Re: just want to talk

[Guest guest]

That was just beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Robin

[Guest guest]

That was just beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Robin

[Guest guest]

the pain never to goes away completly when you have the late onset

forms of autism. The pains justs seems to shift in focus over time.

The greif of parents is often over looked and it is not because they

have different child than they hoped for in the ways that some to

interpret that words, as much as not knowing the outcomes for you

child that haunt of you. The illusion of the child you to once had

seems to be to have been taken over the coarse of days, weeks months

or years, but in true maybe you child was of already born of the

autism and like persons with lorenzo's oil it becomes apparent with

time. Yet you not knowing feel as if you lost this typical

developing child and you to now have a child which you feel cant

communicate too and or understand like a little foreigner who has

come to live with you, yet one forgets we feel teh impact too and it

is like we were taken from our parents and sent to another counrty

to live out life, one we dont be to get or understand and we cry ,

tantrum, hit, bolt and scream because we want back a safe and cant

find it either. And when of parents to get stuck to the grieving and

not reaching past the pain to meet the child, to comfort her fears

she too feels lost in life and the ones that she to need most are of

thems parents to help her and teach her about life. We understand

the emotions and sense them but cant relate or make any real sense

of the thinking behind it , we just sense this pains and greif and

lack the whys to it and it only delays our progress in life, because

the emotional sensing can consume us to anxiety , fear and lack of

want to connect. Like a young baby before first year of life begins

to sense strangers and or strange things that others lack and will

respond to it with cries and screams as if traumatized, that baby to

sense things but lacks the very knowing of it but knows something it

feels does not feel good and so reacts. Many of us to be of same, we

can be to sense somethings but lack the knowings behind it. I to be

often can sense things and pick up emotional things that cause me to

respond , others lack the reasons for my reactions are confused by

it but I to lack communicating it and or responding to it in a more

mature way, I to be to just react in ways that is natural to me.

sondra

In Autism_in_Girls , " yasnoor2002 "

<yasnoor2002@y...> wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

> I just finish watching my daughter video of her first two years of

> life. The pain that cosumes me at time is beyound description. I

had

> this perfect little girl that loved to play, looked me right in

the

> eye when I called her and spoke. It has been two years now and my

> little girl keep drifting away ,regardless of all the effort and

the

> therapy. I guess I just want to know does the pain get less? will

I

> ever stop hurting?

> I am just venting. sorry

[Guest guest]

the pain never to goes away completly when you have the late onset

forms of autism. The pains justs seems to shift in focus over time.

The greif of parents is often over looked and it is not because they

have different child than they hoped for in the ways that some to

interpret that words, as much as not knowing the outcomes for you

child that haunt of you. The illusion of the child you to once had

seems to be to have been taken over the coarse of days, weeks months

or years, but in true maybe you child was of already born of the

autism and like persons with lorenzo's oil it becomes apparent with

time. Yet you not knowing feel as if you lost this typical

developing child and you to now have a child which you feel cant

communicate too and or understand like a little foreigner who has

come to live with you, yet one forgets we feel teh impact too and it

is like we were taken from our parents and sent to another counrty

to live out life, one we dont be to get or understand and we cry ,

tantrum, hit, bolt and scream because we want back a safe and cant

find it either. And when of parents to get stuck to the grieving and

not reaching past the pain to meet the child, to comfort her fears

she too feels lost in life and the ones that she to need most are of

thems parents to help her and teach her about life. We understand

the emotions and sense them but cant relate or make any real sense

of the thinking behind it , we just sense this pains and greif and

lack the whys to it and it only delays our progress in life, because

the emotional sensing can consume us to anxiety , fear and lack of

want to connect. Like a young baby before first year of life begins

to sense strangers and or strange things that others lack and will

respond to it with cries and screams as if traumatized, that baby to

sense things but lacks the very knowing of it but knows something it

feels does not feel good and so reacts. Many of us to be of same, we

can be to sense somethings but lack the knowings behind it. I to be

often can sense things and pick up emotional things that cause me to

respond , others lack the reasons for my reactions are confused by

it but I to lack communicating it and or responding to it in a more

mature way, I to be to just react in ways that is natural to me.

sondra

In Autism_in_Girls , " yasnoor2002 "

<yasnoor2002@y...> wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

> I just finish watching my daughter video of her first two years of

> life. The pain that cosumes me at time is beyound description. I

had

> this perfect little girl that loved to play, looked me right in

the

> eye when I called her and spoke. It has been two years now and my

> little girl keep drifting away ,regardless of all the effort and

the

> therapy. I guess I just want to know does the pain get less? will

I

> ever stop hurting?

> I am just venting. sorry

[Guest guest]

Sometimes all there is to say is " I know what you're feeling, I feel it

too " . I love the girl my daughter is turning out to be with all my heart

and soul, but I can't help but feel a sadness when I think of " What

if's " ....

We all understand. Hang in there.

