Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene- Are you responding to this letter? I found a tape I purchased from TARA (Treatment & Research Advancement for Personality Disorder) EXTREMELY helpful in understanding how a borderline person feels. (speak to Porr- Exec Director) I'd play the tape endlessly when driving myself around. I had to stop looking at my mother as a mother in order to be back in her life after being disowned... Now that I'm back & she's terminally ill, I need to see her for her limitations & FORGIVE HER. The therapist I had could not help me with forgiveness. It's the most difficult challenge there is but I felt it's worth the effort. I HATED it when she threatened to disinherit me- claiming as your mother has, that she wants to be able to give my family such and such. I accepted verbal abuse my entire life and always stuck around with unconditional love and kindness. I've always mothered her! I won't walk away from inheritance at this point but I'd give away every dollar- as we all would- to have had a " normal " , loving mom. Ellen At 07:02 PM 11/27/01 -0600, you wrote: > > >I got it from my therapist today after taking him one I got last week , which I >read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm free at last!! >So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I wouldn't read it. I just >don't care any more. > >Dear Ilene, > It seems a year is long enough for one who professes to be a Christian to seek >revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I never would have written and >threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel at least partly responsible. > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at least like for the girls to >have the set of china that I sent to my mother in 1949. If you don't want them >to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of other things, I am going to >offer them to ...., but I want to give you one more chance to forgive and at >least let me have some contact with my grandchildren. My love for you and them >will never alter regardless of how mean and revengeful you treat me, but I don't >intend to force you, even if I could, to accept money or things I had always >planned for you the children to have if you don't want them, or anything to do >with me. > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, you would have it without >having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get any amount you wanted anytime >you wanted it without having to go through any type of legality. > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave you everything I could. I knew >my sister and her husband were going to leave their children well off, and I >though at the time that my brother would leave his daughter well off, and I >wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a lot of money into bonds, and >they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and I also have plenty in my other >account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it away, since there isn't anything >I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 for her birthday, which I >would have sent you, but since you and Pete, didn't cash the checks I had sent, >I figure you either didn't need them or didn't want them. I am sure .... will >cash it. I am also going to give at least five thousand at Christmas time to >ease my income, if I have to just give it to charity. It is the first time in >my life that I feel I have money to just give away. Course I had planned and >would much rather have given it to you, but I am not going to leave one cent of >it to someone who won't even accept one apology when I have forgiven you so many >times when you never asked or apologized. It never changed my love for you and >I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, so I'm getting my finances in >order. > I go today for an MRI because of the problems I've been having for the past >six or eight months. I believe that they are just because of my age (87), but >guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really getting my finances in order. >If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive anything I've said or done, >you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will and make a new one. > I brought the stock I have delegated to the children under the control of >the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, then I'll have to decide what to >do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody enough to make up for the >difference in his bonds to the ones the girls have. Since I never even get even >an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I am going to send 's >birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the end if they don't even >acknowledge getting it. > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving enough to accept what I worked >to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care for anything that I would >dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving all my funeral plans with the >trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if she outlived me (she's @60), >she would be here if I needed her. I have no other member of my family, and it >is sad for I've always been there for any member of my family who needed >financial or other help, even when I didn't have more than I needed. > >I'll always love you, >Mother > > >>>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born again Christian and acting in >such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter what she was letting me use the >trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I would love to have some dental >surgery done and some other small things, but not as long as she is alive. > > > > > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 No way would I respond! I'm just posting this because my doc made the comment it was classic BP and it should be published - so I'm " publishing " it for anyone who is still trying to figure out what BPD sounds like and looks like. I actually feel like it was written to someone else and not me. It just has no power any more. I forgave ages ago and you could say I've been forgiving all my life. However, reconciliation is not in my plans. The abuse is still evident in every letter she writes. Money doesn't make me jump any more. Sad, but even my kids said she might want a relationship with them, but they don't want one with her. She bothered them as much as she did me - and they knew before I did, that all wasn't okay with nada-gammy. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 No way would I respond! I'm just posting this because my doc made the comment it was classic BP and it should be published - so I'm " publishing " it for anyone who is still trying to figure out what BPD sounds like and looks like. I actually feel like it was written to someone else and not me. It just has no power any more. I forgave ages ago and you could say I've been forgiving all my life. However, reconciliation is not in my plans. The abuse is still evident in every letter she writes. Money doesn't make me jump any more. Sad, but even my kids said she might want a relationship with them, but they don't want one with her. She bothered them as much as she did me - and they knew before I did, that all wasn't okay with nada-gammy. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 No way would I respond! I'm just posting this because my doc made the comment it was classic BP and it should be published - so I'm " publishing " it for anyone who is still trying to figure out what BPD sounds like and looks like. I actually feel like it was written to someone else and not me. It just has no power any more. I forgave ages ago and you could say I've been forgiving all my life. However, reconciliation is not in my plans. The abuse is still evident in every letter she writes. Money doesn't make me jump any more. Sad, but even my kids said she might want a relationship with them, but they don't want one with her. She bothered them as much as she did me - and they knew before I did, that all wasn't okay with nada-gammy. