Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

[Guest guest]

Don't you hate that when other people who are not responsible for them

tell you to have another. Tell 'em all to butt-out!!

<g>

Debi

> My in-laws, husband and damn it if even my own parents are not on me

these

> days to have " one more " .

>

>

> Grace

[Guest guest]

I would suggest her personal situation is not a suggestion everyone

else should or should not have more children, but that it's what *she*

felt led to do. I go to church with a family who feel led to have 10

kids, they just had #6. I felt led to stop after my 3rd child. God has

a plan for each person that is very individual. My perception is that

her statement is for each of us to seek *our own* path, not follow

another's.

Debi

> In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

> Nat5787@a... writes:

> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were

also

> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would

take

> care of

> them when your gone?

[Guest guest]

I would suggest her personal situation is not a suggestion everyone

else should or should not have more children, but that it's what *she*

felt led to do. I go to church with a family who feel led to have 10

kids, they just had #6. I felt led to stop after my 3rd child. God has

a plan for each person that is very individual. My perception is that

her statement is for each of us to seek *our own* path, not follow

another's.

Debi

> In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

> Nat5787@a... writes:

> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were

also

> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would

take

> care of

> them when your gone?

[Guest guest]

Jen, my thought (and this is just my thought) is that no one should

decide for you, you and hubby should decide. The fact is, autism is

being shown more and more to be a genetic inability to process heavy

metals combined with exposure to heavy metals. As Dr. Mark Geier said

at a Senate hearing I was blessed to attend, " We know it's genetic

because the parents have the same genes, but they don't have autism.

Why? Because they didn't get the exposure. "

I'm in no way telling you to have more or not to have more, but if you

long for more, then you can take some steps to lessen the risk. If you

have metal amalgams you can have them removed and chelate. You can

make sure you eat no fish like tuna (albacore has almost the same

amount per can as a flu vaccine), eat a healthy, natural diet and

avoid gluten & casein, get no vaccines for baby, and only drink

filtered water that has a metal-reducing filter. Take lots of good

vits & minerals within safe ranges, like b vits, magnesium, omega oils

(ONLY RDA dose while preg), and pray. Of course, your child might have

another reason for having autism, like fragile x or something, I

dunno. But, there are ways to reduce the risks in the future.

HTH,

Debi

> I understand both sides of it as you each have stated. I hate that

this is something that has to be decided for me. I'm blessed to have

the two children I do but I do long for more. But on the other hand,

is it fair for me to bring another child into this world who may be

much more severe when I knew it could be genetic...

[Guest guest]

AMEN GRACE, AMEN!

I already feel the pressure of having to " be good " all the time so I can

hope to live as long as possible. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't

overeat, I exercise everyday whether I want to or not. Now I know these are

all great things to do for everyone, everyday, but just once in my life I'd

like to not have to worry if the thing I happen to be wanting to do at any

particular moment might cut short my chances of surviving this life by one

single second.

Diane ('s Mom)

RE: Having another child after a diagnosis?

I know my last thought

>>upon dying will be what will happen to her now?

>>

>>Diane ('s Mom)

Diane,

As I always say, it is my only wish that I outlive my children by at least

one minute.

I will not ask for much in this life - - but that much - I hope will come

true. I need that to be the case.

Grace

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

AMEN GRACE, AMEN!

I already feel the pressure of having to " be good " all the time so I can

hope to live as long as possible. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't

overeat, I exercise everyday whether I want to or not. Now I know these are

all great things to do for everyone, everyday, but just once in my life I'd

like to not have to worry if the thing I happen to be wanting to do at any

particular moment might cut short my chances of surviving this life by one

single second.

Diane ('s Mom)

RE: Having another child after a diagnosis?

I know my last thought

>>upon dying will be what will happen to her now?

>>

>>Diane ('s Mom)

Diane,

As I always say, it is my only wish that I outlive my children by at least

one minute.

I will not ask for much in this life - - but that much - I hope will come

true. I need that to be the case.

Grace

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

we have 10 years between our two..i had tried to have another baby before sarah

got a diagnosis ..then afterwards we spent so much time and energy with therapy

etc we stopped trying..then bingo when she was nearly 10 i got preg hahaha i was

scared all the way thru preg that this one would be autistic too but she is so

far a very typical now 3 year old going on 30 but we will not be having

anymore..more due to my health probs and the high blood pressure i have that

gets worse when i am preg.

