Re: Recovery Rollercoaster

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

You wrote:

<<

I have tasted this " bliss " several times in the last two months (what an

INCREDIBLE feeling),

>>

Yes. Its totally INCREDIBLE!! It goes beyond words. I didn't know what

to call it when it started happening to me so I called it " bliss " .

<<

but it is fleeting.

>>

But it'll return -- unannounced -- and it'll just wash through your

whole being and stay for longer and longer periods, until eventually

that emotional 'thermostat' completes re-regulating itself -- to where

it was supposed to be before the nada-damage was done.

<<

I kept telling myself that this would take time and I couldn't expect to

be healed overnight, but in the back of my head I still feared I would

never get there permanently. What a relief to hear about your

experience. I have more faith and hope now. Thank you.

>>

Excellent and you're welcome.

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into

your recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that

descended on you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going

to *feel* like eventually.

And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand us when

we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

*AWESOME*

<thumbs up>

Hugs and Peace,

Edith

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

You wrote:

<<

I have tasted this " bliss " several times in the last two months (what an

INCREDIBLE feeling),

>>

Yes. Its totally INCREDIBLE!! It goes beyond words. I didn't know what

to call it when it started happening to me so I called it " bliss " .

<<

but it is fleeting.

>>

But it'll return -- unannounced -- and it'll just wash through your

whole being and stay for longer and longer periods, until eventually

that emotional 'thermostat' completes re-regulating itself -- to where

it was supposed to be before the nada-damage was done.

<<

I kept telling myself that this would take time and I couldn't expect to

be healed overnight, but in the back of my head I still feared I would

never get there permanently. What a relief to hear about your

experience. I have more faith and hope now. Thank you.

>>

Excellent and you're welcome.

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into

your recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that

descended on you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going

to *feel* like eventually.

And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand us when

we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

*AWESOME*

<thumbs up>

Hugs and Peace,

Edith

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

You wrote:

<<

I have tasted this " bliss " several times in the last two months (what an

INCREDIBLE feeling),

>>

Yes. Its totally INCREDIBLE!! It goes beyond words. I didn't know what

to call it when it started happening to me so I called it " bliss " .

<<

but it is fleeting.

>>

But it'll return -- unannounced -- and it'll just wash through your

whole being and stay for longer and longer periods, until eventually

that emotional 'thermostat' completes re-regulating itself -- to where

it was supposed to be before the nada-damage was done.

<<

I kept telling myself that this would take time and I couldn't expect to

be healed overnight, but in the back of my head I still feared I would

never get there permanently. What a relief to hear about your

experience. I have more faith and hope now. Thank you.

>>

Excellent and you're welcome.

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into

your recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that

descended on you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going

to *feel* like eventually.

And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand us when

we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

*AWESOME*

<thumbs up>

Hugs and Peace,

Edith

[Guest guest]

Edith wrote:

<<

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into your

recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that descended on

you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going to *feel* like

eventually.

>>

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am better than

everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months, but I

have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to mention all the

other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I think that learning about

BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I honestly believe I learned about

it at the right time (in other words, I don't necessarily wish that I had

learned about it earlier). I may not have been capable of understanding and

accepting these things 4 years ago. I have come to truly believe that

everything happens for a reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm

thankful that I've made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my

journey.

Hugs,

Anon

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Edith wrote:

<<

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into your

recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that descended on

you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going to *feel* like

eventually.

>>

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am better than

everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months, but I

have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to mention all the

other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I think that learning about

BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I honestly believe I learned about

it at the right time (in other words, I don't necessarily wish that I had

learned about it earlier). I may not have been capable of understanding and

accepting these things 4 years ago. I have come to truly believe that

everything happens for a reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm

thankful that I've made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my

journey.

Hugs,

Anon

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Edith wrote:

<<

It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months) into your

recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain that descended on

you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is going to *feel* like

eventually.

>>

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am better than

everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months, but I

have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to mention all the

other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I think that learning about

BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I honestly believe I learned about

it at the right time (in other words, I don't necessarily wish that I had

learned about it earlier). I may not have been capable of understanding and

accepting these things 4 years ago. I have come to truly believe that

everything happens for a reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm

thankful that I've made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my

journey.

Hugs,

Anon

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

Whoa, we're not talking here about " healing miracles " . Don't get me

wrong. I just get excited when I see KOs making progress.

