Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

[Guest guest]

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

I understand both sides of it as you each have stated. I hate that this is

something that has to be decided for me. I'm blessed to have the two children I

do but I do long for more. But on the other hand, is it fair for me to bring

another child into this world who may be much more severe when I knew it could

be genetic...

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

I understand both sides of it as you each have stated. I hate that this is

something that has to be decided for me. I'm blessed to have the two children I

do but I do long for more. But on the other hand, is it fair for me to bring

another child into this world who may be much more severe when I knew it could

be genetic...

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

I understand both sides of it as you each have stated. I hate that this is

something that has to be decided for me. I'm blessed to have the two children I

do but I do long for more. But on the other hand, is it fair for me to bring

another child into this world who may be much more severe when I knew it could

be genetic...

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/20/2005 11:16:20 PM Central Daylight Time,

teach413@... writes:

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older

child had autism?

we got our son's diagnosis when i was pregnant with our 3rd child...they all

now have a diagnosis of autism...i wanted a large family, at least 5

kids...but we decided there was no way we'd have another...the geneticist

agreed...makes me so sad that is was decided for us, in a way, to not have any

more

kids....susan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/20/2005 11:16:20 PM Central Daylight Time,

teach413@... writes:

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older

child had autism?

we got our son's diagnosis when i was pregnant with our 3rd child...they all

now have a diagnosis of autism...i wanted a large family, at least 5

kids...but we decided there was no way we'd have another...the geneticist

agreed...makes me so sad that is was decided for us, in a way, to not have any

more

kids....susan

[Guest guest]

Hi . I have had 6 other children since my daughter was diagnosed. I

cannot imagine her life or mine without her siblings. We decided to live our

life according to the teachings our faith and we have been blessed many times

over for that decision. Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so

please be patient with me and know that I speak for me and my family. I know

that she will be taken care of when she gets older and we are not here anymore

and that has brought comfort to us. She was always forced to interact because

there's no where to run when there are 9 people living in the house!!! she

shares a room with her sister, something we thought would never happen, but she

loves it and cannot sleep with out her. As many women here, we believe or

daughter is a special gift from God and I believe every child we had since

was diagnosed has a purpose not only for her but for the world. My kids are

getting and unparalled education in tolerance and unconditional love living here

with their sister. It sounds like we have kids just for our daughter's

interaction needs, but that is not the case. Its a wonderful by-product. I guess

in the end, what I am saying is, every life has a special purpose, every life

comes from God, we should not thwart the plans God has intended for every human

being. If you feel as if you are called to have more children my advice is go

for it. You will not be sorry, maybe one of our kids were meant to find a cure

for autism!!

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

Hi . I have had 6 other children since my daughter was diagnosed. I

cannot imagine her life or mine without her siblings. We decided to live our

life according to the teachings our faith and we have been blessed many times

over for that decision. Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so

please be patient with me and know that I speak for me and my family. I know

that she will be taken care of when she gets older and we are not here anymore

and that has brought comfort to us. She was always forced to interact because

there's no where to run when there are 9 people living in the house!!! she

shares a room with her sister, something we thought would never happen, but she

loves it and cannot sleep with out her. As many women here, we believe or

daughter is a special gift from God and I believe every child we had since

was diagnosed has a purpose not only for her but for the world. My kids are

getting and unparalled education in tolerance and unconditional love living here

with their sister. It sounds like we have kids just for our daughter's

interaction needs, but that is not the case. Its a wonderful by-product. I guess

in the end, what I am saying is, every life has a special purpose, every life

comes from God, we should not thwart the plans God has intended for every human

being. If you feel as if you are called to have more children my advice is go

for it. You will not be sorry, maybe one of our kids were meant to find a cure

for autism!!

Bridget

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older child

had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's diagnosis

until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea of should we

or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and

my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I

was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

bridget@... writes:

Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be patient with

me

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take care

of

them when your gone?

Just curious,

[Guest guest]

After I had my daughter at 38 yrs old with multiple problems with my health

during prenancy (high risk), I am unable to have anymore because my kidneys

can't stand the strain. However, if I could, I would. My daughter is

lonely and wanted a sister or brother. Another child would certainly have

meant at least someone was keeping an eye on her when we were gone. Sadly,

this is not to be. I know my last thought upon dying will be what will

happen to her now?

