why a seperate forum 1 thought or 2

[Guest guest]

Once again I am trying to follow only one train of thought and not

all the trains that are trying to get out. I am also trying to

figure out how much of this I will put on the board that have

members of both genders as well as the family forum. When I think

about all the variables that can come from adding perspectvies from

all these different kind of individuals I get overwhelemd and have

difficulty trying to express my point of view. So I guess this is

already one reason why a seperate forum seems logical and important

to me, so now onto a second reason.

Relationships with memembers of the opposite sex, is reason number 2

for today.

It is my understanding that for individuals within the spectrum of

autism have difficulty with relationships and socialization. I am

probably one example that does not make this difficulty obvious

depending how one looks at it or me. Once I was given the diagnosis

of autism I was able to look at my history differently. That peice

of information has helped me to understand many things I never did

before, one was failing relationships.

If someone were to look at a peice of my life or a picture of it

like a " snapshot " they would easily think I am not AS. For instance

the picture of me and my kids, or the one with my husband, and of

course the one with my husband and kids. Some look at a snapshot of

me at work and see how " social " I am with the people I was in charge

of. But these various pictures do not make the whole story. I am no

longer proud of my many relationships but I am proud that I never

stopped trying to figure it out. I have never stopped trying, until

recently that is. Now I admit I quit trying until I have a few

things in place and the first is a better understanding of me and

how AS fits in to help me instead of being taken advantage of.

This is where the writings by Stan came in wonderfully well for me

and I thank him for writing them and letting me share them with

others (here is but one just in case it was not seen before:

http://www.scn.org/people/autistics/abuse.html )

Now I understand why many relationships have not worked and I also

realize that none will ever work if only one person wants it to, it

takes all involved.

I would like to discuss many issues about these kind of

relationships but I have found that when I discuss them with men or

around men (even an AS one that I did try to trust with all this) my

intent is misinterperted to mean more than it does. Sometimes if I

tell a man I want to get married, they seem to assume I mean with

them. This has caused some major troubles. So if I say I do not want

to get married they assume the same thing and try to pursue other

things with me that should only be done in marriage (in my opinion)

but without the serious ness. In other words they want all the fun

and none of the work.

I have come to figure out a lot about the dating world and I

probably understand it far more than many people, NT or AS, and I am

not saying that to sound like a snob or anything just a fact from a

lot of trial and error. Because of this I do not " date " but yet I

would go out on a " date " if I had the opportunity and then that

confuses people too. I am not married (husband passed away almost 3

years ago now) but would like to consider getting married again.

The point is I would like to discuss this openly without fear of

someone assuming I have another intention. I think that for now it

is only safe among women for me. But I am planning on sharing this

post with the other forums just so others can see it, hopefully

understand it, and give me feedback.

Thanks,

Ruth