Sharon

NZ

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

we have 10 years between our two..i had tried to have another baby before sarah

got a diagnosis ..then afterwards we spent so much time and energy with therapy

etc we stopped trying..then bingo when she was nearly 10 i got preg hahaha i was

scared all the way thru preg that this one would be autistic too but she is so

far a very typical now 3 year old going on 30 but we will not be having

anymore..more due to my health probs and the high blood pressure i have that

gets worse when i am preg.

Sharon

NZ

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

we have 10 years between our two..i had tried to have another baby before sarah

got a diagnosis ..then afterwards we spent so much time and energy with therapy

etc we stopped trying..then bingo when she was nearly 10 i got preg hahaha i was

scared all the way thru preg that this one would be autistic too but she is so

far a very typical now 3 year old going on 30 but we will not be having

anymore..more due to my health probs and the high blood pressure i have that

gets worse when i am preg.

Sharon

NZ

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

Lol, I LOVE having a tubal! It's so nice to not have to worry about BC

anymore.

Debi

> In regard to the birth control .....Thank God I had my husband get a

> vasectomy two weeks after was diagnosed....

>

>

> Diane ('s Mom)

[Guest guest]

Lol, I LOVE having a tubal! It's so nice to not have to worry about BC

anymore.

Debi

> In regard to the birth control .....Thank God I had my husband get a

> vasectomy two weeks after was diagnosed....

>

>

> Diane ('s Mom)

[Guest guest]

> > In regard to the birth control .....Thank God I had my husband get

a

> > vasectomy two weeks after was diagnosed....

> >

> >

> > Diane ('s Mom)

[Guest guest]

> > In regard to the birth control .....Thank God I had my husband get

a

> > vasectomy two weeks after was diagnosed....

> >

> >

> > Diane ('s Mom)

[Guest guest]

I am not sure I know how to answer that. I do not know who would take care of

them, but I would not compromise my beliefs on what- ifs. All I was saying was

that I have been extremely blessed with my Autistic child as much as I have been

blessed with my typical kids. I would hope that if all 7 of my children were

autistic I would have the eyes of faith to see God's purpose for their existence

and trust in His plan for their future care. Who is to say that ANY of my kids

would even want to take their sister in their care when we are gone. I certainly

hope that I am raising them with a sense of responsibility for those who cannot

defend or care care for themselves. I suppose I do come off as being on a soap

box, but I also consider those who chose to not have any more children by

getting surgeries and using birth control, to be on their own soap boxes. So I

guess in the end we all could use a little tolerance. I hope I answered your

question.

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

I am not sure I know how to answer that. I do not know who would take care of

them, but I would not compromise my beliefs on what- ifs. All I was saying was

that I have been extremely blessed with my Autistic child as much as I have been

blessed with my typical kids. I would hope that if all 7 of my children were

autistic I would have the eyes of faith to see God's purpose for their existence

and trust in His plan for their future care. Who is to say that ANY of my kids

would even want to take their sister in their care when we are gone. I certainly

hope that I am raising them with a sense of responsibility for those who cannot

defend or care care for themselves. I suppose I do come off as being on a soap

box, but I also consider those who chose to not have any more children by

getting surgeries and using birth control, to be on their own soap boxes. So I

guess in the end we all could use a little tolerance. I hope I answered your

question.

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

I am not sure I know how to answer that. I do not know who would take care of

them, but I would not compromise my beliefs on what- ifs. All I was saying was

that I have been extremely blessed with my Autistic child as much as I have been

blessed with my typical kids. I would hope that if all 7 of my children were

autistic I would have the eyes of faith to see God's purpose for their existence

and trust in His plan for their future care. Who is to say that ANY of my kids

would even want to take their sister in their care when we are gone. I certainly

hope that I am raising them with a sense of responsibility for those who cannot

defend or care care for themselves. I suppose I do come off as being on a soap

box, but I also consider those who chose to not have any more children by

getting surgeries and using birth control, to be on their own soap boxes. So I

guess in the end we all could use a little tolerance. I hope I answered your

question.

