Re: kathi,

[Guest guest]

Dear Kathi,

thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I have asked my rheumy about

different meds, but he is being extremely cautious with me since I am his second

stills patient. He is taking it slow and I am frustrated, but I see him every 4

weeks now, so he is watching me and keeping me up-dated. I tried the ambien

about 6 months ago, it worked great at first but after a week, it seemed like my

body became too used to it and it stopped working. I explained this to him

today. The elavil, did nothing and I told him this too, so he said we will try

the ultram for sleep and as a muscle relaxer too..........so here I am trying

another and agree, will try until I do get the right " cocktail " , but I get so

stressed out over all of this.........I JUST WANT SOME REST. I work too many

hours to receive not enough sleep, and I agree Kathi, but believe me, I really

do try and cut down my body on rest, it sounds so stupid, but I just keep

pushing and pushing. It's funny, because after a severe " flare " and I mean only

after " hospital flares " , I will really take it easy........have a new thought

upon my life, know that I must take it easy and cut back and I will be really

good to myself, but as soon as I am feeling just the slightest bit better, I

start abusing myself again, and you know......I know that I am doing it, because

my body will respond and tell me to stop, but I don't, and I just keep pushing

and pushing until it's too late. God, I know this sounds just horrible to read

and probably " selfish and mean of myself " , but I just find it hard to stop and

maybe have a problem. I have been working since I was 11 and put to work in my

fathers factory at a very young age. I worked weekends with him and after

schools too, so I know nothing else, but work......does this make any sense? I

don't know how to rest....in the hospital I was making business calls, until the

doctor ordered the nurses to take my phone out of my room and they did, they

disconnected it and I couldn't talk to anyone. We are so busy now in the store,

and I really am trying to be careful, but I don't sleep and I tried, really

tried explaining this to my rheumy today and he got mad that I was only getting

about 4-5 hours a night, but I tried telling him that this is normal for me, but

not at this time of the year, that I need more sleep because my hours increase

and I sometimes have to work 6-7 days a week, so here I am trying

ultram.........took one two hours ago, did nothing, but make me a little

nauseated. He told me to try two a day if I feel that one isn't working. So

far, I am not at all impressed..God....why does this have to be so damn

difficult? I'm sorry, I am really in bad mood lately. I guess I haven't been

too supportive to anyone lately and I sincerely apologize for this. I think I

am kind of living in my own world and it seems like the world is going on

without me, rotating around and I am trying to forever catch up, but I don't

know what I am trying to catch. I hope that you are okay Kathy. Thanks again

and I wish everyone well. I care about you all so much. I would be lost

without you.

Love, Sue #2