Diane ('s Mom)

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older

child had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's

diagnosis until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea

of should we or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a

diagnosis of PDD and my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed)

developing typically. I was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

After I had my daughter at 38 yrs old with multiple problems with my health

during prenancy (high risk), I am unable to have anymore because my kidneys

can't stand the strain. However, if I could, I would. My daughter is

lonely and wanted a sister or brother. Another child would certainly have

meant at least someone was keeping an eye on her when we were gone. Sadly,

this is not to be. I know my last thought upon dying will be what will

happen to her now?

Diane ('s Mom)

Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your older

child had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older daughter's

diagnosis until after my second dd was born. We struggle now with the idea

of should we or shouldn't we have a third child. My four year old has a

diagnosis of PDD and my One year old is so far (keeping my fingers crossed)

developing typically. I was wondering your opinions... Thanks

Jen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

Nat5787@... writes:

So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were also

diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would take

care of

them when your gone?

i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest worry in life!!!!

[Guest guest]

Having my one autistic child is like having 10 children to me. if i

take my eyes off her for even one second, she is usually in some form

of grave danger. I couldn't even imagine going through a

pregnancy....morning sickness, fatigue, who knows what else....let

alone having to stay up all night with a newborn and then muster up the

strength to deal with everything else. There is no way I would have

another child. It wouldn't be fair to my daughter, to the new baby or

to me.

> In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

> bridget@... writes:

> Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be

> patient with

> me

> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were

> also

> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would

> take care of

> them when your gone?

>

>

>

> Just curious,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Having my one autistic child is like having 10 children to me. if i

take my eyes off her for even one second, she is usually in some form

of grave danger. I couldn't even imagine going through a

pregnancy....morning sickness, fatigue, who knows what else....let

alone having to stay up all night with a newborn and then muster up the

strength to deal with everything else. There is no way I would have

another child. It wouldn't be fair to my daughter, to the new baby or

to me.

> In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

> bridget@... writes:

> Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be

> patient with

> me

> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were

> also

> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would

> take care of

> them when your gone?

>

>

>

> Just curious,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Having my one autistic child is like having 10 children to me. if i

take my eyes off her for even one second, she is usually in some form

of grave danger. I couldn't even imagine going through a

pregnancy....morning sickness, fatigue, who knows what else....let

alone having to stay up all night with a newborn and then muster up the

strength to deal with everything else. There is no way I would have

another child. It wouldn't be fair to my daughter, to the new baby or

to me.

> In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:25:45 AM Pacific Standard Time,

> bridget@... writes:

> Its hard to NOT stand on a soap box with this issue so please be

> patient with

> me

> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6 children were

> also

> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning). Who would

> take care of

> them when your gone?

>

>

>

> Just curious,

>

>

[Guest guest]

My in-laws, husband and damn it if even my own parents are not on me these

days to have " one more " .

First off, I am obviously prone to having twins so " one more " might mean

'two more' which makes our family go from 4 to 6 in one bang, so to speak.

Second, I managed to have autistic fraternal twins, and what are the chances

of this not being genetic then? Identical is one thing - could just be a

one-time thing, but fraternal is no different than having two pregnancies at

once... And yet, both are ASD.

Third, this means I might have up to twin NT kids, twin autistic kids, or

twins with one NT and one again, not. Which means that the one NT twin who

is not will then have THREE ASD siblings.

But fourth is the biggest reason I will not have more, no matter who says

what.

It's not a win-win, or even win-lose situation. It is a lose-lose situation

in my eyes. I have more kids, and if he/she is NT - - then my heart may be

more at ease because my girl have a sibling who can look after them when I

die but if I am having such a hard time with this - - what kind of life is

that for her, to always have to look in on siblings who don't act like other

siblings? Not just that - - but if he/she is normal, then I have to try and

make some kind of a normal life for this kid, lessons, playgroups,

afterschool activities and such - - and wherever we go, whatever we do, I

have to bring along my other two who do not always make life easy for little

trips here and there, errands, or sudden changes. If having them act up in

public is hard on me... I cannot imagine how hard it will be for a 7 year

old NT child.... A teenager....etc. Not just that, but the more normal my

next child is - - I feel like I will be too saddened by how " abnormal " my

other kids are.... And who needs more of that? If I have more kids, and

he/she is not NT - - what kind of life is that for me or my husband... And

if two are worrying me to death - - 3 will drive me to insanity, not to

imply that I am that far off from it even as I write this.

And worst case scenario - - - 4 ASD kids will just kill me on the spot.

Like I said - for us, it's a no win situation that I sadly opt not to take.

These being our first kids, I try to live every day seeing them for the

blessings they are in my life. That said, I still get saddened that I will

never know what it's like to raise a NT kid, do NT things and live like so

many others seem to live. I have thought about it for so long, and now,

after 7 years of life with my kids, I can't possibly agree to it, and I

can't help but resent the people who are telling me to do it, since if/when

it all goes wrong, I will once again be left as my children's main, if not

only caretaker - - and I just can't do it.