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Sure is classic- something my own BP mother would write. They have NO SELF. They trust no-one so constantly test those they do love. 99% of the time they drive their loved ones away because their emotions are uncontrollable. Your BP mother did this successfully. They don't know how to regulate themselves & there's no cure to this mental illness. She's reaching out to you the only way she knows how & there's no proven treatment to teach her otherwise. She will die a painful death never understanding why you aren't around. Ilene, I just may be the bigger fool sticking around until my own BP mother is gone- I EXPECT considerably more verbal beatings but I plan to let them fly over me because this is her sickness- not mine. There's no right way or wrong- both are very difficult! Ellen >No way would I respond! I'm just posting this because my doc made the comment >it was classic BP and it should be published - so I'm " publishing " it for anyone >who is still trying to figure out what BPD sounds like and looks like. I >actually feel like it was written to someone else and not me. It just has no >power any more. >I forgave ages ago and you could say I've been forgiving all my life. However, >reconciliation is not in my plans. The abuse is still evident in every letter >she writes. >Money doesn't make me jump any more. Sad, but even my kids said she might want >a relationship with them, but they don't want one with her. She bothered them >as much as she did me - and they knew before I did, that all wasn't okay with >nada-gammy. > >Ilene > > > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Good for you, Ilene! It really hurts to be disinherited, but money can't buy one's soul. Money binds. They say " money is the root of all evil " , and it's so true, as evidenced by your situation. It's amazing how desperately these mothers of ours hang on to " control " til their last dying day, and self-righteously too. But we're too wise for the game anymore. You, Ilene, are the phoenix who has risen from the ashes. Celebrations in the street!!!! Best wishes, Carol ilene@... wrote: > No way would I respond! I'm just posting this because my doc made the comment > it was classic BP and it should be published - so I'm " publishing " it for anyone > who is still trying to figure out what BPD sounds like and looks like. I > actually feel like it was written to someone else and not me. It just has no > power any more. > I forgave ages ago and you could say I've been forgiving all my life. However, > reconciliation is not in my plans. The abuse is still evident in every letter > she writes. > Money doesn't make me jump any more. Sad, but even my kids said she might want > a relationship with them, but they don't want one with her. She bothered them > as much as she did me - and they knew before I did, that all wasn't okay with > nada-gammy. > > Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the attacks. They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to " grow up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. Hugs, Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the attacks. They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to " grow up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. Hugs, Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the attacks. They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to " grow up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. Hugs, Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene- You are very kind to respond- I understand. I believe that self preservation comes first. I'm sorry to hear about your battle with depression & now your daughter's problem. Please DON'T blame yourself! It shows tremendous strength & character that you are seeking help for her. I know we didn't have role models to show this love and kindness. I believe that our obstacles in life will end up making us better people. Hugs, Ellen At 09:18 PM 11/27/01 -0600, you wrote: > > >Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds >for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. >When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it >was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the >attacks. >They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either >way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to > " grow >up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I >know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking >to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was >blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy >with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple >reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - >antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to >the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this >then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it >was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when >that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. > >Hugs, >Ilene > > > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene- You are very kind to respond- I understand. I believe that self preservation comes first. I'm sorry to hear about your battle with depression & now your daughter's problem. Please DON'T blame yourself! It shows tremendous strength & character that you are seeking help for her. I know we didn't have role models to show this love and kindness. I believe that our obstacles in life will end up making us better people. Hugs, Ellen At 09:18 PM 11/27/01 -0600, you wrote: > > >Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds >for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. >When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it >was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the >attacks. >They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either >way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to > " grow >up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I >know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking >to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was >blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy >with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple >reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - >antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to >the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this >then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it >was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when >that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. > >Hugs, >Ilene > > > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene- You are very kind to respond- I understand. I believe that self preservation comes first. I'm sorry to hear about your battle with depression & now your daughter's problem. Please DON'T blame yourself! It shows tremendous strength & character that you are seeking help for her. I know we didn't have role models to show this love and kindness. I believe that our obstacles in life will end up making us better people. Hugs, Ellen At 09:18 PM 11/27/01 -0600, you wrote: > > >Ellen, I didn't have any choice in cutting the contact. I was already on meds >for depression and had been for about 7 years and this drove me deeper down. >When I finally found a therapist who realized the cause of the depression, it >was clear I could either wind up at the bottom of the pit or get away from the >attacks. >They were escalating, now that i look back at it. Or I was waking up - either >way, I had to save myself and my family. Also, I had to get away in order to > " grow >up " . I have learned more in the last year than in my young adult years, but I >know that I still have life skills that need work. Like today - I was talking >to my therapist about my daughter who's seeing him for depression and I was >blaming myself for