Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

[Guest guest]

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> Wonder if being KOs makes us exceptionally

> empathetic? Sometimes I wish I

> could turn this off. Ellen

I think that we especially tune in to their feelings

and actions in order to try to please them. So I

think we are very empathetic. I was also this way

with my ex spouse. I tried to read what he was going

to do next to try not to upset him. I think we get

more finely tuned in to people's body language, etc.

because of this experience.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> Wonder if being KOs makes us exceptionally

> empathetic? Sometimes I wish I

> could turn this off. Ellen

I think that we especially tune in to their feelings

and actions in order to try to please them. So I

think we are very empathetic. I was also this way

with my ex spouse. I tried to read what he was going

to do next to try not to upset him. I think we get

more finely tuned in to people's body language, etc.

because of this experience.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> Wonder if being KOs makes us exceptionally

> empathetic? Sometimes I wish I

> could turn this off. Ellen

I think that we especially tune in to their feelings

and actions in order to try to please them. So I

think we are very empathetic. I was also this way

with my ex spouse. I tried to read what he was going

to do next to try not to upset him. I think we get

more finely tuned in to people's body language, etc.

because of this experience.

Holly

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I think we get more finely tuned in to people's body language, etc.

>because of this experience.

>

>Holly,

>

I too read bodily language heavily & with my husband I get hyper vigilent

PTSD when he looks angry. I'd love to turn it off! (spent all my childhood

asking my NPD dad if he was angry at me too...)

Ellen>_________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> Wonder if being KOs makes us exceptionally

> empathetic? Sometimes I wish I

> could turn this off. Ellen

I don't know if I'd want mine turned off! I look at as a bonus or gift that

nada had unknowingly given me. It helps me sort through all the bull, sometimes

long before others can even see it. This has saved me from being involved in

situations that could have been rough. I've had folks come back and say, " Whoa!

How could you of possibly seen this coming?! " Hello's to all,

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> Wonder if being KOs makes us exceptionally

> empathetic? Sometimes I wish I

> could turn this off. Ellen

I don't know if I'd want mine turned off! I look at as a bonus or gift that

nada had unknowingly given me. It helps me sort through all the bull, sometimes

long before others can even see it. This has saved me from being involved in

situations that could have been rough. I've had folks come back and say, " Whoa!

How could you of possibly seen this coming?! " Hello's to all,

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

This has saved me from being involved in situations that could have been

rough. I've had folks come back and say, " Whoa! How could you of possibly

seen this coming?! " Hello's to all,

True- we sure do read people better!

Ellen

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

This has saved me from being involved in situations that could have been

rough. I've had folks come back and say, " Whoa! How could you of possibly

seen this coming?! " Hello's to all,

True- we sure do read people better!

Ellen

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! I'm very good at reading people too, and a good judge of character.

And here all along I thought this ability was merely a talent, or something I

was born with.

So I learned this at the knees of my BPD mother? Doesn't surprise me. It's

just another tidbit of truth about my life with a BPD mother.

Best wishes,

Carol

" Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

wrote:

> This has saved me from being involved in situations

> that could have been rough. I've had folks come

> back and say, " Whoa! How could you of possibly

> seen this coming?! "

[Guest guest]

Wow! I'm very good at reading people too, and a good judge of character.

And here all along I thought this ability was merely a talent, or something I

was born with.

So I learned this at the knees of my BPD mother? Doesn't surprise me. It's

just another tidbit of truth about my life with a BPD mother.

Best wishes,

Carol

" Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

wrote:

> This has saved me from being involved in situations

> that could have been rough. I've had folks come

> back and say, " Whoa! How could you of possibly

> seen this coming?! "

[Guest guest]

I am new to this group but this thread interests me. I assume by nada you mean

BP mother?

My exBPSO was the oldest child of what sounds like a really extreme BP father.

My ex's oldest son also appears to be BP. The oldest children appear to be the

worst affected in this family.

Meri

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I am new to this group but this thread interests me. I assume by nada you mean

BP mother?

My exBPSO was the oldest child of what sounds like a really extreme BP father.

