Re: my husband

[Guest guest]

Oh

Why is he having such a tough time with this? I also had a hard time

seeing my Abby in her band, but after just a week, I never really

noticed the band was on her head!

Have you tried comparing the use of 's band to braces kids

where on their teeth? Maybe that would help? That's what I always

did, was say these bands are really no different than teeth braces,

minus the pain! You'd still take pictures of your kid wearing their

teeth braces, right?! There's no reason to erase this special time in

's life! I hope he comes around SOON - I'm sure it's very

stressful on your family w/his feelings toward the band.

How is progressing in his NICband? Hope he's rounding!

Debbie Abby's mom DOCGrad

MI

> Hello-

> I wrote back in the middle of Dec. My son received his

> NICband Dec. 17th. My husband has had some difficulty dealing with

> this. He gets mad when anyone takes pics of , he wants to

> erase these next few months of 's life. He wants tangible

> memories of 's few months(hopefully) with the band. Does

> anyone have any suggestions? I have talked to him on numerous

> occassions and thought it was getting better.

> Thanks,

>

> Mom to

> NY

[Guest guest]

-

Have you decorated it yet? I can't remember if the NIC Bands come

in patterns or if they are plain. Decorating it helped a ton with

making it seem less sterile.

My inlaws were very embarrased of Dane's band. They asked me to

remove it in their presence and hid all his pictures. Talk about

PMO!

Does your husband have feelings of guilt (he shouldn't but it

sometimes is hard not too) or is it embarrasing to him?

I feel for you. It was rough enough not having support from the

inlaws. That's a tough spot to be in.

Is seeing improvement in the NIC Band? Maybe when you see

drastic improvements that will make dh feel better!

Dane's mom DOC Grad

> Hello-

> I wrote back in the middle of Dec. My son received his

> NICband Dec. 17th. My husband has had some difficulty dealing

with

> this. He gets mad when anyone takes pics of , he wants to

> erase these next few months of 's life. He wants tangible

> memories of 's few months(hopefully) with the band. Does

> anyone have any suggestions? I have talked to him on numerous

> occassions and thought it was getting better.

> Thanks,

>

> Mom to

> NY

[Guest guest]

,

I'm sorry to hear this. :-( It seems that by now dh should have

adjusted to being in his band - I'm certain that

has already adjusted. It's hard to say what the underlying

issue(s) is here. He could be feeling guilty about the plagio or

maybe even guilty because he is perhaps embarrassed by the

band. He shouldn't feel that way, but maybe he is. I wish I could

say what might help, but I'm just not sure. I agree with Beck

about focusing on the positives and leading by example.

Hopefully he is just having a harder adjustment period then most

and will soon be over it.

Marci (Mom to )

Oklahoma

> Hello-

> I wrote back in the middle of Dec. My son received his

> NICband Dec. 17th. My husband has had some difficulty

dealing with

> this. He gets mad when anyone takes pics of , he

wants to

> erase these next few months of 's life. He wants

tangible

> memories of 's few months(hopefully) with the band.

Does

> anyone have any suggestions? I have talked to him on

numerous

> occassions and thought it was getting better.

> Thanks,

>

> Mom to

> NY

[Guest guest]

,

Although ultimately my husband and I have decided on repositioning

to correct our daughter Remy's plagio, we did so at the 11th hour,

just before going to be fitted for a helmet. My husband, also

expressed difficulty and even anger about having our daughter wear a

helmet. He is a quiet and peaceful sort of person, so his response

was out of the ordinary. When I was able to get him to really

discuss his feelings on the issue, he confided tearfully that if

Remy actually had to have a helmet on, that it would be proof that

there was something wrong with his precious little girl that he

couldn't take care of himself. I just wanted to share my husband's

difficulty since it wasn't fear of embarrasment, or guilt over the

plagio (only I felt that! He felt as if we only trusted our

pediatrician, not our fault!), it was just sadness/sorrow for our

daughter and a reluctance to accept the situation.

