Guest guest Posted December 28, 2001 Report Share Posted December 28, 2001 Way to go, Jules... <two thumbs up>! Doesn't it feel great when you finally do what's best for YOU, even in the face of all that nada-rage? What a fantastic thing, to keep your cool in the face of suicide threats, of all the god-awful things. You introduced your mother to boundaries, and she didn't like it, but I definitely think you're on the right track. You picked the right word to describe it -- empowering. And I'll add another -- liberating! Whoo Hoo! Congrats! Anon --- Stafford wrote: > I want to tell everyone I'm really proud of myself this week. > My mom has > been visiting since Xmas. My sister also came to town which > she only does > every other year (splitting time with husbands family). I'm > going to try to > make this story short so I hope it makes sense. My parents > are divorced and > my sister is staying with my dad because of room issues. My > mom hasn't > liked that idea but deals with it with a lot of complaining. > My sister came > in on Wednesday and she spent most of Thursday with my mom and > today with > old friends. We plan on going to my dad's house for our > family Xmas > tomorrow. Last night while my sister, brothers and their > families were here > while talking about everyones plans my mom started acting > withdrawn and she > finally left the room and got on the computer. We walked in > the room and > she was looking at websites on suicide. This is her favorite > form of > manipulation. When we asked what was going on she replied > that she is > losing her family and that life is so unfair etc. Instead of > being drawn > into her drama, I stated that she sounded very upset and she > really needed > to contact her therapist as I am not equipped to deal with > this. Well she > started crying about everyone choosing our dad and that we > were all she had > and we should plan on spending some of tomorrow with her. I > told her that > we were not the ones who got the divorce and we should not be > put in the > position to choose. She got hysterical, talked about leaving > that night, > complained that no one had any concern for her. I listened up > to a point > and then told her I was not emotionally or professionally able > to handle > this. When she continued, I told her I loved her but I was > going to bed > now. Today it has been a continuation of the same old, same > old but I've > been able to remain emotionally detached. I told her husband > to call her > therapist on Monday and I will probably call myself, because > of her threats > of suicide. But I am so proud that I was able to set my > boundaries that I > cannot take responsibility for her problems and I stuck to my > boundaries. > That's the first time I've ever been able to do that. It's > the most > empowering feeling. She's supposed to leave Sun morning, but > is talking > about leaving tomorrow because of our betrayal. So at the > most only 2 more > days. > > I want to thank everyone here. Without your posts and reading > the book SWOE > I don't know if I would have been able to recognize what was > happening and > have the strength to maintain my boundaries. > > Thanks > Jules __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2001 Report Share Posted December 28, 2001 Way to go, Jules... <two thumbs up>! Doesn't it feel great when you finally do what's best for YOU, even in the face of all that nada-rage? What a fantastic thing, to keep your cool in the face of suicide threats, of all the god-awful things. You introduced your mother to boundaries, and she didn't like it, but I definitely think you're on the right track. You picked the right word to describe it -- empowering. And I'll add another -- liberating! Whoo Hoo! Congrats! Anon --- Stafford wrote: > I want to tell everyone I'm really proud of myself this week. > My mom has > been visiting since Xmas. My sister also came to town which > she only does > every other year (splitting time with husbands family). I'm > going to try to > make this story short so I hope it makes sense. My parents > are divorced and > my sister is staying with my dad because of room issues. My > mom hasn't > liked that idea but deals with it with a lot of complaining. > My sister came > in on Wednesday and she spent most of Thursday with my mom and > today with > old friends. We plan on going to my dad's house for our > family Xmas > tomorrow. Last night while my sister, brothers and their > families were here > while talking about everyones plans my mom started acting > withdrawn and she > finally left the room and got on the computer. We walked in > the room and > she was looking at websites on suicide. This is her favorite > form of > manipulation. When we asked what was going on she replied > that she is > losing her family and that life is so unfair etc. Instead of > being drawn > into her drama, I stated that she sounded very upset and she > really needed > to contact her therapist as I am not equipped to deal with > this. Well she > started crying about everyone choosing our dad and that we > were all she had > and we should plan on spending some of tomorrow with her. I > told her that > we were not the ones who got the divorce and we should not be > put in the > position to choose. She got hysterical, talked about leaving > that night, > complained that no one had any concern for her. I listened up > to a point > and then told her I was not emotionally or professionally able > to handle > this. When she continued, I told her I loved her but I was > going to bed > now. Today it has been a continuation of the same old, same > old but I've > been able to remain emotionally detached. I told her husband > to call her > therapist on Monday and I will probably call myself, because > of her threats > of suicide. But I am so proud that I was able to set my > boundaries that I > cannot take responsibility for her problems and I stuck to my > boundaries. > That's the first time I've ever been able to do that. It's > the most > empowering feeling. She's supposed to leave Sun morning, but > is talking > about leaving tomorrow because of our betrayal. So