I know some have gone on to have very NT kids and live great lives. Others

have 4 or even 5 and manage in their own way also. I am truly, truly happy

for them and God bless them for their courage. Call me weak, call me a

coward, but I just don't have more to give..... And any more than this - I

know my heart will not be able to bear the pain, disappointment, fear and

worry anymore.

Grace

>> Re: Having another child after a diagnosis?

>>

>>I understand both sides of it as you each have stated. I

>>hate that this is something that has to be decided for me.

>>I'm blessed to have the two children I do but I do long for

>>more. But on the other hand, is it fair for me to bring

>>another child into this world who may be much more severe

>>when I knew it could be genetic...

>> Re: Having another child after a

>>diagnosis?

>>

>>

>> In a message dated 5/21/2005 11:52:22 AM Central Daylight Time,

>> Nat5787@... writes:

>> So would you still be on that soap box if your other 6

>>children were also

>> diagnosed with autism (not necessarily high functioning).

>>Who would take

>> care of

>> them when your gone?

>>

>>

>> i am the mom to 3 children with autism...this is my biggest

>>worry in life!!!!

>>

>>

>>

[Guest guest]

I know my last thought

>>upon dying will be what will happen to her now?

>>

>>Diane ('s Mom)

Diane,

As I always say, it is my only wish that I outlive my children by at least

one minute.

I will not ask for much in this life - - but that much - I hope will come

true. I need that to be the case.

Grace

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:46:57 PM Central Daylight Time,

ds2400@... writes:

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't

overeat, I exercise everyday whether I want to or not. Now I know these are

all great things to do for everyone, everyday, but just once in my life I'd

like to not have to worry if the thing I happen to be wanting to do at any

particular moment might cut short my chances of surviving this life by one

single second.

diane,

i was just talking to my mom about this today on the phone...i too exercise

every day now (it helps with my sanity issues as well) but i mainly do it b/c i

need to live life...i need to be around for my kids...if i die who in the

world will take care of my 3 autistic kids?? so i avoid fast food, drink 12

glasses of water a day, don't drink, don't smoke, and run/walk 45 min. per day

to

keep myself as healthy as possible...i'm a nurse and i realize that my chances

of having a heart attack and stroke, even at my age of 34, are so greatly

increased just b/c of the massive amount of stress i am under on a daily

basis....taking care of 3 kids with autism is so taxing...i can barely think

straight...i am on the go constantly but worse, my mind never for one second

gets a

rest....i'm worn out...i got my first child's diagnosis when i was pregnant with

my 3rd...we planned on having 5 kids and stopped at 3...couldn't risk having

another child with autism...and i so miss all the things that all the moms with

NT kids get to do...i feel cheated out of the parenthood i was " supposed " to

have just b/c i am a mother...i hate how it has affected our family...and i

hate that my children will have no one to look after them when my husband and i

are gone...i'm sad about so many things and i'm grieving so much right

now...but i truly feel the decision is up to each individual...and i tell people

to

never base their decision on the outcome of my family...very well may never

happen to them...and if not, i'll cheer for them...but inside i'll be quietly

crying for my kids...having 3 kids with autism under the age of 5 has taken it's

toll...and i only get out of bed each morning b/c i see those 3 sets of eyes

looking at me...they're my life...and i love them so very much....

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:46:57 PM Central Daylight Time,

ds2400@... writes:

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't

overeat, I exercise everyday whether I want to or not. Now I know these are

all great things to do for everyone, everyday, but just once in my life I'd

like to not have to worry if the thing I happen to be wanting to do at any

particular moment might cut short my chances of surviving this life by one

single second.