Diane

just want to talk

Hi everyone,

I just finish watching my daughter video of her first two years of

life. The pain that cosumes me at time is beyound description. I had

this perfect little girl that loved to play, looked me right in the

eye when I called her and spoke. It has been two years now and my

little girl keep drifting away ,regardless of all the effort and the

therapy. I guess I just want to know does the pain get less? will I

ever stop hurting?

I am just venting. sorry

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sometimes all there is to say is " I know what you're feeling, I feel it

too " . I love the girl my daughter is turning out to be with all my heart

and soul, but I can't help but feel a sadness when I think of " What

if's " ....

We all understand. Hang in there.

Diane

just want to talk

Hi everyone,

I just finish watching my daughter video of her first two years of

life. The pain that cosumes me at time is beyound description. I had

this perfect little girl that loved to play, looked me right in the

eye when I called her and spoke. It has been two years now and my

little girl keep drifting away ,regardless of all the effort and the

therapy. I guess I just want to know does the pain get less? will I

ever stop hurting?

I am just venting. sorry

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

When Allie first regressed and we realized she had autism, I thought I

would never get over the intense, indescribable emotion. I think it

does get better, but I also accept that my daughter is making progress

and other families are in different positions. Progress was so slow in

the beginning, and it still seems so painstakingly slow at times. But,

I can say, I have joy again. The pain is much less, almost gone. It

can at times come in a huge wave from almost no where. But then it

leaves me again.

Allie was dxed just shy of her second birthday. At that time she was

completely nonverbal, spent most of her time flat on her back, and

seemed oblivious to her environment. She rarely smiled or seemed to

have joy with anything. After we got her into OT and speech and began

the gfcf, salicylate-free diet, I realized she behaved in such a way

because her vestibular system was so out of whack, her gut was

probably on fire, and she couldn't do anything else without feeling so

sickly. Later on, we found Paxil to be yet another huge help for her

with her anxiety/OCD tendencies.

Today at 5 1/2 yrs old my Allie Kat is very different. She's potty

trained, except when she thinks it's way cool to watch her pee hit the

carpet, but at least I know she's having fun at it. I see her happy.

It's different than seeing her miserable. She can speak and today was

singing the good-night song in various languages to Little Critter's

Grandma and Me. To some it might have been annoying, but there again,

she has complete enjoyment in singing to the top of her lungs for 100

times. She typically cannot find words to express her wants and needs

other than basic, I want juice, I want poptart, etc. But she's happy

when she sings and I can hear her voice take joy. I can tell her to

put her shoes in her closet and she understands. She might not do it,

but I have comfort of knowing that she knows and comprehends what I'm

saying. That's very different than her not having a clue what's being

said.

I celebrate Allie's differences as being part of who she is. When she

flaps her hands from excitement, I think it's precious because she's

showing joy. When she was first dxed, I saw it as yet another symptom.

When she makes noises out of the ordinary for 5 yr olds, I think it's

sweet 'cause it's part of her and her expressions. If someone in

public thinks it's strange, they can bite my big ole hiney!

I also take enormous peace in my faith. I know some may disagree with

me, but I know in my soul that Allie's autism is allowed by God and

part of His master plan. Through her having autism He has broken me of

so many predjudices I held about people with disabilities. Through

Him, Allie will bring so much good in this world. Before Allie's

autism, I might have seen a local cashier with autism as odd or

different. Now I can't wait to go through his line and talk to him and

I cherish his struggles and the wonderful person he is. Having a child

with autism has taught me how to seek Him for something as little as

asking for Allie to say " juice " instead of " du " . I've learned all

about a community of people from parents to people themselves with

autism and feel so much more connected to each of them than I did

" average joes " . I have found a passion and a reason to return to

college and have been working toward my degree for the last 2 yrs, I

never had this sort of passion before Allie was diagnosed.

Since Allie's diagnosis I hear God's word so much more loudly when it

talks about being a servant and caring for those who cannot care for

themselves. I'm still learning many valuable other lessons that will

come in time. All in all, I'm a much more loving person today and I

celebrate my children way more than before. There's a song by Avalon

that says,

You taste the tears, you're lost in sorrow

you see your yesterdays, I see tomorrow

You see the darkness, I see the spark

You know your failurs, but I know your heart

The dreams I dream for you are deeper than the ones your clinging to

More precious than the finest things you knew

and truer than the treasures you persue

Let the old dreams die like stars that fade from the view

Then take the cup I offer and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you

You see your shame, but I see your glory

you've read one page, but I know the story

I hold a vision that you'll become as you grow into The Truth

As you learn to walk in Love

The dreams I dream for you are deeper than the ones you clinging to

More precious than the finest things you knew

Truer than the treasures you persue

Let the old dreams die like stars that fade from the view

Then take the cup I offer and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you

I hurts deep and wide when our babies get sick, but there is a

brighter day ahead if you can trust in The One who promises to turn

all things to the good. He doesn't say all things are good. Many

things suck and suck badly. But all things that may suck so badly He

promises to turn them to good if we let Him. He also does allow us to

have more trial than we can bare (we're not talking temptation here)

so that we will turn to Him. Without Him, I could not have bared the

intensity of my feelings. There were a few times I sat out to get

rip-roaring drunk after Allie's diagnosis. But He wouldn't let the

liquor take affect. I guess the whiskey ain't a' workin any more. Lol.