several Christmases, when she cried because she wasn't happy >with what she'd gotten. He pointed out to me that there could be multiple >reasons for her behavior - not just me. We talked about looking at the ABC's - >antecedents, behavior and consequences to see how things relate. What led to >the behavior and what kind of reinforcement did we give.......If I practice this >then I can see more clearly, what may have led to the behavior and whether it >was me or other things - such as depression!! I'm working on it. I'm sure when >that's fixed there'll be some more fleas jump up and bite me....lol. > >Hugs, >Ilene > > > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene Your nada's letter seems to me one big exercise in manipulation. It sounds like the way my nada talks and talks about money. She is trying to buy your attention, using money as the bait, and if that fails she hopes to get your sympathy by mentioning the scan. Nadas are so clever in playing on our guilt and compassion, aren't they. I'm so glad you can read the letter now without being hurt. Take care Minja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene Your nada's letter seems to me one big exercise in manipulation. It sounds like the way my nada talks and talks about money. She is trying to buy your attention, using money as the bait, and if that fails she hopes to get your sympathy by mentioning the scan. Nadas are so clever in playing on our guilt and compassion, aren't they. I'm so glad you can read the letter now without being hurt. Take care Minja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene Your nada's letter seems to me one big exercise in manipulation. It sounds like the way my nada talks and talks about money. She is trying to buy your attention, using money as the bait, and if that fails she hopes to get your sympathy by mentioning the scan. Nadas are so clever in playing on our guilt and compassion, aren't they. I'm so glad you can read the letter now without being hurt. Take care Minja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 wow !! thank you for sharing this with the list, Ilene...your nada was on a roll...let me see - there was the *professing to be a Christian* button; the *if YOU hadn't been so mean and hurt me then I wouldn't have had to* button; the *you are at least partly responsible so I'm putting the guilt back onto you* button; the *I'm going to be magnaminous and give you one more chance to grovel profusely for the hurt you have done me* button combined with the *I'm just a poor(make that rich) old woman missing my granchildren* button; the *I LOVE you(and want to suck every shred of emotion you have out of you) button ; the *I'm going to disinherit you and let me see if I can control you right now with the threat of your children not having my loving remembrance (so they will also be beholding to me)* button; the *I'm having health problems at 87 (just in case you've forgotten my age) and might not live much longer (and then you'll really feel guilty about treating me mean)* button; the *I've given and given and never received a word of thanks (from you ingrates) and if you don't buy into this guilt trip I am not going to send any more unrequested and unappreciated money - if I have to I'll just give it away to charity because no one cares enough about me to even send me a measly thank you for my generosity* button; and the all time, this should really do it clincher - the *I have no one else(because you are such an uncaring daughter) to even take care of my funeral but MN has told me that SHE will be there even if my own family are so cold hearted and callous and unforgiving and don't remember all that I have so selflessly given and given and given over the years* button; and, of course, the grand finale - sniffle, sniffle, sneep sneep, with violins playing mournfully in the backgound of my despair, the *I'll always love you* button...ok, have I missed anything? I'm almost crying all over my keyboard right now...Ilene, I'm so glad that you can see the manipulation for what it is and sad for your nada for how she experiences life...this letter has really been a reminder to me of how lucky we are to have a different reality from that of our nada's and fada's and for the recovery so many on the list have been blessed with or are working towards my nada letter > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him one I got last week , which I > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm free at last!! > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I wouldn't read it. I just > don't care any more. > > Dear Ilene, > It seems a year is long enough for one who professes to be a Christian to seek > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I never would have written and > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel at least partly responsible. > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at least like for the girls to > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in 1949. If you don't want them > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of other things, I am going to > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one more chance to forgive and at > least let me have some contact with my grandchildren. My love for you and them > will never alter regardless of how mean and revengeful you treat me, but I don't > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept money or things I had always > planned for you the children to have if you don't want them, or anything to do > with me. > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, you would have it without > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get any amount you wanted anytime > you wanted it without having to go through any type of legality. > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave you everything I could. I knew > my sister and her husband were going to leave their children well off, and I > though at the time that my brother would leave his daughter well off, and I > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a lot of money into bonds, and > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and I also have plenty in my other > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it away, since there isn't anything > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 for her birthday, which I > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, didn't cash the checks I had sent, > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't want them. I am sure .... will > cash it. I am also going to give at least five thousand at Christmas time to > ease my income, if I have to just give it to charity. It is the first time in > my life that I feel I have money to just give away. Course I had planned and > would much rather have given it to you, but I am not going to leave one cent of > it to someone who won't even accept one apology when I have forgiven you so many > times when you never asked or apologized. It never changed my love for you and > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, so I'm getting my finances in > order. > I go today for an MRI because of the problems I've been having for the past > six or eight months. I believe that they are just because of my age (87), but > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really getting my finances in order. > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive anything I've said or done, > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will and make a new one. > I brought the stock I have delegated to the children under the control of > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, then I'll have to decide what to > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody enough to make up for the > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls have. Since I never even get even > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I am going to send 's > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the end if they don't even > acknowledge