Guest guest Posted August 19, 2001 Report Share Posted August 19, 2001 , I identified with your response to . It has gotten to the point with my BPD Mom that I cannot bear hearing from her or my sister who now lives with her. They don't have to do or say anything--just hearing from them is very upsetting. I no longer communicate with them at all. , If you already feel uncomfortable just having the conversation with your Mom about this, I recommend you listen to what you are telling yourself. Just remember that right now, you have the safety of your home as a refuge, you can hang up the telephone, etc. Going on a vacation without a safe exit plan sounds dangerous to me. If you would like to honor the spirit of your mother's offer, perhaps you could counter-offer with a suggestion which did make you feel safe--an alternative which had a beginning time, an ending time, was in a " safe " location, and you could end anytime you might feel uncomfortable. Perhaps something like a day-trip to a museum, especially if you could each arrive and leave separately. I remember once when I agreed to go on a ride with my Mom and Step-Mom one Sunday afternoon. My husband wasn't with me. Even though the ride lasted only two hours, I was trapped. I can't remember what she started saying or doing. I only remember that when we finally arrived back at her house, I excused myself and said I was going for a walk. I had to walk for almost an hour just to get the pent-up fear and anger out. I made sure I was never left alone with her again without an escape plan. I hope our responses to you may resonate to help you make a decision with which you'll be comfortable. Remember, vacations are supposed to be a time away from our obligations, fears, pressures and cares. Good luck. -Carol Reply-To: ModOasis Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 13:01:20 -0400 To: ModOasis Subject: Vacationing with Nada , please don't let your nada manipulate you into going on vacation with her if you don't feel safe about it. I recently made the mistake of going along with a family plan for a reunion vacation with my stepnada, her brothers & sisters & all the relatives on her side. I didn't want to go but I thought, how bad could it be?? I'll have my BF with me for support, and my sisters will be there. It was a big mistake. And she didn't even DO anything outright to hurt me, she was as okay as she ever is; and while I'm uncomfortable around her family because I know about the distortion campaigns she's conducted against me, no one said or did anything derogatory toward me. The problem was, I just wasn't prepared to deal with my own emotions. Just being around her causes fear, anxiety, and even physical manifestations; headache, backache, I was a mess! I could not sleep for two nights before we got there and had insomnia for the entire trip. Every time I got alone with my boyfriend I was bawling my eyes out. He did everything he could for me but was really overwhelmed with not knowing how to make it all right for me. Eventually we left early and went to visit his gradparents with the remaining vacation days. I slept like a baby as soon as we got to their house. Thank God he was with me and we were able to leave - I don't know how I would have managed on my own. I won't be vacationing with her ever again. I felt terrible for putting him through it, and I shouldn't have put MYSELF through it either. If you do decide to go, make sure you are really emotionally prepared, and definitely have an out so you can walk away if things take a turn for the worse!! I would not recommend anyplace outside of driving distance, and you should have a car there or plan some way to get yourself home if you have to leave! Maybe try to include another person who you know will validate and support you and can help you stand up to your nada if she starts with her old routines. But if you don't want to go, please, find a way out of it!! Hugs, _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2001 Report Share Posted August 19, 2001 Several years ago when my oldest turned 13 my nada wanted to take her to Europe or somewhere. Even at that age she was very hesitant and didn't want to go alone or be left with the witch for that length of time. Too bad I didn't tune in to her feelings earlier!! Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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