It sounds as if your husband isn't dealing totally with the band

situation, but I think it is fantastic that he is able to overcome

his feelings enough to get this treatment for your son!! As far as

his getting mad about taking pictures of your son with the helmet

on... well, however inappropriate it may be, at least he's

expressing some emotions about the situation. I'd tell him that I'm

confident he'll freak out less and less about the helmet as time

goes by, and that I can't wait until treatment is a distant memory

also!! Keep it on as directed, even through special occasions and

photo ops, and the shorter treatment will be. I'd also tell him

that there is the potential that his son could pick up on some of

his discomfort, and ask if he could make a special effort to

restrain some of his anger as a gesture to his son.

I believe that as you continue to see improvement in your son's head

shape, your husband will become more comfortable with the actuality

of the band, and even want to remember the decision you made

together when both of you look back on pictures of ordinary family

life, get-togethers, special occasions, etc.

Take care,

Christie (Mom to Remy)

> Hello-

> I wrote back in the middle of Dec. My son received his

> NICband Dec. 17th. My husband has had some difficulty dealing

with

> this. He gets mad when anyone takes pics of , he wants to

> erase these next few months of 's life. He wants tangible

> memories of 's few months(hopefully) with the band. Does

> anyone have any suggestions? I have talked to him on numerous

> occassions and thought it was getting better.

> Thanks,

>

> Mom to

> NY

[Guest guest]

My daughter was banded at 12 mths old after six months of

thinking and toying with the thought of the band. I had a big

discusion (argument)and went against my husbands moms and a Drs

friends advise and do the helmet and I half felt probably like your

husband too but I felt deep down I had to do it.

I wished I had the support of this group then and I would of

realised that this is a real good thing and nothing to fear and the

babies arent handicapped. I thank God we never did have a handicapped

kid and resept all people who handle much worse situations everyday.

Dont pay attention to how your husbands feels too much and take

the pics if you want too because afterwards you'll want that memory

too. I dident take too many pics either but if I had to do it again I

would put it on and be proud and glad I was looking out for my kid.

Your kid will be glad he got a great mom.

Lorraine mom to Mackenzie Doc grad age 3.9. Fl.

> Hello-

> I wrote back in the middle of Dec. My son received his

> NICband Dec. 17th. My husband has had some difficulty dealing with

> this. He gets mad when anyone takes pics of , he wants to

> erase these next few months of 's life. He wants tangible

> memories of 's few months(hopefully) with the band. Does

> anyone have any suggestions? I have talked to him on numerous

> occassions and thought it was getting better.

> Thanks,

>

> Mom to

> NY

[Guest guest]

Christie that was great of you to share thanks beck

[Guest guest]

,

I would suggest that you learn about some of this interests. Ask him questions

about that. That is the best way to engage in conversation with him. I have had

to do that to have conversations with other Aspeis.

When you talk to an Aspie about things they are not interested in it comes

across as nagging, annoying, and a distribution to their routine. It also helps

to tell them, it is not your intention to come across as nagging so they don't

go on the defensive with you. Remember, anything attempting to get information

out of them for reasons they do not understand why, can be considered an

attack, or threat.

It is not your fault, or their fault, it is just the way we are.

Take Care,

Donovan J Arnold

megan kerns <megan7876@...> wrote: is a dear, sweet and

thoughtful man...most of the time. our daughter is

pdd-nos and we all (including the drs) suspect he is 'aspergers light'. i

find it so incredibly hard not to take it personally when he does not like

to be touched, needs lots of space and exhibits other aspie like qualities.

and when i try and speak with him about this he just thinks im mad at

him...which im not - i just want things to improve. all emotion to him is

me being angry, it seems.

its also difficult for me because at his job he is (thankfully not touched

=) but in high demand (hes a scientist that runs a very busy, high stress

lab). i feel like i come in last place in his life as a result. hes all

'talked out' and 'put upon' by the time he gets home to me (im a sahm and i

also freelance work from home so i dont get socialization outside of my

toddler, playgroup and phone conversations) and then needs 'down time'

because hes put on this front of being able to be social at work and

throughout his day. as a result i get very lonely. i wait all day for some

adult contact and stimulation and thats when he needs/wants it least. am i

being selfish and need to suck it up or is there something i can do to make

myself and my marriage better?