getting it. > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving enough to accept what I worked > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care for anything that I would > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving all my funeral plans with the > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if she outlived me (she's @60), > she would be here if I needed her. I have no other member of my family, and it > is sad for I've always been there for any member of my family who needed > financial or other help, even when I didn't have more than I needed. > > I'll always love you, > Mother > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born again Christian and acting in > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter what she was letting me use the > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I would love to have some dental > surgery done and some other small things, but not as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 wow !! thank you for sharing this with the list, Ilene...your nada was on a roll...let me see - there was the *professing to be a Christian* button; the *if YOU hadn't been so mean and hurt me then I wouldn't have had to* button; the *you are at least partly responsible so I'm putting the guilt back onto you* button; the *I'm going to be magnaminous and give you one more chance to grovel profusely for the hurt you have done me* button combined with the *I'm just a poor(make that rich) old woman missing my granchildren* button; the *I LOVE you(and want to suck every shred of emotion you have out of you) button ; the *I'm going to disinherit you and let me see if I can control you right now with the threat of your children not having my loving remembrance (so they will also be beholding to me)* button; the *I'm having health problems at 87 (just in case you've forgotten my age) and might not live much longer (and then you'll really feel guilty about treating me mean)* button; the *I've given and given and never received a word of thanks (from you ingrates) and if you don't buy into this guilt trip I am not going to send any more unrequested and unappreciated money - if I have to I'll just give it away to charity because no one cares enough about me to even send me a measly thank you for my generosity* button; and the all time, this should really do it clincher - the *I have no one else(because you are such an uncaring daughter) to even take care of my funeral but MN has told me that SHE will be there even if my own family are so cold hearted and callous and unforgiving and don't remember all that I have so selflessly given and given and given over the years* button; and, of course, the grand finale - sniffle, sniffle, sneep sneep, with violins playing mournfully in the backgound of my despair, the *I'll always love you* button...ok, have I missed anything? I'm almost crying all over my keyboard right now...Ilene, I'm so glad that you can see the manipulation for what it is and sad for your nada for how she experiences life...this letter has really been a reminder to me of how lucky we are to have a different reality from that of our nada's and fada's and for the recovery so many on the list have been blessed with or are working towards my nada letter > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him one I got last week , which I > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm free at last!! > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I wouldn't read it. I just > don't care any more. > > Dear Ilene, > It seems a year is long enough for one who professes to be a Christian to seek > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I never would have written and > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel at least partly responsible. > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at least like for the girls to > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in 1949. If you don't want them > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of other things, I am going to > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one more chance to forgive and at > least let me have some contact with my grandchildren. My love for you and them > will never alter regardless of how mean and revengeful you treat me, but I don't > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept money or things I had always > planned for you the children to have if you don't want them, or anything to do > with me. > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, you would have it without > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get any amount you wanted anytime > you wanted it without having to go through any type of legality. > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave you everything I could. I knew > my sister and her husband were going to leave their children well off, and I > though at the time that my brother would leave his daughter well off, and I > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a lot of money into bonds, and > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and I also have plenty in my other > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it away, since there isn't anything > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 for her birthday, which I > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, didn't cash the checks I had sent, > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't want them. I am sure .... will > cash it. I am also going to give at least five thousand at Christmas time to > ease my income, if I have to just give it to charity. It is the first time in > my life that I feel I have money to just give away. Course I had planned and > would much rather have given it to you, but I am not going to leave one cent of > it to someone who won't even accept one apology when I have forgiven you so many > times when you never asked or apologized. It never changed my love for you and > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, so I'm getting my finances in > order. > I go today for an MRI because of the problems I've been having for the past > six or eight months. I believe that they are just because of my age (87), but > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really getting my finances in order. > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive anything I've said or done, > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will and make a new one. > I brought the stock I have delegated to the children under the control of > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, then I'll have to decide what to > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody enough to make up for the > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls have. Since I never even get even > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I am going to send 's > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the end if they don't even > acknowledge getting it. > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving enough to accept what I worked > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care for anything that I would > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving all my funeral plans with the > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if she outlived me (she's @60), > she would be here if I needed her. I have no other member of my family, and it > is sad for I've always been there for any member of my family who needed > financial or other help, even when I didn't have more than I needed. > > I'll always love you, > Mother > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born again Christian and acting in > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter what she was letting me use the > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I would love to have some dental > surgery done and some other small things, but not as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 wow !! thank you for sharing this with the list, Ilene...your nada was on a