diane,

i was just talking to my mom about this today on the phone...i too exercise

every day now (it helps with my sanity issues as well) but i mainly do it b/c i

need to live life...i need to be around for my kids...if i die who in the

world will take care of my 3 autistic kids?? so i avoid fast food, drink 12

glasses of water a day, don't drink, don't smoke, and run/walk 45 min. per day

to

keep myself as healthy as possible...i'm a nurse and i realize that my chances

of having a heart attack and stroke, even at my age of 34, are so greatly

increased just b/c of the massive amount of stress i am under on a daily

basis....taking care of 3 kids with autism is so taxing...i can barely think

straight...i am on the go constantly but worse, my mind never for one second

gets a

rest....i'm worn out...i got my first child's diagnosis when i was pregnant with

my 3rd...we planned on having 5 kids and stopped at 3...couldn't risk having

another child with autism...and i so miss all the things that all the moms with

NT kids get to do...i feel cheated out of the parenthood i was " supposed " to

have just b/c i am a mother...i hate how it has affected our family...and i

hate that my children will have no one to look after them when my husband and i

are gone...i'm sad about so many things and i'm grieving so much right

now...but i truly feel the decision is up to each individual...and i tell people

to

never base their decision on the outcome of my family...very well may never

happen to them...and if not, i'll cheer for them...but inside i'll be quietly

crying for my kids...having 3 kids with autism under the age of 5 has taken it's

toll...and i only get out of bed each morning b/c i see those 3 sets of eyes

looking at me...they're my life...and i love them so very much....

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2005 5:46:57 PM Central Daylight Time,

ds2400@... writes:

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't

overeat, I exercise everyday whether I want to or not. Now I know these are

all great things to do for everyone, everyday, but just once in my life I'd

like to not have to worry if the thing I happen to be wanting to do at any

particular moment might cut short my chances of surviving this life by one

single second.

diane,

i was just talking to my mom about this today on the phone...i too exercise

every day now (it helps with my sanity issues as well) but i mainly do it b/c i

need to live life...i need to be around for my kids...if i die who in the

world will take care of my 3 autistic kids?? so i avoid fast food, drink 12

glasses of water a day, don't drink, don't smoke, and run/walk 45 min. per day

to

keep myself as healthy as possible...i'm a nurse and i realize that my chances

of having a heart attack and stroke, even at my age of 34, are so greatly

increased just b/c of the massive amount of stress i am under on a daily

basis....taking care of 3 kids with autism is so taxing...i can barely think

straight...i am on the go constantly but worse, my mind never for one second

gets a

rest....i'm worn out...i got my first child's diagnosis when i was pregnant with

my 3rd...we planned on having 5 kids and stopped at 3...couldn't risk having

another child with autism...and i so miss all the things that all the moms with

NT kids get to do...i feel cheated out of the parenthood i was " supposed " to

have just b/c i am a mother...i hate how it has affected our family...and i

hate that my children will have no one to look after them when my husband and i

are gone...i'm sad about so many things and i'm grieving so much right

now...but i truly feel the decision is up to each individual...and i tell people

to

never base their decision on the outcome of my family...very well may never

happen to them...and if not, i'll cheer for them...but inside i'll be quietly

crying for my kids...having 3 kids with autism under the age of 5 has taken it's

toll...and i only get out of bed each morning b/c i see those 3 sets of eyes

looking at me...they're my life...and i love them so very much....

[Guest guest]

Jen, I got preg about six mos after Allie was dxed, she was 2 1/2 at

the time, was 4 1/2. When Allie was dxed we had felt led to

use natural family planning as our method of control, leaving the

question of fertility up to God. The week Allie got dxed every

professional Allie was seeing " highly recommended " that I get her

tested for Fragile X. I felt I could not take any more bad news and

went to Scripture. I kept coming to verses that said, " Trust in Me,

not in man " and felt this was my answer and did not get the genetic

testing.

When I discovered I was preg with Dinah 6 mos later we went from the

bathroom to bedroom and dropped to our knees and prayed for our baby

to be healthy. I also heavily researched & prayed over the vaccine

issue and we agreed Dinah would not get vaccinated until 4 mos old.

The 4 mos came and went and I felt I simply could not vaccinate her

and have any peace. Dinah is now 2 yrs, 8mos old with a *slight*

language delay. She just got the " PDD clear " from the pyschologist,

who feels the language delay is just a language delay.

I did have a tubal because of various minor complications of Dinah's

preg and because I felt God was telling me I was done with birthing

babies. My advice to any parent considering another one is to go to

Jesus and allow Him to lead you. As the song says, " you see the page,

I know the story " . He knows what the perfect number of children are

and every child, regardless of diagnosis is a loved, perfect child.

There are many days I feel overwhelmed, but I know deep inside that my

3 are the perfect family for me. I never felt the " finished " feeling

until preg with Dinah. I have felt complete every since her birth.

HTH,

Debi

> Have any of you decided to have other children after you knew your

older child had autism? I have two dd's but I didn't get my older

daughter's diagnosis until after my second dd was born. We struggle

now with the idea of should we or shouldn't we have a third child. My

four year old has a diagnosis of PDD and my One year old is so far

(keeping my fingers crossed) developing typically. I was wondering

your opinions... Thanks

> Jen