Your thoughts?

February 5, 2005

dd, 11 , pdd-nos, mainstreamed in gr.5, has an aide in class to help

the teacher, thats all the help she gets, I spend alot of $$ to have

her basically homeschooled by a tutor. There are no special ed

classes here, everyone believes in integration, which basically

means we welcome your child for socialization, but educating her is

up to you, but of course they would never admit that. There is a

school for special needs kids, classes of 10-12 with a special ed

teacher and an aide, all services are free from ST, OT, Life Skills,

Creative Arts, my thinking is this would be wonderful for her, now

I'm getting feedback from people saying oh how could you put her

there, it would ruin her self-esteem, blah,blah blah, being with NT

kids are the best role models. Anyways I totally disagree, she would

fall through the cracks. I personally feel that her self esteem

would improve seeing that she is not the only child like this rather

than being shunned by NT kids. So I had to have her re-evaluated and

her scores fall in the mental deficiency range, I wasn't surprised

but now is she considered to be slow? Intellectually delayed? I

asked her on the way home what were some of the questions asked, and

she said she was asked what a clock was, her answer, it ticks. I

said you know what a cloc is for, telling time? She said to me, of

course I know, and the doctor knows the answer, so why did she ask

me a stupid question like that? I guess I'm just alittle upset,

even her AS friends look at her like shes from Mars sometimes. But

getting back to my question, what would you say to these people who

are clueless of what its like to have a child like her?

February 6, 2005

Diane, I like the answer your daughter gave, she thinks those

" professionals " are bunch of nuts, lol! When Allie was about to go

into Child Find from Early Intervention, I had parents telling me time

and time again that sending Allie to a school exclusively for disabled

students was the worst mistake I could make for Allie. They said she

wouldn't learn how to be " normal " . Well, after sending her there, I

realize it was the best decision I ever made for her. She LOVED that

school. She was in special autism classes just for students with

autism. They had super structure, visual aids everywhere, and nearly

1:1 ratio of professionals to students. She could not wait to get to

school each morning and would walk in the door with such excitement.

The staff loved her and everyone knew who Allie was. As she would walk

to class everyone who passed would say, " Hello, Allie! " and she would

say, " Hello, Allie! " back to them. They loved it and would laugh and

then she would laugh, seemingly proud to have been so funny.

This year Allie is in a mixed setting. Her receptive skills have gone

through the roof, but she isn't nearly as happy. She doesn't like her

new environment and I think it's chaotic to her. I think when she's in

a regular K next year it *might* get better for her, because it will

be more structured, this class seems to have constant hiccups in the

schedule. She also knows when the other kids don't understand why

she's upset. I wonder what the kids say to her when I'm not around,

'cause the K teacher made the comment to me that she's gonna have to

get more verbal, as if Allie chooses to not know how to speak to others.

My thought is that you do what's best for your daughter and the rest

of the people can just deal with it. Honestly, I think people who are

so against their kids being with other kids with disabilities are

probably fighting the feelings we sometimes have when we aren't

accepting of others. Before Allie was diagnosed I was the worst. I

hated being around people who where different and saw them as

defective. Now I can see that being around older kids with

disabilities aren't the disaster people say. A child in a disabled

class might certainly miss out on some of the social aspects of a

general ed -- like being made fun of, learning dirty words, and how to

be the target.

Being in special ed they see other kids with struggles but

intelligence. Sure, they may see more behaviors deemed inappropriate,

but it's been my observation that kids with autism around typical kids

are still gonna do what they're gonna do, only be shamed about it. My

Allie didn't start banging her head until she was in this blended

environment. She never banged her head in the autism class. She rarely

screamed and fell out in her ASD class, but this year it's a constant

battle. Last year the other kids understood when she was upset and

tried to comfort her. This year they all look at her like she's nuts.

I just had a bitter argument with my uncle last weekend over this very

thing. The fact is, many people, with or without special ed kids,

still have a long way to go in acceptance of all people. I'm also

having to learn that as much as I love my uncle, he's not gonna see

the trees for the forest blinding his view. Learning we have to do

what's best for our kids in spite of other's criticism is hard, but

freeing to come to terms with. It would sure be nice to have friends

and family on our team, but it's much nicer to know we're doing the

right thing for our kids, regardless of their ignorant thoughts.

HTH,

Debi

February 6, 2005