he does not want to do to couples therapy because he does not see any issues

in our marriage. cognitive therapy, also, is out of the question because he

sees himself as a high functioning member of society.

any advice or tips would be great. i realize i should not rely on him for

my self worth/esteem...but sometimes he is so impossible to talk to and

relate to i feel like im going crazy.

thanks,

meg

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am glad you found my email useful. It sounds to me like he loves you greatly

and you are doing a good job with an Aspie. It takes a great deal of effort to

be married to an Aspie. We are a lot of work. It takes someone really loving

and willing to adapt to them to make the relationship work.

I think you have the right idea, just listen, smile and nod when they go off

on tangents, and try to really engage in conversations on things you both

enjoy.

Doing the best you can to let him know you have no " hidden agenda " when

asking a question before you ask it, or asking in a way that does not appear

there could be a hidden reason for asking the question prevents the

defensiveness.

I think the reason that Aspies get defensive with social questions is because

they are often used as a set up by others, and we don't like that. It is a door

to a dark area we don't understand and wish not to engage in. I feel like I am

being asked to engage in a game where I could not possibly win and losing has

a heavy penalty.

Take Care,

Donovan J Arnold

megan kerns <megan7876@...> wrote:

=)

thanks for the reply. its interesting because you hit the nail on the head

that he does get incredibly defensive when i try to get information from him

that he does not see as 'pertinent'. i feel like hes acting paranoid when

he does this. and yes he does think im a total nag. which i hate, because

i think i am sooo laid back and fairly easy going.

i frequently feel like (excuse my language) its constantly a situation of me

being damned if i do, or damned if i dont. for example, hes an incredibly

talented woodworker and once he was designing and making for me a piece of

furniture. whenever i would ask for the progress on the project, it seemed

to set him back a month. but when i didnt remind him he was doing it, he

would forget...

it is also difficult for me to talk to him about interests that are

exclusive to him. together we enjoy literature, great restaurants, wine,

nature, music and politics. but some of his knowledge in some of his

interests are so far beyong my scope of understanding that i end up doing a

lot of smiling and nodding if he goes off on such a tangent. i can talk a

little about woodworking with him, but it may turn ugly if i ask him to make

something for me (because he might think i was manipulative in asking about

it in the first place and that my motives were not altruistic). his job is

impossible to talk with him about. whereas im mostly curious about office

politics and gossip, he doesnt even notice those things. if he were to try

and explain the work he does (electron microscopy analysis) after listening

for a minute my eyes begin to glaze over because im so lost in all the

physics terms he spews.

but, like i said, we do have quite a few things in common, and i will make

an effort to ask him more about his singular interests as well.

i just hate that i feel 'last' in his life. i realize its because im the

person closest to him, and he should be able to rely on me to support his as

and give him a break. unfortunately, i find myself angry and resentful for

the 'attention' he gives everyone else in his and our life as he tries to

fake being nt with the rest of the world.

meg

>From: Donovan Arnold

>Reply-

>

>Subject: Re: ( ) my husband

>Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 04:46:43 -0700 (PDT)

>

>,

>

> I would suggest that you learn about some of this interests. Ask him

>questions about that. That is the best way to engage in conversation with

>him. I have had to do that to have conversations with other Aspeis.

>

> When you talk to an Aspie about things they are not interested in it

>comes across as nagging, annoying, and a distribution to their routine. It

>also helps to tell them, it is not your intention to come across as

>nagging so they don't go on the defensive with you. Remember, anything

>attempting to get information out of them for reasons they do not

>understand why, can be considered an attack, or threat.

>

> It is not your fault, or their fault, it is just the way we are.

>

> Take Care,

>

> Donovan J Arnold

>

>megan kerns wrote: is a dear, sweet and

>thoughtful man...most of the time. our daughter is

> pdd-nos and we all (including the drs) suspect he is 'aspergers light'.

>i

> find it so incredibly hard not to take it personally when he does not

>like

> to be touched, needs lots of space and exhibits other aspie like

>qualities.