roll...let me see - there was the *professing to be a Christian* button; the *if YOU hadn't been so mean and hurt me then I wouldn't have had to* button; the *you are at least partly responsible so I'm putting the guilt back onto you* button; the *I'm going to be magnaminous and give you one more chance to grovel profusely for the hurt you have done me* button combined with the *I'm just a poor(make that rich) old woman missing my granchildren* button; the *I LOVE you(and want to suck every shred of emotion you have out of you) button ; the *I'm going to disinherit you and let me see if I can control you right now with the threat of your children not having my loving remembrance (so they will also be beholding to me)* button; the *I'm having health problems at 87 (just in case you've forgotten my age) and might not live much longer (and then you'll really feel guilty about treating me mean)* button; the *I've given and given and never received a word of thanks (from you ingrates) and if you don't buy into this guilt trip I am not going to send any more unrequested and unappreciated money - if I have to I'll just give it away to charity because no one cares enough about me to even send me a measly thank you for my generosity* button; and the all time, this should really do it clincher - the *I have no one else(because you are such an uncaring daughter) to even take care of my funeral but MN has told me that SHE will be there even if my own family are so cold hearted and callous and unforgiving and don't remember all that I have so selflessly given and given and given over the years* button; and, of course, the grand finale - sniffle, sniffle, sneep sneep, with violins playing mournfully in the backgound of my despair, the *I'll always love you* button...ok, have I missed anything? I'm almost crying all over my keyboard right now...Ilene, I'm so glad that you can see the manipulation for what it is and sad for your nada for how she experiences life...this letter has really been a reminder to me of how lucky we are to have a different reality from that of our nada's and fada's and for the recovery so many on the list have been blessed with or are working towards my nada letter > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him one I got last week , which I > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm free at last!! > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I wouldn't read it. I just > don't care any more. > > Dear Ilene, > It seems a year is long enough for one who professes to be a Christian to seek > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I never would have written and > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel at least partly responsible. > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at least like for the girls to > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in 1949. If you don't want them > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of other things, I am going to > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one more chance to forgive and at > least let me have some contact with my grandchildren. My love for you and them > will never alter regardless of how mean and revengeful you treat me, but I don't > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept money or things I had always > planned for you the children to have if you don't want them, or anything to do > with me. > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, you would have it without > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get any amount you wanted anytime > you wanted it without having to go through any type of legality. > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave you everything I could. I knew > my sister and her husband were going to leave their children well off, and I > though at the time that my brother would leave his daughter well off, and I > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a lot of money into bonds, and > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and I also have plenty in my other > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it away, since there isn't anything > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 for her birthday, which I > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, didn't cash the checks I had sent, > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't want them. I am sure .... will > cash it. I am also going to give at least five thousand at Christmas time to > ease my income, if I have to just give it to charity. It is the first time in > my life that I feel I have money to just give away. Course I had planned and > would much rather have given it to you, but I am not going to leave one cent of > it to someone who won't even accept one apology when I have forgiven you so many > times when you never asked or apologized. It never changed my love for you and > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, so I'm getting my finances in > order. > I go today for an MRI because of the problems I've been having for the past > six or eight months. I believe that they are just because of my age (87), but > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really getting my finances in order. > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive anything I've said or done, > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will and make a new one. > I brought the stock I have delegated to the children under the control of > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, then I'll have to decide what to > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody enough to make up for the > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls have. Since I never even get even > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I am going to send 's > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the end if they don't even > acknowledge getting it. > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving enough to accept what I worked > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care for anything that I would > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving all my funeral plans with the > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if she outlived me (she's @60), > she would be here if I needed her. I have no other member of my family, and it > is sad for I've always been there for any member of my family who needed > financial or other help, even when I didn't have more than I needed. > > I'll always love you, > Mother > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born again Christian and acting in > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter what she was letting me use the > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I would love to have some dental > surgery done and some other small things, but not as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene, Oh my....that letter could have been written by my mother. I don't know how you are handling this because I just started back on this list the other day. I just know how I am when it comes to that threatening over money and the manipulation both of my parents have used over money...I would rather go shoeless before I would have given in to my mother. I didnt owe her anything. She treated us miserably and she died without myself or my brother speaking to her. She left all of her posessions to her sisters who she claimed to despise. She had some jewelry in her possession that belonged to me that she would not return, that went to her family as well. You know what, it does honestly hurt that she didnt even leave us a momento, but should that say something about me or something about her??? In the end, she continued to do the wrong thing. She was very childish. I could not change her. It was not my fault. ===== K. Lutman Mannheim, Germany Mom to Brennan 10/3/99 http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344 __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene, Oh my....that letter could have been written by my mother. I