We KOs all have different backgrounds. We were assigned different roles

to play by our nadas. Sex makes a difference as far as who we did or did

not identify with as our role model. Whether we had someone, anyone to

validate us is/was important. The stability within the home was

important -- like some KOs have had in excess of a half-dozen rotating

father figures. Birth order vs single birth is undoubtedly important.

Whether we spent our earliest years with the nada/fada figure is

important. Whether our nada/fada was low- or high-functioning is

important. Whether one is/has been in therapy is important. We have

people on this list who have been in therapy up to 25 years who are

benefitting from reading the posts here. To what degree we have acquired

" fleas " in important. Also, what we KOs have done about repairing our

boundaries is important. Another one is to what degree the nada/fada is

still a controlling factor in one's life. We have some KOs here with

elderly nadas in their mid-80s who are still clinging onto their KOs,

making unbelievable demands.

In other words, there are too many variables to untangle to predict the

outcome for any individual case. And I can only speak about what

happened to me. When I signed on five years ago, I expected nothing and

got a life.

We KOs here can only offer each other a kind voice and a listening ear.

Who knows?? Sometimes that's all that is necessary. Plus not using

" should " word. <smile>

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

<passing the Godiva chocolates>

0 0 00000 00

0000 00 0000

00 000000 00

0000 00 0 00

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Hugs & Peace,

Edith

& Garfield (my cat)

Anon wrote:

<<

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am

better than everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months,

but I have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to

mention all the other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I

think that learning about BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I

honestly believe I learned about it at the right time (in other words, I

don't necessarily wish that I had learned about it earlier). I may not

have been capable of understanding and accepting these things 4 years

ago. I have come to truly believe that everything happens for a

reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm thankful that I've

made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my journey.

Hugs,

Anon

>>

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

Whoa, we're not talking here about " healing miracles " . Don't get me

wrong. I just get excited when I see KOs making progress.

We KOs all have different backgrounds. We were assigned different roles

to play by our nadas. Sex makes a difference as far as who we did or did

not identify with as our role model. Whether we had someone, anyone to

validate us is/was important. The stability within the home was

important -- like some KOs have had in excess of a half-dozen rotating

father figures. Birth order vs single birth is undoubtedly important.

Whether we spent our earliest years with the nada/fada figure is

important. Whether our nada/fada was low- or high-functioning is

important. Whether one is/has been in therapy is important. We have

people on this list who have been in therapy up to 25 years who are

benefitting from reading the posts here. To what degree we have acquired

" fleas " in important. Also, what we KOs have done about repairing our

boundaries is important. Another one is to what degree the nada/fada is

still a controlling factor in one's life. We have some KOs here with

elderly nadas in their mid-80s who are still clinging onto their KOs,

making unbelievable demands.

In other words, there are too many variables to untangle to predict the

outcome for any individual case. And I can only speak about what

happened to me. When I signed on five years ago, I expected nothing and

got a life.

We KOs here can only offer each other a kind voice and a listening ear.

Who knows?? Sometimes that's all that is necessary. Plus not using

" should " word. <smile>

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

<passing the Godiva chocolates>

0 0 00000 00

0000 00 0000

00 000000 00

0000 00 0 00

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Hugs & Peace,

Edith

& Garfield (my cat)

Anon wrote:

<<

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am

better than everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months,

but I have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to

mention all the other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I

think that learning about BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I

honestly believe I learned about it at the right time (in other words, I

don't necessarily wish that I had learned about it earlier). I may not

have been capable of understanding and accepting these things 4 years

ago. I have come to truly believe that everything happens for a

reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm thankful that I've

made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my journey.

Hugs,

Anon

>>

[Guest guest]

Hi Anon,

Whoa, we're not talking here about " healing miracles " . Don't get me

wrong. I just get excited when I see KOs making progress.

We KOs all have different backgrounds. We were assigned different roles

to play by our nadas. Sex makes a difference as far as who we did or did

not identify with as our role model. Whether we had someone, anyone to

validate us is/was important. The stability within the home was

important -- like some KOs have had in excess of a half-dozen rotating

father figures. Birth order vs single birth is undoubtedly important.

Whether we spent our earliest years with the nada/fada figure is

important. Whether our nada/fada was low- or high-functioning is

important. Whether one is/has been in therapy is important. We have

people on this list who have been in therapy up to 25 years who are

benefitting from reading the posts here. To what degree we have acquired

" fleas " in important. Also, what we KOs have done about repairing our

boundaries is important. Another one is to what degree the nada/fada is

still a controlling factor in one's life. We have some KOs here with

elderly nadas in their mid-80s who are still clinging onto their KOs,

making unbelievable demands.