> and when i try and speak with him about this he just thinks im mad at

> him...which im not - i just want things to improve. all emotion to him

>is

> me being angry, it seems.

>

> its also difficult for me because at his job he is (thankfully not

>touched

> =) but in high demand (hes a scientist that runs a very busy, high

>stress

> lab). i feel like i come in last place in his life as a result. hes

>all

> 'talked out' and 'put upon' by the time he gets home to me (im a sahm

>and i

> also freelance work from home so i dont get socialization outside of my

> toddler, playgroup and phone conversations) and then needs 'down time'

> because hes put on this front of being able to be social at work and

> throughout his day. as a result i get very lonely. i wait all day for

>some

> adult contact and stimulation and thats when he needs/wants it least.

>am i

> being selfish and need to suck it up or is there something i can do to

>make

> myself and my marriage better?

>

> he does not want to do to couples therapy because he does not see any

>issues

> in our marriage. cognitive therapy, also, is out of the question

>because he

> sees himself as a high functioning member of society.

>

> any advice or tips would be great. i realize i should not rely on him

>for

> my self worth/esteem...but sometimes he is so impossible to talk to and

> relate to i feel like im going crazy.

>

> thanks,

>

> meg

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Meg,

I understand where you're coming from a bit. My ex-husband is also an

undiagnosed Aspie and was very similar to your in some aspects. You

could really only get him to talk about his interests and anything on an

emotional level would come off as nagging and would usually end in a

fight since he couldn't just talk about such things. I agree with the

other poster that you should take an interest in his interests but have

to say, you deserve some consideration as well. Just because your

husband and daughter have Aspergers does not mean you should have to

martyr yourself emotionally. You need emotional support and guidance

and fulfillment just as much as anyone else and you shouldn't have to

put that aside simply because you can't get it at home. If you can't

get your husband to go to couple's counseling, get some therapy

yourself, if for no other reason than to have a sounding board that is

empathetic to your emotional needs. If your husband makes an issue of

it, simply tell him, since you are unwilling to acknowledge my emotional

needs, I am forced to go to someone who can. You deserve attention, you

deserve caring, you deserve inane chit chat about gossip and such, you

deserve to be acknowledged. If you have any friends, go out with them

more often, call them up more and vent and chit chat, join a playgroup

where you can talk with the other mothers. I know it's easier to say

such things than actually do them, but that's some of the better advice

I can offer. I was in a superficially emotional marriage and

relationship for awhile myself and know how draining it can be. We all

deserve so much more that. I hope you feel better soon and that things

turn around for you.

Best wishes,

Tabitha

Re: ( ) my husband

>Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 04:46:43 -0700 (PDT)

>

>,

>

> I would suggest that you learn about some of this interests. Ask him

>questions about that. That is the best way to engage in conversation

with

>him. I have had to do that to have conversations with other Aspeis.

>

> When you talk to an Aspie about things they are not interested in it

>comes across as nagging, annoying, and a distribution to their

routine. It

>also helps to tell them, it is not your intention to come across as

>nagging so they don't go on the defensive with you. Remember, anything

>attempting to get information out of them for reasons they do not

>understand why, can be considered an attack, or threat.

>

> It is not your fault, or their fault, it is just the way we are.

>

> Take Care,

>

> Donovan J Arnold

>

>megan kerns <megan7876@...> wrote: is a dear, sweet and

>thoughtful man...most of the time. our daughter is

> pdd-nos and we all (including the drs) suspect he is 'aspergers

light'.

>i

> find it so incredibly hard not to take it personally when he does

not

>like

> to be touched, needs lots of space and exhibits other aspie like

>qualities.

> and when i try and speak with him about this he just thinks im mad

at

> him...which im not - i just want things to improve. all emotion to

him

>is

> me being angry, it seems.

