6. EGGSHELL RESOURCES & ABBREVIATIONS: Guideline of the Day

[Guest guest]

The 12 sections of the " WTO Guidelines "

are posted at the rate of one per day, as below:

1 - Intro to WTO

2 - Technical Stuff

3 - List Facilitation

4 - List Netiquette

5 - Posting and Getting Responses

6 - Eggshell Resources, Abbreviations

7 - Offended? Send Problems to Us

8 - Confidentiality

9 - Humor and Off Topic Posts

10 - The Family of WTO Lists

11 - Live Chat, The Buddy System

12 - BPDs on the WTO Lists

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6. EGGSHELL RESOURCES & ABBREVIATIONS: Guideline of the Day

This list, like most Non-BP lists, uses concepts and language taken from

the book STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS by Mason, MS and Randi Kreger.

You will get the most out of this list if you have read the book. If you

want to break up with or divorce your BP, similarly you will be ahead of

the game if you read the booklet LOVE AND LOATHING: PROTECTING YOUR

MENTAL HEALTH AND LEGAL RIGHTS WHEN YOUR PARTNER HAS BPD.

A new 3 CD set on obtaining custody is in the works with the working

title of " A Non's Guide to Obtaining Custody. "

The footer of EVERY post explains how to obtain these books. However,

this is not a commercial list; you are NOT required to read anything.

BPD CENTRAL LIBRARY

Go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com (press twice for Library)

Contents/Topics:

Problems Co-parenting

These are techniques to use when setting limits

Subject: characteristics common to Non's

Responding to snipping and sarcasm while observing your limits

Do People with BPD Get Better?

WHAT IS BPD VERSUS POST TRAUMATIC STRESS?

Reader finds it paradoxical Randi could be labeled as " anti-BPD. "

Finding a QUALIFIED Clinician

Causes and Treatment of BPD

Suicide Threats That Feel Manipulative

Coping with Grief and Loss Related to BPD

How can I help the Borderline in my life?

Guidelines for the BPD Central message boards

Senior nursing student researching BPD. Feedback

ABBREVIATIONS:

These lists have abbreviations and its own vernacular. Words commonly

used include:

* BP: person in your life who has BPD or whom YOU THINK has BPD traits.

* BPSO: BP Significant Other. XBPSO=Ex BPSO (this has many variations).

* DEAR: Communication technique used to set limits and ask for things.

See www.BPDCentral.com library

* Distortion campaign: a deliberate attempt by someone to smear your

name because they have split you as all bad. They feel justified and may

tell lies or truly believe their distortions. May or may not involve the

law.

* DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, edition 4, published by the

American Psychiatric Association. Used for diagnostic and insurance

purposes.

* FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt, which make you susceptible to

emotional blackmail.

* Hoovered: after the vacuum cleaner, to be sucked back into the

relationship for another ride on the rollercoaster.

* Intermittent reinforcement: when good outcomes happen on an

unpredictable schedule, thereby reinforcing (ie, rewarding) behavior.

Examples: when the BP sometimes acts 'normal', when you sometimes don't

observe limits (this is rewarding to the BP).

* Light Bulb Effect: the realization that you're not crazy and BPD may

explain the other person's behavior.

* Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped over the

head of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so much one

won't eat with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the lap is an

adjunct part of this therapy. Currently under double-bind test trials at

several prestigious universities.

* L and L: the booklet " Love and Loathing " .

* Mirroring: Not absorbing the BP's projections and reflecting them back

to the BP.

* Non-BP: Person who is affected by someone else's BPD -- eg, you and

your family.

* Oz: the " Twilight Zone " feeling of not knowing what is real because of

the BP's distortions.

* PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome: When a parent deliberately and

repeatedly makes the other parent the " bad guy " and the child believes

the accusations (such as " Daddy doesn't love you. " ) A form of child

abuse.

* Sponging: Absorbing the BP's projections and bad feelings. (See

" mirroring " )

* SWOE: the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells. "

* Projection: When a person denies certain feelings by attributing them

to someone else.

* PUVAS and DEAR: Communication techniques you can download at the

www.BPDCentral.com library. DEAR is about setting personal limits and

PUVAS is about ONE of the communication techniques you can use to

communicate with BPs. Other techniques in SWOE are defusing and walking

away.

* Splitting: black and white thinking practiced by both Nons and BPs.

* Trigger: not a horse, but something that takes a person back to an

earlier trauma. They respond to the current situation and also relive

the past one. For example, a BP's criticism about your clothes triggers

you because your father did the same thing.

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com

Addendum:

A portion of the guidelines to the WTO groups are sent out each day

because altogether they can be rather overwhelming. They are sent to all

lists in approximate order of what is important and are not making any

comment on any particular message on any one of the WTO groups. Please

note our guidelines have developed over the years by the group as a

whole to meet situations that come up again and again. Before you post,

you must agree to try to read and try to meet them. If you have any

questions, comments, or feelings you wish to voice about the guidelines,

please write to at bear454us@... or Edith at

psychprof5@.... Thank you!

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Posted by Edith

Facilitator / WTO lists

PsychProf5@...

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