My ex's oldest son also appears to be BP. The oldest children appear to be the

worst affected in this family.

Meri

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I can't generalize. My big sister was very close to our BP mother- always

carrying her problems above her own. When she passed away I had to learn &

read a tremendous amount on BP to empathize with her as my big sister had.

My big sister endured a lot more verbal abuse than I had as a child. She

NEVER blamed our BP mother- she accepted her illness & hoped that she

would be treated better because of it- she hoped till the end for

unconditional love. My big sister endured the most pain & the most denial

that our BP mom had any faults.

She was an incredible person- she became my very best friend. We weren't

raised to even like each other. Hope this helps... (I felt I was daddy's

girl but when I hit puberty my dad was to always be a dishrag to my mother.

Never stood up for us or himself and a Dr. to boot!!)

Ellen

At 11:58 AM 12/5/01 -0800, you wrote:

>I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

>amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

>oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

>Does the older child shield the younger from some of

>the damage that a nada causes?

>--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

>> True- we sure do read people better!

>>

>> Ellen

>

>

>__________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I can't generalize. My big sister was very close to our BP mother- always

carrying her problems above her own. When she passed away I had to learn &

read a tremendous amount on BP to empathize with her as my big sister had.

My big sister endured a lot more verbal abuse than I had as a child. She

NEVER blamed our BP mother- she accepted her illness & hoped that she

would be treated better because of it- she hoped till the end for

unconditional love. My big sister endured the most pain & the most denial

that our BP mom had any faults.

She was an incredible person- she became my very best friend. We weren't

raised to even like each other. Hope this helps... (I felt I was daddy's

girl but when I hit puberty my dad was to always be a dishrag to my mother.

Never stood up for us or himself and a Dr. to boot!!)

Ellen

At 11:58 AM 12/5/01 -0800, you wrote:

>I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

>amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

>oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

>Does the older child shield the younger from some of

>the damage that a nada causes?

>--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

>> True- we sure do read people better!

>>

>> Ellen

>

>

>__________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I can't generalize. My big sister was very close to our BP mother- always

carrying her problems above her own. When she passed away I had to learn &

read a tremendous amount on BP to empathize with her as my big sister had.

My big sister endured a lot more verbal abuse than I had as a child. She

NEVER blamed our BP mother- she accepted her illness & hoped that she

would be treated better because of it- she hoped till the end for

unconditional love. My big sister endured the most pain & the most denial

that our BP mom had any faults.

She was an incredible person- she became my very best friend. We weren't

raised to even like each other. Hope this helps... (I felt I was daddy's

girl but when I hit puberty my dad was to always be a dishrag to my mother.

Never stood up for us or himself and a Dr. to boot!!)

Ellen

At 11:58 AM 12/5/01 -0800, you wrote:

>I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

>amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

>oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

>Does the older child shield the younger from some of

>the damage that a nada causes?

>--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

>> True- we sure do read people better!

>>

>> Ellen

>

>

>__________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi !

That's an interesting thought.

I'm one of two children, being the eldest by three years. I'm definitely

empathetic, but I really can't say if my brother is or isn't. He's very

sensitive, but being a man, he covers it up with bravado. Growing up, I was the

Miss Goodie Two Shoes who could do no wrong, and brother was the Black

Sheep who could do no right. I was forever in mother's good graces (until the

last ten years or so) while brother was forever in and out of mother's good

graces, but mostly out. I don't know what shielding I may have done. I'll have

to think about it some more. Maybe other responses will ring some

bells.

Best wishes,

Carol

wrote:

> I am curious. Does one's birth order affect

> the amount of empathy that a KO has? For

> example, my oldest seems to be more

> empathetic than my youngest. Does the older

> child shield the younger from some of the

> damage that a nada causes?

Ellen C. Greene wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

[Guest guest]

This thread interests me also. I do seem to be more empathetic, but I have

a hard time trusting myself. that's probably because I haven't learned yet

how to set effective boundaries with my nada. but because of this group

I've realized it's okay and I'm working on it. It's amazing how since my

eyes have been opened to setting boundaries with my nada, I've started

giving myself permission to set boundaries with others like coworkers. I'm

the oldest in my family and I seem to have the hardest time setting

boundaries with my nada.

