RE: Does anyone else have this problem?

November 7, 2001

--- E D wrote:

> has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

> send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention.

But now I feel like I'm the bad

> person for wanted to restrain contact with her

> because

> she's being so nice.

I have two bpd parents and they go through these

phases too. With a spouse, it is called the honeymoon

stage (of the abuse cycle) when they are being nice to

you to try to get back in your good graces. Mine

always cycle out of that and back to being nasty, and

then cycle back to nice. I never know what mood

they're going to be in.

Holly

__________________________________________________

November 7, 2001

--- E D wrote:

> has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

> send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention.

But now I feel like I'm the bad

> person for wanted to restrain contact with her

> because

> she's being so nice.

I have two bpd parents and they go through these

phases too. With a spouse, it is called the honeymoon

stage (of the abuse cycle) when they are being nice to

you to try to get back in your good graces. Mine

always cycle out of that and back to being nasty, and

then cycle back to nice. I never know what mood

they're going to be in.

Holly

__________________________________________________

November 7, 2001

--- E D wrote:

> has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

> send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention.

But now I feel like I'm the bad

> person for wanted to restrain contact with her

> because

> she's being so nice.

I have two bpd parents and they go through these

phases too. With a spouse, it is called the honeymoon

stage (of the abuse cycle) when they are being nice to

you to try to get back in your good graces. Mine

always cycle out of that and back to being nasty, and

then cycle back to nice. I never know what mood

they're going to be in.

Holly

__________________________________________________

November 7, 2001

BPDs don't have a true sense of self- they feel extremely insecure in

their decisionmaking & relationships. I believe that part of their mental

health is genetic. They are very vulnerable, very sensitive- yet prone to

rage and the inability to control their emotions.

Perhaps she would go into counseling- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is

suppose to be helpful or perhaps you could help her find an experienced

therapist in the cognitive area. During her nice period I'd gently guide

her into therapy. It couldn't possibly hurt your relationship!

Ellen

At 09:33 AM 11/7/01 -0800, you wrote:

>Hey everyone!

>I haven't talked to my nada in almost a year when I

>called her to tell her I was engaged. Since then, she

>has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

>send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention. The

>last time we talked, she said that she wanted to see

>me, and I didn't say anything. Finally, she said

>something totally off the subject. A year ago, she

>would have thrown a temper tantrum. I realize that

>our relationship is very iffy right now, and I think

>that she does too. But now I feel like I'm the bad

>person for wanted to restrain contact with her because

>she's being so nice. It's like she's trying to say

>that I don't have any reason for being upset with her

>because she's so understanding and perfect. I do know

>that in the last year, she hasn't gotten any better

>because my dad told me that she still has her rages,

>etc.

>Does anyone else's nada have a tendency to do this?

>It's really frustrating because it makes me doubt my

>anger towards her, especially when the last year I've

>been working on validating my own perceptions of what

>happened.

>I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through

>this and what the results was.

>Thanks for letting me ramble,

>

>__________________________________________________

>

November 7, 2001

BPDs don't have a true sense of self- they feel extremely insecure in

their decisionmaking & relationships. I believe that part of their mental

health is genetic. They are very vulnerable, very sensitive- yet prone to

rage and the inability to control their emotions.

Perhaps she would go into counseling- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is

suppose to be helpful or perhaps you could help her find an experienced

therapist in the cognitive area. During her nice period I'd gently guide

her into therapy. It couldn't possibly hurt your relationship!

Ellen

At 09:33 AM 11/7/01 -0800, you wrote:

>Hey everyone!

>I haven't talked to my nada in almost a year when I

>called her to tell her I was engaged. Since then, she

>has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

>send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention. The

>last time we talked, she said that she wanted to see

>me, and I didn't say anything. Finally, she said

>something totally off the subject. A year ago, she

>would have thrown a temper tantrum. I realize that

>our relationship is very iffy right now, and I think

>that she does too. But now I feel like I'm the bad

>person for wanted to restrain contact with her because

>she's being so nice. It's like she's trying to say

>that I don't have any reason for being upset with her

>because she's so understanding and perfect. I do know

>that in the last year, she hasn't gotten any better

>because my dad told me that she still has her rages,

>etc.