>

> its also difficult for me because at his job he is (thankfully not

>touched

> =) but in high demand (hes a scientist that runs a very busy, high

>stress

> lab). i feel like i come in last place in his life as a result.

hes

>all

> 'talked out' and 'put upon' by the time he gets home to me (im a

sahm

>and i

> also freelance work from home so i dont get socialization outside of

my

> toddler, playgroup and phone conversations) and then needs 'down

time'

> because hes put on this front of being able to be social at work and

> throughout his day. as a result i get very lonely. i wait all day

for

>some

> adult contact and stimulation and thats when he needs/wants it

least.

>am i

> being selfish and need to suck it up or is there something i can do

to

>make

> myself and my marriage better?

>

> he does not want to do to couples therapy because he does not see

any

>issues

> in our marriage. cognitive therapy, also, is out of the question

>because he

> sees himself as a high functioning member of society.

>

> any advice or tips would be great. i realize i should not rely on

him

>for

> my self worth/esteem...but sometimes he is so impossible to talk to

and

> relate to i feel like im going crazy.

>

> thanks,

>

> meg

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

thanks tabitha!

in our talk last night i actually used something from your email and pointed

out that depsite his diagnosis that i need some consideration too. and

youre right, i should not be or become the emotional martyr in this

relationship.

amusingly, he actually encourages me going to counseling (without him natch)

because he thinks most of our probelms exist because of my anxiety over his

dx and our daughters dx. he says he is happy withy who he is and i just

need to find a way to accept it. i told him last night that i find that to

be incredibly unfair and that he has to meet me halfway.

as far as a social life, i have created a little one for myself from yoga

class and the friends ive made there to the women in the playgroup we (my

daughter and me) are really active in. my husband has work friends and a

couple of people he sees about twice a year, but naturally prefers to be

holed up here in the evenings and on the weekends.

we are commited to making this work, its just going to take a lot of work.

thanks again,

meg

>From: " Ms. Tabitha Bingham " <cleobaby74@...>

>Reply-

>< >

>Subject: RE: ( ) my husband

>Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 13:30:38 -0400

>

>Hi Meg,

> I understand where you're coming from a bit. My ex-husband is also an

>undiagnosed Aspie and was very similar to your in some aspects. You

>could really only get him to talk about his interests and anything on an

>emotional level would come off as nagging and would usually end in a

>fight since he couldn't just talk about such things. I agree with the

>other poster that you should take an interest in his interests but have

>to say, you deserve some consideration as well. Just because your

>husband and daughter have Aspergers does not mean you should have to

>martyr yourself emotionally. You need emotional support and guidance

>and fulfillment just as much as anyone else and you shouldn't have to

>put that aside simply because you can't get it at home. If you can't

>get your husband to go to couple's counseling, get some therapy

>yourself, if for no other reason than to have a sounding board that is

>empathetic to your emotional needs. If your husband makes an issue of

>it, simply tell him, since you are unwilling to acknowledge my emotional

>needs, I am forced to go to someone who can. You deserve attention, you

>deserve caring, you deserve inane chit chat about gossip and such, you

>deserve to be acknowledged. If you have any friends, go out with them

>more often, call them up more and vent and chit chat, join a playgroup

>where you can talk with the other mothers. I know it's easier to say

>such things than actually do them, but that's some of the better advice

>I can offer. I was in a superficially emotional marriage and

>relationship for awhile myself and know how draining it can be. We all

>deserve so much more that. I hope you feel better soon and that things

>turn around for you.

>

>Best wishes,

>Tabitha

>

> Re: ( ) my husband

> >Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 04:46:43 -0700 (PDT)

> >

> >,

> >

> > I would suggest that you learn about some of this interests. Ask him

>

> >questions about that. That is the best way to engage in conversation

>with

> >him. I have had to do that to have conversations with other Aspeis.

> >

> > When you talk to an Aspie about things they are not interested in it

>

> >comes across as nagging, annoying, and a distribution to their

>routine. It

> >also helps to tell them, it is not your intention to come across as

> >nagging so they don't go on the defensive with you. Remember, anything

>

> >attempting to get information out of them for reasons they do not

> >understand why, can be considered an attack, or threat.

> >

> > It is not your fault, or their fault, it is just the way we are.

