12. BPDs on the WTO LISTS: Guideline of the Day

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The 12 sections of the " WTO Guidelines " are

posted at the rate of one per day, as below:

1 - Intro to WTO

2 - Technical Stuff

3 - List Facilitation

4 - List Netiquette

5 - Posting and Getting Responses

6 - Eggshell Resources, Abbreviations

7 - Offended? Send Problems to Us

8 - Confidentiality

9 - Humor and Off Topic Posts

10 - The Family of WTO Lists

11 - Live Chat, The Buddy System

12 - BPs on the WTO Lists

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12. BPDs on the WTO LISTS: Guideline of the Day

The BPDCentral lists are Non-BP lists; as such, our number one goal is

to provide a place for the Non-BPs to feel comfortable to discuss common

concerns. Those diagnosed with BPD, however, are welcome to join for the

following reasons:

*Non-BPs and BPs can learn a great deal from each other. BPs have

contributed a great deal to this list and have helped hundreds of people

come to terms and understand BPD behavior.

*People with BPD may also be considered Non-BPs if they are coping with

someone with BPD in THEIR lives.

*In early 1996, the members of the list were polled about the topic and

overwhelmingly voted to invite people with BPD on the list as long as

they followed the same general guidelines (no flaming, etc.).

*Non-BPs often pick up BP behavior and thinking. BPD is a continuum. It

is sometimes impossible to tell where the line begins and ends.

*This is an automated list and we cannot control or guarantee the mental

health of anyone on the list; to say that the list was " BP Free " is a

promise we cannot keep. Under the best of circumstances, some people do

not know they have BPD.

*People who think they don't have BPD may join and then find out they

do. Or others may suspect that they do.

It is helpful for people with BPD to explain what it's like to live with

the disorder. However, even if BPs join the list, discussion WILL

revolve around Non-BP issues (coping with a BP's cutting) rather than BP

issues (how to stop cutting).

If you are a Non, please keep in mind that the facilitators are there to

assure that you will not experience the same patterns you do with the BP

in your life. If a post does seem to do that, we are on top of it (or

you may forward it to us if you wish). Please just delete it and go

about your business. You may also join the Non-Only list which is

prohibited to people with known BPD.

If You Have BPD: (Note: current known people with BPD as of Jan., 2001

are grandfathered onto the list.)

First, if you joined to lurk because someone in your life thinks you

have BPD, please tell this person. They already suspect you are here. It

is against the guidelines to lurk to find out information about someone

you know in real life.

Next, if you have BPD but don't know people here, remember that people

joining this list will have feelings of isolation, depression, guilt,

self-blame, anger, helplessness, and grief. These are common, normal

feelings that people on the list will talk about. They will joke. They

will generalize. They will not be at the point where they can take

responsibility for their own part in the relationship.

If you have BPD, it can be difficult to read this list. At times, you

will probably get angry, want to remind people not to generalize and

remind Non-BPs they have to take responsibility.

If this list were made up of people at the stage when they are ready to

hear it, these comments would be appropriate. But they are not all at

that stage. Some people are at the stage where just the THOUGHT of

having someone with BPD on the list makes them tremble. (These people

may want to join WTOnon-only).

So your contributions must be limited to explaining BP and being helpful

and supportive. You can listen and learn. But you cannot force yourself

or your beliefs--even if they are 100 percent right--on anyone here.

Why? Because this is a Non-BP list and they need to feel safe. They need

to learn at their own pace, not yours.

Remember, these people love the BP in their life. Think of it as a list

of parents talking about teens. They may rail and complain and joke and

so on. But they're here because they love and feel connected to someone

in their life with BPD. A teen might explain the latest slang and be

very helpful in explaining how teens think and why they do what they do.

But the parents will clam up if they feel watched, judged, and argued

with.

So first, you have to make sure you can do this. It's a tall order and

in some ways it isn't fair. Just as important, you must make sure that

being on the list is HELPFUL for you, not HURTFUL. Some people with BPD

have joined the list and become worse. THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

To ensure the safety of the Nons and the well-being of those with BPD,

if you have BPD please let one of the facilitators know. For a period of

time, we will put you on moderation so the Nons on the list feel safe

and you don't need to worry about impulsively posting. If after that

month you still want to be here and you accept these guidelines, we will

discuss taking you off moderation. (Moderation means us reviewing posts

before they are sent.) If you don't feel good about being here, please

leave before it makes you feel misunderstood. If in our judgement we

feel it's inappropriate for you to be here we reserve the right to

remove you or ask you to leave.

If you are looking for lists just for BPs, there are several. Please see

the online support section on www.BPDCentral.com.

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com

Addendum:

A portion of the guidelines to the WTO groups are sent out each day

because altogether they can be rather overwhelming. They are sent to all

lists in approximate order of what is important and are not making any

comment on any particular message on any one of the WTO groups. Please

note our guidelines have developed over the years by the group as a

whole to meet situations that come up again and again. Before you post,

you must agree to try to read and try to meet them. If you have any

questions, comments, or feelings you wish to voice about the guidelines,

please write to at bear454us@... or Edith at

PsychProf5@.... Thank you!

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Posted by Edith

Facilitator / WTO lists

PsychProf5@...

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