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

I have 3 children, my oldest is very low functioning, she is 14, and my boys are

typical boys 11 and 13, I had thoughts of not having any more children after my

daughtor we born, being I really had to become a home nurse, tube feeding,

catherzing, the whole nine yards, but years later, I look back and wonder the

'What if's " and I know now for my personal decision it was to have more

children, My first thought was would a second child take away from my daughtor

who needed 100% of my time. But I decided to go ahead with my desire for another

child, When my son was born, and as he begin to make milestones, It was so

special in our home it was like my daughtor would watch him and imitate, she

would watch him when he would roll over, sit up, as he met milestones in a

timely manner, she was right behind him, now at 14 she is still delayed but my

boys have become such kind compassionate young men, not just at home, but out

shopping they will go out of their way to speak or smile , kind

words to children we may see with specialneeds, And I will even go on to say,

if we are out and their is a child with specialneeds, and well you know how

people stare, well my boys will speak on that child's behalf, My boys and my

daughtor are my true gift from my heavenly father, As some have said no one know

what the future holds, but my opinion is I feel we're living in the last days,

and Jesus is coming back soon , dont fear tommorow because our heavenly father

is in control,

Bridget Buono wrote:I am not sure I know how to

answer that. I do not know who would take care of them, but I would not

compromise my beliefs on what- ifs. All I was saying was that I have been

extremely blessed with my Autistic child as much as I have been blessed with my

typical kids. I would hope that if all 7 of my children were autistic I would

have the eyes of faith to see God's purpose for their existence and trust in His

plan for their future care. Who is to say that ANY of my kids would even want to

take their sister in their care when we are gone. I certainly hope that I am

raising them with a sense of responsibility for those who cannot defend or care

care for themselves. I suppose I do come off as being on a soap box, but I also

consider those who chose to not have any more children by getting surgeries and

using birth control, to be on their own soap boxes. So I guess in the end we all

could use a little tolerance. I hope I answered your

question.

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

Bridget, I think that you cannot do " what-ifs " because God has a plan

for you that is not dependent on " what if " . I know I can't say what I

would do if I had 3 typical kids, 1 kid, etc, because then I wouldn't

be experiencing His plan. Just like my following to get a tubal and

your following to have more. I can't do your way and you can't do mine

becaue that's not part of His plan to be like each other. We are all

unique and He places each of us on different paths.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Bridget, I think that you cannot do " what-ifs " because God has a plan

for you that is not dependent on " what if " . I know I can't say what I

would do if I had 3 typical kids, 1 kid, etc, because then I wouldn't

be experiencing His plan. Just like my following to get a tubal and

your following to have more. I can't do your way and you can't do mine

becaue that's not part of His plan to be like each other. We are all

unique and He places each of us on different paths.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I have a sort of different perspective on this, not having a child

with autism myself. But I have worked with families where one, two, or

all were autistic, and families that had one ASD and 3 or more NT

kids. Genetics is not the only factor. It is a big one though, and I

know, I have more than enough ASD, SPD, OCD, and AS relatives. So does

my husband. I know that we have an increased risk of having a child

with one of these related disorders. However, when doing the " what-

ifs " when I got pregnant (a surprise, btw), I came up with a lot of

worse things! My " what-ifs " included so many things other moms don't

worry about b/c of my years of experience in the special ed field. In

the end, I told my husband, at least one of the above disorders would

be familiar territory! And while Rory is not autistic, he does have a

variety of food allergies and what may be the beginning signs of OCD.

I'm keeping an eye on that, let me tell you! But we are planning on a

family with 5 kids, even if it means that all have different allergies

and have to stop and touch different spots on the wall everytime we go

to the mall, or whatever else may come our way.

Also, with Rory, b/c I was aware of our increased risk, we were very

cautious with food introduction (before he had signs of allergies

even). He didn't have dairy or gluten until after he was talking. We

did baby sign language (just in case...) and delayed all his vaccines.

He's caught up now except for MMR. He will not be getting the measles

part of the vaccine, and only the others if I can find a dr to order

them seperately. Otherwise he'll wait til 3 yrs. And although I am now

sure he's not ASD, I still find myself watching for signs...just in

case.

Amnesty

> Bridget, I think that you cannot do " what-ifs " because God has a plan

> for you that is not dependent on " what if " . I know I can't say what I

> would do if I had 3 typical kids, 1 kid, etc, because then I wouldn't

> be experiencing His plan. Just like my following to get a tubal and

> your following to have more. I can't do your way and you can't do

mine

> becaue that's not part of His plan to be like each other. We are all

> unique and He places each of us on different paths.

>

> Debi

[Guest guest]

I have a sort of different perspective on this, not having a child

with autism myself. But I have worked with families where one, two, or

all were autistic, and families that had one ASD and 3 or more NT

kids. Genetics is not the only factor. It is a big one though, and I

know, I have more than enough ASD, SPD, OCD, and AS relatives. So does

my husband. I know that we have an increased risk of having a child

with one of these related disorders. However, when doing the " what-

ifs " when I got pregnant (a surprise, btw), I came up with a lot of

worse things! My " what-ifs " included so many things other moms don't

worry about b/c of my years of experience in the special ed field. In

the end, I told my husband, at least one of the above disorders would

be familiar territory! And while Rory is not autistic, he does have a

variety of food allergies and what may be the beginning signs of OCD.