> >

> > Take Care,

> >

> > Donovan J Arnold

> >

> >megan kerns <megan7876@...> wrote: is a dear, sweet and

> >thoughtful man...most of the time. our daughter is

> > pdd-nos and we all (including the drs) suspect he is 'aspergers

>light'.

> >i

> > find it so incredibly hard not to take it personally when he does

>not

> >like

> > to be touched, needs lots of space and exhibits other aspie like

> >qualities.

> > and when i try and speak with him about this he just thinks im mad

>at

> > him...which im not - i just want things to improve. all emotion to

>him

> >is

> > me being angry, it seems.

> >

> > its also difficult for me because at his job he is (thankfully not

> >touched

> > =) but in high demand (hes a scientist that runs a very busy, high

> >stress

> > lab). i feel like i come in last place in his life as a result.

>hes

> >all

> > 'talked out' and 'put upon' by the time he gets home to me (im a

>sahm

> >and i

> > also freelance work from home so i dont get socialization outside of

>my

> > toddler, playgroup and phone conversations) and then needs 'down

>time'

> > because hes put on this front of being able to be social at work and

> > throughout his day. as a result i get very lonely. i wait all day

>for

> >some

> > adult contact and stimulation and thats when he needs/wants it

>least.

> >am i

> > being selfish and need to suck it up or is there something i can do

>to

> >make

> > myself and my marriage better?

> >

> > he does not want to do to couples therapy because he does not see

>any

> >issues

> > in our marriage. cognitive therapy, also, is out of the question

> >because he

> > sees himself as a high functioning member of society.

> >

> > any advice or tips would be great. i realize i should not rely on

>him

> >for

> > my self worth/esteem...but sometimes he is so impossible to talk to

>and

> > relate to i feel like im going crazy.

> >

> > thanks,

> >

> > meg

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Meg,

I am married to an undiagnosed aspie and I understand what you're

experiencing. My dh works in market research. Sometimes I try to

engage in his interests. It's funny, because he can really go off

on tangents about politics that go over my head. He has unique

thoughts on lots of things, that I find fascinating. For example,

he has convinced me that Abraham Lincoln was one of our worst

presidents!

It would be nice if " meeting halfway " could be accomplished, and I

will tell you why. For the past year, I let my dh relax alone more

often, as he seemed to want that. He watches some TV, reads,

browses the internet. I do my own thing, reading whatever books I

find interesting, or whatever. And guess what? He began to

complain that we don't have anything in common anymore, that we are

living separate lives. I was dumbfounded, because I thought I was

giving him the alone time he wanted. He is stressed out from work

every night!

But if he had just initiated some conversation, or game, or

said, " Let's watch a movie, " or something, I would have done

that!! LOL!!

So, now I need to find some way to get him to meet me halfway,

without telling him so, because that is considered nagging, and he

does get defensive, if I try to discuss the issue. Actually, he

feels hurt more than anything.

I wish we had more adult friends --- couples that we both enjoy.

We never socialize with other couples. I have a few friends, and

so does he, but we don't socialize all together.

w/ aspie teenage daughter

[Guest guest]

“I am married to an undiagnosed aspie and I understand what you’re

experiencing. My dh works in market research. Sometimes I try to

engage in his interests. It's funny, because he can really go off

on tangents about politics that go over my head. He has unique

thoughts on lots of things, that I find fascinating. For example,

he has convinced me that Abraham Lincoln was one of our worst

presidents!”

,

I so feel for you!! I too have an undiagnosed aspie for a husband. In

fact, a while back someone on this forum gave a website for a little test to

see if someone had Aspie-like behaviors and he scored really high! That

kind of opened his eyes a little bit, but he’s still pretty much in denial.

My husband is stuck on computer chess, playing it over and over and

over……..I could tell him the house is burning and he is going to die and he

would say, ‘just a minute I need to finish this first!’

He also started to download a map to an area he wanted to visit in his jeep

and ended up downloading the whole state in maps (detailed maps that took

over night to download). It went on for over two month until he had the

whole state. When I asked him why, he replied, ‘I had to do it.”