don't know how you are handling this because I just started back on this list the other day. I just know how I am when it comes to that threatening over money and the manipulation both of my parents have used over money...I would rather go shoeless before I would have given in to my mother. I didnt owe her anything. She treated us miserably and she died without myself or my brother speaking to her. She left all of her posessions to her sisters who she claimed to despise. She had some jewelry in her possession that belonged to me that she would not return, that went to her family as well. You know what, it does honestly hurt that she didnt even leave us a momento, but should that say something about me or something about her??? In the end, she continued to do the wrong thing. She was very childish. I could not change her. It was not my fault. ===== K. Lutman Mannheim, Germany Mom to Brennan 10/3/99 http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344 __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2001 Report Share Posted November 27, 2001 Ilene, Oh my....that letter could have been written by my mother. I don't know how you are handling this because I just started back on this list the other day. I just know how I am when it comes to that threatening over money and the manipulation both of my parents have used over money...I would rather go shoeless before I would have given in to my mother. I didnt owe her anything. She treated us miserably and she died without myself or my brother speaking to her. She left all of her posessions to her sisters who she claimed to despise. She had some jewelry in her possession that belonged to me that she would not return, that went to her family as well. You know what, it does honestly hurt that she didnt even leave us a momento, but should that say something about me or something about her??? In the end, she continued to do the wrong thing. She was very childish. I could not change her. It was not my fault. ===== K. Lutman Mannheim, Germany Mom to Brennan 10/3/99 http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344 __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2001 Report Share Posted December 2, 2001 Hi ilene Ubelievably typical nada letter!! My nada also sent me a letter recently it went something like this " ....I'm sure you have regret for all the things you did to me this year, so I am going to forgive you for all the sorrow and pain you caused me... " Dee my nada letter > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him one I got last week , which I > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm free at last!! > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I wouldn't read it. I just > don't care any more. > > Dear Ilene, > It seems a year is long enough for one who professes to be a Christian to seek > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I never would have written and > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel at least partly responsible. > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at least like for the girls to > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in 1949. If you don't want them > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of other things, I am going to > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one more chance to forgive and at > least let me have some contact with my grandchildren. My love for you and them > will never alter regardless of how mean and revengeful you treat me, but I don't > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept money or things I had always > planned for you the children to have if you don't want them, or anything to do > with me. > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, you would have it without > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get any amount you wanted anytime > you wanted it without having to go through any type of legality. > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave you everything I could. I knew > my sister and her husband were going to leave their children well off, and I > though at the time that my brother would leave his daughter well off, and I > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a lot of money into bonds, and > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and I also have plenty in my other > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it away, since there isn't anything > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 for her birthday, which I > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, didn't cash the checks I had sent, > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't want them. I am sure .... will > cash it. I am also going to give at least five thousand at Christmas time to > ease my income, if I have to just give it to charity. It is the first time in > my life that I feel I have money to just give away. Course I had planned and > would much rather have given it to you, but I am not going to leave one cent of > it to someone who won't even accept one apology when I have forgiven you so many > times when you never asked or apologized. It never changed my love for you and > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, so I'm getting my finances in > order. > I go today for an MRI because of the problems I've been having for the past > six or eight months. I believe that they are just because of my age (87), but > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really getting my finances in order. > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive anything I've said or done, > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will and make a new one. > I brought the stock I have delegated to the children under the control of > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, then I'll have to decide what to > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody enough to make up for the > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls have. Since I never even get even > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I am going to send 's > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the end if they don't even > acknowledge getting it. > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving enough to accept what I worked > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care for anything that I would > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving all my funeral plans with the > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if she outlived me (she's @60), > she would be here if I needed her. I have no other member of my family, and it > is sad for I've always been there for any member of my family who needed > financial or other help, even when I didn't have more than I needed. > > I'll always love you, > Mother > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born again Christian and acting in > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter what she was letting me use the > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I would love to have some dental > surgery done and some other small things, but not as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2001 Report Share Posted December 3, 2001 My nada sent me an e-card that said " Imperfect parents raise imperfect children. Let's just forget about the past and move on. " --- B & DStone wrote: > Hi ilene > > Ubelievably typical nada letter!! My nada also sent > me a letter recently it > went something like this " ....I'm sure you have > regret for all the things > you did to me this year, so I am going to forgive > you for all the sorrow and > pain you caused me... " > > Dee > my nada letter > > > > > > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him > one I got last week , > which I > > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm > free at last!! > > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I > wouldn't read it. I > just > > don't care any more. > > > > Dear Ilene, > > It seems a year is long enough for one who > professes to be a