My sister is here!

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I'm so happy to welcome my youngest sister to this group! That's her post,

below. She and I learned about BPD together this summer, and ever since

that " lightbulb " lit everything has just made so much more sense... I am so

grateful to have her love and support on my healing path, and to be able to

provide her with the same from me. This list has been a real godsend to me,

and I hope she will find as much peace, safety and encouragement here as I

have in these recent months. Thank you all for being here and all of the

encouraging words you've given and stories you've shared.

Big hugs,

>From: catylynn@...

>Reply-To: ModOasis

>To: ModOasis

>Subject: I'm new! This is so wonderful!

>Date: Thu, 11 Oct 2001 01:32:15 -0000

>

>Oh my goodness! How nice it is to find this. My sister and I

>figured out that our nada-

>step nada actually in our case had bpd this summer. Finally figuring

>out what was wrong

>with her was a huge relief in itself and now this group! I think

>it's wonderful. I joined a

>few days ago but have just been reading everyone else's stuff till I

>felt ready to post. Now

>all I have to say is that this is so great.

>My step nada has been around since I was three so I never really knew

>anything different.

>It wasn't till I got to college (830 miles away from them) that the

>little notion in my mind

>that things weren't right at home became a full blown realization.

>Most other people's

>family's don't operate like mine! Imagine my suprise- not to mention

>the frustration that

>comes with realizing that your parents have really screwed you up in

>so many ways-

>seriously, you get over one hump and there's another. Grrr. Now

>this is my third year in

>college, and I'm 20 years old. I have really grown a lot in that

>time. Though I didn't

>realize what my nada had was BPD, I realized she was abusive (with

>the help of my

>wonderful sister.) Her behavior was/is simply not acceptable, so

>I've been distancing

>myself from her. She of course is freaking out, has tried to

>manipulate me with money ( " if

>you live with your sister instead of us this summer, we will no

>longer support your college

>education " - not that they were giving me that much money in the first

>place, but of course

>they claimed they'd paid for 100% of it so far- what about my money I

>earned from work,

>my scholarships- I get no credit). I told them I still wasn't coming

>home. So they tried

>another tactic. My dad came to me begging- like I'd never seen him

>do in my life- for me

>to say home. It broke my heart, but I eventually realized I couldn't

>pay for his mistakes

>forever. I finally had to explain to him that I didn't care about

>the money and I would miss

>him too but what was more important to me was my mental health.

>I'm

>sure none of this

>manipulative stuff is a suprise to any one of you.

>So anyways, I moved in with my sister for the summer and it was

>wonderful. It was so

>good to live with someone who actually loved me, and wasn't

>unreasonable and bpd.

>Also, we could validate eachother's memories of childhood. Sometimes

>the things that

>happened seem so insane you wonder if maybe you didn't just make

>them

>up- and of

>course nada doesn't remember them and would never admit to them.

>Also, I finally got to

>know my sister who our nada had split bad growing up. I wasn't

>allowed to like her or

>talk to her or about her or anything. I'm still angry about

>that!

>My sister's not bad- she's

>great! I knew it all along, I'm so glad I finally get to know her.

>The only problem with

>living with my sister is that she lives only about 20 minutes from my

>nada and dad, as

>opposed to the 830 miles I've become so accustomed to. My nada was

>always calling and

>wanting to visit. Ugh! I of course don't want to see her all that

>much because she's

>abused me all my life! I get physically ill being around her because

>of all the stress-

>tension headaches, sick to my stomache, shaky, I can't think

>straight, I'm afraid of when

>she'll doing something irrational and unreasonable next. I hate it.

>I still visit with them

>though because I love my Dad (not that he's even the wonderful human

>being I know

>when she's around. He's just this strange shell of a man in my

>dad's

>body. It's so sad.)

>Anyways, my step nada notices we're not as close as we used to be

>and sends him to ask

>why I've been " hot and cold " with her all summer. (He always has to

>do the dirty work-

>but we always knew she sent him) I told him it was because since

>I've been away at

>school, I've realized she didn't treat me right most of the time I

>was growing up. He

>agrees there was " some stuff she did differently than (he) would

>have " but attributes it to

>the fact that she's insecure. She sure is, but I told him that was

>no excuse and it doesn't

>change the fact that she hurt me repeatedly and I still have to deal

>with the effects of it.

>Later that summer I come right out and tell him I think she's crazy.

>He responds with, " I

>wouldn't say she's neurotic, but not crazy. " What?! What's

>the

>difference? According to

>him the difference is that neurotic people only need counseling if

>they want to and don't

>need to be medicated or hospitalized. Does anybody else see denial

>in it's purest form

>here? Goodness. He is your typical dishrag dad. He never stood up

>for any of his

>daughters for even a second- and it's not that he's a bad guy. He's

>actually very intelligent

>and loving and wise in many ways, but he's also afraid of her.

>

>Anyways, now I'm back at school and it's completely wonderful to be

>so far away from

>her. I'm also settling down semi permanently out here- own

>apartment, own life and can I

>tell you how wonderful it feels to know I don't ever have to go back

>there if I don't want

>to. Sometimes I just stand around and smile about it. Aaah- relief,

>freedom- feels so

>good. I'm a fairly content person even when things are going

>horribly, but now I'm

>content because of my circumstances and that's rare for me- really

>nice too.

>

>Of course she'still trying to harass me from a distance but I

>pretend

>I'm not home alot so

>she can only harass me so much.

>

>So anyway, what I think is so exciting about this list is that I can

>tell you all this stuff and

>it's not suprising to you- and you probably all believe me because

>something similar

>probably happened to you. I often feel like people don't believe my

>stories- because BPs

>do such absurd things. Or if people do believe me, they don't really

>understand the

>manipulation and past hurts that come behind the actions that makes

>them all the worse.

>You guys do, that's so great. Also, reading about everyone else's

>stories makes me feel so

>much less alone. I was reading about all the mothers who blame their

>health problems on

>everyone else and it just rang so true. It seems all the more absurd

>when you read

>someone else's story! With our nada, it was always migraines that

>we

>were causing. Sure,

>whatever. And then another cool thing- if I tell you guys of

>something I'm doing to

>seperate myself from my nada, you probably won't think I'm being

>cruel and heartless!

>Anyways, this is great- sorry this was so long, I'm just excited and

>trying to let you all get

>to know me a bit. Yea! I'm so excited about this group!

>

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