I have two aspie kids, a 15-yr old daughter and an almost 13 year old son.

Life here is a bit insane. Throw into that a bipolar older daughter and an

over-achieving 18 year old son (pretty normal as far as I know), and you see

what life is like here (did I forget to mention that I returned to college

after 25 yrs. And will be receiving my BA in August?! :-) ).

We have the same problems with socialization that you do. My husband’s only

real friends are is parents, brothers and me. I have had the conversation

you have had also with him, thinking that I was giving him something he

wanted by leaving him alone…I don’t have the answer yet, but I know that

whenever he shows interest in something new (not often) I jump at the chance

to join him in it even though I may not particularly like the activity.

Good luck. Just know that I feel your frustration!

By the way, our husbands would do well discussing politics together – they

seem to have the same views!

Luana

_____

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[Guest guest]

> ,

> I so feel for you!! I too have an undiagnosed aspie for a

husband. Luana

Luana,

My husband gets hooked on certain jobs around the house. For several

weeks, he has been painting all the bedroom doors. He does it in the

garage. But I wanted to put the van in the garage today to keep it

dry, (it's raining) because my son put a huge scratch on it, and we

need to touch it up with paint, or it will rust. So I put the

bedroom doors in the house. My husband couldn't paint the doors when

he came home from work, because the van was in his way, and the doors

were put away. His project was gone! Gosh, I didn't mean to upset

him. I was trying to do the right thing. I thought that the van

issue (the huge scratch) became a priority problem. We need to get

paint on the bare metal. The paint is really gauged out.

But the evening was ruined. My dh had a silent meltdown, sulking

alone in our room, not talking at dinner. Even the kids noticed what

happened. They say, " Why does Dad get so possessed with his projects? "

What usually happens is, the next day, my dh will say, " Sorry. I

don't know why I got so mad. I really wanted to come home and get

something done. I wanted to paint the doors. "

But he never touched up the van. He was too upset. Maybe tomorrow.

Does this sound like the reaction of an aspie? I feel for him. I

hate to see him so down and out.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/10/2006 6:29:13 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

mary44mary44@... writes:

But he never touched up the van. He was too upset. Maybe tomorrow.

Does this sound like the reaction of an aspie? I feel for him. I

hate to see him so down and out.

My father has Asperger's. He would also react to a situation such as you

describe...but it would be a verbal outburt...not quiet sulking. Pam

[Guest guest]

Luana,

My husband gets hooked on certain jobs around the house. For several

weeks, he has been painting all the bedroom doors.

,

His reaction sounds very familiar! My husband would have done the same!

They can only see the project at hand and cannot change like you or I and

think of another alternative very quickly. Give him time – he will remember

the van! :-) My husband on the other hand goes into a complete meltdown when

the kitchen hand towel is missing. Heaven forbid someone should forget to

replace it or move it. The kids have all learned that is something that

really messes with dad’s head. Or even…he tiles the entire downstairs

bathroom (it had to be with the tiny tiles too!). He planned it all out,

but did not take into consideration that the walls may have not been

straight. He was a mess for days!

I think we need to have a lot more patience and understanding with our aspie

spouses. Maybe we should have a support group! Anytime you need to talk, I

am here. Where do you live anyway? It rained here yesterday too!

Luana

_____

..

HYPERLINK

" http://geo./serv?s=97359714 & grpId=18638 & grpspId=1601329052 & msgId=9

5457 & stime=1149935299 "

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[Guest guest]

>

> Maybe we should have a support group! Anytime you need to talk, I

> am here. Where do you live anyway? It rained here yesterday too!

> Luana

Luana,

We're in New Jersey. Northern NJ.

[Guest guest]

Boo-hoo! I am in Utah! Oh well – we can commiserate by email at least!

Luana

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of mary44mary44

Sent: Sunday, June 11, 2006 7:37 AM

Subject: ( ) Re: my husband

>

> Maybe we should have a support group! Anytime you need to talk, I

> am here. Where do you live anyway? It rained here yesterday too!

> Luana

Luana,

We're in New Jersey. Northern NJ.

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