>Does anyone else's nada have a tendency to do this?

>It's really frustrating because it makes me doubt my

>anger towards her, especially when the last year I've

>been working on validating my own perceptions of what

>happened.

>I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through

>this and what the results was.

>Thanks for letting me ramble,

>

>__________________________________________________

>

November 7, 2001

BPDs don't have a true sense of self- they feel extremely insecure in

their decisionmaking & relationships. I believe that part of their mental

health is genetic. They are very vulnerable, very sensitive- yet prone to

rage and the inability to control their emotions.

Perhaps she would go into counseling- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is

suppose to be helpful or perhaps you could help her find an experienced

therapist in the cognitive area. During her nice period I'd gently guide

her into therapy. It couldn't possibly hurt your relationship!

Ellen

At 09:33 AM 11/7/01 -0800, you wrote:

>Hey everyone!

>I haven't talked to my nada in almost a year when I

>called her to tell her I was engaged. Since then, she

>has been extremely nice. Things that would normally

>send her into a rage, she doesn't even mention. The

>last time we talked, she said that she wanted to see

>me, and I didn't say anything. Finally, she said

>something totally off the subject. A year ago, she

>would have thrown a temper tantrum. I realize that

>our relationship is very iffy right now, and I think

>that she does too. But now I feel like I'm the bad

>person for wanted to restrain contact with her because

>she's being so nice. It's like she's trying to say

>that I don't have any reason for being upset with her

>because she's so understanding and perfect. I do know

>that in the last year, she hasn't gotten any better

>because my dad told me that she still has her rages,

>etc.

>Does anyone else's nada have a tendency to do this?

>It's really frustrating because it makes me doubt my

>anger towards her, especially when the last year I've

>been working on validating my own perceptions of what

>happened.

>I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through

>this and what the results was.

>Thanks for letting me ramble,

>

>__________________________________________________

>

November 7, 2001

I would say trust her no farther than you can throw her! Remember that BPs

" act " different " roles " .

Just remember - boundaries! If she starts to rage, leave or hang up! You DID

NOT imagine the hurts she caused you!!!

She hasn't changed from the mentally ill person she was - not unless she's had

LOTS of threarpy this last year!

Be careful and take good care of yourself.

Congratulations on your engagement!!

Ilene

November 7, 2001

I would say trust her no farther than you can throw her! Remember that BPs

" act " different " roles " .

Just remember - boundaries! If she starts to rage, leave or hang up! You DID

NOT imagine the hurts she caused you!!!

She hasn't changed from the mentally ill person she was - not unless she's had

LOTS of threarpy this last year!

Be careful and take good care of yourself.

Congratulations on your engagement!!

Ilene

November 7, 2001

I would say trust her no farther than you can throw her! Remember that BPs

" act " different " roles " .

Just remember - boundaries! If she starts to rage, leave or hang up! You DID

NOT imagine the hurts she caused you!!!

She hasn't changed from the mentally ill person she was - not unless she's had

LOTS of threarpy this last year!

Be careful and take good care of yourself.

Congratulations on your engagement!!

Ilene

November 7, 2001

By the way, just because she doesn't say anything to you (about something

that you think would normally set her off) doesn't neccessarily mean she's

letting it go or has improved. My stepnada has a tendency to act like

everything's fine to a person's face or in group settings (when it suits her

purposes), and then, later, rant about how

thoughtless-disrespectful-irresponsible-inconsiderate-immoral-or-what-have-you

the person is, behind his or her back.

I've had occasion to find out months later that on a visit with my parents

that I thought went just fine, I had said or done some thing that had

offended her and that she'd been complaining about it to others behind my

back. It's always the most surprising thing, too, you can never really

guess what's going to set her off.

But that's just my nada. Yours may be more direct.