at the > most only 2 more > days. > > I want to thank everyone here. Without your posts and reading > the book SWOE > I don't know if I would have been able to recognize what was > happening and > have the strength to maintain my boundaries. > > Thanks > Jules __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2001 Report Share Posted December 28, 2001 Way to go, Jules... <two thumbs up>! Doesn't it feel great when you finally do what's best for YOU, even in the face of all that nada-rage? What a fantastic thing, to keep your cool in the face of suicide threats, of all the god-awful things. You introduced your mother to boundaries, and she didn't like it, but I definitely think you're on the right track. You picked the right word to describe it -- empowering. And I'll add another -- liberating! Whoo Hoo! Congrats! Anon --- Stafford wrote: > I want to tell everyone I'm really proud of myself this week. > My mom has > been visiting since Xmas. My sister also came to town which > she only does > every other year (splitting time with husbands family). I'm > going to try to > make this story short so I hope it makes sense. My parents > are divorced and > my sister is staying with my dad because of room issues. My > mom hasn't > liked that idea but deals with it with a lot of complaining. > My sister came > in on Wednesday and she spent most of Thursday with my mom and > today with > old friends. We plan on going to my dad's house for our > family Xmas > tomorrow. Last night while my sister, brothers and their > families were here > while talking about everyones plans my mom started acting > withdrawn and she > finally left the room and got on the computer. We walked in > the room and > she was looking at websites on suicide. This is her favorite > form of > manipulation. When we asked what was going on she replied > that she is > losing her family and that life is so unfair etc. Instead of > being drawn > into her drama, I stated that she sounded very upset and she > really needed > to contact her therapist as I am not equipped to deal with > this. Well she > started crying about everyone choosing our dad and that we > were all she had > and we should plan on spending some of tomorrow with her. I > told her that > we were not the ones who got the divorce and we should not be > put in the > position to choose. She got hysterical, talked about leaving > that night, > complained that no one had any concern for her. I listened up > to a point > and then told her I was not emotionally or professionally able > to handle > this. When she continued, I told her I loved her but I was > going to bed > now. Today it has been a continuation of the same old, same > old but I've > been able to remain emotionally detached. I told her husband > to call her > therapist on Monday and I will probably call myself, because > of her threats > of suicide. But I am so proud that I was able to set my > boundaries that I > cannot take responsibility for her problems and I stuck to my > boundaries. > That's the first time I've ever been able to do that. It's > the most > empowering feeling. She's supposed to leave Sun morning, but > is talking > about leaving tomorrow because of our betrayal. So at the > most only 2 more > days. > > I want to thank everyone here. Without your posts and reading > the book SWOE > I don't know if I would have been able to recognize what was > happening and > have the strength to maintain my boundaries. > > Thanks > Jules __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Most everyone was so overwhelmed by the FOG that they followed my example. My sister wasn't able to remain completely emotionally detached but she has a very supportive husband and he seems to be able to keep her grounded. I don't know if you remember my other posts but I was so worried about this trip. Her Thanksgiving trip really threw me into an emotional downswing. I'm just so glad I was able to handle it and remain emotionally intact. She left this morning. I will call her therapist on Monday as I worry about the threat of suicide. gotta go later jules holidays Good for you!!! I know how it feels to be able to stay on an even keel and safely navigate while the fog begins to roll in!! Feels great! How did the other family members react to your responses? :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Most everyone was so overwhelmed by the FOG that they followed my example. My sister wasn't able to remain completely emotionally detached but she has a very supportive husband and he seems to be able to keep her grounded. I don't know if you remember my other posts but I was so worried about this trip. Her Thanksgiving trip really threw me into an emotional downswing. I'm just so glad I was able to handle it and remain emotionally intact. She left this morning. I will call her therapist on Monday as I worry about the threat of suicide. gotta go later jules holidays Good for you!!! I know how it feels to be able to stay on an even keel and safely navigate while the fog begins to roll in!! Feels great! How did the other family members react to your responses? :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Most everyone was so overwhelmed by the FOG that they followed my example. My sister wasn't able to remain completely emotionally detached but she has a very supportive husband and he seems to be able to keep her grounded. I don't know if you remember my other posts but I was so worried about this trip. Her Thanksgiving trip really threw me into an emotional downswing. I'm just so glad I was able to handle it and remain emotionally intact. She left this morning. I will call her therapist on Monday as I worry about the threat of suicide. gotta go later jules holidays Good for you!!! I know how it feels to be able to stay on an even keel and safely navigate while the fog begins to roll in!! Feels great! How did the other family members react to your responses? :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas I hope Santa is good to everyone Joanne Holliday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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