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am new to this group but this thread interests me. I assume by nada you

mean BP mother?

My exBPSO was the oldest child of what sounds like a really extreme BP

father. My ex's oldest son also appears to be BP. The oldest children appear

to be the worst affected in this family.

Meri

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

This thread interests me also. I do seem to be more empathetic, but I have

a hard time trusting myself. that's probably because I haven't learned yet

how to set effective boundaries with my nada. but because of this group

I've realized it's okay and I'm working on it. It's amazing how since my

eyes have been opened to setting boundaries with my nada, I've started

giving myself permission to set boundaries with others like coworkers. I'm

the oldest in my family and I seem to have the hardest time setting

boundaries with my nada.

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am new to this group but this thread interests me. I assume by nada you

mean BP mother?

My exBPSO was the oldest child of what sounds like a really extreme BP

father. My ex's oldest son also appears to be BP. The oldest children appear

to be the worst affected in this family.

Meri

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

This thread interests me also. I do seem to be more empathetic, but I have

a hard time trusting myself. that's probably because I haven't learned yet

how to set effective boundaries with my nada. but because of this group

I've realized it's okay and I'm working on it. It's amazing how since my

eyes have been opened to setting boundaries with my nada, I've started

giving myself permission to set boundaries with others like coworkers. I'm

the oldest in my family and I seem to have the hardest time setting

boundaries with my nada.

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am new to this group but this thread interests me. I assume by nada you

mean BP mother?

My exBPSO was the oldest child of what sounds like a really extreme BP

father. My ex's oldest son also appears to be BP. The oldest children appear

to be the worst affected in this family.

Meri

Re: Re: are we more empathetic?

I am curious. Does one's birth order affect the

amount of empathy that a KO has? For example, my

oldest seems to be more empathetic than my youngest.

Does the older child shield the younger from some of

the damage that a nada causes?

--- " Ellen C. Greene " wrote:

> True- we sure do read people better!

>

> Ellen

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am the oldest. I have 2 younger brothers. I am

definitely more empathetic than they are. The middle

brother is pretty cold and deals with things by just

tuning everything out and ignoring it. My younger

brother is downright cruel and evil. I think he is

heading in my mothers direction. I know that over the

years we have debated over who had it the worst.My

mothers mental illness didnt " blossom " until I was

about 5, but I dont really remember anything before

kindergarten. My youngest brother probably had it the

worst since my parents were divorced when he was very

young. My mother was totally ill his whole life and

the divorce was ugly as well as the aftermath. My

father was totally unsupportive. I think we all

suffered into adulthood due to the total lack of

support from either parent. I know I went through some

years of serious depression earlier in my 20's. Only

after I had to let go of that anger and build my own

life did I go on. Actually as I went on , got married

and had my son my life finally had some fullness and

meaning. I had felt so empty and alone. I really had

noone but my grandmother.I never feel this way

anymore. I have a son who loves me and needs me. I

will not let him down the way I was let down.

Oh, I really digressed there...as far as empathy, I

think I am definitely more empathic than my siblings

but also moreso than the average person. I can read

people and situations clearly. One more thought on

geowing up, I always felt so protective towards my

brothers, but never towards myself. I think I let

people hurt me a great deal because of this.

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Carol,

I can read people so well. As a counselor, I have

been told this is my greatest strength. At least I

have my mother to thank for that!! I can see right

through people's BS the first minute I talk to them. I

can spot a fraud in a minute.

--- Carol M wrote:

> Wow! I'm very good at reading people too, and a

> good judge of character.

> Best wishes,

> Carol

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Carol,

I can read people so well. As a counselor, I have

been told this is my greatest strength. At least I

have my mother to thank for that!! I can see right

through people's BS the first minute I talk to them. I

can spot a fraud in a minute.

--- Carol M wrote:

> Wow! I'm very good at reading people too, and a

> good judge of character.

> Best wishes,

> Carol

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

__________________________________________________