Christian > to seek > > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I > never would have written > and > > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel > at least partly > responsible. > > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at > least like for the > girls to > > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in > 1949. If you don't want > them > > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of > other things, I am > going to > > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one > more chance to forgive and > at > > least let me have some contact with my > grandchildren. My love for you and > them > > will never alter regardless of how mean and > revengeful you treat me, but I > don't > > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept > money or things I had > always > > planned for you the children to have if you don't > want them, or anything > to do > > with me. > > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, > you would have it > without > > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get > any amount you wanted > anytime > > you wanted it without having to go through any > type of legality. > > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave > you everything I could. I > knew > > my sister and her husband were going to leave > their children well off, and > I > > though at the time that my brother would leave his > daughter well off, and > I > > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a > lot of money into bonds, > and > > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and > I also have plenty in my > other > > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it > away, since there isn't > anything > > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 > for her birthday, which > I > > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, > didn't cash the checks I had > sent, > > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't > want them. I am sure .... > will > > cash it. I am also going to give at least five > thousand at Christmas time > to > > ease my income, if I have to just give it to > charity. It is the first > time in > > my life that I feel I have money to just give > away. Course I had planned > and > > would much rather have given it to you, but I am > not going to leave one > cent of > > it to someone who won't even accept one apology > when I have forgiven you > so many > > times when you never asked or apologized. It > never changed my love for > you and > > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, > so I'm getting my > finances in > > order. > > I go today for an MRI because of the problems > I've been having for the > past > > six or eight months. I believe that they are just > because of my age (87), > but > > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really > getting my finances in > order. > > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive > anything I've said or > done, > > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will > and make a new one. > > I brought the stock I have delegated to the > children under the > control of > > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, > then I'll have to decide > what to > > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody > enough to make up for the > > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls > have. Since I never even > get even > > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I > am going to send 's > > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the > end if they don't even > > acknowledge getting it. > > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving > enough to accept what I > worked > > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care > for anything that I > would > > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving > all my funeral plans > with the > > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if > she outlived me (she's > @60), > > she would be here if I needed her. I have no > other member of my family, > and it > > is sad for I've always been there for any member > of my family who needed > > financial or other help, even when I didn't have > more than I needed. > > > > I'll always love you, > > Mother > > > > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born > again Christian and > acting in > > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter > what she was letting me > use the > > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I > would love to have some > dental > > surgery done and some other small things, but not > as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions > & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > (). For the table of > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2001 Report Share Posted December 3, 2001 My nada sent me an e-card that said " Imperfect parents raise imperfect children. Let's just forget about the past and move on. " --- B & DStone wrote: > Hi ilene > > Ubelievably typical nada letter!! My nada also sent > me a letter recently it > went something like this " ....I'm sure you have > regret for all the things > you did to me this year, so I am going to forgive > you for all the sorrow and > pain you caused me... " > > Dee > my nada letter > > > > > > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him > one I got last week , > which I > > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm > free at last!! > > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I > wouldn't read it. I > just > > don't care any more. > > > > Dear Ilene, > > It seems a year is long enough for one who > professes to be a Christian > to seek > > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I > never would have written > and > > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel > at least partly > responsible. > > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at > least like for the > girls to > > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in > 1949. If you don't want > them > > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of > other things, I am > going to > > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one > more chance to forgive and > at > > least let me have some contact with my > grandchildren. My love for you and > them > > will never alter regardless of how mean and > revengeful you treat me, but I > don't > > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept > money or things I had > always > > planned for you the children to have if you don't > want them, or anything > to do > > with me. > > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, > you would have it > without > > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get > any amount you wanted > anytime > > you wanted it without having to go through any > type of legality. > > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave > you everything I could. I > knew > > my sister and her husband were going to leave > their children well off, and > I > > though at the time that my brother would leave his > daughter well off, and > I > > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a > lot of money into bonds, > and > > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and > I also have plenty in my > other > > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it > away, since there isn't > anything > > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 > for her birthday, which > I > > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, > didn't cash the checks I had > sent, > > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't > want them. I am sure .... > will > > cash it. I am also going to give at least five > thousand at Christmas time > to > > ease my income, if I have to just give it to > charity. It is the first > time in > > my life that I feel I have money to just give > away. Course I had planned > and > > would much rather have given it to you, but I am > not going to leave one > cent of > > it to someone who won't even