Kathy and visit to AZ w/nada

February 9, 2001

Kathy,

I can completely sympathize with your desire to say the following to nada:

<<

" Mom, the subject of my girls' behavior is now closed. If you send any more

letters, any more articles, I will tear them up without reading them. We will

not be discussing this subject during my visit to AZ. This is not negotiable.

If you feel that you cannot accept this, then please let me know now, and I

will get a refund for my airline ticket and cancel the trip. "

>>

I also have the desire to do things like this. I honestly don't know if this

would be helpful or not. On the one hand you are setting a boundary, which is

a good thing. On the other hand, you are assuming she's logical and will react

to your request like a logical person... and this may backfire very messily.

If you choose not to send the letter, it seems that you could just say " Mom, I

don't want to talk about it " if she brings it up in AZ. Just keep repeating it

until she gets the message. I did this with my nada when she tried to ruin a

friendship of mine, and then kept asking me how my friend was doing. She

doesn't ask me anymore. I guess I really don't know what to recommend, but I

wanted to share my thoughts.

I also agree with your observation about nadas making statements with " grains

of truth " in them. My nada does the same thing, and it also makes it difficult

for me to ignore what she is saying. I tend to forget that she's not normal,

and the truth aspect makes it really easy to get sucked in.

My nada doesn't really do the horrible letter/newspaper clipping thing (at

least not yet)... actually my MIL tends to give us clippings on various things,

but I don't think she has BPD. Nada has sent letters to her sister (regarding

her children's behavior), as well as to my best friend (as noted above, I think

she was attempting to destroy our relationship... didn't work, though), and I'm

sure other people as well.

BTW, if you haven't seen Cirque du Soleil, prepare to be blown away! I

absolutely loved it (we saw Mystere in Vegas last spring).

Take care, and just try to keep your wits about you. Don't let her FOG you!

Hugs,

Anon

__________________________________________________

Recommended Posts