In other words, there are too many variables to untangle to predict the

outcome for any individual case. And I can only speak about what

happened to me. When I signed on five years ago, I expected nothing and

got a life.

We KOs here can only offer each other a kind voice and a listening ear.

Who knows?? Sometimes that's all that is necessary. Plus not using

" should " word. <smile>

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

<passing the Godiva chocolates>

0 0 00000 00

0000 00 0000

00 000000 00

0000 00 0 00

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Hugs & Peace,

Edith

& Garfield (my cat)

Anon wrote:

<<

Just to clarify that I'm not experiencing " healing miracles " and am

better than everyone else because I'm healing at " warp speed " ...

I have only been aware of BPD and on this ModOasis list for 4 months,

but I have been in therapy (once a week) for almost 4 years (not to

mention all the other times in my life that I've been in therapy)! I

think that learning about BPD has drastically sped up my healing, but I

honestly believe I learned about it at the right time (in other words, I

don't necessarily wish that I had learned about it earlier). I may not

have been capable of understanding and accepting these things 4 years

ago. I have come to truly believe that everything happens for a

reason... So, it's been a long road for me, but I'm thankful that I've

made it this far and am looking forward to continuing on my journey.

Hugs,

Anon

>>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I have short moments without hypervigilance and fear -

those moments give me a glimpse of how life could really be like...

Pirjo

> In a message dated 2/14/01 11:37:27 AM Pacific Standard Time,

> wondrrkid@e... writes:

>

> << And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand

us when

> we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

> shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

> >>

>

> alright Edith! that is exactly what it feels like, isn't it?

kind of like

> a war survivor, PTSD and all.

>

> nothing now makes me happier than just feeling contented and at

peace - its

> all i want of life - not great fortune, no fame - just peaceful and

> contented. THAT is true bliss!

>

> Love,

> Lissa

[Guest guest]

>

> <<

> I have tasted this " bliss " several times in the last two months

(what an

> INCREDIBLE feeling),

> >>

>

> Yes. Its totally INCREDIBLE!! It goes beyond words. I didn't know

what

> to call it when it started happening to me so I called it " bliss " .

>

> <<

> but it is fleeting.

> >>

>

> But it'll return -- unannounced -- and it'll just wash through your

> whole being and stay for longer and longer periods, until eventually

> that emotional 'thermostat' completes re-regulating itself -- to

where

> it was supposed to be before the nada-damage was done.

>

> <<

> I kept telling myself that this would take time and I couldn't

expect to

> be healed overnight, but in the back of my head I still feared I

would

> never get there permanently. What a relief to hear about your

> experience. I have more faith and hope now. Thank you.

> >>

>

> Excellent and you're welcome.

>

> It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months)

into

> your recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain

that

> descended on you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is

going

> to *feel* like eventually.

>

> And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand us

when

> we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

> shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

>

> *AWESOME*

> <thumbs up>

>

> Hugs and Peace,

> Edith

[Guest guest]

>

> <<

> I have tasted this " bliss " several times in the last two months

(what an

> INCREDIBLE feeling),

> >>

>

> Yes. Its totally INCREDIBLE!! It goes beyond words. I didn't know

what

> to call it when it started happening to me so I called it " bliss " .

>

> <<

> but it is fleeting.

> >>

>

> But it'll return -- unannounced -- and it'll just wash through your

> whole being and stay for longer and longer periods, until eventually

> that emotional 'thermostat' completes re-regulating itself -- to

where

> it was supposed to be before the nada-damage was done.

>

> <<

> I kept telling myself that this would take time and I couldn't

expect to

> be healed overnight, but in the back of my head I still feared I

would

> never get there permanently. What a relief to hear about your

> experience. I have more faith and hope now. Thank you.

> >>

>

> Excellent and you're welcome.

>

> It took me over 2.5 years to get where you're at now (at 4 months)

into

> your recovery. You're getting glimpses, through the heavy curtain

that

> descended on you in your earliest years, of what being *alive* is

going

> to *feel* like eventually.

>

> And this is why 'normals' who had Real Mothers can't understand us

when

> we KOs tell it like it is. They can't fathom what its like to be

> shrouded for a lifetime in a life-force-sucking black nada-curtain.

>

> *AWESOME*

> <thumbs up>

>

> Hugs and Peace,

> Edith