive to be as a woman and a

mother...why didn't this message take with Megatron? I also struggle with

honoring her (Megatron) as is required. YUKKKK!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Kathleen,

It is very comforting to have stumbled across a fellow Catholic here. I

struggle with the whole " mother " issue of our faith. The Blessed Mother is

our help and our refuge and a model of what I strive to be as a woman and a

mother...why didn't this message take with Megatron? I also struggle with

honoring her (Megatron) as is required. YUKKKK!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Touche , I thought the Catholics had the market cornered on such

nonsense!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Touche , I thought the Catholics had the market cornered on such

nonsense!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

hi debbie....

this is what I did. I called around and couldn't find anyone on my

health plan to see me right away and found a place with a

sliding scale that was reasonable through Catholic Social

Services. Anyway....I told them I wanted to see someone familiar

with working on dysfunctional families, child abuse issues (not

me, but what I experienced and witnessed), grief etc. and

religious issues.

Sometime BPD is not well known. Everything I hear at

counseling is what I read on the lists. So why am I there? It helps

me to have a professional validate me. She backed up my

boundary setting and is an advocate of journalling. All this is a

sort of journalling, but I have a notebook where I write stuff too.

There is a scientific part of things, like what Edith says on the list

about fragmentation and lack of boundaries etc. The therapist

tells me this " official " stuff.

with me and nada, some of her stuff is so subtle. She has had

maybe 3 bad textbook " events " since my father died 9 years ago.

Two of them were with me. The rest of the time she pecks away

with small comments and quiet maniacal control and

denigration. To an outsider, it would be hard to identify.

the best thing I ever did with her is to set boundaries. I had none

before. She moved in with me on her own command. She has a

long repertoire of different sighs to get what she wants. She can

suck the joy out of any spontaneous event with a quiet sentence.

Well....I heartily recommend going in and finding someone who

suits you. It was a tremendous relief, taking a step to tell myself

that I had been harmed by the childhood and the relationship

and I needed to get help. It has been extremely helpful. I actually

enjoy going to therapy, and always feel better and more " whole "

when I leave.

I was raised a Catholic, am still a Catholic but oh how my inner

religion was whacked and warped by nada & co. My therapist is

familiar with ethnic Catholic issues and religious damage. So

that is very helpful to me.

I read somewhere...that a therapist is a parent you hire to listen. I

wonder why I waited so long to go.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

hi debbie....

this is what I did. I called around and couldn't find anyone on my

health plan to see me right away and found a place with a

sliding scale that was reasonable through Catholic Social

Services. Anyway....I told them I wanted to see someone familiar

with working on dysfunctional families, child abuse issues (not

me, but what I experienced and witnessed), grief etc. and

religious issues.

Sometime BPD is not well known. Everything I hear at

counseling is what I read on the lists. So why am I there? It helps

me to have a professional validate me. She backed up my

boundary setting and is an advocate of journalling. All this is a

sort of journalling, but I have a notebook where I write stuff too.

There is a scientific part of things, like what Edith says on the list

about fragmentation and lack of boundaries etc. The therapist

tells me this " official " stuff.

with me and nada, some of her stuff is so subtle. She has had

maybe 3 bad textbook " events " since my father died 9 years ago.

Two of them were with me. The rest of the time she pecks away

with small comments and quiet maniacal control and

denigration. To an outsider, it would be hard to identify.

the best thing I ever did with her is to set boundaries. I had none

before. She moved in with me on her own command. She has a

long repertoire of different sighs to get what she wants. She can

suck the joy out of any spontaneous event with a quiet sentence.

Well....I heartily recommend going in and finding someone who

suits you. It was a tremendous relief, taking a step to tell myself

that I had been harmed by the childhood and the relationship

and I needed to get help. It has been extremely helpful. I actually

enjoy going to therapy, and always feel better and more " whole "

when I leave.

I was raised a Catholic, am still a Catholic but oh how my inner

religion was whacked and warped by nada & co. My therapist is

familiar with ethnic Catholic issues and religious damage. So

that is very helpful to me.

I read somewhere...that a therapist is a parent you hire to listen. I

wonder why I waited so long to go.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

hi debbie....

this is what I did. I called around and couldn't find anyone on my

health plan to see me right away and found a place with a

sliding scale that was reasonable through Catholic Social

Services. Anyway....I told them I wanted to see someone familiar

with working on dysfunctional families, child abuse issues (not

me, but what I experienced and witnessed), grief etc. and

religious issues.

Sometime BPD is not well known. Everything I hear at

counseling is what I read on the lists. So why am I there? It helps

me to have a professional validate me. She backed up my

boundary setting and is an advocate of journalling. All this is a

sort of journalling, but I have a notebook where I write stuff too.

There is a scientific part of things, like what Edith says on the list

about fragmentation and lack of boundaries etc. The therapist

tells me this " official " stuff.

with me and nada, some of her stuff is so subtle. She has had

maybe 3 bad textbook " events " since my father died 9 years ago.

Two of them were with me. The rest of the time she pecks away

with small comments and quiet maniacal control and

denigration. To an outsider, it would be hard to identify.

the best thing I ever did with her is to set boundaries. I had none

before. She moved in with me on her own command. She has a

long repertoire of different sighs to get what she wants. She can

suck the joy out of any spontaneous event with a quiet sentence.

Well....I heartily recommend going in and finding someone who

suits you. It was a tremendous relief, taking a step to tell myself

that I had been harmed by the childhood and the relationship

and I needed to get help. It has been extremely helpful. I actually

enjoy going to therapy, and always feel better and more " whole "

when I leave.

I was raised a Catholic, am still a Catholic but oh how my inner

religion was whacked and warped by nada & co. My therapist is

familiar with ethnic Catholic issues and religious damage. So

that is very helpful to me.

I read somewhere...that a therapist is a parent you hire to listen. I

wonder why I waited so long to go.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Debbie...

At the height of nada's visit when I was jumping out of my skin, I

was calling the therapists offices in a closed room with my heart

beating and my voice cracking. I believe this is because of the

disdain mental help is held in my Family of Origin. My most

recent recurring insult has been that I am " crazy like Daddy. " My

dad had several nervous breakdowns.

But I knew that because the disdain and contempt for mental

help was so huge in the FOO, that is must be the best thing for

me.

It was such a huge step for me, yet......once I went in, I just went

and it was totally fine.

Kathleen

> rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside

myself over

> this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I

am so

> incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt

and deny my own

> feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the

office.

[Guest guest]

Debbie...

At the height of nada's visit when I was jumping out of my skin, I

was calling the therapists offices in a closed room with my heart

beating and my voice cracking. I believe this is because of the

disdain mental help is held in my Family of Origin. My most

recent recurring insult has been that I am " crazy like Daddy. " My

dad had several nervous breakdowns.

But I knew that because the disdain and contempt for mental

help was so huge in the FOO, that is must be the best thing for

me.

It was such a huge step for me, yet......once I went in, I just went

and it was totally fine.

Kathleen

> rolling. I cannot believe the warring that is going on inside

myself over

> this issue. I know I need the guidance of a professional, but I

am so

> incredibly programmed to not take care of myself and to doubt

and deny my own

> feelings that I am a little afraid that I will be laughed out of the

office.

[Guest guest]

>> " I struggle with the whole " mother " issue of our faith. "

Try being a Mormon where the belief still is that parents are never

wrong and should always be obeyed.

** , Stinky's caretaker**

Froehliche Weihnachten,

Merry Christmas