I'm keeping an eye on that, let me tell you! But we are planning on a

family with 5 kids, even if it means that all have different allergies

and have to stop and touch different spots on the wall everytime we go

to the mall, or whatever else may come our way.

Also, with Rory, b/c I was aware of our increased risk, we were very

cautious with food introduction (before he had signs of allergies

even). He didn't have dairy or gluten until after he was talking. We

did baby sign language (just in case...) and delayed all his vaccines.

He's caught up now except for MMR. He will not be getting the measles

part of the vaccine, and only the others if I can find a dr to order

them seperately. Otherwise he'll wait til 3 yrs. And although I am now

sure he's not ASD, I still find myself watching for signs...just in

case.

Amnesty

> Bridget, I think that you cannot do " what-ifs " because God has a plan

> for you that is not dependent on " what if " . I know I can't say what I

> would do if I had 3 typical kids, 1 kid, etc, because then I wouldn't

> be experiencing His plan. Just like my following to get a tubal and

> your following to have more. I can't do your way and you can't do

mine

> becaue that's not part of His plan to be like each other. We are all

> unique and He places each of us on different paths.

>

> Debi

[Guest guest]

Amnesty, I feel for you. I was talking with one of Allie's former

teaching assistants who's pregnant with her first. It really hit me

how the niavity I had with and Allie is just not there for

her. She's aware of all that could go wrong. I look at it like this.

We are all born with errors, and we are all worthy of life. If God

sees fit to bless us in the womb, I see him/her as a blessing,

regardless if he/she doesn't fit the perfect mold. None of us do, really.

Debi

> I have a sort of different perspective on this, not having a child

> with autism myself.

[Guest guest]

Amnesty, I feel for you. I was talking with one of Allie's former

teaching assistants who's pregnant with her first. It really hit me

how the niavity I had with and Allie is just not there for

her. She's aware of all that could go wrong. I look at it like this.

We are all born with errors, and we are all worthy of life. If God

sees fit to bless us in the womb, I see him/her as a blessing,

regardless if he/she doesn't fit the perfect mold. None of us do, really.

Debi

> I have a sort of different perspective on this, not having a child

> with autism myself.

[Guest guest]

Amnesty, I feel for you. I was talking with one of Allie's former

teaching assistants who's pregnant with her first. It really hit me

how the niavity I had with and Allie is just not there for

her. She's aware of all that could go wrong. I look at it like this.

We are all born with errors, and we are all worthy of life. If God

sees fit to bless us in the womb, I see him/her as a blessing,

regardless if he/she doesn't fit the perfect mold. None of us do, really.

Debi

> I have a sort of different perspective on this, not having a child

> with autism myself.

[Guest guest]

Hi! I'm so sorry you are having a rought time. I just wanted to tell you that I

just started on Lexipro and xanaax. My 5 year old dd has autism and was dx 3

years ago. It's been hard! I can't say I know how you feel having three, but

just wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. The meds are

helping me. Maybe that might be something that will help you too.

Best wishes and let us know how you are doing!

Janet in KC

________________________________

From: Autism_in_Girls on behalf of DillardRN@...

Sent: Mon 5/23/2005 10:46 AM

To: Autism_in_Girls

Subject: Re: Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/22/2005 9:19:49 PM Central Daylight Time,

fightingautism@... writes:

We are all

unique and He places each of us on different paths.

just a thought i am struggling with...i too believe the Lord has a plan for

us...and everyone keeps telling me He doesn't give more than you can handle...i

have such a hard time believing that...i am at my max point...i can't handle

3 autistic kids under the age of 5...i went to the hospital 2 weeks ago and

signed myself into the psych unit...it was so hard to do...but i did it for the

sake of my children...it was hard being the patient, when i am an RN and even

worked on a psych unit at one time...so i can't help but to think, if God

wouldn't give me more than i can handle, then how did i end up on a psych unit,

end up living in a state that we have no family around (not that that would

really make a difference) b/c both my husband and i come from VERY dysfunctional

families and we get NOT ONE OUNCE Of support from either of our families...my

own mother has never seen any of my children in the past 3 yrs...she has never

met my 2 yr old...she has not experienced one minute of autism...and i am

heartbroken over all of this...i just don't get it...and i'm not sure i'll ever

get to the point of acceptance...that i will never have a NT child...that i have

no support....that all 3 of my kids have autism...i just can't accept it and

i'm not making it...any insight from anyone?? i'm depserate here....thanks...