HTH,

Debi

[Guest guest]

When Allie first regressed and we realized she had autism, I thought I

would never get over the intense, indescribable emotion. I think it

does get better, but I also accept that my daughter is making progress

and other families are in different positions. Progress was so slow in

the beginning, and it still seems so painstakingly slow at times. But,

I can say, I have joy again. The pain is much less, almost gone. It

can at times come in a huge wave from almost no where. But then it

leaves me again.

Allie was dxed just shy of her second birthday. At that time she was

completely nonverbal, spent most of her time flat on her back, and

seemed oblivious to her environment. She rarely smiled or seemed to

have joy with anything. After we got her into OT and speech and began

the gfcf, salicylate-free diet, I realized she behaved in such a way

because her vestibular system was so out of whack, her gut was

probably on fire, and she couldn't do anything else without feeling so

sickly. Later on, we found Paxil to be yet another huge help for her

with her anxiety/OCD tendencies.

Today at 5 1/2 yrs old my Allie Kat is very different. She's potty

trained, except when she thinks it's way cool to watch her pee hit the

carpet, but at least I know she's having fun at it. I see her happy.

It's different than seeing her miserable. She can speak and today was

singing the good-night song in various languages to Little Critter's

Grandma and Me. To some it might have been annoying, but there again,

she has complete enjoyment in singing to the top of her lungs for 100

times. She typically cannot find words to express her wants and needs

other than basic, I want juice, I want poptart, etc. But she's happy

when she sings and I can hear her voice take joy. I can tell her to

put her shoes in her closet and she understands. She might not do it,

but I have comfort of knowing that she knows and comprehends what I'm

saying. That's very different than her not having a clue what's being

said.

I celebrate Allie's differences as being part of who she is. When she

flaps her hands from excitement, I think it's precious because she's

showing joy. When she was first dxed, I saw it as yet another symptom.

When she makes noises out of the ordinary for 5 yr olds, I think it's

sweet 'cause it's part of her and her expressions. If someone in

public thinks it's strange, they can bite my big ole hiney!

I also take enormous peace in my faith. I know some may disagree with

me, but I know in my soul that Allie's autism is allowed by God and

part of His master plan. Through her having autism He has broken me of

so many predjudices I held about people with disabilities. Through

Him, Allie will bring so much good in this world. Before Allie's

autism, I might have seen a local cashier with autism as odd or

different. Now I can't wait to go through his line and talk to him and

I cherish his struggles and the wonderful person he is. Having a child

with autism has taught me how to seek Him for something as little as

asking for Allie to say " juice " instead of " du " . I've learned all

about a community of people from parents to people themselves with

autism and feel so much more connected to each of them than I did

" average joes " . I have found a passion and a reason to return to

college and have been working toward my degree for the last 2 yrs, I

never had this sort of passion before Allie was diagnosed.

Since Allie's diagnosis I hear God's word so much more loudly when it

talks about being a servant and caring for those who cannot care for

themselves. I'm still learning many valuable other lessons that will

come in time. All in all, I'm a much more loving person today and I

celebrate my children way more than before. There's a song by Avalon

that says,

You taste the tears, you're lost in sorrow

you see your yesterdays, I see tomorrow

You see the darkness, I see the spark

You know your failurs, but I know your heart

The dreams I dream for you are deeper than the ones your clinging to

More precious than the finest things you knew

and truer than the treasures you persue

Let the old dreams die like stars that fade from the view

Then take the cup I offer and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you

You see your shame, but I see your glory

you've read one page, but I know the story

I hold a vision that you'll become as you grow into The Truth

As you learn to walk in Love

The dreams I dream for you are deeper than the ones you clinging to

More precious than the finest things you knew

Truer than the treasures you persue

Let the old dreams die like stars that fade from the view

Then take the cup I offer and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you

I hurts deep and wide when our babies get sick, but there is a

brighter day ahead if you can trust in The One who promises to turn

all things to the good. He doesn't say all things are good. Many

things suck and suck badly. But all things that may suck so badly He

promises to turn them to good if we let Him. He also does allow us to

have more trial than we can bare (we're not talking temptation here)

so that we will turn to Him. Without Him, I could not have bared the

intensity of my feelings. There were a few times I sat out to get

rip-roaring drunk after Allie's diagnosis. But He wouldn't let the

liquor take affect. I guess the whiskey ain't a' workin any more. Lol.

HTH,

Debi

[Guest guest]

--

>

> Thanks to all of you for the encouraging words, you guys are the

best.

noor.mom to MIMI 3.6yo

>

>

>