7. OFFENDED? Send Problems to Us: Guideline of the Day

[Guest guest]

The 12 sections of the " WTO Guidelines "

are posted at the rate of one per day, as below:

1 - Intro to WTO

2 - Technical Stuff

3 - List Facilitation

4 - List Netiquette

5 - Posting and Getting Responses

6 - Eggshell Resources, Abbreviations

7 - Offended? Send Problems to Us

8 - Confidentiality

9 - Humor and Off Topic Posts

10 - The Family of WTO Lists

11 - Live Chat, The Buddy System

12 - BPDs on the WTO Lists

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7. OFFENDED? Send Problems to Us: Guideline of the Day

You will find that some posts or people may strike an emotion in you,

from rage to joy. Usually this teaches you about how you feel about

something in your own life. These are gifts. You may wish to examine why

this post makes you feel unsettled. You may learn something new about

yourself.

At any rate, if you have a problem with someone's post for whatever

reason, please DO NOT RESPOND TO IT. Please bring it to attention of the

list facilitators. Some days the lists generate 140 pieces of mail. We

may miss something and very much appreciate your help.

If you respond on list to the problem posts, the facilitators then have

several OTHER problems:

1. List squabbling and members either taking sides, feelings triggered

by arguments in this safe place, or people wishing that everyone would

shut up.

2. People misinterpret the guidelines and make statements that are not

true. One person, for example, kept telling people that the guidelines

permitted NO religious talk whatsoever, when in fact the guideline is

that you can talk all you want about how your beliefs affect your

relationship with the BP. Another example: What is " off topic " or not is

really a judgment call.

3. The guidelines can be confusing, and it only gets more so when one of

1,500 people on these lists jump into the role of facilitator to try to

convey what can and cannot be said. Even the actual facilitators often

check with each other.

4. List posts get heavier as people respond to either the original post

or to the response to the original post (agreeing or disagreeing with

one or the other) and people get irritated by all the mail and sign off.

In other words, posting that you don't like someone's post is like suing

someone for slander or libel, which guarantees that MORE people will

hear the original accusations.

Also, there is therapeudic value in not being reactive. This list is not

the Cuban Missile Crisis. The people who post are not people you live

with; they are states or countries away and come to you in computer bits

and bytes. No one's post is going to affect your life, unless they're

threatening to fly to your state and burn down your house. Whether the

person just disagrees with you or says something truly offensive,

they're words on a screen.

When you get 1,500-1,700 people together, you're bound to not like or

disagree with some of them. So why on earth get yourself all upset when

you're already dealing with a BP in your life, and when its someone

else's job (the facilitators) to take care of it anyway?

Most importantly, not responding to bait with anger will help you cope

with the BP in your life. The list itself is practice with dealing with

people who have a different reality than yours. If you can't deal with a

complete stranger having a different reality, you're going to have a

REALLY hard time keeping your sense of self strong around your BP. So

this has a double purpose.

So please, rather than respond to posts you think do not meet the

guidelines, SEND THEM TO JAMES or EDITH INSTEAD OF RESPONDING. '

email is bear454us@... and Edith's is PsychProf5@....

So what do we do with these posts? The facilitators try to apply the

guidelines fairly to everyone. That is to prevent us from being

inconsistent. Consistency is a big trigger for many Nons for the obvious

reasons.

Sometimes someone just doesn't know or understand what is appropriate.

Sometimes they do and just want to get a rise out of people (this is

called " trolling " and is the equivalent of saying " Pay attention to ME

ME ME). "

We have the option of putting people on moderation (reviewing their

posts to ensure they meet guidelines) or even banning those who

deliberately try to create chaos or hurt people's feelings.

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com

Addendum:

A portion of the guidelines to the WTO groups are sent out each day

because altogether they can be rather overwhelming. They are sent to all

lists in approximate order of what is important and are not making any

comment on any particular message on any one of the WTO groups. Please

note our guidelines have developed over the years by the group as a

whole to meet situations that come up again and again. Before you post,

you must agree to try to read and try to meet them. If you have any

questions, comments, or feelings you wish to voice about the guidelines,

please write to at bear454us@... or Edith at

psychprof5@.... Thank you!

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Posted by Edith

Facilitator / WTO lists

PsychProf5@...