accept one apology > when I have forgiven you > so many > > times when you never asked or apologized. It > never changed my love for > you and > > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, > so I'm getting my > finances in > > order. > > I go today for an MRI because of the problems > I've been having for the > past > > six or eight months. I believe that they are just > because of my age (87), > but > > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really > getting my finances in > order. > > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive > anything I've said or > done, > > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will > and make a new one. > > I brought the stock I have delegated to the > children under the > control of > > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, > then I'll have to decide > what to > > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody > enough to make up for the > > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls > have. Since I never even > get even > > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I > am going to send 's > > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the > end if they don't even > > acknowledge getting it. > > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving > enough to accept what I > worked > > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care > for anything that I > would > > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving > all my funeral plans > with the > > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if > she outlived me (she's > @60), > > she would be here if I needed her. I have no > other member of my family, > and it > > is sad for I've always been there for any member > of my family who needed > > financial or other help, even when I didn't have > more than I needed. > > > > I'll always love you, > > Mother > > > > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born > again Christian and > acting in > > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter > what she was letting me > use the > > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I > would love to have some > dental > > surgery done and some other small things, but not > as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions > & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > (). 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Guest guest Posted December 3, 2001 Report Share Posted December 3, 2001 My nada sent me an e-card that said " Imperfect parents raise imperfect children. Let's just forget about the past and move on. " --- B & DStone wrote: > Hi ilene > > Ubelievably typical nada letter!! My nada also sent > me a letter recently it > went something like this " ....I'm sure you have > regret for all the things > you did to me this year, so I am going to forgive > you for all the sorrow and > pain you caused me... " > > Dee > my nada letter > > > > > > > > I got it from my therapist today after taking him > one I got last week , > which I > > read - Yeah, no power to hurt me any more - I'm > free at last!! > > So here it is - even tho, my doc said he wished I > wouldn't read it. I > just > > don't care any more. > > > > Dear Ilene, > > It seems a year is long enough for one who > professes to be a Christian > to seek > > revenge. If you hadn't accused me of lying, I > never would have written > and > > threatened to disinherit you, so you should feel > at least partly > responsible. > > Since you don't want anything I have, I would at > least like for the > girls to > > have the set of china that I sent to my mother in > 1949. If you don't want > them > > to have it or the two Waterford bowls and a lot of > other things, I am > going to > > offer them to ...., but I want to give you one > more chance to forgive and > at > > least let me have some contact with my > grandchildren. My love for you and > them > > will never alter regardless of how mean and > revengeful you treat me, but I > don't > > intend to force you, even if I could, to accept > money or things I had > always > > planned for you the children to have if you don't > want them, or anything > to do > > with me. > > I had a trust fund set up so that when I died, > you would have it > without > > having to pay taxes or inheritance and could get > any amount you wanted > anytime > > you wanted it without having to go through any > type of legality. > > For at least 40 yrs my ambition was to leave > you everything I could. I > knew > > my sister and her husband were going to leave > their children well off, and > I > > though at the time that my brother would leave his > daughter well off, and > I > > wanted to be sure you weren't left out. I put a > lot of money into bonds, > and > > they have paid off. Now that I don't need it and > I also have plenty in my > other > > account, I am going to enjoy giving a lot of it > away, since there isn't > anything > > I need or want. I am going to send.........500.00 > for her birthday, which > I > > would have sent you, but since you and Pete, > didn't cash the checks I had > sent, > > I figure you either didn't need them or didn't > want them. I am sure .... > will > > cash it. I am also going to give at least five > thousand at Christmas time > to > > ease my income, if I have to just give it to > charity. It is the first > time in > > my life that I feel I have money to just give > away. Course I had planned > and > > would much rather have given it to you, but I am > not going to leave one > cent of > > it to someone who won't even accept one apology > when I have forgiven you > so many > > times when you never asked or apologized. It > never changed my love for > you and > > I surely haven't many more years of borrowed time, > so I'm getting my > finances in > > order. > > I go today for an MRI because of the problems > I've been having for the > past > > six or eight months. I believe that they are just > because of my age (87), > but > > guess the doctor wanted to be sure, so I am really > getting my finances in > order. > > If you still don't want even to discuss or forgive > anything I've said or > done, > > you leave me no recourse but to revoke the will > and make a new one. > > I brought the stock I have delegated to the > children under the > control of > > the trust, and if they want to disown me, too, > then I'll have to decide > what to > > do with it. If I do that, I intend to send Cody > enough to make up for the > > difference in his bonds to the ones the girls > have. Since I never even > get even > > an acknowledgment for the money I've sent them, I > am going to send 's > > birthday money ahead of time, but that will be the > end if they don't even > > acknowledge getting it. > > I hope you pray long and hard and be forgiving > enough to accept what I > worked > > to leave you, and at least be sure you don't care > for anything that I > would > > dearly love to give you. Regardless, I'm leaving > all my funeral plans > with the > > trust, because I have no one else. M. N. said if > she outlived me (she's > @60), > > she would be here if I needed her. I have no > other member of my family, > and it > > is sad for I've always been there for any member > of my family who needed > > financial or other help, even when I didn't have > more than I needed. > > > > I'll always love you, > > Mother > > > > > > >>>>>This last letter she said that she was a born > again Christian and > acting in > > such a revengeful manner was wrong, so no matter > what she was letting me > use the > > trust anytime I wanted. Talk about strings. I > would love to have some > dental > > surgery done and some other small things, but not > as long as she is alive. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to > ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions > & concerns to > ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on > Eggshells, " a primer for > non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL > (). 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